Changes

I'm moving over to vox if everything works out well. It's been quite frustrating blogging without photos, and vox basically allows me to blog from my N82. At first i thought i had to upload to Flickr which has been a pain as well because i didn't realise my account is stuffed with photos from long ago and i have no time to housekeep. Oh well. Hopefully vox won't fail me. Goodbye blogger. I'll miss you.

Comfort

Am feeling way much better. Bless Ben for his heart. I was miserable throughout last night because I yelled at Abby, but things became better this morning. We even managed to go our regular Thai restaurant for our weekly fix. Today, we ate A LOT. It was so good. I was smiling after that! :) during the lunch, ben suggested i arrange for a massage- self care. So i went for one after lunch. When i stepped in, it seemed i looked so fatigued the people there just understood and didn't dish out any courtesy crap. Usually they're really friendly, but today, the manager just saw me and gave me a super-sympathetic look. I came out much fresher. The therapist used a fantastic massage gel on me that literally melted away my knots! A heavy investment, and i would really love to get it. Without it, the massage wouldn't be as effective. But it's really pricey! Although the therapist wasn't my regular one, she's also really good. Thank God for today. I managed to finish 3 stacks of marking, but poor kids got slightly neglected by mummy. I asked Abby why i yelled at her yesterday, and she said rhd didn't know. Anyway, i apologised to her for yelling needlessly. She's forgiven me! :)

Was doing a bit of bedtime reading, and abby chose one of her favourite books "It's not easy being a bunny". She can almost read half the book by herself! :) i would read the non-repetitive parts while she'd do the repeated but sequentially-lengthened paragraphs. At first i thought she'd memorised the texts, later, when i pointed out the words at random to her, she could read them! Words such as 'bear, bird, beaver, pig, possum, skunk'! I'm so thrilled! :)

Anyway, I suspect my monthly cycle is fooling around with my moods. Ben reminded me to be thankful for not getting hfmd! That would mean i actually have one week of teaching time instead of taking MCs. Thank God indeed! :D

Leave. Me. Alone.

I snapped at Abby and Shalom last night. They were fighting over the nesting dolls and neither would give in. I yelled at them so sternly and terrified Abby. Shalom held his tears back but Abby was shocked. I broke down. After Abby called Ben (who was at cell), Abby came over to hug me.

How could I do this to my own kids?

The stress of the week has really taken its toll on me. The pressure of not being able to say no. Dealing with the stupidity of some people which led to me fixing up the mess after I returned after the extremely taxing break taking care of two kids who were sick and fussy. Having to plan for lesson observation because of my poor scheduling.

I snapped.

I have almost reached my breaking point.

I snapped earlier yesterday in my English/Science class. We've been collecting the Young Scientist projects, and I had returned the project 3 times to a particular group to get them to change their answers. But no, three times they returned it to me with the same answer. I got really fed up. Here's what they wrote:

Q: How is NEWater generated and give two of its uses.
A: NEWater is from our urine and we drink our own urine. It is purified by urine. It is healthier and it is more refreshing.

And these two girls are my good pupils. They refused to talk to me after that. I refused to look at them also.

Another incident: My kids often confide in me regarding the class politics because I take action. As a result, they don't fool around because they know I care. So two boys came to me to tell me that two other boys have been fighting. So I intervened. I found out that their history dates back to last year, in this colleague's class. She overheard and later told me, "My class doesn't have these issues."

Yah right. Because you cannot be bothered.

I'm fed up and bitchy. I'm pissed. I need rest. Exams are coming and I do not have enough time to revise with my classes. The stacks of marking have risen high, and I have brought marking home. I cannot rest well. I need a breakthrough.

It's Finally Friday!

Finally, the madness of this week is over. I cannot describe how thrilled I am. The madness is gone! Woohoo!

I finally managed to sit down today to mark & tally 3 stacks of worksheets, within good time. It's become a luxury-to sit down and mark. My kids and I had just returned from NEWater, so they had some time to kill. They offered their time and services and asked me if i needed any help. Of course! Now, i have 2 tasks almost completed by them! Praise the Lord! One's a reading tree project that's been on hold for the longest time because it just takes up too much time. The other is a tally of their work which takes up time and is not really worth it. So, thank God they took over!

During the trip, one of my boys who had been trying to tell me something the whole day managed to get his message across. He, on his own accord, passed a nomination form around to vote for a preferred Twisted Tales project (which went bad yesterday during the selection process). So it's done! Praise the Lord! Wow. Amazing.

Plus, some angels from my class came up to me, chuckling, telling me to go to our school's Expression Corner. Thankfully, my RO Jo reminded me coz she saw the msg-it was about how life's hard but it's fun coz they're in my class! :D they can be the sweetest at times! :) *touched*

God's been good. I've had favour with parents, students and colleagues. All glory to Him! :)

More Fatigued

I slept. I woke up. Now my head's spinning and vision's getting blurred. I still have to stay back for the P5 NAPFA test because we're short of teachers. The first thing I told my EL class today was that, if I faint, just run off and get the office staff. I am about to collapse. Yet I cannot rest.

Let's see, this week (coming back from 4day intensive child care):
Mon - PSLE Oral (Reserve but got activated anyway)
Tue - PSLE Oral
Wed - NAPFA
Thu - Speech & Drama workshop
Fri - Visit to NEWater Plant

All these activities take place AFTER SCHOOL and end about 5plus. The school closes at 6.30. Thereafter my time with the kids do not allow me to look at my marking. During curriculum time there is NO WAY to mark with the constant interruptions and lesson preparation. The worst thing to happen is to walk into a class UNPREPARED.

And the marking is getting taller.

God, help me please.

Fatigued

I am so tired. After 6 testing days of nursing sick grouchy kids, i went back to school only to find my desk overwhelmed by submissions and unmarked work. I stacked it up on my table today, and it came close to my shoulder. A concerned parent asked if i could have the possibility of contracting the dreadful disease. If i have, the 1st thing i'd do is bring back my marking. My students are having their compo exam in 2 weeks' time. And i can't finish marking. I'm going to bed now so that i can get up early to clear some stuff. If i'm well enough.

Post Quarantine Effects

As I approach the end of this quarantine, I realise I love my job a lot. Strangely, before this nightmare started, these two lines kept running through my head:

Being a parent makes me a better teacher;
and being a teacher makes me a better parent.

I REALLY CANNOT DENY THAT. It's been 5.5 days taking care of 2 lovely kids and I really think I love them better when I'm a full-fledged teacher and not a SAHM. In fact, I get recharged just clearing my work email. I love my job a lot, really. Being a temporary SAHM (Stay at Home Mum) is really way tougher than being a teacher to 80 kids. 80 kids, I can handle. But two toddler/pre-schooler? ARGH. They are like endless phonecalls that are asking for you, emails that require and IMMEDIATE reply and the Management chasing you for deadlines - ALL WHILE TEACHING! Ok, I exaggerate. But the tantrums and the fights - gosh. I surrender.

My colleagues in school still can't understand why I love going to school on Mondays. It's pretty unexplainable - just that I love my job so that I can love my kids better. :) Possibly too much of a good thing can turn out otherwise. It doesn't help that there is pain going all around - so the tantrums are expected. Still, argh. I think I might give homeschooling a miss. They might have to repeat P1 if I teach them myself... at 16.

Please Use Your Hand To Take Your Foot & Put It In My Mouth

Abby enjoyed her ballet class on Sunday and was bright and chirpy as usual. She even called the boys to come downstairs as instructed as we turned at the junction approaching the carpark. A while later, she pretty much went lethargic and was burning. Her heart was racing and was running a fever. When we got home, she registered 39.2. Sponged her and gave her paracetomol-didn't have burofen. The next day, her fever went up and down. Took her to the clinic after i got home from school and the doctor was sick too. So we went to a different one. I asked if it was HFMD, and he said he was suspecting that too. Checked the mouth and saw many mini blisters on the cheek and palate. He pointed out some reddish parts on her hands and foot as well. Yet he refused to confirm. 3 days mc to keep both of us away from school. When i got out of the clinic, i waited for a long time for ben to end his conversation before i broke the news to him. We then had to decide whether and when to quarantine shalom at ben's parents' place. We separated them at night and thought his mum could pick the boy up in the afternoon. But by tennish he started becoming feverish and it shot up to 39.6 in less than 15 minutes when we decided to take him to the doc for a check up. Also suspected to have the same virus.

His fever's been on a roller-coaster, and so has been his mood. Personally, i've been having this biting sensation on my lips and in my mouth since saturday. I had the impression that it was a super-efficient toothpaste that we changed to the other day, or it could be that new moisturiser that possibly has some strange effect. Anyway, the adults are feeling less than optimal right now, and i hope that we survive this unscath. This is not like chicken pox where one develops immunity after 1 round. Anyway i just received a call from a church co-worker- it seems one of the kids got it too, but we didn't go this week. So we're just wondering how long exactly is the incubation period. Oh well. Anyway i'm really worried all sides, even for my classes. They've been on their own with a non-teaching relief teacher. She doesn't teach anything and just tries to maintain discipline. Very worried. I tried giving work, but most work i have needs guidance. I really hope i don't have to pick up the pieces when i get back. I hope i can get back by friday and not take mc. I feel the prickly sensation on my lips and in my mouth again. I really hope it's not anything serious. Yet i've never had such a feeling before. Argh. Damn the virus.

Goals for this month

I must be up to date with my marking. Asked a colleague who mentioned she's drowning in her marking how many outstanding stacks she had, then I realised I'm in serious trouble. I don't even know how many stacks i have, just that it's never ending.

On a brighter note, we had a mini family gathering today! Had dinner at my place in honour of my aunt michelle, uncle mike and godson Matthew. I'm a lousy godma whose always overwhelmed by the busy-ness of life. Had a great time catching up, and I forgot to take photos!

Ben took childcare leave today and prepared the house for the gathering. He even put up the wall stickers in the kids' room! It's gorgeous! :) we're contemplating whether to remove the ikea stickers on the Docent coz the theme is really different from the animal wall stickers. Anyway, now that the kids' work area is almost done plus their bedroom, now it's my turn to do up our study. Ben has kindly allowed me to use his usual work area as my own!

(Apologies- this post ends abruptly because I actually fell asleep while blogging and i can't remember what else i wanted to write.)

Shalom praying

"Dankew Gees por the pood, OH MAN!"

Translation: Thank you Jesus for the food, Amen!

Treats

Went for a long overdue massage on Monday. Gosh, it was just... heavenly. Although it wasn't exactly painless, I managed to have one of the best sleep ever after that, though marred by a terribly odd dream. I dreamt that Ben was my brother and our marriage was morally wrong! SO STRANGE. Oh well. He did start out being my 'kor kor' during our secondary school days though.

Will most likely be going for a mani-pedi with Eve later! Woohoo! :) The only thing left is a decent haircut at a decent price. I really love this cut, but the duck-tailing really irks me. :S

Have been wanting to put up pictures, but until I get the beautiful shots which Ben took with his N95 8GB phone, I can only post text. :P I want a new phone... *greedy* or a good camera. Watching old videos taken with low resolution phones on a much higher resolution screen is such a heartbreak and a pain. Abby used to be cuter in my previous phones. Maybe I shouldn't have traded those in... :'( Oh well. Must remember to take more photos and videos of kids. They are growing up really fast!

Being Politically Correct

Just came home after a meet up with my cell leader. Went to peek in the kids room and found Abby still awake, waiting for us. She then came over to our room and started chatting with us.

I'd just bought a new dress recently and was wearing it, so I asked her if it was nice. She smiled sweetly and in a very genuine way, said it was nice. Then she turned to Ben, who was beside her, and wanted to pay him a similar compliment. She stroked his shirt, and said with a sweet smile, "Your shirt is... very dark blue!"

Delayed blog-housekeeping; Work stuff

I've finally changed the tickers below. It's really quite embarassing - prior to the change, Shalom's ticker was stuck at "Shalom's 1 year old!" for the past 13 months. With a photo of him at 4 months.

I also realised I haven't been blogging much last year - mostly because of teaching just sucks the time out from your life. Mondays to Fridays are way too short to do anything much... which is a good thing because it forces me to stare at every minute on Saturday and Sunday, just relishing every moment of it.

I've just done up my time table, and looking at it, I'm amazed I can even find time to mark. These few weeks have been rather exhausting especially with a 3 hr Speech & Drama workshop by Lorna Whinston every Thurdsay. 2 down, 6 more to go. That's 24 hrs worth of work time set aside for this course. I really wanted to siam it because I really couldn't manage my mountains, but mustered enough courage to confess to my hod that I haven't attended it. It's compulsory lah.

Anyway, I got promoted. I never expected to, not after I received my performance bonus of one month plus half a month top up and a 0.6 growth bonus, whatever that means. I received my PB notice right after Ben's, who got a TWO AND A HALF MONTH'S BONUS. He's amazing. I'm glad I snagged him as my life partner. I'd give him 20 and a half month's bonus for just being himself. Who ever gets 2.5 months in Civil Service?!?! So, you see, the promotion news came as a pleasant surprise, thinking that 1 month really is just, 1 month. When I received the email from my P, I almost wanted to delete it after reading the congratulatory message, but I thought, "Better not. Otherwise if don't congratulate people not very nice." And so I looked at the attachment and paused for many seconds when I saw my name on the list.

"Me? Promoted? Wah. Miracle!" I really never ever expected to be promoted. NEVER. Not so fast anyway. It really is a miracle of God. I just began full-fledged teaching last year, and I think we're supposed to wait for 3 years before getting promoted from GEO1.1 to GEO1A1 (for degree holders). My colleague nicely reminded me about my grouse with NS guys - they get promoted after 1 year because of their 2.5 yrs in NS. So after 1 year in teaching, all will get promoted. But not the girls. So I was never expecting this promotion, not after hearing awful news about many people who were passed up for promotion. My understanding? People take a really long time to move up the MOE ladder.

So, it really is a miracle. Someone actually told me that it could have been my contract teaching years being taken into consideration. Definitely not relief teaching though. Come to think of it, I've been with MOE since 2000. That's long. And I just got confirmed end of last year. And I'm still considered a beginning teacher. A 10 year old beginning teacher. Wah. I am a walking paradox. With all these facts, a promotion is unlikely.

Oh well. I just hope I don't have to start from the bottom of the new scale - meaning: pay cut. The starting pay of the next scale is lower than my current scale. I hope the number of increments will follow; otherwise I think I might very likely reject the promotion. :S If that's the case, then on the other hand (if we do continue with the number of increments) why do they still have the basic level (no increment) if people get promoted say after a few years, i.e. after a few increments?

Hmmm... quite confusing. I know trying to squeeze a few more cents is quite a challenge. I did try my best to get them to recognise my Murdoch degree many years ago, and they gave quite an evasive answer, which basically got me stuck at the diploma level though with a degree. That's quite a few hundred dollars difference. Now my colleague's asking me to write in to adjust my pay coz of previous working experience, which I haven't much. :( Some mid-career changers have adjusted quite a bit, but I haven't worked for that long outside... just 8 months previously? It's NIE that has taken my youth away, though during then I did pop twice. ;)

It's nice to receive the promotion, but the higher we climb, the thinner the air gets up there. I really hope I don't end up neglecting Abby and Shalom because of a silly ladder.

Revamp

The toys, books and games are threatening to overwhelm us. Surprisingly, despite so many ways to be engaged, they are still spending a disgusting number of hours in front of the tv every day. Perhaps it's because there are too many toys all over the place, so the kids can't really access everything. It's an irony - the more you have, the less you play with. It's the same with all the stuff we have - the more we have, the less we use (in proportion). So we need to make it accessible for them. Here we go (Ikea) again...

I'm on this hunt for activities to do with the kids at home. I usually make use of the 8 intelligences as a guide so as not to bore them. I thank God both their ages are really close, so they entertain each other most of the time. However, it's still good to have structured play whenever Mummy's home, otherwise Mummy will just busy herself with the huge load of guilt books she brings home everyday.

I need to have a workplan even at home. Otherwise the frustration of not knowing what to do sets in. We usually do colouring, painting, drawing, writing, puzzle fixing, tangraming, role-playing, stamping, play-doughing, reading, dancing, singing, sticker-pasting, etc - and that's usually just ALL IN A DAY. It's usually initiated by them. And then they still want to play some more. Other times when Mummy has a little more energy, we'll do a bit of cooking and baking. Sometimes Lina will allow Abby to make jelly for everyone. But there must be more to do... otherwise they'll just stare at the tv screen.

Oh. And our VCD/DVD collection. It's filled up many albums, and they're still persisting very well. They've watched many shows. The TV is the Babysitter's Babysitter. As much as I discourage my pupils from too much tv watching, my own kids are clocking about a minimum of 4 hours daily. It's really bad. From the time they wake up, the TV's switched on. And that's about 7. By 9 they would have watched about 1.5 to 2hrs of tv. Plus lunch - 1 hour, then nap. When they wake up at 3, all the way till 5, that's about 2 hours. So effectively, 4.5hrs to 5 hours a day. Multiply that by 5 days a week, 52 weeks a year, 3 years of their lives (Abby's at least). That's a lot of brain-dulling activity going on. Although some people do believe that tv can be educational, too much is really not good. It's proven. Also, even though Shalom and Abby don't watch 'television broadcast' programmes, their DVD collection is already at an astounding size (by conservative standards). Forget about cable. I cannot bear to see them have withdrawal symptoms if they are hooked on that too.

So my plan - get my helper to chart their tv watching - clock the actual number of hours. Then when she produces the results, aim for half that number (which I won't reveal at first until she produces one week's worth of tv watching). If she under-declares, she'll have an even smaller target to work with. She most likely won't over-declare though, as it'll look quite bad on her. We'll try to assist her with ways to help reduce the tv exposure although she's only half the factor. My MIL is finally persuaded by the newspaper that tv watching during meal times is bad for the kids. *WOOHOO!* So the kids are shipped away from the tv when it's meal-time.

I'm not saying tv is bad. But 4 hours a day is really a lot of tv watching. Some people would argue otherwise. If they do, I'd say they can do whatever they like to their kids, but I'd rather mine not watch. After teaching for a short period, I can tell those who are tv addicts and those who are not. Teachers are not entertainers; we can't entertain them in class like how tv does. So they actually have to be disciplined, active - proactive in fact, and do work.

So once again, my goal - to halve 4 hours to 2 hours a day. By more conservative standards - that's still quite a lot, but that's a 50% reduction... if possible. Not only that, they still watch programmes on mobile phones and portable dvd player (even when going out with grandparents)...

Research has shown that brainwaves dull after prolonged tv watching. Plus the numerous flashes on screen etc, the costs really does outweigh the benefits after a while. It took me a long time to wean myself off tv - I was a huge tv addict because there was no supervision at home and my 'supervisor' is a huge tv addict herself - my grandma -- so I hope my kids can start weaning off earlier and not waste their life away. Some people can still come up to me and insist that it's perfectly alright to do so - they've wasted their life away and still turned out fine, but I do hope that the kids can find more meaningful things to be engaged with and hopefully use whatever creativity that they have (together with others) and solve some of the world's problems. Sometimes it takes only that little spark to make this place a better place to live in. Or the other way is to just become a couch potato and stay out of the way.

March Holidays

As a brilliant start to the March Holidays, I had to scrap the tracks of the stadium at 'full' speed right in front of the Grand Stand which was overflowing with parents for the final event of our Sports Day. Brilliant. We were coming in last, and I was determined to give it my best shot - forget about even overtaking, coz they were really ahead of us. So I caught the baton from Elise and I started running. The ground approached me and I tumbled. The baton flew out of my hand and I scrambled for it right after I stopped rolling. I continued to run. It was quite a sight, seeing the crowd cheer and clap for a disoriented, bleeding and pale teaching running like mad past the finishing line. I was well taken care of after that. One parent who heard about the eventful race has been messaging me daily to check on me. My shoulder wound almost got infected. My boss asked today if it was like siew mai from Crystal Jade. I replied, "It's more like Lap Cheong."

As Abby would wrinkle her nose when she sees my wound and say, "It's quite bad uh?"

Oh well. No massages and sports for this holiday. We had Shalom's party the next day, and I had the dirtiest looks from people - like I had leprosy when I sported the wound with a spaghetti-strapped top. However, I also felt quite gung-ho - like I had gotten into a fight and was showing off my battle-scars. Or that I survived an abuse of a huge cigar on my shoulder. Oh well, I think people were just eyeing me to check for other injuries.

I've always wondered how people got such bad injuries on their shoulders. Wouldn't their heads get injured? Now I know.

I sustained other injuries - left knee (bad), right knee (almost nil), right shoulder (gross) and head (light pinkish injury, but otherwise alright). I singlehandedly united the school for 20 seconds. Not bad eh? :P

For this hols, I cleared the boxes off the study, met up with Eve, went for pedicure, spent lotsa time with Abby and Shalom, went Playground at Big Splash and rested well. On the other hand, busted $30+$50 fine for parking (Mum's car - more expensive than getting season parking - $63 a month!), Shalom's ill - been throwing up non-stop, haven't cleared my mountainload of marking (this is bad), lotsa deadlines piling up but I really don't know what they are, and I haven't finished my idealistic to-do list. Maybe I should make it even more detailed.

I really hope I will get around to uploading photos. But I can only do that if the study's functioning - meaning everything's in place, which would mean I would need to pack it. But to pack it, I'll need to clear my marking first. And I need to take the kids to the pedodontist coz their teeth's really bad - Lina's been siphoning sweets even without them asking for it! ARGH! Plus Shalom hasn't updated his vaccination yet, and he's unwell, think he's gotten an infection, so I've gotta take him to the doctor's tomorrow. Argh.

So if you want photos, I'm sorry but we'll have to wait.

Oh. By the way, HAPPY BURFDAY JIUJIU! :)

My Family

We had this activity of pasting circles representing our family during church a few weeks ago. Here's what Abby did - all by herself! (I helped to label the people) When she showed me, the faces were all drawn and pasted. Then she directed me to write the names of the people. She started with MommyDaddy on top (she changed her mind), then taima (great-grandma), then Mummy, Shalom, Lina (right at the bottom) and Godma Elise. She finished with two angels by our sides. All are happy! :)

Own note: A Must Read

For personal productivity and management:
Wrike helps you get things done

Subject to Interpretation

Just dropped my mum and her friend off at the airport, and I drove both the kids back, happily fastened in the back seat. As we reached the carpark, we tried looking for an available non-season parking lot, but to no avail. I decided to get ben to come downstairs and take them upstairs while i continued on the hunt.

So i got Abby to make the phonecall. My instructions to her were, "Love, please call Daddy and ask him to come downstairs to take you upstairs coz Mummy can't find a parking lot."

The phone rang, and Ben picked up and heard Abby exclaim, "DADDY! MUMMY DUNNO HOW TO PARK THE CAR LEH!"

TGIF!

THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY! I'm just getting happier with each passing Friday. My days are just unbelievably packed. But amazingly, it's these days when I do my Quiet Time best. Praise God for His presence!

Ben & I are just so glad it's Friday. Although the weekend madness is about to hit us next when we wake up, still, it's a wonderful feeling knowing it's time to prepare for the coming week.

I need adequate sleep. I've been sorely lacking sleep and having been taking a lot of caffeine. Bad idea. I look like a walking zombie. I must detox and purge the toxins from my body, allow it to adjust to it's natural state of energy (or fatigue, whichever applies) then recover.

i've picked up my planner again, need it to navigate my time. Otherwise i'll be overwhelmed and totally unmanageable! :( let's hope for a better week ahead! Then it's the holidays! :)

At Ikea

Abby was playing with the colourful animal puppets in the sale bin outside the restaurant. There were zebras, crocodiles, monkeys, lions, frogs and elephants! Shalom, an animal fan, got all excited and rushed forward and started tiptoeing over the brim of the bin to pick out one to play with too.

Ben then signaled to me to look over, which I did, and then I saw Shalom happily waving - an oven mitten.

TMI

It's confirmed a negative. I don't know whether to laugh or to cry.

Oh well. Back to reality, and being thankful that we can continue sleeping a few straight hours a night (at least 5 times a week).

Work is piling up, and I just checked with my colleagues - their marking 'grace period' is about two, max three days. Mine's about two, max three weeks, or even months? I'm so dead.

ON MC AGAIN!

It's my third one this year. Went to the doc coz i had breathing difficulties and he diagnose as low blood pressure. But based on my medical records, i've been visiting frequently and it just doesn't look good. Dr says i look tired and really persuaded me to rest-tomorrow. It's been a bad vicious cycle. On fridays, i just thank God that the week's over, and on Sunday evenings, i thank God even more that the weekend's over! I really look forward to going back to work coz it's just waiting for me. I'm longing for the day when it's all cleared. No more outstanding work. Even for my last hols i still had work that was overdue.

i hate feeling this way. But i know i need to rest. It's been way too much pressure.

The Test

It's a negative.

Trying to unwind (Read with caution)

Was blasted by colleague for following a new guideline set out by school, implemented by teachers and not annouced formerly. Started off by parents' complaints of giving too little homework, so school issued guideline of having one day off a week - tuesdays for our level. Kiddo brains thrilled at news, didn't realised it means heavy workload for rest of days. So told kids on monday, colleague didn't know i told them, gave them work on tuesday coz mon no homework. Kids ARGUED with her, threatened her with principal etc... she blasted at me. I broke down big time. Thank God, managed to reconcil, let's hope things stay good. Got the kids to apologise to her. Or else... anyway, they did.

Brother and Jacque left on tuesday. Not a teary send off coz tears been shed - and all were trying their best to hold back. My mum TRIED to make my brother cry by evoking sad thoughts - joy, telling him NOT to cry when he wasn't. I spoke up - told her to stop. Rare. Unfillial daughter.

Tired like mad. Having some infection. Cleared HUGE knee-high stack of worksheets. Files due for checking soon. Hope they'll have something in the files to check. Period is late. Feeling cranky. Thinking too hard till head hurts. Woke up at 6.30 this morning missing my period. (Pun intended.) Everyone's been talking about no. 3. And it's not like we're not using protection. Had perpetual infection when i was having no. 2, so when it hit again a few days ago I started to worry. Thought period was supposed to come on 20th. Can't remember last menstrual period. Or was it 23rd? It's the 23 today. Somehow I always hit the date - so quite regular in an odd way. Oh well. Will test it out later. Will be disappointed either way. Oh well.

I need to unwind. Going for ice-cream with my best pal now.

Bruised Heart

We were on our way for the Lunar 15th day dinner at my in-laws place when it happened. Shalom was beginning to fuss as he was belted up in the front booster seat. I was talking to Ben about how we were going to get a free breakfast from our boss tmw coz singapore had won the youth olympics. Then, as the car in front moved off after being stuck in a mini-jam, ben who just unbuckled Shalom moved off too. He didn't have enough time to pass shalom to the back. When he realised that the car in front was turning right and his ass was sticking into our lane making it impassable to the rest of the world, it was too late. He braked abruptly and shalom flew towards the dashboard while looking right, impacted and then slipped into the abyss below the glove compartment. My reaction was too slow and could barely fish him out of the black hole in time.

I held him so close for the rest of the journey, kissing his bruised cheekbone and ear a million times. I really wish it was me instead. My heart flew, smashed into the dashboard and crashed onto the floor. My poor heart.

From a good friend...

Father lord i pray u will continue to strengthen audrey thru this tough period... give her more strength be it mental or physical... support her and her family... And also i pray u will pace everything in place like her work, family and minstriy oh lord... leave her into your hands, and pray u will continue to bless her and her family... in jesus name amen....

Overheard

Was putting the kids to bed the other night when I sat in their 'conversation':

S: (avid milkaholic) No more drink milk... No more drink milk... (He had finished his night bottle a while ago and knew that he couldn't have another one... so was sort of stating/lamenting)
A: Ah mah drink milk?
S: (I was watching his thought bubble form - of his granny and his beloved milk bottle) Yuck-do-do-do! (We go "Yuckie-doodle-do" for something gross!)

Hilarious! They laughed so hard!

CNY Celebrations

Totally forgot about dressing Abby in new year clothes, so she was one of the neglected ones in school uniform today- i think they were supposed to bring goodies too. Another lousy mother record.

Had a chaotic celebratory session in school today too. The P.A. system is in a mess, and after i contributed some stuff, now i'm being recommended for the post. Tough job, not for the faint-hearted or those who want to manage career and family, or i think those who just started their worklife.

Anyway, today i managed to clear some overdue stuff, but i still have a lot more overdue stuff due. Marking's still piling up, categorised into two piles-fresh vs procrastinating pile. I realised i don't procrastinate-it's just that other more important priorities always take over the attention. My previous boss always told me to prioritise. Until now i can still see her telling me.

I hope I can survive this week. Thank God remedial's been cancelled this week, although i still gotta go singapore discovery centre with the kids for some total defence thing. I really hope each time i get out of the class that i haven't forgotten anything.

I really need to be more productive instead of being the last to leave almost everyday. It really isn't very healthy actually. :( let's hope things will get better, and that i won't drown with the next wave. God, keep me afloat!

Fatigued Mother

I am absolutely spent. I still have my marking almost untouched. For the long holiday finale, just as we were all about to wrap up the day with a nice hosing down of the kids, abby fell and her chin & hip hit the toilet kerb as she was stepping out of her clothes. At that moment, i couldn't hold her back coz it happened too quickly. I just felt like smashing my head on the step as well for being such a lousy mother.

i'm very tired. At probably the most tired moment, Shalom looked at me with his pretty eyes and asked very nicely, "Mummy... Can you... please... One Two Two Three... please?" *smile*

I almost melted into a puddle. One Two Three is our nightly routine where i sweep their blankets over their whole bodies and faces before settling them down in their beds. And usually i have to wrestle shalom to bed. But tonight, he was just absolutely angelic.

i was so close to breaking down, and with that, i instantaneously felt much much better. Thank God.

First, Second & Third Baby

Picked this up from Karen's blog, and wanted a keepsake. It's really funny! (Btw, I'm not pregnant with No. 3.)

……………………………………..

The Evolution of Parenthood

Your Clothes -

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy. (I couldn't wait then, honestly.)

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. (Very true.)

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes. (I hope not! :P)

The Baby’s Name -

1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favourites. (Not true - Abigail's name surfaced before the pregnancy. :D )

2nd baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you. (Not true either - no one in the family named Shalom.)

3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect! (I hope not!)

Preparing for the Birth -

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously. (I went for ante-natal classes! But didn't remember how to breathe though. Too complicated.)

2nd baby: You don’t bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn’t do a thing. (Yup. There's the epidural.)

3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month. (I went w/o epi for 2nd birth! Woohoo!)

The Layette -

1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn’s clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau. (Yes, yes...)

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains. (Yes too...)

3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they? (All my baby clothes have been passed around.)

Pacifier -

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it. (Thumbsucker...)

2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby’s bottle. (No. 2 - Apply rule from No. 1 above.)

3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in. (Eeps.)

Diapering -

1st baby: You change your baby’s diapers every hour, whether they need it or not. (No... Only poop time.)

2nd baby: You change their diaper every 2 to 3 hours, if needed. (Yes.)

3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees. (Eeew! Hmm... I might. Who knows?)

Worries -

1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a frown - you pick up the baby.
(Not exactly... but I did peek and stay alert!)

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn. (He's a loudhailer loudwailer, so need to pick up quickly.)

3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing. (Tempting!)

Activities -

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour. (Yes yes...)

2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics. (No I didn't. He grew up too fast. By the time I wanted to, he was too old.)

3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out -

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times. (Once I think?)

2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached. (Yup.)

3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood. (Oh man...)

At Home -

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby. (Quite a bit.)

2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby. (Yes. True.)

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children. (I hope not!)

Baby 3 sounds scary! But hilariously funny! :) and possibly true... :'(

The CNY load

I don't know how i'm going to survive this season. Already we had to rush to 3 places for reunion yesterday, starting at 5pm and ending close to 11pm, and we'll have to repeat this for the first part of today, PLUS extended relatives.

I brought a massive amount of work home. I really want to clear the backlog. I also need to be at 4 places on Saturday- multiple school reunions plus cell commitment. I should be thankful that i don't have a lonely life, but both ends of the spectrum do have their pros and cons.

i really wish i could just clear my work quickly and really enjoy this break. I think if i didn't sleep last night, i should have cleared all by now. But that'll be madness, won't it?

somehow i know i'll still clear it. Oh, still got SONbeam preparations for sunday.

Sick Again! Plus a Few Deep Thoughts

Have been unwell and totally bloated. In fact i’ve been freezing. I sound like a pack of frozen shishamo. Anyway if gibberish appears, it’s because i’m blogging via email from my phone.

Kids aren’t fantastically well either. They’re cranky and at best, cordial with each other. Usually they’re really affectionate and proud of each other, although we try not to let them punch the daylights out of one another too many times though.

We just celebrated Lina’s birthday over the weekend. She’s growing younger and younger! When she was working for my aunt, she was born in 1980. Then when she came over to my side, i thought i remember her saying she’s born in 1982. Just last saturday, when i thought she turned 26, she said she’s born in 1985. Whatever. She’s probably one of the most reliable 23yo i known- save for the fact that her age keeps changing. Understandable though-if she’d revealed her real age, she’d be sent back, which means end of career. Counting back, she arrived in singapore at 17 only?! Wow. She’s come a long way. Although we’ve received ‘feedback’ from people re: her, we’ve managed to compromise and have our own agreement. She’s more than a maid to our family; after so many years, she’s like an elder sister to the kids. :)

We’re planning to go Sydney end of this year, kids and all. Although it’s going to be really expensive, it’s been something we’ve been wanting to do. Since most of my family is moving over there sooner or later, singapore is becoming less of a home. :(

Recently my MIL has been asking about no. 3. Although i’d love to have more kids (yup, no kidding) i need more energy and money. They don’t exactly come cheap, esp with additional rooms, schools, etc, so we’re still trying to get behind the logic of stopping work (income gone) and having kids (expenses up). Would love to have kids, but whom do i bargain the price with? Plus, being pregnant and with a new child will definitely put me out of ministry again, at least on hold. I still LOVE pregnancy and childbirth, plus newborn, breastfeeding and the whole package, but it consumes lots of attention, time, energy & money. I’ve finally just managed to balance my focus-husband, kids, work, ministry, household. If i have another one everything will be topsy-turvy again. Hmmm. Timing. Somehow i know i’ll have a no 3, but not sure when, although 2 seems perfect for now. I still remember we wanted 4, but we’ll see how. I still wanna be a SAHM.

Priorities this year:
-re-establish walk with God, i.e. Have regular quiet time (been doing well, thank God!)
-Marriage, date regularly and rediscover each other (not often enough!)
-manage work within working hours, i.e. Don’t bring work back (very challenging! I stay till 6.30 in school everyday, with backlogs sky high).
-make friends with life-giving people (cell girls have been a great blessing! Now a stronger support group.)
-spend at least 2 quality hours daily with kids.
-Sleep 8 hours daily.

Stye in the Eye; Lunch in School

At home today, rushing P6EM3CA1 paper, while on MC. Tomorrow's the deadline, so must die die finish by today, otherwise die. Initially planned to do it after school, but woke up this morning with huge swollen left eye, utterly uncomfortable, so took an mc to stay haome to prevent it from getting worse. Not sure if staring at computer screen will worsen it.

Have been bringing leftover dinner (or rather set-aside dinner) for lunch to school everyday. Teachers pass by and salivate! Compared to our measly but expensive canteen food, it really looks good... except that the thermos container is really huge! Keeps my lovely lunch warm though, so it's really worth it. :) Thank God for Lina for keeping my stomach sane and my palates happy! :)

Strong Currents

Here's the occasional drop by to say hi to my lonely little blog. Oh well, there can only be so many things on my plate before everything starts spilling off...

This year has been a crazy one. It's only January and I'm feeling the heat - workwise. I'm in school before 7 daily and leave only after 6. I'm on full throttle and hardly even stop. Work's literally piling up, and I'm demolishing piles of books with a red pen faster than the en blocs project tearing old hdbs down. But they keep coming up, faster than those ridiculously priced condos.

I'm teaching 2 EL classes this year, and they are presumably the HA kids. Yet I still get mediocre work. I thought I could do tons with them, but somehow I have to adjust my expectations regarding their ability. Now there's this gifted child in my class, and I have to read up on gifted kids who are slightly different - in terms of behaviour - from the rest.

Abby and Shalom are thriving despite my absence. Mustn't feel too lousy about it. Oh well, at least I don't bring work home during the weekdays, and try to put them to bed, which is quite a feat, especially for Shalom. They're such darlings! Shalom has his own stroller and baby as well, and I bet he'd make an excellent dad when he grows up, just like his dad.

Abby just told me yesterday that her teacher scolded her. When asked further, she said that she wasn't colouring fast enough, so she got scolded. Another teacher came to her rescue though. She was so sad. I can almost see my own pupils telling their parents that about me. *guilty*

Churchwise, our ladies bible study is having a revival... more honesty, stronger desire to grow in the Lord. We did our goal setting, our spiritual gifts analysis and now gaining momentum for the year. As for SONbeam - the parent-child playgroup I started with Siew Fun - it's growing well. Now we need to be diligent in going for adult service on Saturday, otherwise we'll be dried up.
Personally, I've been reading more. Just finished Heidi & Rolland Baker's Always Enough. They are missionaries to Mozambique, and their testimony is amazing! Now just finished Rachel's tears, the young Christian matyr who was killed in the Columbine tragedy. Also onto Disciplines of a Godly Woman and The Apostolic Cell Church by Apostle Lawrence Khong. :)

Work WOrk WORk WORK

It's piling up. Big time. I feel like level 99 of some computer game. And it doesn't look like I'm winning anytime soon. Which explains why I haven't been blogging.

Day 2 of 2008

I've got a splitting headache which started slightly before today. It's the first day of school, and yes, I also get first day jitters. It seems that it's actually IBS, which is not good news at all. Anyway, met my kids and there are quite a few outspoken ones. I get the feel that they are generally competitive and individualistic. Different challenges from last year.

Missed Abby and Shalom terribly. Abby took to school very well today - one of the older kids already! Well, one of the downsides of being a teacher is that you can't be there on your kids' first day of school. *big cry*

I've had such a wonderful time with the kids this hols, and I think all of us blossomed. I was telling Ben that I'm really appreciative of the space we had this time round - our holiday schedule allowed the caregivers some off days on alternative days, so they were with me Mon, Wed, Fri and weekends, while Tues and Thu were with their grandparents. The kids can play better together now, and when Shalom intrudes on Abby's play, she's learning to offer alternatives instead of getting into a death match. Being empowered has helped her not to be so defensive towards Shalom, and Shalom has also learnt to be slightly more gentle with Abby. :)

They're now hogging my precious iBook! Abby's hooked on Island Princess and loves the bloopers! (Bloopers from a cartoon?!?! Yup, I was puzzled initially, but really quite farni - especially Tellulah!) She also likes Thomas which is great coz Didi gets to watch and cheer her on. Great for bonding. :)

They used to like Animal Parade but have gotten quite sick of it. When Shalom gets the computer, he goes for Fisher Price Infant Games. They have the toddler and pre-schooler versions as well.

Well, back to work. I've got tons to clear and a headache to get rid off. I really hope I can clear the bulk of it by this Friday and still get out of school daily latest by 4.30pm. (I get to school around 6.40am.) I really need to get home earlier and continue bonding with the kids. It seems that prior to this holidays, there was hardly any bond with Shalom. I was just one of the many adults in his life. I'm just grateful for this holidays.

I also need to update here more. With more pictures of course! :)