Stamina has dropped... started sch today but could barely survive it. Last period had to be rescued by Phoebe. She's also crossing over, so also on relief. Had 6 periods straight in a row - from 0730 to 1130 (ending with assembly) and 1 more period from 1.15 to 1.45pm. Yup. THE SCHOOL ENDS AT 1.45 pm on mondays. And morning assembly (not the mid day one) was quite quite long. It's quite sad to see the boys start yawning when the scriptures are read. Boys from various levels. How to reach them?
Today's session is 2+1+1+1+1 and another 1. How am I gonna survive tomorow? I actually called Freddie to make an appt in the afternoon. Hoping to persuade him to reassess my EDD and facilitate the maternity leave stuff. I can take up to 4 weeks max before delivery (which logically means EDD. How on earth can anyone take 4 weeks before delivery? No 1 can confirm when delivery takes place mah!) So if he declares it's 5th August, I'll give the school 1 week's notice and I'm gone!!! Yay!!
No joke. I have no stamina. Woke up the morning with pelvic pain. Hurts with every step. Thought the hip/inner thigh pain gone, can start teaching painlessly. Then wake up with this funny ache. Suspect Abby has turned and is getting engaged. *fingers crossed* If not it better not be pubis symphysis separation. God. Help me.
It's another day tomorrow. Gotta wake up at 540am tomorrow. Better sleep now. Poor Ben. He's becoming an Eskimo soon. And I can't feel a thing. It can be darn freezing cold and I still think it's 24 deg Cel. When Abby's out it'll be a different ball game. God, please lemme sleep soundly tonight. (After happily saying that I've been sleeping well, I haven't slept well the past 2 nites. :p)
Oh. One more thing. Prior to accepting the BA offer, I was seriously considering it, together with my colleague from maris. She din get offered, so in an effort to make her feel better, I went through the cost and ended up convinced that BA is $$$. So the decision then was that I wasn't going for it. So during the marist batam retreat, the staff asked her if i was crossing over coz they received news from MOE that I was offered and she said that I wasn't (which was her current understanding of my decision then). So on fri, I kena from VP when she found out that I accepted the offer, and i kinda messed up the respective HODs arrangement for me. :P Die... I learn my lesson liao. Keep my mouth shut when undecided, even if it is in an attempt to make another feel good. I think there ought to be another way to comfort a fellow being. :S
Monday, June 28, 2004
Sunday, June 27, 2004
:S
School starts tomorrow. And I dowanna go school. I want my maternity leave. I want dr yap to declare that my edd is 5th august so that I can take my maternity leave 4 wks prior to that date, which means SOON. Sigh. I know my attitude sucks. But it isn't very appealing when I dunno which level/class I'm gonna teach. I know. I'm going to be put on relief. That means, if a teacher is absent, I'll have to take over his/her class. So I pray that all teachers in Maris will have great health! They also have no other outside-school commitments! Fwah. I'm selfish.
I just feel pretty cheated of my maternity leave. So I just wanna squeeze watever I can. Hahah. Definitely backfire one. Whenever I take things into my own hands surely will kaboosh me in the face.
Did I mention that the application for work permit for Lina was rejected? Just drafted out an appeal letter. Gotta drop it off at MOM SOON. Also gotta get her medical checkup done. Sigh.
Feelin' a lil' blue lately; dun like my attitude now. Poor Benji gotta tahan me. Weepy (abit lah) and totally sluggish. I think he married a slug. Nope, I dun leave wet trails around. Hmm. Eeeks.
Felt crampy last nite. Kan cheong. Think it's Braxton Hicks. During last evening's popiah party, I happily downed half a can of Coke lite. Happy coz no sugar. Not happy coz Abby & I were awake at 5am. She was happily attempting to jab me in every spot possible, hiccuped and showed me where her butt was (YAY! I think she's turning!!) and was just as irritated as I was coz she was on caffeine high also. Lousy mummy.
Thank God for the nap today. Both of us slept soundly.
Well, they say for the third trimester, mummy tends to worry more and get teary. Also, the nesting syndrome is supposed to kick in when really close to labour. I think my nesting syndrome kicked the bucket liao. I was super organised in my 2nd, but now i'm a lousy housekeeper. The bloody place is cluttered and I dun even know where to start. Must be some clutter genie that's bent on making my life difficult. Argh.
Have been having odd dreams. Argh. Poor Benji. No wonder he needs his men. Hahah... Erhm. No relation between my odd dreams and Ben needing his guys' nite out. Feel bad that the ante-natal class is on thursday, coz it clashes with the guys' outing.
I wanna sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Heard it's a rare commodity once lil' one is out. Sleep.
See? I'm in a fussy mood. :P Beware: I bite.
I just feel pretty cheated of my maternity leave. So I just wanna squeeze watever I can. Hahah. Definitely backfire one. Whenever I take things into my own hands surely will kaboosh me in the face.
Did I mention that the application for work permit for Lina was rejected? Just drafted out an appeal letter. Gotta drop it off at MOM SOON. Also gotta get her medical checkup done. Sigh.
Feelin' a lil' blue lately; dun like my attitude now. Poor Benji gotta tahan me. Weepy (abit lah) and totally sluggish. I think he married a slug. Nope, I dun leave wet trails around. Hmm. Eeeks.
Felt crampy last nite. Kan cheong. Think it's Braxton Hicks. During last evening's popiah party, I happily downed half a can of Coke lite. Happy coz no sugar. Not happy coz Abby & I were awake at 5am. She was happily attempting to jab me in every spot possible, hiccuped and showed me where her butt was (YAY! I think she's turning!!) and was just as irritated as I was coz she was on caffeine high also. Lousy mummy.
Thank God for the nap today. Both of us slept soundly.
Well, they say for the third trimester, mummy tends to worry more and get teary. Also, the nesting syndrome is supposed to kick in when really close to labour. I think my nesting syndrome kicked the bucket liao. I was super organised in my 2nd, but now i'm a lousy housekeeper. The bloody place is cluttered and I dun even know where to start. Must be some clutter genie that's bent on making my life difficult. Argh.
Have been having odd dreams. Argh. Poor Benji. No wonder he needs his men. Hahah... Erhm. No relation between my odd dreams and Ben needing his guys' nite out. Feel bad that the ante-natal class is on thursday, coz it clashes with the guys' outing.
I wanna sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Heard it's a rare commodity once lil' one is out. Sleep.
See? I'm in a fussy mood. :P Beware: I bite.
Saturday, June 26, 2004
So when?
I'm quite at a loss. Hmm. It feels like the time we miscalculated the number of tables for the wedding dinner, thus almost causing some embarrassment. Now I think it's happened again, although of a different nature.
My last menstrual period (LMP) was 29th October 2003. Cycle wasn't fantastically regular, has never been anyway. So when we went to see Freddy the first time, he bore in mind the irregular cycle and declared that the estimated date of delivery (EDD) is 20th August 2004.
When we went for the detailed scan at KKH, Dr John Tee, one of the tua-liaps, noted the EDD and made a change after the scan (dunno if he knew about the LMP). The revised EDD by Dr Tee was 13th August 2004.
Recently, I had a bugging feeling to recount my baby's weeks. People are saying that I'm BIG. Well. Today, using my beloved('s) 6230, I realised that my EDD is actually 4th August 2004! *Gasp!*
As u can see, according to Lilypie sophisticated calculator, my EDD is 5th August 2004. Dun really know how to use that.
So when? *ponder*
The maid's work permit application has been rejected. Sigh. When we came back, we thought my mummy-IL wanted to forego the maid from the tone of her voice. In the end, we realised she meant that we ought to spend the agency money to get the approval. Praise God. ;)
Had a very strange dream during my nap today. Too graphic. In summary, I need to face the challenge of feeding my baby esp the first time when she's going to be plonked in my arms. Or else I will have mutilated nipples. Argh. Yup. That graphic. Sick.
Did a spiritual gifts inventory during cell tonite - very interesting. Ben's Teaching (1st), Wisdom & Knowledge (2nd tie) and Exhortation (4th). Mine's Wisdom (1st), Administration (2nd), Teaching (3rd) and Knowledge (4th). Spoke about where we should use our spiritual gifts in service to Christ's body. Well, a revelatory insight. I've always struggled with service because my giftings weren't the usual ones needed in ministry - e.g. pastoral, leadership, hospitality, evangelism, etc. Boy I score really low in these areas!!! But after knowing that I could still use my giftings in service is really refreshing. I have been really afraid of being in ministry because of a perceived ill-fit. But praise God. :) Well, let's see what God has in store. :)
Not doing GE next semester. Got 6 modules to cope with - 3 AS, 1 Essential Module, 1 Curriculum Content (Singapore History!!!!) and 1 Curriculum Studies (Teaching SS in the Pri Sch Classroom). Pray that I will manage my time well and have understanding tutors.
Timetable is not out yet even though registration is over. This time round, I will have a valid reason for changing tutorial slots. For the past 4 semesters, I've never attempted changing classes as I've never found a valid reason to. In fact, I enjoyed going to school for a 1 or 2 hr session, coz it gets me out of the house and into an environment conducive for studying.
Received a call & an sms from someone in NIE yesterday. Din pick up the call. Ltr, the person said that the call was just to say hi & bye before plunging into school. Then, a strange question followed: The person asked if I knew who the valedictorian was.
Strange. I never knew anyone would even be interested in knowing who the valedictorian is. Or could it be this person found out something??? Hmm. Said not sure, and asked why. And the person just replied, Curious. Wow. That's curiosity man. Well, what I said wasn't a lie - coz i really dunno who the new valedictorian is going to be. And this person is really quite competitive. Sigh. I thank God I dun see much. Thus I dun get really affected. It's only upon some reflection that I realise the intended harm. Thank God for His protection.
Anyways, back to the pregnancy progress. My feet look like bread. And Watercourt Spa is quite disappointing. $120 for 90min massage. Used 2 $50 vouchers for 2 sessions - so paid $70 extra for each sesion - a wedding anniversary gift. Went for the first appt last fri, and the next one was supposed to be due on 15 July. Received a call from them today informing me tat i had an appt with them today, and if i was coming down. They mentioned they had a slot for me already and i shouldn't wait till 15 july. Too close to my due date. Also, they said something about Eve's appt - about not being able to use the $28 voucher after June (which she had already used the last session). After some crap, they asked for her no. I offered to contact her instead of giving them. Bet she'd severe ties with me... hehe... if i had given her no. She was still in school have mtgs so she couldn't go. I agreed to my appt and went alone, feeling rather cheated (I had a feeling that if they thought I liked the massage, I would sign up with their promotion which they tried to push the last time round). So I turned up there rather upset and said that the appt was supposed to be on 15 july instead of today. I din mind going down today, but the way they had put it made it look underhanded. Like, give us shiok shiok, want us to come back for more. So as i said that, the lady who contacted me, Julia, just replied curtly, saying, "If you cannot make it, u can always cancel the appointment. No need to come down today one." Wah lau eh. And she expects me to invest over a $1000 in the promotion. She can kiss the money goodbye with that tone. Sigh. Call me, tell me the appt today, dun even acknowledge that it's supposed to be on 15 July, give some crap reason for turning up today, when I turn up, be rude to me, and later even say she'll talk to me about her promotion. Pui.
Went for the session. When I came out. I drank my ginger tea standing deliberately. I knew if I sat down she'll turn into a sad vulture desiring my meat. After ending her phone call, she said saccharinely, "Hiyah, sit down lah... make urself comfortable while I shown u my promotion. *shudder*
Told her I was in a rush to pick my hubby and she still attempted to promote her package. Shut her up by giving her some excuse, "Oh my mudder got other recommendation liao." And she was silenced. She bidded farewell by reminding me that if I ever needed her services, to feel free to contact them. Like ever.
My last menstrual period (LMP) was 29th October 2003. Cycle wasn't fantastically regular, has never been anyway. So when we went to see Freddy the first time, he bore in mind the irregular cycle and declared that the estimated date of delivery (EDD) is 20th August 2004.
When we went for the detailed scan at KKH, Dr John Tee, one of the tua-liaps, noted the EDD and made a change after the scan (dunno if he knew about the LMP). The revised EDD by Dr Tee was 13th August 2004.
Recently, I had a bugging feeling to recount my baby's weeks. People are saying that I'm BIG. Well. Today, using my beloved('s) 6230, I realised that my EDD is actually 4th August 2004! *Gasp!*
As u can see, according to Lilypie sophisticated calculator, my EDD is 5th August 2004. Dun really know how to use that.
So when? *ponder*
The maid's work permit application has been rejected. Sigh. When we came back, we thought my mummy-IL wanted to forego the maid from the tone of her voice. In the end, we realised she meant that we ought to spend the agency money to get the approval. Praise God. ;)
Had a very strange dream during my nap today. Too graphic. In summary, I need to face the challenge of feeding my baby esp the first time when she's going to be plonked in my arms. Or else I will have mutilated nipples. Argh. Yup. That graphic. Sick.
Did a spiritual gifts inventory during cell tonite - very interesting. Ben's Teaching (1st), Wisdom & Knowledge (2nd tie) and Exhortation (4th). Mine's Wisdom (1st), Administration (2nd), Teaching (3rd) and Knowledge (4th). Spoke about where we should use our spiritual gifts in service to Christ's body. Well, a revelatory insight. I've always struggled with service because my giftings weren't the usual ones needed in ministry - e.g. pastoral, leadership, hospitality, evangelism, etc. Boy I score really low in these areas!!! But after knowing that I could still use my giftings in service is really refreshing. I have been really afraid of being in ministry because of a perceived ill-fit. But praise God. :) Well, let's see what God has in store. :)
Not doing GE next semester. Got 6 modules to cope with - 3 AS, 1 Essential Module, 1 Curriculum Content (Singapore History!!!!) and 1 Curriculum Studies (Teaching SS in the Pri Sch Classroom). Pray that I will manage my time well and have understanding tutors.
Timetable is not out yet even though registration is over. This time round, I will have a valid reason for changing tutorial slots. For the past 4 semesters, I've never attempted changing classes as I've never found a valid reason to. In fact, I enjoyed going to school for a 1 or 2 hr session, coz it gets me out of the house and into an environment conducive for studying.
Received a call & an sms from someone in NIE yesterday. Din pick up the call. Ltr, the person said that the call was just to say hi & bye before plunging into school. Then, a strange question followed: The person asked if I knew who the valedictorian was.
Strange. I never knew anyone would even be interested in knowing who the valedictorian is. Or could it be this person found out something??? Hmm. Said not sure, and asked why. And the person just replied, Curious. Wow. That's curiosity man. Well, what I said wasn't a lie - coz i really dunno who the new valedictorian is going to be. And this person is really quite competitive. Sigh. I thank God I dun see much. Thus I dun get really affected. It's only upon some reflection that I realise the intended harm. Thank God for His protection.
Anyways, back to the pregnancy progress. My feet look like bread. And Watercourt Spa is quite disappointing. $120 for 90min massage. Used 2 $50 vouchers for 2 sessions - so paid $70 extra for each sesion - a wedding anniversary gift. Went for the first appt last fri, and the next one was supposed to be due on 15 July. Received a call from them today informing me tat i had an appt with them today, and if i was coming down. They mentioned they had a slot for me already and i shouldn't wait till 15 july. Too close to my due date. Also, they said something about Eve's appt - about not being able to use the $28 voucher after June (which she had already used the last session). After some crap, they asked for her no. I offered to contact her instead of giving them. Bet she'd severe ties with me... hehe... if i had given her no. She was still in school have mtgs so she couldn't go. I agreed to my appt and went alone, feeling rather cheated (I had a feeling that if they thought I liked the massage, I would sign up with their promotion which they tried to push the last time round). So I turned up there rather upset and said that the appt was supposed to be on 15 july instead of today. I din mind going down today, but the way they had put it made it look underhanded. Like, give us shiok shiok, want us to come back for more. So as i said that, the lady who contacted me, Julia, just replied curtly, saying, "If you cannot make it, u can always cancel the appointment. No need to come down today one." Wah lau eh. And she expects me to invest over a $1000 in the promotion. She can kiss the money goodbye with that tone. Sigh. Call me, tell me the appt today, dun even acknowledge that it's supposed to be on 15 July, give some crap reason for turning up today, when I turn up, be rude to me, and later even say she'll talk to me about her promotion. Pui.
Went for the session. When I came out. I drank my ginger tea standing deliberately. I knew if I sat down she'll turn into a sad vulture desiring my meat. After ending her phone call, she said saccharinely, "Hiyah, sit down lah... make urself comfortable while I shown u my promotion. *shudder*
Told her I was in a rush to pick my hubby and she still attempted to promote her package. Shut her up by giving her some excuse, "Oh my mudder got other recommendation liao." And she was silenced. She bidded farewell by reminding me that if I ever needed her services, to feel free to contact them. Like ever.
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Dedicated to those who feel that the WORLD owes them a living ;)
If your aim is to be miserable most of the time, the following ten actions will help you reach that state of misery in record time:
1. Think only about yourself. Talk much about yourself. Include "I" as much as you can in every conversation.
2. Pay close attention to what people think and say about you.
3. Expect to be appreciated. (All the time! If they miss appreciating you even once, shoot them.)
4. Cultivate suspicion, jealousy and envy.
5. Be sensitive to every sight insult. Never forgive a criticism.
6. Trust nobody but yourself.
7. Insist upon special consideration.
8. Demand that everyone agree with your views and opinions on everything. (Even if it appears that you allow them to disagree.)
9. Shirk your duties and responsibilities if you can.
10. Do as little as possible for other people.
Taken from How to Be Miserable.
Dun fool yourself. Really really reflect upon what type of person you have been (that means dun dismiss every sentence and say, "Nah, that ain't me. I'm not like that. In fact, I *blah* *blah* *blah*". Wake up.
If you're interested in other lists, visit Divine Expression.
1. Think only about yourself. Talk much about yourself. Include "I" as much as you can in every conversation.
2. Pay close attention to what people think and say about you.
3. Expect to be appreciated. (All the time! If they miss appreciating you even once, shoot them.)
4. Cultivate suspicion, jealousy and envy.
5. Be sensitive to every sight insult. Never forgive a criticism.
6. Trust nobody but yourself.
7. Insist upon special consideration.
8. Demand that everyone agree with your views and opinions on everything. (Even if it appears that you allow them to disagree.)
9. Shirk your duties and responsibilities if you can.
10. Do as little as possible for other people.
Taken from How to Be Miserable.
Dun fool yourself. Really really reflect upon what type of person you have been (that means dun dismiss every sentence and say, "Nah, that ain't me. I'm not like that. In fact, I *blah* *blah* *blah*". Wake up.
If you're interested in other lists, visit Divine Expression.
Sunday, June 20, 2004
Building Blocks for Deep Friendship
A forwarded mail from a dear friend.
The passages below are taken from Charles Stanley's book, "Walking Wisely," published in 2002. Deep, constant, godly friendships don't just "happen." They are built. There are eight essential building blocks required.
1. TIME
You must be willing to spend time with your friends. I must admit, I probably have lost some friends through the years because I have said, "I don't have time," when they invited me to go places or share experiences with them. The more honest truth is I didn't choose to make the time. We all tend to make time for the things we want to do. We must also make time for the relationships we desire to have.
When we don't have time for our friends, we likely aren't valuing our friends as we should. We also must be aware that we have only so much time in life, and we likely have only the necessary time for a handful of genuine deep friendships. That does not mean we can't have more casual friendships---but for a truly deep friendship to develop, time together is a vital ingredient.
2. TALK
A second building block to a good relationship is talk. Conversation is the way you discover more about a person-it is a window through which to peer into another person's heart, mind, soul and spirit. The more you converse with a person and see inside that person, the more you know about the person. And the more you know about a person, the more you love him or her, or perhaps, the more you realize that your friendship is likely to be short-lived. Through the years I've heard countless wives say about their husbands, "I just wish he'd talk to me." The fact is, these wives wanted to know their husbands better. They wanted to know what their husbands were thinking and feeling. When a man doesn't talk to his wife, he puts up a barrier to her understanding him. Husband, take time to talk to your wife. You may not feel a need to talk, but she needs to hear you talk!
When you are with a friend, the topic of your conversation doesn't really matter. I meet regularly on Saturday mornings to have breakfast with three of my buddies. We go to the same restaurant every Saturday. In fact, the restaurant personnel are so accustomed to our coming that they set aside a certain table just for us. These three men are in professions different from mine, but we have many common interests. What do we discuss? Anything and everything. We talk about whatever pops into our minds. Our conversation is free-flowing, easy, and natural. No subject is off-limits; no topic is too trivial or too big. We are open with one another. We are friends.
3. SHARED TEARS AND LAUGHTER
Genuine friends cry together and laugh together. If a person is a genuine friend, you should have no hesitation whatsoever in going to that person when you are hurt, rejected, or disappointed . . . or when you have a triumphant moment! Those who stuff all their emotions, sorrow and joy, do damage to their physical health. We all need the "release" of tears and laughter in order to vent our emotions.
4. EXPRESSED THANKFULNESS
A friend voices thanksgiving for his or her friends. Not too long ago, one of my friends showed up just when I needed someone to talk to about a situation I was facing. I said to him, "You have an uncanny way of showing up just when I need a listening ear and feel the need to pour out my heart. I'm thankful for you in my life. I'm thankful for the direction and wise counsel you give me!" And I am.
I have a photographer friend who calls me about once a week. I'm never quite sure where he'll be when he calls--one of his recent calls was from Paris. I can always count on his saying two things to me at some point in the call: "I'm grateful to God for our friendship" and "I love you, brother." To have a friend who will openly and frequently make those two statements is a wonderful thing! If you haven't told a friend lately that you are grateful to God for his presence in your life . . . or if you haven't said, "I love you," to a friend. . . I encourage you to do so.
5. THOUGHTFUL GESTURES
Sometimes the best way to show your appreciation for a friend is to do something for your friend or give something to your friend. The deed or item need not be grandiose or extravagant. Rather, something that conveys the message, "I'm thinking of you. I listen to you. I know what you like--yes, even what you need." A friend takes joy in giving something that he knows his friend desires.
One of my friends is a tremendous giver. He is always sending me something that he thinks I'll enjoy--since he travels a lot and we have a number of common interests, his gifts are always meaningful to me and sometimes rather unusual. As much as I have protested about his gifts to me, he continues to send them. One day he said to ! me, "I'm just a giver. It's what I do. You can't ever out give me, so don't even try. I get a lot of joy out of giving. Don't rob me of that joy by telling me not to give."
Husband, does your wife like flowers? Surprise her with a bundle of flowers now and then. Giving her something that you know she likes is a way of saying, "I'm glad you're in my life." Similarly, wife, give your husband something every now and then that is a special surprise, which says, "I am glad you're with me."
A woman told me recently what a friend had done for her. This woman had received word that a family of five was on its way to spend a week at her home while they enrolled their daughter in a nearby college. She had shared news of their impending visit with her friend. The next day, that friend showed up with a large casserole and the comment, "I made extra. I thought you might be able to use this." This woman said, "Now that's a friend! She knew exactly what would bless me most on that particular day."
6. TOLERANCE
Friends tolerate the occasional bad mood, the hurtful comment said in haste, or the bad attitude that's the result of being too tired or too stressed out. Sometimes tolerance means putting up with an annoying habit.
Sometimes it means cutting that person some slack when he's fifteen minutes late . . . again. Not long ago, I sat and listened to a friend of mine tell a story I've heard so many times I could tell it in detail myself. This man knew I'd heard the story. Everybody else at the table had heard it. But we all listened as if we were listening for the first time. He's our friend.
7. TOUCHING
There's power in appropriate touching between friends. A genuine friend should be someone you feel you can hug, someone you can pat on the back. A while back, I was eating alone in a restaurant, and I noticed that a certain man in the restaurant was giving his waitress a very hard time about something. Rather than respond in a negative manner, she reached out and touched him lightly on the shoulder and said, "I'm sorry . . ." She didn't have to say anything more. The instant she touched him, he melted--his countenance changed and so did the tone of his voice.
Most people are hungry to be touched. It's a sign to them of care, empathy, concern, appreciation, and value. If a person comes to me after a church service and tells me that he's heart broken--perhaps his wife has abandoned their family, he has been left alone with their children, and love, he doesn't know where to turn or what to do--this man doesn't want me to keep my distance and say coldly, "Well, I know God will help you."
No. He wants a pastor who will reach out and hug him or put his arm around him and look him in the eye and say, "I hurt for you. I'm going to pray for you and believe for God's best in your life. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help you."
I am certainly not advocating that you hug every person in sight or that you are overly affectionate with casual acquaintances. You must be sensitive to what another person needs and desires--you should touch another person only in a way you know is comfortable for that person. A friend, however, should be someone that you don't think twice about touching when you desire to express pure, nonsexual affection, comfort, or appreciation.
8. TRANSPARENCY
Transparency means not holding deceitful motives, hiding your feelings, or harboring a secret agenda in your dealings with another person. If you are going to develop a genuine friendship with another person, you are going to have to let that person see the real you.
THE SUM IS LOVE
All of these building blocks add up to one simple four-letter word: love. A person you love is a person you spend time with, talk to, cry with and laugh with, are thankful for, do thoughtful things for, tolerate without complaining, touch with affection, are transparent with, speak the truth to, and trust. The cardinal principle for having a deep, close, godly friend is to be such a friend.
What Damages the Relationship?
The foremost way to damage any relationship is simply to undo or tear down one or more of the building blocks identified above. Relationships are impaired or harmed when:
You stop spending time together.
You stop talking to each other.
You become reluctant to share your sorrows and your joys.
You stop crying together and laughing together.
You no longer express your thanks or do thoughtful things for each other.
You become increasingly critical of each other--less and less tolerant of each other's errors, less appreciative of each other's efforts, less accepting of each other's weaknesses.
You stop touching each other with warmth and tender affection.
You build a wall and no longer share your life freely with each other--one or both of you hold things back and conceal your motives, feelings and thoughts.
One or both of you lie to each other--not only about what you are doing, but what you are thinking and feeling with regard to your relationship.
You stop trusting each other.
The 8 Ts of being a good friend
I must make the TIME to TALK to each other and to be THANKFUL that we share our joy and TEARS with one another. I must be
THOUGHTFUL to him and be TOLERANT of his occasional bad mood and be TRANSPARENT in my dealings with him. Above all, we must not be afraid to TOUCH each other, emotionally, mentally and physically but not sensually.
The passages below are taken from Charles Stanley's book, "Walking Wisely," published in 2002. Deep, constant, godly friendships don't just "happen." They are built. There are eight essential building blocks required.
1. TIME
You must be willing to spend time with your friends. I must admit, I probably have lost some friends through the years because I have said, "I don't have time," when they invited me to go places or share experiences with them. The more honest truth is I didn't choose to make the time. We all tend to make time for the things we want to do. We must also make time for the relationships we desire to have.
When we don't have time for our friends, we likely aren't valuing our friends as we should. We also must be aware that we have only so much time in life, and we likely have only the necessary time for a handful of genuine deep friendships. That does not mean we can't have more casual friendships---but for a truly deep friendship to develop, time together is a vital ingredient.
2. TALK
A second building block to a good relationship is talk. Conversation is the way you discover more about a person-it is a window through which to peer into another person's heart, mind, soul and spirit. The more you converse with a person and see inside that person, the more you know about the person. And the more you know about a person, the more you love him or her, or perhaps, the more you realize that your friendship is likely to be short-lived. Through the years I've heard countless wives say about their husbands, "I just wish he'd talk to me." The fact is, these wives wanted to know their husbands better. They wanted to know what their husbands were thinking and feeling. When a man doesn't talk to his wife, he puts up a barrier to her understanding him. Husband, take time to talk to your wife. You may not feel a need to talk, but she needs to hear you talk!
When you are with a friend, the topic of your conversation doesn't really matter. I meet regularly on Saturday mornings to have breakfast with three of my buddies. We go to the same restaurant every Saturday. In fact, the restaurant personnel are so accustomed to our coming that they set aside a certain table just for us. These three men are in professions different from mine, but we have many common interests. What do we discuss? Anything and everything. We talk about whatever pops into our minds. Our conversation is free-flowing, easy, and natural. No subject is off-limits; no topic is too trivial or too big. We are open with one another. We are friends.
3. SHARED TEARS AND LAUGHTER
Genuine friends cry together and laugh together. If a person is a genuine friend, you should have no hesitation whatsoever in going to that person when you are hurt, rejected, or disappointed . . . or when you have a triumphant moment! Those who stuff all their emotions, sorrow and joy, do damage to their physical health. We all need the "release" of tears and laughter in order to vent our emotions.
4. EXPRESSED THANKFULNESS
A friend voices thanksgiving for his or her friends. Not too long ago, one of my friends showed up just when I needed someone to talk to about a situation I was facing. I said to him, "You have an uncanny way of showing up just when I need a listening ear and feel the need to pour out my heart. I'm thankful for you in my life. I'm thankful for the direction and wise counsel you give me!" And I am.
I have a photographer friend who calls me about once a week. I'm never quite sure where he'll be when he calls--one of his recent calls was from Paris. I can always count on his saying two things to me at some point in the call: "I'm grateful to God for our friendship" and "I love you, brother." To have a friend who will openly and frequently make those two statements is a wonderful thing! If you haven't told a friend lately that you are grateful to God for his presence in your life . . . or if you haven't said, "I love you," to a friend. . . I encourage you to do so.
5. THOUGHTFUL GESTURES
Sometimes the best way to show your appreciation for a friend is to do something for your friend or give something to your friend. The deed or item need not be grandiose or extravagant. Rather, something that conveys the message, "I'm thinking of you. I listen to you. I know what you like--yes, even what you need." A friend takes joy in giving something that he knows his friend desires.
One of my friends is a tremendous giver. He is always sending me something that he thinks I'll enjoy--since he travels a lot and we have a number of common interests, his gifts are always meaningful to me and sometimes rather unusual. As much as I have protested about his gifts to me, he continues to send them. One day he said to ! me, "I'm just a giver. It's what I do. You can't ever out give me, so don't even try. I get a lot of joy out of giving. Don't rob me of that joy by telling me not to give."
Husband, does your wife like flowers? Surprise her with a bundle of flowers now and then. Giving her something that you know she likes is a way of saying, "I'm glad you're in my life." Similarly, wife, give your husband something every now and then that is a special surprise, which says, "I am glad you're with me."
A woman told me recently what a friend had done for her. This woman had received word that a family of five was on its way to spend a week at her home while they enrolled their daughter in a nearby college. She had shared news of their impending visit with her friend. The next day, that friend showed up with a large casserole and the comment, "I made extra. I thought you might be able to use this." This woman said, "Now that's a friend! She knew exactly what would bless me most on that particular day."
6. TOLERANCE
Friends tolerate the occasional bad mood, the hurtful comment said in haste, or the bad attitude that's the result of being too tired or too stressed out. Sometimes tolerance means putting up with an annoying habit.
Sometimes it means cutting that person some slack when he's fifteen minutes late . . . again. Not long ago, I sat and listened to a friend of mine tell a story I've heard so many times I could tell it in detail myself. This man knew I'd heard the story. Everybody else at the table had heard it. But we all listened as if we were listening for the first time. He's our friend.
7. TOUCHING
There's power in appropriate touching between friends. A genuine friend should be someone you feel you can hug, someone you can pat on the back. A while back, I was eating alone in a restaurant, and I noticed that a certain man in the restaurant was giving his waitress a very hard time about something. Rather than respond in a negative manner, she reached out and touched him lightly on the shoulder and said, "I'm sorry . . ." She didn't have to say anything more. The instant she touched him, he melted--his countenance changed and so did the tone of his voice.
Most people are hungry to be touched. It's a sign to them of care, empathy, concern, appreciation, and value. If a person comes to me after a church service and tells me that he's heart broken--perhaps his wife has abandoned their family, he has been left alone with their children, and love, he doesn't know where to turn or what to do--this man doesn't want me to keep my distance and say coldly, "Well, I know God will help you."
No. He wants a pastor who will reach out and hug him or put his arm around him and look him in the eye and say, "I hurt for you. I'm going to pray for you and believe for God's best in your life. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help you."
I am certainly not advocating that you hug every person in sight or that you are overly affectionate with casual acquaintances. You must be sensitive to what another person needs and desires--you should touch another person only in a way you know is comfortable for that person. A friend, however, should be someone that you don't think twice about touching when you desire to express pure, nonsexual affection, comfort, or appreciation.
8. TRANSPARENCY
Transparency means not holding deceitful motives, hiding your feelings, or harboring a secret agenda in your dealings with another person. If you are going to develop a genuine friendship with another person, you are going to have to let that person see the real you.
THE SUM IS LOVE
All of these building blocks add up to one simple four-letter word: love. A person you love is a person you spend time with, talk to, cry with and laugh with, are thankful for, do thoughtful things for, tolerate without complaining, touch with affection, are transparent with, speak the truth to, and trust. The cardinal principle for having a deep, close, godly friend is to be such a friend.
What Damages the Relationship?
The foremost way to damage any relationship is simply to undo or tear down one or more of the building blocks identified above. Relationships are impaired or harmed when:
You stop spending time together.
You stop talking to each other.
You become reluctant to share your sorrows and your joys.
You stop crying together and laughing together.
You no longer express your thanks or do thoughtful things for each other.
You become increasingly critical of each other--less and less tolerant of each other's errors, less appreciative of each other's efforts, less accepting of each other's weaknesses.
You stop touching each other with warmth and tender affection.
You build a wall and no longer share your life freely with each other--one or both of you hold things back and conceal your motives, feelings and thoughts.
One or both of you lie to each other--not only about what you are doing, but what you are thinking and feeling with regard to your relationship.
You stop trusting each other.
The 8 Ts of being a good friend
I must make the TIME to TALK to each other and to be THANKFUL that we share our joy and TEARS with one another. I must be
THOUGHTFUL to him and be TOLERANT of his occasional bad mood and be TRANSPARENT in my dealings with him. Above all, we must not be afraid to TOUCH each other, emotionally, mentally and physically but not sensually.
Friday, June 18, 2004
Praise the Lord!!!
I have been blessed with the PUMP IN STYLE TRAVELLER!!! Woohoo!!! hahaha.... getting excited over pumps ain't the coolest thing in the world, but then, it's me lah. Heh. Went massage today, and realised it's not hip pain which I've been suffering from but inner thigh muscle pain. Yup, I can't really tell the difference, coz it's really darn close to each other. I never knew muscles there could ache so much. But it's good to know that it's just muscular pain and not joint pain.
Spent the day dazing with Eve today - super dazed. Went SKS and bought 2 books... cramped feet and couldn't drive. :P We're going back to the spa on the 15th next month. These people will always attempt to sell us packages. Hahha... I told the lady off today when she told Eve, "erh,... if u dun book the next appointment today (or sthg like that), you will not be able to use the voucher." Then I said, "then dun book lor!" :P Hate the ultimatum tactic - maybe it's because of Emperor. :P
Registration is on Monday, and it's pretty exciting. Can't believe I'm going back to NIE to study again. And apparently it's direct honours! Also pray that MOM will send the approval letter for the maid by next week. Father, we need Ur favour.
Today, the issue of living for Man's approval or God's approval cropped up again in a delicate situation. Sigh. We can live for a man's approval, or even the applause of the whole world, but when God dussen approve of our actions, it is worthless. Yet, if we measure our success SOLELY based on what people think of us, we will be seriously chasing after the wind. Wat's worse, if we live just to fulfill our fleshly desires, then that's just it. We will gratify it, but at the expense of other more valuable things. We must learn to open our eyes to recognise value.
Spent the day dazing with Eve today - super dazed. Went SKS and bought 2 books... cramped feet and couldn't drive. :P We're going back to the spa on the 15th next month. These people will always attempt to sell us packages. Hahha... I told the lady off today when she told Eve, "erh,... if u dun book the next appointment today (or sthg like that), you will not be able to use the voucher." Then I said, "then dun book lor!" :P Hate the ultimatum tactic - maybe it's because of Emperor. :P
Registration is on Monday, and it's pretty exciting. Can't believe I'm going back to NIE to study again. And apparently it's direct honours! Also pray that MOM will send the approval letter for the maid by next week. Father, we need Ur favour.
Today, the issue of living for Man's approval or God's approval cropped up again in a delicate situation. Sigh. We can live for a man's approval, or even the applause of the whole world, but when God dussen approve of our actions, it is worthless. Yet, if we measure our success SOLELY based on what people think of us, we will be seriously chasing after the wind. Wat's worse, if we live just to fulfill our fleshly desires, then that's just it. We will gratify it, but at the expense of other more valuable things. We must learn to open our eyes to recognise value.
Thursday, June 17, 2004
AB & BA
Ben's been sick the past few days - down with flu and so have been resting at home. The Centre closed on Thurs & Fri, and he was on mc from mon to wed the week after. Poor boy. & his work is non-stop still... Think when he tenders, he'll get a good rest! :D But mustn't nuah too much or else v difficult to get the momentum going again. Well, I think with Abby around, I dun think he'll get to rest much anyway.
Thought we stumbled on a great promotion: SAFRA & Starhub Promotion for Nokia 6230 @ $188 with trade-in of 7250!!! That has been wat we wanted! - Pay max $200 & trade in my fone at the same time to get 6230! SIGH. Although it states in the Safra page that the promo ends 30 June, the fone has been sold out a loooong time ago. Been reading hardware blogs, and found out that on 28th May new stock came in, then (as we pieced the info together), it was sold out by the 29th! It was that hot!
Anyway, we also found out that people are starting to let go of the 6230 already. So we wait. I also wan 6230. Actually i wan a fool-proof, shock-proof, water-proof, fire-proof, hang-proof, child-proof, myopia-proof and essentially something tat i can make a call with, organise my life and sms. I'm a simple girl... (do i hear a snicker? :P Heh.) Oh, also must have camera, I take EVERYTHING! Heheheh. If only i can post them up. Then again, alot of provocative shots... :P
Now that the fact that I'm going back to NIE is sinking in, there are logistical issues to look into. I intend to breastfeed Abby totally for 6mths, but I'll be in NIE barely a month after birth, so we need to settle her meals. The cow's away in the west, while the diner in at home... so gotta dar-bao. Had been thinkin of that, how to pump & store the milk, etc, coz initially we thought we going to keep it in the car (Abby will start eating cheese sooner than most kids) but then it was essentially a bad idea. So we asked the lactation consultant during the antenatal class and she recommended a Coleman with icepacks. Can keep for quite a while. Suddenly, God-inspired, the thought of getting a locker struck me. For the past 4 yrs, I never saw the need for a locker as i had the car, but now, the locker served a different purpose! :D A cool storage area for the container/bag holding the milk in cold storage! :D (I was about to approach the kopistall uncle to see if i could rent a section of his fridge for the milk liao - yup, that desperate.) And the best part is - Ben signed up for SAFRA membership (for the phone deal) and received a thermal bag! :D Functional and cost saving definitely! I was really surprised coz i had never seen anyone give thermal bag as a welcome gift... usually thermal flasks, sports bag etc. But thermal bag? That's the first! Praise the Lord! :D
So now we're on a hunt for a breastpump. We're hoping for a hand-me-down pump that will meet the need. I will only need it in school for about 5 weeks or so, coz after that I'll be on hols! :D Looking around in Yahoo! auction sites as well as the Yahoo! Classifieds, but hope will have. SL will be passing me a manual one, which will be a good thing! :D Praise God! :D
Spoke to Ben's sis about the BP, and she recommended a dual electric one ($$$) coz it will be time & energy saving. But I think the manual pump will be much lighter and easier to carry around as compared to the electrical one. (Think motor etc...) Well, we've got up to about 3 wks after her birth to decide, meanwhile just thank God that He's blessed us with plenty! :D
Oh, I just realised that for BA honours, we won't be 'offered' another yr to do it. It'll just be based on how well we do for the next two years! In other words, it will not be a basic deg unless the grades call for it, and if we do exceptionally well, we can get to graduate with a good honours degree! That's really something new to me. :D Praise the Lord! :D Oh, I'm now bonded with MOE for an additional two years. I think by the time I finish my bond, I can get long-service award liao. :P So far, been with the MOE for quite a while. Have been on their payroll since 2000 here and there, officially on their payroll in 2001 till now. That's 4 yrs. Now with 2 yrs no-pay leave, and with 5 yr bond - that's 11 yrs before I am an unbonded teacher. Wah. Do I just love MOE or what? :P
Received a letter from NIE about the val thingey, and so far I'm glad there are no ill-feelings created on the other side (thank God). I hope not anyway. I have been soo bored that I am now a regular on the school portal's forum. My right hip hasn't been co-operating with me and has been hurting. Pray that the pain goes away before I start Maris and NIE. Yup, still gotta go back to Maris for 4 weeks. Dr Yap! Certify me unfit!! Hehehee... :P Now the mind just on Abby & NIE.
Today is MUMMY dearest's birthday! :D Also, ranz' driving test is this morning at 11am as well! :D Well, I pray tat God will bless them abundantly! :D
Okie, I gotta finish 'Supernatural Childbirth' & 'Preparation for Parenting' - pray that will have a supernatural delivery and a good start for Abby's life! :D
Thought we stumbled on a great promotion: SAFRA & Starhub Promotion for Nokia 6230 @ $188 with trade-in of 7250!!! That has been wat we wanted! - Pay max $200 & trade in my fone at the same time to get 6230! SIGH. Although it states in the Safra page that the promo ends 30 June, the fone has been sold out a loooong time ago. Been reading hardware blogs, and found out that on 28th May new stock came in, then (as we pieced the info together), it was sold out by the 29th! It was that hot!
Anyway, we also found out that people are starting to let go of the 6230 already. So we wait. I also wan 6230. Actually i wan a fool-proof, shock-proof, water-proof, fire-proof, hang-proof, child-proof, myopia-proof and essentially something tat i can make a call with, organise my life and sms. I'm a simple girl... (do i hear a snicker? :P Heh.) Oh, also must have camera, I take EVERYTHING! Heheheh. If only i can post them up. Then again, alot of provocative shots... :P
Now that the fact that I'm going back to NIE is sinking in, there are logistical issues to look into. I intend to breastfeed Abby totally for 6mths, but I'll be in NIE barely a month after birth, so we need to settle her meals. The cow's away in the west, while the diner in at home... so gotta dar-bao. Had been thinkin of that, how to pump & store the milk, etc, coz initially we thought we going to keep it in the car (Abby will start eating cheese sooner than most kids) but then it was essentially a bad idea. So we asked the lactation consultant during the antenatal class and she recommended a Coleman with icepacks. Can keep for quite a while. Suddenly, God-inspired, the thought of getting a locker struck me. For the past 4 yrs, I never saw the need for a locker as i had the car, but now, the locker served a different purpose! :D A cool storage area for the container/bag holding the milk in cold storage! :D (I was about to approach the kopistall uncle to see if i could rent a section of his fridge for the milk liao - yup, that desperate.) And the best part is - Ben signed up for SAFRA membership (for the phone deal) and received a thermal bag! :D Functional and cost saving definitely! I was really surprised coz i had never seen anyone give thermal bag as a welcome gift... usually thermal flasks, sports bag etc. But thermal bag? That's the first! Praise the Lord! :D
So now we're on a hunt for a breastpump. We're hoping for a hand-me-down pump that will meet the need. I will only need it in school for about 5 weeks or so, coz after that I'll be on hols! :D Looking around in Yahoo! auction sites as well as the Yahoo! Classifieds, but hope will have. SL will be passing me a manual one, which will be a good thing! :D Praise God! :D
Spoke to Ben's sis about the BP, and she recommended a dual electric one ($$$) coz it will be time & energy saving. But I think the manual pump will be much lighter and easier to carry around as compared to the electrical one. (Think motor etc...) Well, we've got up to about 3 wks after her birth to decide, meanwhile just thank God that He's blessed us with plenty! :D
Oh, I just realised that for BA honours, we won't be 'offered' another yr to do it. It'll just be based on how well we do for the next two years! In other words, it will not be a basic deg unless the grades call for it, and if we do exceptionally well, we can get to graduate with a good honours degree! That's really something new to me. :D Praise the Lord! :D Oh, I'm now bonded with MOE for an additional two years. I think by the time I finish my bond, I can get long-service award liao. :P So far, been with the MOE for quite a while. Have been on their payroll since 2000 here and there, officially on their payroll in 2001 till now. That's 4 yrs. Now with 2 yrs no-pay leave, and with 5 yr bond - that's 11 yrs before I am an unbonded teacher. Wah. Do I just love MOE or what? :P
Received a letter from NIE about the val thingey, and so far I'm glad there are no ill-feelings created on the other side (thank God). I hope not anyway. I have been soo bored that I am now a regular on the school portal's forum. My right hip hasn't been co-operating with me and has been hurting. Pray that the pain goes away before I start Maris and NIE. Yup, still gotta go back to Maris for 4 weeks. Dr Yap! Certify me unfit!! Hehehee... :P Now the mind just on Abby & NIE.
Today is MUMMY dearest's birthday! :D Also, ranz' driving test is this morning at 11am as well! :D Well, I pray tat God will bless them abundantly! :D
Okie, I gotta finish 'Supernatural Childbirth' & 'Preparation for Parenting' - pray that will have a supernatural delivery and a good start for Abby's life! :D
Monday, June 14, 2004
Blessed...
Went swimming at CSC with Ben in the morning before service (uh huh, we managed to do that!) and I started thinking about the valedictorian thingey again. Couldn't really get it out of my head until I told Ben about it prior to breakfast after the swim at the coffee-shop nearby. It was then when I realised that I received the rejection at the kopi-tiam. So it wasn't really that I couldn't let go of it, but just that the place was unconsciously associated with the phonecall. After realising that, I wasn't as worried about how come I was still hung up over that.
Then during service, a prophetic word was released. Can't remember much, but one thing that struck me was that God was asking me to release my small ambition to Him in exchange for His great plans. Isaiah 55:8-9 states, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
I'm blessed to have such a wonderful God love me. In my minute mind, the honour was big. But in God's eyes, it's a small ambition. Wow. :) It's great to know that. Then it's like seeing in my mind's eye a little child's kindergarten graduation ceremony with the kid not being able to receive his award... and although God understands that yes, it does mean alot to the child, still, there is so much more in store! :)
My family's really glad for us - Ben told them about the crossover, top 5% (or 10%? Dunno) then gave glory to God for blessing me so abundantly. As he was telling my folks, and later his, that I was the top student, within my heart, I knew that only God could accomplish that. I seriously hope I hadn't taken any glory away from the Lord. All glory to Him! Hearing Sarah's testimony about her grades had really encouraged me in sharing my personal testimony also, and it is important to share, not to gain glory for myself, but to let people know that God truly desires to bless His children!
Also, as Charlotte prayed for us today, two distinct words - crossroads and waterfall - was impressed upon her. She felt that we were at very important crossroads of our lives and that we stand as one, thus the important decisions that we make would significantly affect the other party. Also, she prayed for God's clear direction. Indeed He has shown His direction so clearly! Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Yes, it is once again a straight path! :)
For the waterfall, Charlotte confirmed that God's blessing are going to pour in, and not trickle in! Indeed it has begun! Finances have been taken care of, and reliable caregiving for Abby has also been provided! :) Wow. We are blessed!
I am trusting God that He will provide all our needs, including the sum is given to mum each month. I believe that if God, instead of MOE, is my provider, He will also provide the $$ each month to give my mother and meet all the needs. Life gets exciting coz we're stepping out of our comfort zone! :D It's darn risky, yet, only when we step out, not knowing what's going to happen next as we fully place our trust in God, that we will see miracles! And as God has instructed us to give, He will provided ALL that we need to give to others! :) Most of the time, we function the other way round - we have, then we give. Right now, God is calling Ben & I to give, then we will have more to give! Makes sense? He who sows generously will reap generously! And unless the seed falls to the ground and dies, it will not bear fruit. When we plant 1 seed, we will reap more than 1 seed. I dun think God has designed any plant (naturally) not to produce more than 1 seed. Anyway, God is good yah?!
Lastly, I pray that God will grant me the wisdom to speak to a colleague regarding the cross-over. I said that I wouldn't be going for it, but now it seems like I'm not honouring my word. Do pray along with me. :)
God bless! :)
Then during service, a prophetic word was released. Can't remember much, but one thing that struck me was that God was asking me to release my small ambition to Him in exchange for His great plans. Isaiah 55:8-9 states, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
I'm blessed to have such a wonderful God love me. In my minute mind, the honour was big. But in God's eyes, it's a small ambition. Wow. :) It's great to know that. Then it's like seeing in my mind's eye a little child's kindergarten graduation ceremony with the kid not being able to receive his award... and although God understands that yes, it does mean alot to the child, still, there is so much more in store! :)
My family's really glad for us - Ben told them about the crossover, top 5% (or 10%? Dunno) then gave glory to God for blessing me so abundantly. As he was telling my folks, and later his, that I was the top student, within my heart, I knew that only God could accomplish that. I seriously hope I hadn't taken any glory away from the Lord. All glory to Him! Hearing Sarah's testimony about her grades had really encouraged me in sharing my personal testimony also, and it is important to share, not to gain glory for myself, but to let people know that God truly desires to bless His children!
Also, as Charlotte prayed for us today, two distinct words - crossroads and waterfall - was impressed upon her. She felt that we were at very important crossroads of our lives and that we stand as one, thus the important decisions that we make would significantly affect the other party. Also, she prayed for God's clear direction. Indeed He has shown His direction so clearly! Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Yes, it is once again a straight path! :)
For the waterfall, Charlotte confirmed that God's blessing are going to pour in, and not trickle in! Indeed it has begun! Finances have been taken care of, and reliable caregiving for Abby has also been provided! :) Wow. We are blessed!
I am trusting God that He will provide all our needs, including the sum is given to mum each month. I believe that if God, instead of MOE, is my provider, He will also provide the $$ each month to give my mother and meet all the needs. Life gets exciting coz we're stepping out of our comfort zone! :D It's darn risky, yet, only when we step out, not knowing what's going to happen next as we fully place our trust in God, that we will see miracles! And as God has instructed us to give, He will provided ALL that we need to give to others! :) Most of the time, we function the other way round - we have, then we give. Right now, God is calling Ben & I to give, then we will have more to give! Makes sense? He who sows generously will reap generously! And unless the seed falls to the ground and dies, it will not bear fruit. When we plant 1 seed, we will reap more than 1 seed. I dun think God has designed any plant (naturally) not to produce more than 1 seed. Anyway, God is good yah?!
Lastly, I pray that God will grant me the wisdom to speak to a colleague regarding the cross-over. I said that I wouldn't be going for it, but now it seems like I'm not honouring my word. Do pray along with me. :)
God bless! :)
Saturday, June 12, 2004
Back from the Altar
The altar experience has been interesting. God is faithful, and He answers when we seek Him. After being really troubled yesterday when I found out that SIM-OUPC operates on a yearly system rather than a semestral system (Great implications!) I was really at a lost. Let me explain - if I apply for the BSc (Math+Psy), I would also apply for the scholarship ($$$). Covers about $28k for 4 years. The thing is - I'd have to finish the course in 4 years. Thought it would be no problemo - coz 4 years would mean I would have to take a total of 160 credits, i.e. 40 credits per year. All along I thought it was semestral, so 40 credits/yr would mean 20 credits/sem - which has been the NORMAL way for most tertiary institutions. So when I kept reading on their site that 40 credits is very heavy workload, I was like, well, I'll be taking 20 only per sem, so I'm safe - esp when I've gotta juggle Abby and a rather harsh working environment - parental & performance pressure in a SAP school. (Side track - they dun stream their classes, so every class is equally mixed, and equally good, coz they really give it to their boys.) And I know my limits, especially physical limits, when stressed, my stomach gives way and I am effectively rendered useless. :P
See, for the course, I die die have to finish in 4 years, and when I found out that they operate on a yearly system, that would mean my 20credits/sem x 2 sems would equate to 40credits/yr. No joke. And that would mean sacrificing time from Abby, performance at work, being a wife and other roles - basically just spreading myself thin so that I can I dun have to pay for the degree (coz via scholarship). Therefore, I thought of paying for it myself and take it easy - but that would mean 8 yrs max of studying for a BSc and then being moved to 1.1. Abby would be 8 by the time I graduate. And I would still be spreading myself thin. That's not what I really want. Although I would like to get upgraded, the price is too high.
So I was at a lost. After the interesting maternity shoot @ Kavin's with Eve & Ben, we came home and Ben just said, "Now is your turn to seek God's will for your career/education." So as I washed up, I started singing praises to God and just wanting to draw near to Him, not so much of manipulating God for an answer, but just wanting His presence and to know what He wants to tell me. [Note: There have been many times when I've twisted His holy arm to get an answer for the situation while He talks about something else... so I've learnt to hear what He has to say - pretty much because I believe that would be more important naturally. Okie, at this point in time, some are asking: How do you know He speaking to you, and how do you know what He's saying? Well, get your heart right and then soak yourself in His word. You'll be amazed. :) No big secret. Getting your heart right IMHO would mean putting down watever expectations I have of what I want Him to do/say, and just paying attention to His word. Next qn: How do you know where to read - in His word? Like sometimes we just wanna get out of the house, but dunno where to go, just get in the car and drive. Pray of course, then after a while, u realise the journey is very fruitful! Reading the word is way more fruitful than driving! God commands us to hide His word in our heart so that we will not sin against Him. Lotsa verses about His word and abiding in Him - and He will be faithful in honouring His word.]
So. After washing up, I opened up His word and started reading Ps 27. Just kept on reading... and the following verses took on special significance:
1. Ps 27:11 - He will guide me in a straight path. No strange detours.
Teach me your way, O Lord
Lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors
2. Ps 27:14 - Dun kancheong.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.
3. Ps 29:11 - He gives strength & peace.
The Lord gives strength to His people
The Lord blesses His people with peace
4. Ps 32:8-10 - God will guide me and His love surrounds me because I trust Him.
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you and watch over you;
Do not be like the horse or the mule,
which have no understanding
but must be controlled by bit and bridle
or they will not come to you
Many are the woes of the wicked
but the Lord's unfailing love
surrounds the man who trusts Him.
5. Ps 33:16 - Dun depend on my abilities, strength or qualities.
No king is saved by the size of his army
No warrior escapes by his great strength.
6. Ps 34:9-10 - Those who seek God will have abundance.
Fear the Lord, you his saints
for those who fear him lack nothing
The Lions may grow weak and hungry
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.
7. Jer 33:3 - God promises to answer us if we call him.
Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.
Update - on Thursday, I had received the NIE package for the degree programme, as noted in my previous entry. Well, on Friday I received a letter stating that MOE has granted me no-pay leave already based on the degree program, and if I were to reject that (not go accordingly) I would have to notify them in writing by 15 June.
So I went to sleep after reading the verses and showing Ben the verses I had noted.
When I woke up, the first question that hit me like a brick was: If finances was never an issue - all your needs provided for, what would you do? (By then I wasn't really thinking of wat I want, but what His plans are for me.) And I woke up and started thinking about it. It was a great relief for me! Thus, as Ben & I started a long discussion, we came to the conclusion - NIE BA was deemed out because of $$$. The pressure from SIM OUPC is out of $$$. The definite path (at this point in time) is the BA course - leave had already been granted (and the perception that this was the 'direct path' was revealed only when I received the MOE letter about the leave. Even the P of MSHS-P has been informed already.) So my decisions, we realised were definitely based on $$$. So if that is taken care of, what would I do?
Then I realised that if both ways my financial needs are all met (including the no-pay for NIE BA) I realised that SIM OUPC would still squeeze alot out from me (having to juggle the roles as mentioned) but NIE BA would really free me up to invest time in Abby coz I wouldn't even have to bother about work! Tat's for the next 2 yrs at least!
In the evening, Ben & I did quiet time together, and it was a paradigm shift for Ben, and a relevation of my heart for me. "Enough of Everything" was an entry Ben had wanted me to read a couple of days before. So he got me listening as he read it aloud to me. The verses were about giving - esp significant was 2 Cor 9:8 - "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." Then I realised - If i base meeting my needs on our income, God will grant exactly that. But if I deeply believe that God is OUR provider, He will make all grace abound to me, so that in all things at all times, having all that I need, I will abound in every good work!"
Then Ben read a sentence in the ODB aloud and slowly (really slowly), "According to God's Word, I have all the resources I need at my disposal-more than enough to meet my needs-and yet I'm reluctant to act because I fear that I won't have enough. But the Bible assures me that God has provided me with every blessing in abundance. By His grace, I have everything I need (2 Corinthians 9:8)." Then I read it aloud. "According to God's Word, I have all the resources I need at my disposal-more than enough to meet my needs-and yet I'm reluctant to act because I fear that I won't have enough. But the Bible assures me that God has provided me with every blessing in abundance. By His grace, I have everything I need (2 Corinthians 9:8)." Dunno if it hit u the same way, but this statement revealed the condition of my heart! I cried - at knowing that by His grace, I dun have to worry about not getting paid etc etc etc!
Also, the last few days have been days of blessings - we've been blessed financially out of no where, and they are huge amounts! Praise God! Even for the wedding, God met every need. He is indeed faithful. Sigh, me of little faith! The blessings we have received - the amount and the timing - is enough to cover Abby's needs (strictly hers!) until I graduate!!! No kidding! :D
As I realised that my needs are all met, and that I didn't have to go on my own strength, NIE became the path - the clouds left. And as if a topping on the dessert, God reminded me - "If you can obey the directions I have given in terms of posting you to the different schools, why can't you obey this? Don't think that it is too good to be true. You don't have to matyr yourself. I have plans for you. And I will provide for ALL your needs, as well as Ben's and Abby's. Trust me."
God is good.
Oh, check Abigail out! She is a prompt woman who is discerning and deeply committed to her husband and extremely HUMBLE!!! Fwah. Ben is deeply impressed and we pray that God will grow Abby likewise! :D
GOD IS SOOOooOOOOoOOOOoooo GOOD!
See, for the course, I die die have to finish in 4 years, and when I found out that they operate on a yearly system, that would mean my 20credits/sem x 2 sems would equate to 40credits/yr. No joke. And that would mean sacrificing time from Abby, performance at work, being a wife and other roles - basically just spreading myself thin so that I can I dun have to pay for the degree (coz via scholarship). Therefore, I thought of paying for it myself and take it easy - but that would mean 8 yrs max of studying for a BSc and then being moved to 1.1. Abby would be 8 by the time I graduate. And I would still be spreading myself thin. That's not what I really want. Although I would like to get upgraded, the price is too high.
So I was at a lost. After the interesting maternity shoot @ Kavin's with Eve & Ben, we came home and Ben just said, "Now is your turn to seek God's will for your career/education." So as I washed up, I started singing praises to God and just wanting to draw near to Him, not so much of manipulating God for an answer, but just wanting His presence and to know what He wants to tell me. [Note: There have been many times when I've twisted His holy arm to get an answer for the situation while He talks about something else... so I've learnt to hear what He has to say - pretty much because I believe that would be more important naturally. Okie, at this point in time, some are asking: How do you know He speaking to you, and how do you know what He's saying? Well, get your heart right and then soak yourself in His word. You'll be amazed. :) No big secret. Getting your heart right IMHO would mean putting down watever expectations I have of what I want Him to do/say, and just paying attention to His word. Next qn: How do you know where to read - in His word? Like sometimes we just wanna get out of the house, but dunno where to go, just get in the car and drive. Pray of course, then after a while, u realise the journey is very fruitful! Reading the word is way more fruitful than driving! God commands us to hide His word in our heart so that we will not sin against Him. Lotsa verses about His word and abiding in Him - and He will be faithful in honouring His word.]
So. After washing up, I opened up His word and started reading Ps 27. Just kept on reading... and the following verses took on special significance:
1. Ps 27:11 - He will guide me in a straight path. No strange detours.
Teach me your way, O Lord
Lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors
2. Ps 27:14 - Dun kancheong.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.
3. Ps 29:11 - He gives strength & peace.
The Lord gives strength to His people
The Lord blesses His people with peace
4. Ps 32:8-10 - God will guide me and His love surrounds me because I trust Him.
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you and watch over you;
Do not be like the horse or the mule,
which have no understanding
but must be controlled by bit and bridle
or they will not come to you
Many are the woes of the wicked
but the Lord's unfailing love
surrounds the man who trusts Him.
5. Ps 33:16 - Dun depend on my abilities, strength or qualities.
No king is saved by the size of his army
No warrior escapes by his great strength.
6. Ps 34:9-10 - Those who seek God will have abundance.
Fear the Lord, you his saints
for those who fear him lack nothing
The Lions may grow weak and hungry
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.
7. Jer 33:3 - God promises to answer us if we call him.
Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.
Update - on Thursday, I had received the NIE package for the degree programme, as noted in my previous entry. Well, on Friday I received a letter stating that MOE has granted me no-pay leave already based on the degree program, and if I were to reject that (not go accordingly) I would have to notify them in writing by 15 June.
So I went to sleep after reading the verses and showing Ben the verses I had noted.
When I woke up, the first question that hit me like a brick was: If finances was never an issue - all your needs provided for, what would you do? (By then I wasn't really thinking of wat I want, but what His plans are for me.) And I woke up and started thinking about it. It was a great relief for me! Thus, as Ben & I started a long discussion, we came to the conclusion - NIE BA was deemed out because of $$$. The pressure from SIM OUPC is out of $$$. The definite path (at this point in time) is the BA course - leave had already been granted (and the perception that this was the 'direct path' was revealed only when I received the MOE letter about the leave. Even the P of MSHS-P has been informed already.) So my decisions, we realised were definitely based on $$$. So if that is taken care of, what would I do?
Then I realised that if both ways my financial needs are all met (including the no-pay for NIE BA) I realised that SIM OUPC would still squeeze alot out from me (having to juggle the roles as mentioned) but NIE BA would really free me up to invest time in Abby coz I wouldn't even have to bother about work! Tat's for the next 2 yrs at least!
In the evening, Ben & I did quiet time together, and it was a paradigm shift for Ben, and a relevation of my heart for me. "Enough of Everything" was an entry Ben had wanted me to read a couple of days before. So he got me listening as he read it aloud to me. The verses were about giving - esp significant was 2 Cor 9:8 - "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." Then I realised - If i base meeting my needs on our income, God will grant exactly that. But if I deeply believe that God is OUR provider, He will make all grace abound to me, so that in all things at all times, having all that I need, I will abound in every good work!"
Then Ben read a sentence in the ODB aloud and slowly (really slowly), "According to God's Word, I have all the resources I need at my disposal-more than enough to meet my needs-and yet I'm reluctant to act because I fear that I won't have enough. But the Bible assures me that God has provided me with every blessing in abundance. By His grace, I have everything I need (2 Corinthians 9:8)." Then I read it aloud. "According to God's Word, I have all the resources I need at my disposal-more than enough to meet my needs-and yet I'm reluctant to act because I fear that I won't have enough. But the Bible assures me that God has provided me with every blessing in abundance. By His grace, I have everything I need (2 Corinthians 9:8)." Dunno if it hit u the same way, but this statement revealed the condition of my heart! I cried - at knowing that by His grace, I dun have to worry about not getting paid etc etc etc!
Also, the last few days have been days of blessings - we've been blessed financially out of no where, and they are huge amounts! Praise God! Even for the wedding, God met every need. He is indeed faithful. Sigh, me of little faith! The blessings we have received - the amount and the timing - is enough to cover Abby's needs (strictly hers!) until I graduate!!! No kidding! :D
As I realised that my needs are all met, and that I didn't have to go on my own strength, NIE became the path - the clouds left. And as if a topping on the dessert, God reminded me - "If you can obey the directions I have given in terms of posting you to the different schools, why can't you obey this? Don't think that it is too good to be true. You don't have to matyr yourself. I have plans for you. And I will provide for ALL your needs, as well as Ben's and Abby's. Trust me."
God is good.
Oh, check Abigail out! She is a prompt woman who is discerning and deeply committed to her husband and extremely HUMBLE!!! Fwah. Ben is deeply impressed and we pray that God will grow Abby likewise! :D
GOD IS SOOOooOOOOoOOOOoooo GOOD!
Thursday, June 10, 2004
Emotion-less
It's a strange feeling - not that I do not have any emotions, but I just do not know what to feel right now. Like how sometimes we are speechless - a momentary loss of words. Now it's just feeling emotionless - a momentary loss of emotions. Oh, they do come and go... but right now all the emotions are just deciding which one should surface next.
Last nite was a struggle for me. I kept thinking about the valedictorian thingey. The feeling of being cheated by the organizers when the people who are granting me the award still aren't aware of the current situation coz the sub-dean's supposed to be still away. So I struggled and couldn't really sleep. Ben wasn't feeling well either, so that didn't help very much in my sleep attempt. Poor boy.
This morning, I woke up still pretty bothered. Had a discussion with Ben and he asked me if I spoke to anyone the night before about this. In fact, I didn't. I just had a fabulous discussion with Cat and Mich about the Open U. Real exciting stuff! I wanna do Bachelor of Science (Honours) in Mathematics with Psychology. Cat's thinking of doing this also. (She's my new colleague @ Maris) while Mich is going for the English + Psychology combination.
Then I spoke to my sis-in-law today. She did BSc Math with SIM also. Operative word - did. She's since left MOE, you know the rest of the story. She advised me against going for it coz it's really heavy stuff. Having to juggle family, work and studies. Also, when I told her that I got accepted for the BA (Education) course in NIE, she was like, "Go for it man!!!" Well, I shared with the costs of this much-coveted education, but like the rest of the NIE world, she said that everyone wants to go for it, so I shouldn't pass up on this opportunity. She also mentioned that she struggled coz she took the exemptions for the subjects she took in poly 10 years ago. She said it was a bad move coz she had already forgotten everything. So for the more advanced courses, it's really tough.
It's a sick feeling to know that something which you've worked really hard for turns out to be a bad deal. You're offered the deal, it's damn tempting to take it coz it's something you've worked hard for, yet at the same time you know logically that the deal stinks. I feel kinda cheated. Again.
Well, I dunno if it's in His plan for me to do the Open U. But I have to say that, after rejecting a Master's offer a couple of years ago due to finances, it isn't really that difficult to reject the NIE BA (Ed) offer now. In fact, the offer of admission letter came in the mail today. I was really hoping it was for Ben instead.
If I do the NIE course, I would have to study English. I've had enough of that. Gosh, especially the literature part... no way. On the other hand, if I could do the BSc, that'd mean I could do math, which I've always wanted! In fact, before I went Murdoch, I wanted to apply to Nottingham Trent Uni in UK to do Math. Seriously. So if I could do math now, I'd be in wonderland! Hehehe...
Oh, I think if I were to graduate with a good honours degree (dunno if there's still the different classes of honour coz it's by coursework now, and not dissertation), then I could teach Math in a secondary school. Thinking about that today... quite an interesting offer. Not that I prefer teaching teens as compared to children, but the thought of not having to teach many different subjects is a good feeling - I mean subjects such as Art :P, Music etc. Hmmm...
Well, I dunno what's going to happen... BA(Ed) seems like a good offer, but is it really that good? BSc (Math+Psy) is pretty ideal, but would I be overloaded? Which path should I take?
Back to the altar.
On a happier note, Ben & I spent about an hour at Dr Yap's office today waiting to see Abby. When we were in the room, Ben saw an invitation for Dr Yap to the National Day Parade by the Government of Singapore. Fwah. Tuah liap man! Also, we spoke to him about the valedictorian thingey, and he said it's better that I not go for it. After hearing that, strangely I felt better. Prior to that in the morning, I actually wanted to go NIE to speak to Prof Vilma about the matter - about how the organizers have made decisions without the Dip pgm sub-dean's knowledge. Ben was ready to accompany to NIE. Still, we wanted to hear wat Dr Yap had to say. If academically he thinks SAS' decsion's ridiculous, we'd go NIE immediately and look for Prof Vilma. But if he thought it would be for the better, then leave it. Well, praise God. After hearing what he had to say (about 2 sentences? A man of few words... :) ) we decided not to go NIE. Leave it. And there was peace. :) Praise God.
Saw ABBY!! Hehe... she's in breech position!! :} Argh. She's got about 4 weeks left to turn. TURN ABBY TURN! :D She hiccupped today during the scan. So cute. Right now her butt's at my left hip while her head's at my stomach. Limbs facing my right hip and kicking once in a while. Painful right hip. Seriously. Couldn't see her face though. :) So cute... whole body jerking while hiccupping. Doc saw the two drumsticks... heheh... her thighs. I still can't make heads or tails of the scan. And no picture for the album. Sob. Asked dr today if everything's normal. So far, so good. :) Dr Yap's really a patient man. I think Abby's going to be a surprise gift for the 2 godmas.
Oh. Tomorrow's the maternity shoot. Cool stuff man. :) I miss my bro.
Last nite was a struggle for me. I kept thinking about the valedictorian thingey. The feeling of being cheated by the organizers when the people who are granting me the award still aren't aware of the current situation coz the sub-dean's supposed to be still away. So I struggled and couldn't really sleep. Ben wasn't feeling well either, so that didn't help very much in my sleep attempt. Poor boy.
This morning, I woke up still pretty bothered. Had a discussion with Ben and he asked me if I spoke to anyone the night before about this. In fact, I didn't. I just had a fabulous discussion with Cat and Mich about the Open U. Real exciting stuff! I wanna do Bachelor of Science (Honours) in Mathematics with Psychology. Cat's thinking of doing this also. (She's my new colleague @ Maris) while Mich is going for the English + Psychology combination.
Then I spoke to my sis-in-law today. She did BSc Math with SIM also. Operative word - did. She's since left MOE, you know the rest of the story. She advised me against going for it coz it's really heavy stuff. Having to juggle family, work and studies. Also, when I told her that I got accepted for the BA (Education) course in NIE, she was like, "Go for it man!!!" Well, I shared with the costs of this much-coveted education, but like the rest of the NIE world, she said that everyone wants to go for it, so I shouldn't pass up on this opportunity. She also mentioned that she struggled coz she took the exemptions for the subjects she took in poly 10 years ago. She said it was a bad move coz she had already forgotten everything. So for the more advanced courses, it's really tough.
It's a sick feeling to know that something which you've worked really hard for turns out to be a bad deal. You're offered the deal, it's damn tempting to take it coz it's something you've worked hard for, yet at the same time you know logically that the deal stinks. I feel kinda cheated. Again.
Well, I dunno if it's in His plan for me to do the Open U. But I have to say that, after rejecting a Master's offer a couple of years ago due to finances, it isn't really that difficult to reject the NIE BA (Ed) offer now. In fact, the offer of admission letter came in the mail today. I was really hoping it was for Ben instead.
If I do the NIE course, I would have to study English. I've had enough of that. Gosh, especially the literature part... no way. On the other hand, if I could do the BSc, that'd mean I could do math, which I've always wanted! In fact, before I went Murdoch, I wanted to apply to Nottingham Trent Uni in UK to do Math. Seriously. So if I could do math now, I'd be in wonderland! Hehehe...
Oh, I think if I were to graduate with a good honours degree (dunno if there's still the different classes of honour coz it's by coursework now, and not dissertation), then I could teach Math in a secondary school. Thinking about that today... quite an interesting offer. Not that I prefer teaching teens as compared to children, but the thought of not having to teach many different subjects is a good feeling - I mean subjects such as Art :P, Music etc. Hmmm...
Well, I dunno what's going to happen... BA(Ed) seems like a good offer, but is it really that good? BSc (Math+Psy) is pretty ideal, but would I be overloaded? Which path should I take?
Back to the altar.
On a happier note, Ben & I spent about an hour at Dr Yap's office today waiting to see Abby. When we were in the room, Ben saw an invitation for Dr Yap to the National Day Parade by the Government of Singapore. Fwah. Tuah liap man! Also, we spoke to him about the valedictorian thingey, and he said it's better that I not go for it. After hearing that, strangely I felt better. Prior to that in the morning, I actually wanted to go NIE to speak to Prof Vilma about the matter - about how the organizers have made decisions without the Dip pgm sub-dean's knowledge. Ben was ready to accompany to NIE. Still, we wanted to hear wat Dr Yap had to say. If academically he thinks SAS' decsion's ridiculous, we'd go NIE immediately and look for Prof Vilma. But if he thought it would be for the better, then leave it. Well, praise God. After hearing what he had to say (about 2 sentences? A man of few words... :) ) we decided not to go NIE. Leave it. And there was peace. :) Praise God.
Saw ABBY!! Hehe... she's in breech position!! :} Argh. She's got about 4 weeks left to turn. TURN ABBY TURN! :D She hiccupped today during the scan. So cute. Right now her butt's at my left hip while her head's at my stomach. Limbs facing my right hip and kicking once in a while. Painful right hip. Seriously. Couldn't see her face though. :) So cute... whole body jerking while hiccupping. Doc saw the two drumsticks... heheh... her thighs. I still can't make heads or tails of the scan. And no picture for the album. Sob. Asked dr today if everything's normal. So far, so good. :) Dr Yap's really a patient man. I think Abby's going to be a surprise gift for the 2 godmas.
Oh. Tomorrow's the maternity shoot. Cool stuff man. :) I miss my bro.
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
A blessed life
Life has been ironic. But then again, God has been real good. After reading Vincent's blog, I felt like his life was a lil' like mine. I admire the way he boldly shares his excitement. After talking to Mich, I've learnt a lil' better about pride. Pride's when I use my achievements to make others feel small. That has never been my intention. Still, when others feel small when they use my results as a benchmark, would I then be responsible?
As I was telling Ben last nite, I feel like I'm a typical cartoon character that's tremendously blessed - can cross busy junction without being knocked down, while the bad guy behind me gets run over by the granny on a bicycle or something. There's at least one who wants to find out how I'm doing, then attempt to beating herself up while waiting for some 'consolation'. If 'consolation' occurs, then the person will gather her courage to offer to swap places with me (as if that's possible - esp with the red tape that's everywhere). Somehow life is always 'unfair' for her although Ben & I have realised that she tries to be 'better' with the display of her vast knowledge of 'I-dunno-what-she's-talking-about'. Too cheem for me lah. It was because of my conversation with this person last nite about the crossover that really made me rather shaken. Ben had to talk things through patiently with me to calm me down. I was really confused.
Well, a summary of what has happened.
On Friday, I received a call from NIE (SAS) which I missed. On Sat, I called back and promptly received a call from Mrs Mak informing me that I had been selected to be the Valedictorian for the Diploma Programme for this year's NIE's Teacher Investiture Ceremony. I was so excited and deeply honoured. I believe, as any bearer of good news would feel, she was equally excited at my excitement. Then I shared with her that as I am currently expecting and the due date is a week after the ceremony, she asked me to think about the acceptance carefully, discuss with hubby and gynae and call her back on Monday which I did.
When I called her back, I told her I was accepting the offer (but I hadn't spoken to gynae yet) and she was quite hesitant. I the big mouth went to ask if got standby. :P or ask the Valedictorian for another day (12/8) to take over 13/8 also. Sigh. So dumb. She got quite upset coz she thought I thought it was a trivial matter - that anyone could just take-over. So she asked me to write to my Sub-Dean (who is still on leave) about my condition. She mentioned that he obviously didn't know about my condition so she wanted him to decide. Well, so I wrote. I also cced a copy to her.
The next day, she called and said that she had discussed with her bosses and they all think that it would be the best if I wasn't the valedictorian coz got ministers there and i may give birth before/during/after/whenever and pose a potential problem. So there. After the telecon, she wrote,
Dear Audrey
Thanks for being so understanding and for accepting the painful decision that we have to make concerning not being able to accept the role as the valedictorian.
We are sure that you will realize that this is the best decision that you have made for yourself and your baby.
In the meanwhile, we hope that you will take very good care of yourself.
I will look out for you at the TIC.
Regards
Mrs Mak
Student and Academic Services
Well well.
So, I gathered my courage (too chicken to fight lah - how to fight against pregnancy discrimination? In the US I bet it'll be a lawsuit) and asked them for a testimonial. And no reply yet.
Came across something interesting. Note the "Please arrange to have the valedictorian award made to her in absentia."
Well. You mean this can be done??
As I was telling Ben last nite, I feel like I'm a typical cartoon character that's tremendously blessed - can cross busy junction without being knocked down, while the bad guy behind me gets run over by the granny on a bicycle or something. There's at least one who wants to find out how I'm doing, then attempt to beating herself up while waiting for some 'consolation'. If 'consolation' occurs, then the person will gather her courage to offer to swap places with me (as if that's possible - esp with the red tape that's everywhere). Somehow life is always 'unfair' for her although Ben & I have realised that she tries to be 'better' with the display of her vast knowledge of 'I-dunno-what-she's-talking-about'. Too cheem for me lah. It was because of my conversation with this person last nite about the crossover that really made me rather shaken. Ben had to talk things through patiently with me to calm me down. I was really confused.
Well, a summary of what has happened.
On Friday, I received a call from NIE (SAS) which I missed. On Sat, I called back and promptly received a call from Mrs Mak informing me that I had been selected to be the Valedictorian for the Diploma Programme for this year's NIE's Teacher Investiture Ceremony. I was so excited and deeply honoured. I believe, as any bearer of good news would feel, she was equally excited at my excitement. Then I shared with her that as I am currently expecting and the due date is a week after the ceremony, she asked me to think about the acceptance carefully, discuss with hubby and gynae and call her back on Monday which I did.
When I called her back, I told her I was accepting the offer (but I hadn't spoken to gynae yet) and she was quite hesitant. I the big mouth went to ask if got standby. :P or ask the Valedictorian for another day (12/8) to take over 13/8 also. Sigh. So dumb. She got quite upset coz she thought I thought it was a trivial matter - that anyone could just take-over. So she asked me to write to my Sub-Dean (who is still on leave) about my condition. She mentioned that he obviously didn't know about my condition so she wanted him to decide. Well, so I wrote. I also cced a copy to her.
The next day, she called and said that she had discussed with her bosses and they all think that it would be the best if I wasn't the valedictorian coz got ministers there and i may give birth before/during/after/whenever and pose a potential problem. So there. After the telecon, she wrote,
Dear Audrey
Thanks for being so understanding and for accepting the painful decision that we have to make concerning not being able to accept the role as the valedictorian.
We are sure that you will realize that this is the best decision that you have made for yourself and your baby.
In the meanwhile, we hope that you will take very good care of yourself.
I will look out for you at the TIC.
Regards
Mrs Mak
Student and Academic Services
Well well.
So, I gathered my courage (too chicken to fight lah - how to fight against pregnancy discrimination? In the US I bet it'll be a lawsuit) and asked them for a testimonial. And no reply yet.
Came across something interesting. Note the "Please arrange to have the valedictorian award made to her in absentia."
Well. You mean this can be done??
Praise God
Life is tough, but God is good. Through these few tuff days, I have found real frens. Thank you. U know who u are. I love u very much! :D
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