You're Most Like The Season Winter ...

You're often depicted as the cold, distant season. But you're incredibly intelligent, mature and independent. You have an air of power around you - and that can sometimes scare people off. You're complex, and get hurt easily - so you rarely let people in if you can help it. You can be somewhat of a loner, but just as easily you could be the leader of many. You tend to be negative, and hard to relate to, but you give off a relaxed image despite being insecure - and secretly many people long to be like you, not knowing how deep the Winter season really is.

Well done... You're the most inspirational of seasons :)


?? Which Season Are You ??
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Just watch the trailer of The Passion by Mel Gibson. It's good. The official website is here.

Here I am,... sigh. I lost my ZIP disk. Anyone saw it??? argh. Dunno what's inside lah. mainly my work I guess. So tired. Incoherent. Finished presentation. Blabbered but people thought it was good. Quite crap lah. 2 of my teammates thought another teammate did the research. Then they found out I did it. Both were pretty apologetic. Ha. Sigh... I would never wanna present something I'd have no clue about. 5 of us. One interviewed (i went with him), two of them interviewed and drafted the report. Another 1 drafted some kinda report that was scrapped by the other two report doers. Apparently the solo reporter reported facts which were unquoted. :P

So I did the research, gave the solo reporter the task of reading and sifting, she cut and paste, got rejected by the duo reporter, so the duo reporter read through the links which they thought the solo reporter had put up, and redid the report while the male interviewer and myself interviewed. Oh, the duo reporter interviewed parents and psychologists also. So I was supposed to just interview and jazz the report up - final stage and dump everything in. Sigh... if only I knew what I had to do, then I wouldn't have done the research, which means no one would have any material to work with, which means I would have no report to jazz up. Heh.

Touched base with Queenie, ex-housie in Perth. Touched base with Dave Mohan, another ex-housie in Perth. Great time then. Supposed to ring Yvonne up, girlfriend of Dave, the ex-housie in Perth. Meeting Julia, my ex-cell leader in Perth. Luan icqed me, an ex-dunnowhat in Perth also. Oh, ex-political party. Heh. Joel has been trying to reach - with sms and icq, no reply to him. Don't want to reconnect. Too much trouble. Or rather, asking for trouble. Not that he'd do anything, but with the type of questions he shoots as well as another fella, I dun need the questions right now. Not ever, in fact.

Had fun dinner with the babes last night. So farni. No money to buy food - 3 of our wallets almost emptied. Nadir had to run downstairs to (with)draw (heh!) money, which Tessa and Skider waited upstairs, allowing people to take the places instead. Finally, when it was THE turn, hee-hawed and all until Nadir returned. Harhahahha.... argh. so farni.

I'm braindead, so I'm blabbering. Feel like going to JP to watch Turn Left Turn Right. No cell tonite, prayer meet. Have to go home to knock out. Argh. lessons from 2.30 to 5.30pm. Have to coach Joyce for her cloze passage after this. Tired. Tired. Tired. Want to go home and rest. Ben has houseworming tonite. Yah. Tmw got Therapy Thru Play, full day course. I miss him so much. argh.

I GOT TEST ON MONDAY! On Light (Colour, etc), Heat, Temperature. Pray pray pray.

NO MORE LATE NIGHTS FOR ME. Found out that we didn't have to submit the report today. It's due only next week. Argh. Spent a sleepless night in vain. If I slept now, I would be able to sleep the same number of hours I slep this morning before waking up for classes at 2.30.

Home is so far away. Argh.

Bleah. Hungry. Had sharp piercing pains in my stomach this morning. Not a good sign.

Spun yesterday again. Not too bad. Just a little woozy.

I have to study. I have to study. I will study. I want to study. zzz...

Argh. Wake up.

fwah... check out vincent's assignment two...

oh...

check out mich here...

I AM SOOOOOO HAPPY!!!! I'VE FINISHED MY ETE. It's awfully painful... not that i was affected by the poem's effects, but just doing the job was seriously seriously painful... argh argh argh. Thank God for michelle... wah... cannot believe it. Thanks babe! :D

Yay, we're going on a holiday! :D Dunno where, but feels good. I dun think i've been on such a holiday b4... remember the 1st time i went Hong Kong just after getting together with Ben, it was very very very painful. I seriously contemplated taking the next flight back home to be with him. Hahah... I'm unbelievable also. :D

Well, the truth is out. I equally long piah! Sigh... Called Kath today, she saw my EAE paper. She had 9 mistakes - a C, Kaynee had 4, a B, Roz had 20plus - a D, and urs truly, had 12 - a C. Damn damn damn... coz out of the 12, 10 marks were deducted because i didn't underline the words, so that would mean that i had only TWO mistakes. argh. that would have been an A. sigh. thank God there's another exam coming up (yup, that's right) and this exam is 15% also, like the previous one. And there's the exam, 70%. Pray like mad, study like siao. :) Heheheh... i love this subject lah... and I never thought I would have an affinity with English. Ha.

I'm in heaven, & I'm still spinning. But now it's not my ears, but me. I've finished my assignment. Yay.

Am on 2 days mc, last nite I felt the earth shake! I bet the control station that takes charge of Earth rotation and orbit must've stepped on the brakes or sthg. Perhaps they pressed an emergency button. I really swear I felt it. Just that nothing moved. Aha! gravity! it keeps everything locked in place while the control station makes an error!

Fwah,... but it was really scary. After i felt like I was dropped from 3 storeys, i started spinning backwards anticlockwise. very very very quickly. No black out, nothing. I thought, that's it, the house is collapsing, but LG was still sound asleep.

Went to see the doctor today, did a test. Rotated me with my head off (my neck? u wish!) the bed supported by the doctor's smelly rubber gloves. (After washing my face, I still can smell it. yucks.) supposed to help the circulation in my left ear. did feel abit better.

I also learnt something today. I can either blame myself or the world. When i open my eyes, the world spins. When i have them closed, I spin. Better to blame the world.

Perhaps could it be because I found out recently that Earth spins at 1670 kilometres an hour? Hmm... no wonder. It's still not my fault!

Okie, going to go for dinner with Ben & my family. How i miss them so much... :) Yay.... my assignment's complete! After mich takes a look, I'll send it to my tutor. Yes,... it's over!!!! Yay!!! But i still dunno if the effects are correct. 599 words. no more, unless i take stuff out.

to both my babes... *muak!*

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.

Tihs is not ture.... it syas so at smoe wbegape i saw tdoay. But tehn aiagn, waht the hcek.

test! I've leart something new!!! :D

okie. they're gone now...

eh...where's my LG gone?

Praise the Lord! I've finally ... YES, FINALLY completed my ECE assignment. Totally dreadful. Now, I have to squeeze what'ever's left of my brain juice to do my ETE assignment due TOMORROW. Yes... that's right, I haven't started on it yet.

Although it's only 600 words, still, I really hope for an A. My last one got a B, and my tutor expects me to churn out an A piece of work this time round.

Missed two lectures today, can't be bothered. I had the best massage last night. It was superly good... wah... :)

Perhaps I should paste the poem i'm writing on, as well as the topic. Maybe some comments will flow in before 10 tonite... HINT!!!! :P

(a) Write a detailed analysis of any ONE poem on this course. You may wish to consider the effectiveness of a poem in providing social commentary or witness, or insight into human experience.

OR

(b) The value of a local poem lies in its ability to reflect on life in Singapore. Bearing this statement in mind, discuss how any one poem by a local author offers insight into the Singapore context.
Close reading of the poem MUST be evident in your essay.

Void Deck

Alfian Bin Sa'at
Where the neighbourhood wives,
After a morning at the wet market,
Sit facing the breeze
To trade snatches of gossip
About leery shopkeepers,
The local louts,
(Like that fella who's always drilling his walls ñ
Gives me migraine)
And that mad woman
Who throws things from her window.
With careful put-downs they
Fashion boasts, about stubborn sons,
Lazy daughters, who by some miracle or mistake
Always score well in class.
When words falter,
Gestures take over: pursed lips, rolling eyes,
Animated hands adorned by bangles of
Gold, jade, steel, string.

And children orbit around them
Laugh without diction ñ
Their games of tag a reassurance
That there has been no hothousing
Of who is unclean, unwashed,
Untouchable. When they break out
Into some kindergarten song,
One almost believes in a generation
Cleansed of skin-deep suspicions,
And free from the superstitions of the tongue ñ

And old folks sit like sages
To deploy chess pieces with ancient strategies.
In a corner, a caged bird bursts
With the song of its master's pride
And wrinkled women breathe, through
Tai-chi-tuned windpipes, the operatic melody of the air...

All a wanton fantasy.

Eyes reveal a meeting-point
For loners and loiterers:
A sense of things reduced-
Conversations that trickle through
Brief noddings at lift landings,
Teenage rhetoric scrawled, in liquid paper,
On the stone-table chessboard,
(Where the king used to sit)
The grandiose house-selling dreams of residents
Compacted in anonymous letterboxes;
As an afterthought, an old man pees
Under a public phone.

A place to be avoided, this,
How in its vastness it devours hours.
Little wonder then,
Why residents rush through void decks
Back to the cramped comforts of home
As if in fear of what such open space might do
To cosy minds.

Published in One Fierce Hour (1998)

actually there are other poems... but i cannot think liao. too lazy to cut & paste... argh. actually too many lah. :)

My shoe strap broke before i got out of the car for school today. sigh.

eh... those funny stuff's supposed to go away...

my chastity mole fell off... hahah...argh.

A timely reminder of Christ's love for us... an email from a dear ol' fren. :)

What did JESUS do?

There once was a man named George Thomas, pastor in a small New England town. One Easter Sunday morning he came to the Church carrying a rusty, bent, old bird cage, and set it by the pulpit. Eyebrows were raised and, as if in response, Pastor Thomas began to speak...

I was walking through town yesterday when I saw a young boy coming toward me swinging this bird cage.On the bottom of the cage were three little wild birds, shivering with cold and fright.

I stopped the lad and asked, "What you got there, son?"

"Just some old birds," came the reply.
"What are you gonna do with them?" I asked.
"Take 'em home and have fun with 'em," he answered.
"I'm gonna tease 'em and pull out their feathers to make 'em fight. I'm gonna have a real good time."
"But you'll get tired of those birds sooner or later. What will you do?"

"Oh, I got some cats," said the little boy. "They like birds. I'll take 'em to them."

The pastor was silent for a moment.

"How much do you want for those birds, son?"

"Huh??!!! Why, you don't want them birds, mister. They're just plain old field birds. They don't sing. They ain't even pretty!"
"How much?" the pastor asked again.
The boy sized up the pastor as if he were crazy and said, "$10?"

The pastor reached in his pocket and took out a ten dollar bill. He placed it in the boy's hand. In a flash, the boy was gone. The pastor picked up the cage and gently carried it to the end of the alley where there was a tree and a grassy spot.

Setting the cage down, he opened the door, and by softly tapping the bars persuaded the birds out, setting them free...

Well, that explained the empty bird cage on the pulpit, and then the pastor began to tell this story...


One day Satan and Jesus were having a conversation. Satan had just come from the Garden of Eden, and he was gloating and boasting.

"Yes, sir, I just caught the world full of people down there. Set me a trap, used bait I knew they couldn't resist. Got 'em all!"

"What are you going to do with them?" Jesus asked.
Satan replied, "Oh, I'm gonna have fun! I'm gonna teach them how to marry and divorce each other, how to hate and abuse each other, how to drink and smoke and curse.

"I'm gonna teach them how to invent guns and bombs and k i l l each other. I'm really gonna have fun!"

"And what will you do when you get done with them?" Jesus asked.

"Oh, I'll K i l l 'em," Satan glared proudly.

"How much do you want for them?" Jesus asked.

"Oh, you don't want those people. They ain't no good. Why, you'll take them and they'll just hate you. They'll spit on you, curse you and kill you. You don't want those people!!"

"How much?" He asked again.

Satan looked at Jesus and sneered,

"All your blood, tears and your life."

Jesus said, "DONE!"

Then He paid the price.

The pastor picked up the cage he opened the door and he walked from the pulpit.


If I were the only one on earth, Jesus Christ would still have died for me. But the thing is, I'd be the one nailing Him to the cross.

Time Out to Blog

Praise the Lord for...
1. surviving today,
2. managing to find my ece text (HURRAY!!! HALLELUJAH!!!)
3. being pretty productive during the SEVEN HOUR BREAK TODAY
4. getting full marks (which is indeed a miracle coz unacceptable answers were given leniency across the board) for my math paper!!!
5. managing to get hold of my eae tutor to discuss the test marks with her (seems she's gonna find out if can be lenient coz i told her another tutor has been rather lenient... but she said to keep it hush hush...heheh... oh... i lost out a quarter of the total marks COZ I DIDN'T UNDERLINE THE BLOODY WORDS WHICH I LABELLED... how stufid. past test papers didn't have such a condition, now we're penalised for not reading instructions carefully ARGH!!!)
6. me bathing Joy,
7. me vacuuming the floor,
8. me mopping the floor, (all three within half hour...)
9. getting down to work soon. Heheheh.... that's really something to praise God for. ;)

Have been listening to the audio bible. Thanks Eve for the recommendation! Worthwhile investment... :) Have finished quite a bit I must say...

okie. Gotta get back to work. Sorry babes for not being able to make it tonite... we'll make it up during the hols!!! HEEHEHEHHE!!!

From cell email today...

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr/Ms Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone). Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here.

Love (alone) is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.

Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more.

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION #1:

Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important?

Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen
in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life - bottomline - and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION #2:

Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust! i. e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of
mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION #3:

Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test?

Here are some suggestions.

i) Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?

ii) Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing". "So, ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic?" Usually, a materialistic person is
not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION #4:

How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed?

To measure this, think about the following:

i) How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers,etc?

ii) How do they treat parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? Do they show respect?

If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you - who can't do nearly as much for them!

iii) Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION #5:

Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage ... for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are
now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous.

The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling inlove is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you
don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

Subject: HOW WILL I KNOW IF I'VE MET THE PERSON I SHOULD MARRY?

The choice of a marriage partner should not be based on "I get a warm, wonderful feeling whenever we're together and I want to have that warm wonderful feeling forever, so let's go get married".

Feelings, as we have discussed, have no logic on their own. They need to be acknowledged, of course, but they need considerable assistance from your brain. Marriage means choosing the person you will spend the rest of your life with. This, as you may have guessed, is a very long time to
spend with one person. This person will live with you, eat meals with you, sleep with you and go on vacation with you. More important yet, this person will share your children. You need to choose wisely. The decision should not be made based on feelings alone. You need to ask yourself some tough
questions. The decisions have to be made on solid considerations.

Will this person be a good partner?
Is s/he mature enough to put her own selfish desires aside to look out for what is best for the family? Is he prepared to be a good provider?
What is his track record?
Is he responsible enough to get a good job and keep it?
Will this person be a good parent?
Can you stand the thought of your children turning out exactly like this person?
They will, you know.
Children spend a lot of time with their parents and consequently pick up many or most of their parents' character traits. You had better like your spouse's traits a lot because you will be seeing them again in your children. If something were to happen to you, would you completely trust this person alone, with the task of raising and forming your children? This is not a pleasant thought, but it is an important consideration.

Not everyone dies at a ripe old age with great grandchildren gathered around the bed. Sometimes a parent dies and leaves young children in the care of the other parent. If you feel that you would need to be around to correct or lessen this person's influence on your children, then you are considering the wrong person.

Does this person share your faith in God? God does not give us children so that we can mould them into the coolest, most popular people in school. Our job is to get them to heaven. To do that, we need to raise them believing in God. It is tough to do that if only one parent believes. Saying "This is right and that is wrong, and I want you to ignore Mommy until you are thirty-five" does not work. Small children ask about eight million questions in a single day. The answers to those questions go a long way toward forming the kind of adults they will become. Who will be answering those questions
for your children?

Does this person you are marrying have sexual self-control? Single people sometimes have this idea that marriage is just some kind of lifelong sex festival and that as long as they have each other, they will never be tempted by other people.


Wrong!

There are many times in every marriage when one partner or the other is sexually unavailable - illness, the last months of pregnancy, travel. There are also times when spouses, just get on each others' nerves. At times like this, other people can seem very appealing. That can be dangerous,
because there are plenty of very attractive people out there who are willing to make themselves available to married men and women. Do you want someone who has never said "no" to sex? If he is not good at saying "no" at eighteen, it won't be different at forty. Do you want to worry about whether or not your spouse is being faithful?

These are very important questions, and if you are not comfortable with all of the answers, you should definitely not marry this person. None of this is to say that feelings play no role at all in a marriage decision. You don't have to, "Well, I suppose that you would make a good spouse and
parent, so even though I don't particularly like you I guess I'll marry you'.

You need to be happy and excited about the prospect of spending your life with someone. Your brain however must acknowledge that this person as a good choice. Don't listen to your heart alone nor your head alone.

Wait until your heart and head agree.

I was asked the other day, "why is it wrong to get into a relationship?" by a 14-yr-old. Not that it's wrong, but just that i think at 14, to be really committed in a relationship is really asking for trouble... yet, it's always the forbidden fruit. However, as Ben kept reminding of how we started out, no one if ever they knew, would have encouraged us to pursue the relationship. He'd sworn off women (nope, he's homophobic) and I had just shaken off a really bad relationship where i felt the guy was really a kun-niang. Sorry lah... but really... WLE, everytime we spoke of ending the rs and just staying as friends, he would erupt into one of his many 3 hr long lamentations... i took shower, mum took over, did my stuff and all while he rambled on. I did not have to say anything at all. During intervals where my mum took over the phone to tell him to stop coz it's like 3!?!?! and he'd be like, ok, auntie, i will after i finish talking to her, and he'd go on for another hour. Woah.

Sigh... i've always wondered why Joo was always so anal about me gettin' into relationships... now i know. It's not about being anal, it's about being ready. Finding myself before finding a relationship. Well, although i find myself scarily like her now, sigh... sorry babe, i have to remember that God's in control. How Ben & I worked out, only God knows, coz there was so much conflict earlier in the relationship. What most people hear of how we develop is the romantic version... Heheh... no one likes to hear bad stuff. Well, dunno why they ask also lah. Alot of know what each of us wanted, and did not want. Our roles and responsibilities, alot of growing up and adaptations,... many many tantrums and conflicts (from both ends) yet, that bubble always remained. Best friends though... through thick and thin... the friendship was part of the foundation. Without a friendship, nothing else mattered. Slowly, we surrendered the relationship to Christ. Even as a married couple, it is often tempting to do things our own way. However, when we are reminded that a marriage takes three: Christ, husband and wife, we realise that in this relationship, we serve each other and submit to each other out of reverence for Christ. (The verse that's always omitted prior to wifely and husbandly biblical duties.)

Boomm, the best to the both of you, and as delighted as you both are, may the both of you persevere to make this relationship a testimony of Christ's love for you, and may the both of you enjoy the gifts God has and will continue to bestow upon you. Hehehe.... sound like u guys are geddin' married liao. :) We'll always be WIP, and to remember this which has really led Ben & I through thick & thin - the Open Palm. Leave the relationship in your open palms, and allow the Lord Jesus Christ to do whatever He wishes.

*Hugz* babe. ;) U're my sista! =D

To my princesses...

Circle of Friends
Words & Music by Douglas McKelvey & Steve Siler

We were made to love and be loved
But the price this world demands
Would cost us far too much
I spent so many lonely years just trying to fit in
Now I've found my place in this circle of friends

In a circle of friends
We have one Father
In a circle of friends
We share this prayer
That ever orphaned soul will know
And all will enter in
To the shelter of this circle of friends

If you weep, I will weep with you
If you sing for joy the rest of us
Will lift our voices too
But no matter what you feel inside there's no need to pretend
That's the way it is in this circle of friends

In a circle of friends
We have one Father
In a circle of friends
We share this prayer
That we'll gather together no matter how the highway bends
I will not lose this circle of friends

Among the nations tribes and tongues we have sisters & brothers
And when we meet in Heaven
We will recognize each other
With joy so deep, and love so sweet
We'll celebrate these friends, and the life that never ends

In a circle of friends
We have one Father
In a circle of friends
We share this prayer
That ever orphaned soul will know
And all will enter in
To the shelter of this circle of friends

No Miracles?

It's sad
what I heard last night
that some have ceased
to believe in miracles

A door slammed shut
The light put out
No hope left
For God to work wonders

Jesus in a box
nicely wrapped
under a Christmas tree
Then put away...

God, are you still angry with us?
Will your wrath still burn against us?
Is that why Jesus died on the cross?

Your wrath against mankind
Shouldered by Your Son
On the cross of Calvary
So we may commune once again
Like Adam & Eve.

You've made us whole
The apple of your eye
The old is gone; the new has come!
And therefore, no more condemnation...

Father, to call you Father
Is my miracle...

Life is Beautiful

Okie, now to my work status...

ECE - Haven't FOUND the article!!! Die Die Die... (in other words, haven't started on the bloody assignment yet...)Found article, now dunno if it fits into the theme - the old one - Food Glorious Food is okie, just outdated!!! ARGH... Hopefully P4 is acceptable.)

ECM - Haven't diagnosed the error (ditto)

ECS - Haven't thought about the lesson yet (ditto)

ETE - Haven't looked at the poem yet (DITTO) Now gotta critique!

ETM - haven't done homework and haven't studied for test (Got 8.1-8.3 to go)

ETS - Shall ignore it for the moment - test coming up soon...

EAE - Ignore also...

EED - ARGH!!! HELP FSC hasn't replied. Presentation next friday and close to nothing's been done.

...and I'm still procrastinating... HELP!!!! I'm uninspired!!!! ARGH!!!It's getting better...

Life is Beautiful by Michelle Tumes

There was a young girl long ago
Who lived a peaceful life untold
She understood that love
was everything

A jungle took her far away
where her daddy worked and
she would play
with friends who taught her how to be a lady

She had no rings on her fingers
She had diamonds in her eyes
She had no money to be reckoned with
She had love wthin her life

And i heard her singing

Wouldn't you say
Wouldn't you say
Wouldn't you say
That life is beautiful

She sang of things that pleased her soul
She questioned life and made it new
She stored her knowledge
deep inside her mind


She had no mansion on her hillside
she had castles in the sky
she had no gold or inheritance
she had time on her side

And I heard her singing

Wouldn't you say
Wouldn't you say
Wouldn't you say
That life is beautiful

Amd as the years go by
That peaceful girl was I

And I'm still singing

Wouldn't you say
Wouldn't you say
Wouldn't you say
That life is beautiful

Wouldn't you say that life is beautiful

My inner child is six years old!

Look what I can do! I can walk, I can run, I can
read! I like to do stuff, and there's a whole
big world out there to do it in. Just so long
as I can take my blankie and my Mommy and my
three best friends with me, of course.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

have studied for half my math test and completed my tutorial homework... boy did it take long. now searching for article for ece assignment. HELP... have been stuck here for weeks... bloody perfectionistic tendencies... ARGH.

A great article on Dealing with Lust for men...

Okie, now to my work status...

ECE - Haven't FOUND the article!!! Die Die Die... (in other words, haven't started on the bloody assignment yet...)

ECM - Haven't diagnosed the error (ditto)

ECS - Haven't thought about the lesson yet (ditto)

ETE - Haven't looked at the poem yet (DITTO) but I've read Harry Potter & the Philosopher's Stone & watched the movie too...

ETM - Read abit of my textbook, haven't done homework and haven't studied for test

ETS - Shall ignore it for the moment - test coming up soon...

EAE - Ignore also...

EED - ARGH!!! HELP FSC hasn't replied. Presentation next friday and close to nothing's been done.

...and I'm still procrastinating... HELP!!!! I'm uninspired!!!! ARGH!!!

From an old email...

Eduardo Calasanz was a student at the Ateneo de Manila University, Philippines, where he had Father Ferriols as professor. Father Ferriols, meanwhile at that time, was the Philosophy department head. Currently he still teaches Philosophy for graduating college students in Ateneo. Father Ferriols has been very popular for his mind-opening and enriching classes but was also notorious for the grades he gives. Still, people took his classes for the learning and deep insight they take home with them every day if only they could do something about the grades....).

Anyway, come grade giving time, (Ateneo has letter grading systems the highest being an A lowest a D, with F for flunk), Fr Ferriols had this long discussion with the registrar people because he wanted to give Calasanz an A+. Either that or he doesn't teach at all...

Calasanz got his A+.
~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~
THE ARTICLE by Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz:
PARTNERS AND MARRIAGE

I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn't fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives thanFor what it makes possible within our lives.

When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering days and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate. And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in eachother's presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other's foibles. It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the others habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other?

The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly wantthe relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages. Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond thisinitial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in orderto see what is on the other side. This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts.

Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together. The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept up into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality. This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each other's company over the long term. If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the Child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new. Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.

After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can't accept, you will inevitably come to grief. Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.

Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance does not become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood.

There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates.

So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of a miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word.

There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation. Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. We never question these, because we see them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe. Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come. If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed. We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a marriage. It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger. It never occurred to Me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love could Be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion. All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled, I would be left with something lesser and bitter.

But there is positive transformation as well. Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things. But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presences, two separate consciousnesses come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one. There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure and a constriction, as I had once feared.

This is not to say that there is not tension and there are not traps. Tension and traps are part of very choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers. Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken is somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains.

But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one. Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is a specific gravity in the marriage commitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex.

So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers.

If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your Patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom.

Taken from My Utmost for His Highest...

September 10
Missionary Weapons
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When you were under the fig tree, I saw you
óJohn 1:48
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Worshiping in Everyday Occasions. We presume that we would be ready for battle if confronted with a great crisis, but it is not the crisis that builds something within usóit simply reveals what we are made of already. Do you find yourself saying, "If God calls me to battle, of course I will rise to the occasion"? Yet you wonít rise to the occasion unless you have done so on Godís training ground. If you are not doing the task that is closest to you now, which God has engineered into your life, when the crisis comes, instead of being fit for battle, you will be revealed as being unfit. Crises always reveal a personís true character.

A private relationship of worshiping God is the greatest essential element of spiritual fitness. The time will come, as Nathanael experienced in this passage, that a private "fig-tree" life will no longer be possible. Everything will be out in the open, and you will find yourself to be of no value there if you have not been worshiping in everyday occasions in your own home. If your worship is right in your private relationship with God, then when He sets you free, you will be ready. It is in the unseen life, which only God saw, that you have become perfectly fit. And when the strain of the crisis comes, you can be relied upon by God.

Are you saying, "But I canít be expected to live a sanctified life in my present circumstances; I have no time for prayer or Bible study right now; besides, my opportunity for battle hasnít come yet, but when it does, of course I will be ready"? No, you will not. If you have not been worshiping in everyday occasions, when you get involved in Godís work, you will not only be useless yourself but also a hindrance to those around you.

Godís training ground, where the missionary weapons are found, is the hidden, personal, worshiping life of the saint.

The VACATION is here... but. I have tonnes of work to do!!!!! Argh. =P told a couple of my frens that since it's the hols this coming week, can meet up n makan. I am so wrong. If i can get through and be perfectly productive, i might just be barely prepared for the final leg of the semester. It's been tough going. Hope next sem is better. will blog more when i feel like it, meanwhile, have rented many vcds to while my time and try to procrastinate... hahah... ;)

Lord Jesus, please lead and guide nadir through this valley, and illuminate her path with Your word. Open her eyes to see what You see, and may she be a tremendous blessing to Zexi & family.

6th September 2003 12.20hrs Blogger was down last nite... so this was last nite's entry...

God is JUST SOOOOO GOOOD.... Wow.... wahh.... Also dunno where to start. Today has been a day of miracles for me. It's truly amazing.

Dunno if after the excitement of relating to Ben will cause this entry to be less than eventful, but anyway, GOD IS GOOD!

Started doing my ecm assignment around 8 plus last evening, and finished at ard 6. Crashed and woke up at 830am. Rushed to MPGoodlife at 940, had a rehearsal with the folks for tonite's Ethnic Dress Competition. THANK GOD ALL OF THEM TURNED UP! Miracle no 1...

After rehearsal which went pretty smoothly (THEY WERE GREAT! Much better than some contestants i've seen on stage -_- ), drove to school. Prayed and worshiped, (with only 2 hrs of sleep when normally a requirement of 8 is highly recommended), I arrived in school with a nice carpark lot (hehehe... miracle no 2) and turned up for my appt with dr wan ON TIME! Miracle no 3!

Had a great chat with her, cleared my doubts, now going to do 'applicable' & practical science enrichment lesson on how technology influences our lives... maybe allow the pupils to see the connection between the net and mobile phone (internet sms), internet safety? Basically how technology impacts our lives - it's an interaction. Great ideas flowing, esp when she mentioned abt a trainee teaching the pupils how to calculate electrical usage etc. Was instructed to bring my research materials, SHE WAS SOOOO HELPFUL! Miracle no 4! Fielded the questions she asked, pretty testing at times, about wat i've found - development, historical blah blahs,... gave recommendation of introing mobile phone, internet and satellites like how the invention of lightbulb is now introed in class. Hmm... anyway, she saw my materials and was pretty impressed i'd say. coz some stuff i bot from popular, very useful and interesting, and she asked to borrow it after i'm done with them! WWAAAAAHH!!! I'm honoured! :D Miracle? yup! No 5! After a short while, and seeing that i wasn't going to change topic, coz research almost done and ideas bbrrewwwingg in my head, she mentioned that she hopes i'll be given P6 Science to teach. I'll take that as a fantastic compliment man!!!! When I'm high on lack of sleep and excited, I talk! So we had a great chat, asked about my background (mcm, did events, etc) then she asked how come i joined teaching. 2nd sci tutor to ask, and by now i replied, "Calling." Wah.... praise God, because i'm slowly realising the power in claiming that with conviction. Only when i acknowledge it as a calling from God, then i recognise that whatever i need for this calling will be provided by Him because He has called me to it!
And I shared with her about SLS days, and how i left after a short while. I told her i believe it's God preparing me and leading me to a place of shelter, coz after that the economy was so shaken and the travel industry hit so badly, expense departments such as marcomm will be the 1st to go. :D Confessed that i struggled with the calling, then entered. And I told her that God has granted me so much favour! I honestly believe that!!! :D Shared with her about the 24 wks of work and getting 52 wks of pay... okie... i'm pretty radical, sharing all these with my tutor, but it's just so exciting! :D Dunno why i dare to share like that also! Just praising God throughout the conversation, and so did she! :D It was person to person, rather than tutor to trainee, i feel.

She asked me if i was going for the crossover, and i replied if God opens the door. If not, i'll just teach! :) As i said that, i realised my heart condition. And I'm happy. God is good! Miracle no... lost count. :D Coz got many tiny ones in between!

So i left the office, with enough time to add an introduction page to my ecm assignment. Miracle, coz supposed to be braindead due to lack of sleep. I believe it's divine strength! I know my body, indeed it is only strength from God to be so energised even now!!! :D

Touched up my ecm, added new content page (still had errors... :P ) and references and bibliography. Honestly, i put in alot of time for this assignment. however, i doubt the quality of the work. But to prove the work that i'd done, i dumped in a page full of bibliography. Honestly, i read through almost all of them. That's a miracle - to touch up, coz after that my math tutor came into the math lab and saw me, told me that we're the last few to submit, and that she was having a class then. so hurry hurry, finish and submit. quite thick pile. hope the work is satisfactory. :) when i submitted to her, she thanked me for the card, which was pretty paiseh in front of the class. she was very touched, coz her mummy not well, went overseas for medical treatment. she shared with us, so for teacher's day greeting, i wrote blessings for her. Thank God she mentioned that others gave her lovely cards too!

I realised that i've been so blessed to teach in a primary school. Recognition is due, but not in NIE for the tutors. everyone's just paiseh, or think if doing so will seem like sucking up to the tutor. so prior to sending teacher's day cards, i consulted my mum. wanted to bless my tutors, and mum supported me by saying to write a card to affirm them in their calling and ministry. :) she said she'll really appreciate it if people did that for her. So i heeded her advice. Gave to dr lee py (the last to give, but he was touched - handed personally to him), tan ks ecs, hkboo ecs, ykwan ecs, rgcox ece, sajones ete, shakila ete, bgwee eae, paleong eae, jpng ele, sfernandez ece, meera ecm. Blessed them with God's blessings. Wah... it feels really good to bless people!!!! :D

Okie... diverted. solly. where was i... after submission, load off my back most definitely! oh yah! Sera was around and had hole puncher! That's a miracle too! Coz got addition but no hole puncher, quite sorrowful. then jeremiah offered to carry my pink bag... hahahahahah it's disgustingly pink, and he offered, coz really very heavy. miracle also! :) very sweet of him. we rushed to grab a bite, then went to class. was a bit lost, until i realised it's TR28. went into class, understood wat cox was talking about !! hahahaha... teaching of grammar. ;) enjoyable class. midway, went toilet to PS, then saw Eve. Super chio.... Wahh....8) so happy to see her. Had a great time in class with val, meiyin and evelyn (ece). all of us green eyebag competition. Managed to encourage meiyin to pray for great rest! It's an excellent feeling when u're able to share God with people! :) okie, will share about what the Lord revealed to me about believers and pre-believers.

so, after class, met eve, and mrs meera saw her, and was just so wowed. she wore a sari and meera was just so impressed! yay! Hahhhaah.... anyway, eve looked excellent, she went to the car, and i went to change. came back later, and she blessed me with 2 sardine curry puffs! If not i faint liao... then cleaned up and touched up.

arrived at mpgoodlife, event was abt to start. everyone wowed at eve..hhehehehe.... super chio. introed her to a few people and to samuel. hahaha.... the folks did great! :) I'm so proud of them! Uncle dunnohisname won the prize! 1 male against 11 females! Sat with Lucia for dinner, she gave me a few pointers on coping with school life. she'd just retired, so she taught me abit of tricks. get the pupils to mark. u mark, u suffer, they dun learn. when they mark, they realise their mistakes. then they do corrections and then u mark. compo, about 4 per semester, 2 individual, 2 group work. the kids love it. give them lotsa handles prior to doing compo. how to do intro, how to do conclusion. teach process skills (u mean they really do that?!?!!?) lotsa experiences. take care of urself, dun have to sacrifice social life for teaching. if not, burnout (this i say).

one auntie (during lucky draw 3rd prize) thought she had the lucky number coz of poor print. then went upstage, abit of scene. realised she wasn't, then went offstage. saw her so sad!!!! coz super malu!!! she cried coz too embarassed. gosh. how i wish i could do something. it's not the prize, but the maluating situation.

left early (actually was supposed to go to the car) then wanted to send eve back. then suddenly (I BELIEVE IT WAS THE HOLY SPIRIT) "eh, can go church now! Wanna go?!" and eve was like, "okie! Sure! Go church, anytime man!" Yup, surely she's on fire for God. She's encouraged me so much! Pray every morning and nite, and about soaking in God's presence EVERYDAY! Wah... God is good.

Went church, sat back row (quite amusing - she in sari and i in some burmese looking costume - apparently it's burmese) then moved forward. Then bro Rodney Francis placed a girl called Jacqueline in front for people to prophesy. The moment she went up, the Holy Spirit put 2 words in me. God delights in her and delights in her child-like spirit/faith. Strugglin as usual to go up front to prophesy in front of everyone. thought prolly could negotiate and just write her a note instead. but then i realised the going up was more for me - a faith testing time - than for her benefit. so i struggled, and eve saw my facial expression. a slight hint, ... she looked at me, and with that impartation of courage, just nodded, smile and said, "go." Heh. And i went. As I shared wat the Holy Spirit had placed in my heart, more words came and Jac was so moved! That was a miracle! As i shared, i cried, and then i hugged her. I have no idea who she was, but it really felt good then - blessing her and hugging her. That 'Emmanuel perceptual hierarchy/ranking' was momentarily gone. I just wanted to be a vessel used by God to bless people. and regardless of my position, or lack of, for that matter. As i came back, Eve was just grinning and really blessed me. Held my hand, i closed my eyes and God gave me an image. of a prune that was partially shrivelled. then an amazing thing happened. the good part of the prune started to envelop the dried part and as it did so, it started to glow in red! It was like, renewal, newer and newer than ever before! Wah! Miracle! shared with her, and she was encouraged.

Then at the end of the service, was worshiping God. Now, the Holy Spirit had once again prompted me to go hold her, and i was like, nah, she's okie. And about a couple of seconds, still lingering thought in my head... then obeyed and did so. at first when i held her, i just did it. then I started to experience what she was experiencing. God revealed many things to me, which later i shared and she was like, "wah, prophet man!" at first, didn't dare to receive it, then she said, 'if God uses you to prophesy, then you're a prophet! Yes!" Yes, Lord! I want to hear your voice even clearer and clearer! Okie, for those who think that i'm cuckoo, i dun really think very much about that, coz i believe when one is willing to be used by God to be a blessing, it is a wonderful experience. I pray that you'll be similarly blessed indeed! It's mindblowing! :D

Anyway, i believe this prophetic conference has released a spirit of prophesy, of encouragement in emmanuelites. Had a fantastically wonderfully conversation with eve, and there were moments whereby we'd be talking and suddenly it's like, "oh, and I believe God wants u to know that..." and after that she's like,"wah! spot on man!" inner stuff, told to no one, but then just assurance from the Lord from outsiders. Wah... :D

Came back home after picking Ben up, and shared with him so excitedly! :D It's been an amazing nite, and i think he's got some stuff to ponder over also. :) heheh... GOD IS GOOD!!!! And I'm still awake!!! :D

Heheh... i got some stuff to pass to elise! Can't wait to c her! :) Mich, thursday k? chang-e will be back from the moon, then can go out! :)

This is worrisome... keeping smses from ex is NOT a good sign babe, especially if they're lousy ones. Gotta rush stufid ecm assignment. blog later if i finish by TEN!!! ahhahahah!! I actually need 6 hrs of solid work! Argh!

Blardee stufid morning... I LEFT THE HOUSE & DROVE OFF WITHOUT MY SHOES. ARRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

And my head has been spinning and spinning and spinning and spinning and spinning and spinning and spinning and spinning and spinning.

Tomboy


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Shoot me...

From an email by a dearly loved one...

This is a true story that happened in Japan. In order to renovate the house, someone in Japan tore open the wall. Japanese houses normally have a hollow space between the wooden walls. When tearing down the walls, he found that there was a lizard stucked there because a nail from the exterior hammered into one of its feet. He saw this, felt pity and at the same time curious, as when he checked the nail, it was nailed 10 years ago when the house was first built.

What then happened?

The lizard survived in such a position for 10 years! In a dark wall partition for 10 years without moving, it seemed impossible and mind-boggling. Then he wondered, how this lizard could survive for 10 years without moving a single step - since its foot was nailed!

So he stopped his work and observed the lizard, what it had been doing and what it had been eating. Later, out from nowhere appeared another lizard, with food in its mouth...

AHHH! He was stunned and touched deeply. For the lizard that was nailed in, another lizard had been feeding it for the past 10 years...*sob* Such a love, such a beautiful love!! Such love happened even between these tiny creatures... What can love do? It can do wonders!! Love can work miracles!! Imagine it has been doing it for a tiresome 10 yrs, without giving up hope on its partner.

Imagine what a small creature can do that a creature blessed with the brilliant mind can't.

LEARN THIS LESSON!

So how do you like the feeling of walking out of the LT knowing that the paper which you submitted was crap? Out of 17 questions, you only knew 10? The feeling of unpreparedness is great eh? Dammit, couldn't you have been more disciplined? Prepared for lectures and tutorials? Attend all lectures and tutorials? If you don't want to study, then get out of here. You've worked so hard for the last two semesters, don't throw it all away just because your attitude stinks now. Shape up, or ship out. You are not indispensible. Get out of here! There are others who want your place! Get lost!

If not... now is your last chance. You've lost about one-third of this module's score. There's two thirds left. Work hard, be smart. Don't look at those who's got Quantum Physics background. You've got your mind. A critical thinking mind that thinks out of the box. Use it, and don't let it rot. This is the last time you're going to have a stinking attitude. Let's go. We can do it!