Blank

Each time I look at the Blogger Post template, my mind goes a lil' blank. Prior to seeing the page, I have so much within me to write about. But when the page appears, *autoformat* and my mind goes *blank*.

Not funny.

Especially when somehow, this blog has become my log for events that take place in my life. Sad. I don't log it anywhere else.

Shalom has been ill. But he's slightly better.

Abby's ill. We just came back from KKH. Long day.

Both of them haven't been well, so they want daddy and mummy. Especially at night.

So we mimic sardines in a can.

Mini Shalom. Big Mummy. Not-so-mini and wriggly Abby (teary at times). Tired Daddy.

No joke sandwiched between two kids. You're in a 6-8hour hold-up. If you make them leave, it's sleep or your life.

Tired.

Anyway, we went to KKH today because Abby's been running a fever, close to four days. She saw a GP outside our place on Sunday - MIL took her - and wasn't prescribed antibiotics. So when she hit 39.5deg today, we returned to Dr Quack. (No that's not his real name). We waited and when he saw her, he commented surprisingly that she's yellow-tinged. I noticed she was a bit yellowy when he checked her palms and arms for rashes. (I asked him if she was yellowy the last time he checked her on sunday and he couldn't reply. He asked if we gave alot of carrots. I pondered and realised it could be my daily dosage of Vitamin Cs that's turned her orange. So I asked if it was possible. He replied with a rhetorical, "You think?" Blah.) He also checked her throat. Nope, slightly red, no need antibiotics (SO WHY THE FEVER?). Wrote a letter and referred us to KKH. Nice. Done. No need to deal with toddlers anymore. (Sigh. I've been wanting to take Abby to her regular expensive but good PD but MIL silently thinks it's too expensive.)

Enter KKH. Pay $65 upfront for Children's Emergency. Thank God they don't charge for anxiety - otherwise I'll have to pay tons. Abby cried whenever she saw a nurse or a doctor. Mind you. This is a hospital. She perked up each time we said all done. "Is it time to go yet?" Her expressions would ask. "No my dear, they're not done yet."

Doctor did a throat examination (VERY RED, NEED ANTIBIOTICS) and heard her lungs - got phlegm. Needed blood test and URINE TEST. Sigh. Taped a urine bag to collect her sample but all leaked out. Waited too long. Tried to collect manually but Lina wasn't paying attention at the crucial moment and almost all leaked out. Argh. (Our PD could have done the urine test also - he did once previously).

Results - blood test revealed infection - high level of white blood cells plus some other high level. Antibiotics needed. Fever medicine. Runny nose medicine. Phlegm medicine. Currently have to take 4-5 different types of medication. Plus another 2-3 bottles standby. That was a lot of bottles of medication we brought home.

As we (Lina and I) were loading up the car, she couldn't close the new pram my ILs bought. We struggled with it (again - we struggled to lower it so that Abby could sleep. It was A HUGE CHALLENGE) and in the end, I turned it upside down and chucked it at the back of the passenger seat. The pram came home upside down. Ultimate frustration. But damn farni.

Penny wise, pound foolish. Put ALL THE STROLLERS/PRAMS together, and we could have gotten a really good one. (I'm just bitching.) By the way, this pram's SGD45. Hopefully they use it PROPERLY. Otherwise the BLARDY PRAM MAY COLLAPSE WHILE SHALOM IS INSIDE IF NOT LATCHED PROPERLY. I freaked out when Ben was demo-ing a 'what-if' scenario to Lina. Too high strung.

Nevertheless, I counted my blessings when I was truly exhausted. When I finally persuaded myself to have dinner, I thought:
3rd floor - Lina is bathing Abby.
2nd floor - MIL is feeding Shalom.
1st floor - my dinner has been prepared. Dinner is being served.

I am too fortunate. I almost broke down and cried. Too tired.

Some more good news - Shalom's flashing real smiles at me. Abby's singing ABCs her way - she doesn't sing any other songs. But she knows her ABCs in an impressive line. "ABCDEFG, HIJKL..., QRSTUV... XYZ" That's a lot of letters. But she doesn't sing it when we ask her to. :P Very perfectionistic girl. She doesn't say SEVEN. Will whisper coz she knows she hasn't gotten it right. Even though we praise for the effort for whatever numbers or letters. W is another one. But really cool to see her acquire new stuff. :)

Singapore Idol Part II

FINALLY!! I can blog about it! :D (Since it's 'public domain now after tonight's telecast of Singapore Idol second episode). My brudder survived the gruelling and intensive elmination rounds and is now the TOP 28!!! Woohoo! :D

But but... must vote during his piano show - 100% by voting. So must vote. Please please vote.

His Piano Show will be on 14th June 2006 - 2nd performer.

Watch this space for more updates! :D Meanwhile, read his interview here! :D (I think must register first, anyway it's free! :D)

Mothers

No, this is not a tribute to mothers. In fact, maybe, in a strange way, it is.

I just returned from a free baby massage class organised by Johnson's and Johnson's. Buy $10 worth of J&J product from NTUC, contact them and arrange for a class - only available this month. It's a tribute to mothers. They gave a nice goodie bag with wipes, oil, lotion and a mat.

Shalom and I arrived there late, and he didn't really enjoy himself. I was frazzled - has been for quite a while. By the end of the class, he was nicely snuggled and soundly asleep. Some conversations between mothers went like this...

"Wah! Your baby very solid hor!"
"Yah, last time I breastfeed her, quite skinny... then I add formula, then she become bigger. I tell you hor, breastfed baby very skinny one. Must add formula!"
"Yah lor!"

*pengz*

Another one (to the coach, I think she's a Lactation Consultant?)...
Mother: Erhm, how to make my girl fat uh?
LC: What's her weight?"
Father: She's average.
LC: No, what's her weight? You must see her birth weight and her current weight, whether she follows the growth curve. If she does, it's fine. She's ok.
Mother and Father: Yah, she follows the curve.
Mother: But I want her to be fat.
LC: *silent sigh*

After all are dismissed, I was left with Shalom trying to put on his clothes. He was nicely snuggled in his diapers in a big towel. LC came over, "Hey, this one not bad also hor! Not bad!" Mother silently thinks, "Not bad your head uh! What not bad? He's gorgeous!" But of course I din say that lah, just smile and nod. Sheesh.

Mothers are odd people. Too odd. And I am also one of them.

Guess Who's Who?

Photo A:


Photo B:


Do make a guess! :D Both were taken around the same age with phone cameras (which explains the not so fantastic quality). :P

Singapore Idol

I promised to be a Singapore Idol groupie follower for my brother... so here goes:

http://www.singaporeidol2.net/home/
http://singaporeidol.singaporebeauty.com/index.php/category/singapore-idol-audition/
http://singaporeidol.isthebest.net/

Even got video: http://singaporeidol.isthebest.net/videos/

Will list them as links when I have the time.

Tonite's SI debut was ridiculous. Sigh. Only got to see a glimpse of my bro. My family gathered to watch (while the brother watched with his other friends *blah*) and when we saw him, all of us jumped! It was only like for less than a second. What family love. And he wasn't there to experience it. His loss. :P But we still love him anyway. :)

On second thought, the first episode shouldn't be called Singapore Idol. It should have been entitled 'Singapore Idiot'. Pity those normal folks who've been ridiculed for the nation to see. The power of editing - what was normal/acceptable can be altered to look horrible. Pity those fellas.

Someone's Looking for Me?

I promise to post up more pictures of Abigail and Shalom... First, must take more photos! :)

Angel Toddler

What is your toddler's temperament?

Angel Toddler
The Angel Toddler was 'good as gold' when she was a baby. Usually very social, this child is immediately comfortable in groups and can fit into most situations. She often develops language earlier than her peers or at least is clearer when making her needs known. When she wants something she can't have, it's fairly easy to distract her before her emotions escalate. And when she's really out of sorts, it's fairly easy to calm her before she gets to the tantrum stage. At play, she has a lot of staying power at a single task. This is a child who's easy and highly portable. Even when travelling, she can go with the flow and shift gears easily.

Wow... My SIL sent me an email regarding this quiz, and I just managed to do it as I was clearing my mail. Wow... praise the Lord.

The World's A Stage

The rate of my blog posting is inversely proportionate to the number of thoughts that zoom through my head, asleep or awake. There are so many things I want to write about, but most definitely, it will be taken and used against me, creating misunderstandings which will be like an impenetrable fortress in the mind of the reader.

How many times have you read something, and thought, "Is this person writing about me?" It's tiring to write that way, and to read that way as well. Suspicions flying about everywhere, and even something that is neutral becomes self-pronounced ammunition for the reader. If only all of us could bear this in mind: The world does not revolve around me.

However, I have tried to kid myself into thinking a dangerous thought. That the internet is my world. My social life. Ironically, I feel safer. Less prone to being hurt.

Less chances of my heart being ripped out. Less chances of my heart bleeding slowly to death. Which is worse?

The worst: Not having a heart.

I'm glad my heart's in shreds. It's time for another miracle. Each time, I become stronger than ever. Wiser than before. And even more willing to love. The pain I feel tells me I'm still alive. But chances are, once again, it will be ripped apart by another person. And that person wouldn't even know it.

Will that person be you?

Play with me, Daddy!

Ben was sharing with me how Abby and him were playing masak-masak...

"We sat down and started playing cooking. You should play cooking with her sometime. She's really funny. So I sat down and she started feeding me. And feeding me. And feeding me. She kept feeding me, and it got a lil' tiring. So I introduced a bear. She started preparing more food and fed the bear. And kept feeding the bear. I pitied that bear and introduced another bear. Now, Abby started getting a lil' panicky. Two bears, how? What to do? Suddenly, she raised her hand and told the first bear to "wait!" while she fed the second bear. After feeding for quite a while, I said, "Abby, the first bear is hungry, how?" She was now straining for ideas, and suddenly one hit her.

"Orrh orrh!" She laid both bears down to sleep.

So clever. :D

Thinking out of the Box

"Abby, do you want to go downstairs with Ah-Mah and sleep there? Or do you want to stay here and sleep?" asks Mummy.

Abby ponders. "Wait," she then lies down to continue pondering.

Speechless.

Touched

Posting has been on my mind, eversince I started training in NIE. My heart has always been wanting to return to PCS, yet upon graduation from diploma, I let MOE decide and went to MSHS instead. Thankfully I went back to NIE for the BA programme, and now is the time to decide whether I should request to return to PCS. My peers who crossed over has finallly gotten their postings - some are thrilled, while others are bracing themselves for seemingly new challenges. And I've still been praying. The issue being - does trusting God really mean leaving it to MOE to decide?

Until this evening.

Flashback. When I first brought Shalom for his 1 month jab at the polyclinic, I shared with my MIL regarding my desire to go back to PCS during the long wait. I shared with her all the considerations, in fact everything. She listened and asked me if I wanted her or my FIL to speak to the P. I was still undecided then whether I should request to go back PCS due to the numerous changes that have taken place during my absence there (thereby qualifying Ben's warning of 'things won't be like how you left PCS'). I shared with her my indecisiveness as well, hoping to go back there while wanting to leave it up to MOE to decide. It's really scary actually. It's a permanent posting, not some practicum. Scary indeed. And I've been to quite a number of schools - SKPS, MSHS, TPS, and PCS. And my heart still runs back to PCS. I've had dreams about returning to PCS. So odd.

Flashforward. Tonight my PILs attended a Hway Guan dinner (wearing the nice red dress we bought for her. Heh.) :) The P of PCS was there too. My MIL actually walked close to the P after the dinner and chatted with her. Then my MIL asked the P if she knew her DIL (me). She actually remembered! :D And even said that apparently she tried to request MOE for me but was rejected! ='D I think that was during my Dip graduation.

Anyway, I just so touched by the both of them. So happy that I had to blog it. If MOE approves, PCS, here I come! :D (I still have to go look for the P first, and get over the 'Why didn't you invite me to your wedding dinner' question! :P Long story. Another time perhaps.)

A Timely Overdue Word

The Word for Today With Bob Gass
Thursday, 2nd March 2006

Don't Be Afraid Of Change

"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life." Psalm 23:6

You'll miss what God is planning for you next if you cling to the past and yearn for yesterday. If you've lost a loved one you know how this feels. Death wrenches from us those we'd cling to forever. But we can't, for death is a part of life; we make peace with it only when we realise it's the door which enables us to move from a lesser to a greater realm. That's why Paul wrote, "I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far" ( Philippians 1:23 NIV).

Don't try to live your life a second time through your children. Keep your mind fresh by having expectations that go beyond the goals you have for them. Don't try to cling to a relationship that has changed because you "need to be needed." When Samuel was born his mother said, "I will give him unto the Lord all the days of his life" ( 1 Samuel 1:11). It's easier to give them back when you realise they were not yours to keep. Be grateful for the gift of children or the satisfaction of a job well done; then ask, "What's next?"

If you recognise areas where you've been guilty of resisting change, allow God to heal you from fear. Something good is going to come out of it. God doesn't change - but His methods of caring for you will constantly change. He may not bring you the same way twice, but - goodness and mercy will follow you all the days of your life - what more could you ask for?

Nursing in NIE

YEAH!! Praise the Lord! NIE is most likely going have nursing (breastfeeding, not medical nursing) facilities on campus! Woohoo! :D

Dear Miss Chua

SUGGESTION: MOTHER'S NURSING/BREASTFEEDING ROOM ON CAMPUS

Please refer to your suggestion on "Mother's Nursing/ Breastfeeding Room on Campus".

We are pleased to inform you that our Development Estate Department is studying the feasibility of having a nursing room on campus.

A cash award of $10 will be paid to you via GIRO or cheque (whichever applicable).

We look forward to your continued support in the Student Suggestion Scheme.

Yours sincerely

I didn't know if it was a Yes or a No, so I went to check the form (available online). There's a rubric to assess the suggestion, and points are given in four categories. Anyway the award ranges from $2 to $20 for individual, so a $10 award would mean it's pretty good (next is $15, then $20). :) I really hope that they'll implement it, especially BEFORE I GRADUATE! Been chased out of the bathrooms too many times when I have to pump in school, and it's not easy pumping in the car with the occasional onlooker wondering what on earth I'm doing. :S I really hope they will implement. It's really a simple suggestion - I asked for a room (for privacy, refrigeration (ideal for storing expressed milk), chairs, electrical supply for electric pumps, room preferably located near washroom. Reason being -changing demographic profile of student teachers (formerly known as NIE trainees) so more setting up families, which leads to more preggies on campus (very visible), support government pro-family stance, encourage better health for our children by giving them the best (so that they won't fall ill) which leads to lower absenteeism rate for student teachers who don't have to take child-care leave to take our kids to the doc, and enhances NIE's reputation for being family friendly and pro-family.

I hope they buy my deal. :D

Meaning of the Cross

From a mailing list...
C-hrist, God-in-flesh, give His life (Philippians 2:8) as a
R-ansom, a payment, for our sins (Matthew 20:28),
O-ffering up His life as a sinless sacrifice (Hebrews 10:14),
S-uffering unto death (Hebrews 12:2) to secure our
S-alvation from sin and death (Colossians 2:13-14).

Just for the record

Last night, Shalom (1month, 3 wks 2 days or 7wks 6days) slept from about 11plus to about 4.30am in the morning. It's getting longer. He would wake up at about 3plus after sleeping at midnight but it's getting longer, which is good. :) Was re-reading my previous posts about abby when she was around this age and she was slowing stretching her sleep time although we could hardly maintain an 'Ezzo' routine. My MIL does a far better job than I can at maintaining the routine for Shalom. :P Thank God for that. :P

Oh, and for our 'cool' boy, he has (at this point) smiled only *once* at his Ah-Mah. Otherwise, he'll just be observing everything or wanting milk, and if I'm around, he'll be eyeing for milk. Yes, he eyes for milk. :P

Painful Labour (Day)

First Labour Pain
We (Ben, Abby and myself) went for brekkie in the morning, but the place we wanted to go to opens only at 11am. So we were too early. So we took a trainride to Compass Point. When I first took out the digital camera, a voice inside my head went, "You're going to drop the camera." It was Fear speaking. True enough, when we alighted at Seng Kang, I was having difficulty holding on to abby's waterbottle and my bag. I asked Ben to help me with the water bottle, and the next thing - in an instant, my bag slipped off and landed on the floor! Sigh. The camera was inside, and the bag landed on the side where the camera was placed. *heartpain*

:'(

Camera's ok. So sad. I've been ever so cautious with it, still it dropped. Salesman kept repeating never to drop the camera. And I dropped it. :'( In front of Ben some more. He lagi more cautious than me.

Second Labour Pain
The three of us had fun in the evening just playing in Abby's corner after her bath. Then after about an hour's play or so, Lina came in to administer Abby's medicine. Abby and I were very playful, even said, "Bye!" playfully when she went to Lina che che to take her medicine. After the medication, Lina offered to put abby to bed at 2nd floor then bring upstairs later so that I could resume my studying and Ben could do his work. Ben and I agreed and I asked Abby for a good nite hug. Abby started withdrawing, all the way to the farthest corner of the room. She refused to listen to me. At first I thought she was being testing again. Later, she walked back to the middle of the room and sat down in a way we usually don't allow and would correct her. As she sat, she looked at us and said, "Sit!" hoping that we would correct her. Her face was really sad. Suddenly we realised - she was feeling rejected because she thought we were rejecting her by asking Lina to take her away for bedtime! :'( We've always thought it was something neutral; we never thought she would take it as a form of rejection. So I gave Abby two choices - either go downstairs with Lina to sleep or come to bed with us (on her bed). She thought about it for about a split second and walked towards us with her thumb in her mouth (means ready for bed). So cute. She quickly lay down and then got up again, and asked in her cutest voice, "Daddy, Orh orh, pleeeze!" (Ben was still sitting upright while I was lying down already.) So cute. She wanted to lie down between the both of us. After that she fell asleep happily. :)

Happy Weekend

Abby went to children's service today! :D She really enjoyed herself, dancing and giving hi-5s to the che ches (during prayer though... :P) I took video recordings with my fone, unfortunately Ben didn't capture any with the camera. :( Hopefully I might be able to post something up. She managed to stay for praise and worship as well as tithing, but during Word, she was too distracted and was running around. (I think got chee-cher not happy...:P) In the end, we decided to let her take her lunch and stay in the nursery while we went to the main sanctuary for service.

We spent the day at our new place just chilling out while Shalom continued his feed-sleep-regurgitate cycle. I think he really drank too much. Usually I produce twice the amount he takes, but today he managed to be on par with my supply! That's not a good thing coz he kept puking. In fact, each time Ben carried him, he'd puke. :P

Went East Coast Park in the evening for Worship ministry BBQ. :) Had a good time catching up with some folks in there. In fact, Abby had a great time taking walks with Uncle Andrew! Later, she was between Andrew and Charlotte, holding hands, taking a stroll along the beach (on the pavement though) like a happy lil' family! :) I dunthink we've ever done that though...:( Although Ben claims that we 'do' that when we go shopping... but i think otherwise coz each time we go to a mall, her stroller's always there, so highly unlikely. Anywayz...

Yesterday, my PIL, kidz, Lina and myself went to United Square to see the PD. Abby's been having runny nose - green mucus - while Shalom seems to be losing his voice. Had a long waiting time, so we had our lunch after we registered. We returned to the clinic after that and saw Dr Ong. Abby was amazing. When Dr Ong took the spatula and was about to place it on the tongue, without even asking, Abby just sat there and OPENED HER MOUTH WIDE! :D Such a great girl! :D MIL, Dr Ong and I were so impressed! She also didn't fidget during the eye check up before the throat inspection! Wow, super impressive! :D

Anyway, she exhibited an extremely high level of self-control, in my opinion. :D I wanted to get her to start drinking expressed milk once again, and dipped biscuit inside the milk to coax her. At first she found it amusing, but later, she detected the milk taste and erupted violently, yelling, "BUYAO!" (Don't want). Big tears started rolling down as she rejected the biscuit, with and without milk, asked to "READ BOOK!", then "BUMBLEBEE!", then "HI FAIZ" (Hi-5 VCD), then she stopped crying suddenly, and asked very politely while the yells turned into quiet sobs, "Mummy, Hi-Faiz pleeeease?" while I just looked on in amazement, from the start to the end of the tantrum. I believe it was very good self-control because in spite of how she was feeling at that time, she knew that she had to ask properly in order to get her request heard. Tears stopped rolling although she was still sobbing. I explained that I was going to get her all cleaned up (remember runny nose plus horrible mucus) and then we would watch after that. She allowed me to clean her up. Honestly, I was really pushing my luck. I thought she would have kicked up an even bigger scale royal fuss (like what 2year olds do) but she didn't. I know that 2yos are like mini-teenagers (she's 21months now). People call them the terrible twos, but I think it's pretty much an issue of confusion, so to speak - of wanting independence yet not being able to do them. And also, they haven't learnt socially appropriate behaviour, so it can get challenging for them. Nevertheless, I'm just still amazed by her everyday, and we're working on helping her communicate her needs and wants in an attempt to reduce communication frustration. So far, it's been enjoyable. :)