Fight Club!


What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
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-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
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You're just You. Being sweet doesn't necessarily
matter.You'd rather just be you and if people
don't like it,screw them.


How Sweet are You?
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obsessive compulsive


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
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You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.


What kind of kiss are you?
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Protector


The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla


Pink:
You see the world in bright pink. The world is a
happy, happy place! You love all people and
things!! Life is great! You're just like a
happy child. Spread the cheer.

Made by
Sara


What color do you see the world in?
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Dunno why my page got sthg wrong. ferget it. On mc today. head started spinning last nite again. Was supposed to go pilates. but then had to wait 2 hours coz was at bugis carpark ard 630pm. Yes, i'm getting more fond of the car. Then my mum called, she just arrived. Was really happy to receive her call. Then went HarbourFront a.k.a. WTC to pick her up. HOW ON EARTH DID THEY REMOVE THE TELOK BLANGAH EXIT??? Sigh... thought they normally had to blow up the whole bridge. not my business.

Had a strange day. Nizam, who always calls me Mrs Teo, came over to have a chat with me. Very sweet... he looks like a big gorilla, but very nice gorilla lah.. then Sulthan came over. Then guess what, Sky came over and pull a chair also! Guess she felt as awkward as i did. Was messing ard wif her 7250 and then asked nizam if he knew how to turn the chinese dictionary off... yup, chinese... to a malay... nizam was quite stunned. I offered to help, and i heard a peep from her. Hahah... we go a long way. have known her since i was 10. it's been 16 years? sigh. everywhere she goes, i'm there. almost. Well, she's a survivor. :)

It really felt good being with mum yesterday, and she brought me to the doc. Doc complimented her when he found out she's my mum... wah, so young... Anyway, went upstairs to her place to k.o. wah... her floor is so clean. so smooth to the touch. haven't felt like that in a long time. my toilet is PERPETUALLY SMELLY. Dunno what on earth goes on in there. EXTREMELY SMELLY. Even the toilet bowl freshener stinks. Argh.

Woke up late today. felt sticky floor, so prepared mop. Then realised cannot mop until vacuum. Went to vacuum. Then realised joy needs a bath. yup, she's begging for one. Bathed her. Then changed bedsheets. found one bloodsucker on her and another on the bed. ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!! DAMMIT! I'm up to my forehead with work and the plants are DYING!!@#O&@!(#!&@# The whole blardy place is a dunghole. actually not really lah. Joy's fur all over the place. ok vacuumed. She's fed. My work's piling up. Sigh. How i long for days like this, when i can wake up and just straighten the place so that i have a perfect environment to work in. HOW I APPRECIATE MY MOTHER!!! SHE'S FANTASTIC! But the surprising thing was - when we went upstairs yesterday, it was my brother who kept the house straight. Impressed. He's earned himself a bonus of $200 from mum for being a successful independent person. Lisa is fortunate. But his room is still a dunghole.

I have 4 things to accomplish. First - my ETS. Must study. then ETE - must finish by this weekend also. Pref today!!! Then EAE - must study. If possible, get a perfect paper. Possible? Pray like mad. Had a mock test yesterday, not too bad. :) At least i clarified some stuff. Then ECM - must do well also. So far, i really hope to maintain a B minimum. First sem 4.7, 2nd sem 4.4. Gosh. it's slipping. But then coz prac got high weightage, then got credit, so it pulled the grades down. Then again, have decided to 'forego' the crossover, coz it's stressing me out like mad. Want to just enjoy studying. Yup. That's the best!! :) Get paid to study some more! One sem has 16 weeks, 2 sems a year, minus 1 week ea for vacation, and about 3 weeks ea for the last part (most modules take 13 weeks only). So in effect, it's 12 weeks x 2 sem of work PER YEAR. That's 24 weeks of work. WAH LAU EH! AND WE'RE STILL COMPLAINING! We get paid for 52 weeks of work (plus a bit of bonus here and there) and people are still lamenting about the workload etc. Sigh, when will we be contented?

Crossover or not? Dunno if will get offered, coz there are some who say, getting good grades may not secure an offer. Then again, when i spoke to Samuel, Phyllis & Bee Yen on Tuesday, samuel was very sweet. he asked me when i graduate, and when bond finish. coz he wants me to go in to join him, he's got plans. But he say let me go into the system, get really pissed and all, then join him, like duan ting.. hhahaha... but he also reminded me not to change and become like the-whole-world-must-listen-to-me kinda attitude. like the "principals of xxx & xxx school" heheh....

Tomorrow got elderly catwalk rehearsal. Evelyn has promised to come with me, and be judge next friday. Yes,... then i can concentrate on back stage.

K. Gotta start work. It was good bumping into mich yesterday & the day b4. saw the bruise. argh. pain. mich, sayang hor... heheh... owww...ch.

My wonderland in Australia...




Would spend hours there and buy tonnes of books. Yes, Mich, most of the books are from there. :)

Is the glass half full or half empty?

you are a file folder why have pretty, shiny colours when you can be beige? you're a no-fuss type of person and it shows. just remember, all work and no play makes jack a dull file folder ©2002 http://internetjunk.co.uk

Which [Movie Genres] are you?


Which [Finding Nemo] characters are you?

what warning label are you?

the internet junk 'how dumb are you test' deems me: 21% dumb!

overall you are not dumb, you are extremely focused and live your life by a plan, though others might see your single-mindedness as a dumb attitude

the internet junk slacker test deems me: 45% slacker

your clothes are properly folded, hung up and put away. you watch tv in moderation. you like to visit with friends but also like a little alone time as well. you tend to change clothes frequently and you definitely wash your hands after a visit to the toilet!

You sad creature. You are such a Non-Geek. You're 22.73% Geek! You have no interest in anything that is not of earthly existance-- You're so non-geek it's amazing you managed to switch on a computer to take this test! Spending so much time in the tanning bed or on the football feild will actually decrease your life span. Have a nice day! ©2002 http://internetjunk.co.uk

A lot of work to do... argh...

ECE by 22nd September
Read the themes & syllabus first
Find text (almost flopped the practice we had in class... coz too ambitious...)
Find 3 words
Think of strategy to teach the words
Think of post reading activity
Read readings for next week (eh... she didn't say anything about that during tutorial... )

ECM by 5th September
Finish tutorial work
Complete the bloody TOS (Table of Specifications)
Complete distractor analysis (where to find theories on fractions and its misconceptions man?)
Create Ready-to-use page
sigh... this is one task i know i can finish really quickly... but just bloody procrastinating!!!!

and the second assignment is coming up. =P

ECS by 8th October
Fix appointment with Dr Wan coz bloody topic is a thesis by itself... influence of man's interaction with the environment on the development of technology - telecommunications??? Argh! To teach primary 6 somemore. She keeps telling me to go to lower sec to check the contents, but i haven't managed to find any. Sigh...
Think of strategy to teach topic
Find relevant journals to back up the strategy
Create lesson plan for 1 period & 2 period enrichment lesson

ETE by 2nd SEPTEMBER!!!!
Still clueless... thank God.
Select topic to use - Carver/Cisceros/social commentary
Read local poems
Go search on poet first before lecture. Have good background knowledge. Slyvia Plath, a suicidal poet, still haunts me... bloody woke up one morning with her reading daddy in my head. Sick.

ETM Quiz on 15 September
STUDY FOR MATH QUIZ!!!! Grrrr... I really used to think very highly of our secondary school math textbook writer, Dr Lee Peng Yee, until i met him. He's my tutor, and close to being a nutcase.... cuckoo... but nice fella. Jovial and overenthusiastic. Perhaps that's why he's survived in the education industry for so long...a passionate man.

ETS Quiz on 1 September
STUDY FOR SCIENCE QUIZ!!! Honestly, I have no idea where to start on this... Matter, Atoms & Molecules, Mixtures and Compounds, Chemical Energy, States of Matter, Changes of State, The Water Cycle, Energy from the Sun, Materials Classification & Properties, Materials as finite resources, Environmental Impact of human activities.

EAE Quiz on 4 September
STUDY FOR ENGLISH QUIZ!!! I faint... Really have to re-start on this subject - functional grammar. Somebody help me...

EED Presentation on 19 September
Research on One-Parent Family and the Assistance provided by Schools
Must create questionnaire
Must interview everyone... Single Parents, SP kids, Teachers, School Counsellors, Principals... Argh
Find Journals
Find out statistics from MCDS

Lord, help me...

And this is only the first wave....

Feeling the heat of assignments/tasks/tut work undone. Gosh... so behind time liao. Had a good evening though, with the 2 babes in my life now :)... Went Cafe Cartel for dinner... ordered alot of food ... think the waiters must have been wondering if we were really gonna eat all the food. Finally my impression of that place has changed. It's not that bad anymore... has been - for the last few times i was there. It's the company, elise & mich insists... well... most definitely! :)

Have got 830am class tmw,... still contemplating taking mc, but i know it's not a good idea, coz i'll only sleep the day away and procrastinate even further. Afraid that my grades are slipping already. Not a good sign.

Did french manicure myself today! :) Not bad for a first attempt. Quick thick though... inspired after i paid $11 for a first timer also... grrrr.... well, all i can say is that now I'm inspired to do it on my own! :)

Looking fwd to seeing Ben tmw... gosh, i miss him so much... argh... but this time has been good. His reflection, with my adjustment also... spoke to his mummy abit coz i went to pick her up from carole's place... she fell down while walking down the stairs. Argh. pain... :,(

Tired. wanna go bed. wanna blog some more, but braindead. Oh yes, mich... i agree with u about the poem. =P

It's been a strange day... Lord, I need to remember that You're still in control... That You're not surprised by anything at all.... Father, I need Your strength right now... Please give Auntie S. Your strength too as she goes through this really tough time. Lord, she is a really young believer,... may You increase her faith tremendously, and let this be turned around for the good of those who love You, who are called according to Your purpose. May she not fall into self-condemnation, but look to You, Father, as her Strength and her Deliverer.

Father, I also wanna pray for my husband, that You'll place your healing hand upon him and speed up the recovery. May he be strengthened by Your joy and Lord, I claim that by Your stripes, he is healed.

Father, I also wanna ask that Your presence be tangible, that the words I speak will be words from You, and let me decrease and You increase. May I be thankful for everything You've given me, and not look at my lack, but Your abundance.

Thank You Lord... in Jesus' most precious name I pray. Amen.

You represent... naivete.
So innocent and trusting... you can be very shy at times, but it's only because you're not sure how to act. You give off that "I need to be protected vibe." Remember that not all people are good. Being too trusting will get you easily hurt.


What feeling do you represent?
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Are you easily stressed?
sigh...



What's your usual [mood]?
that's strange...



Are You Naughty or Nice?
puke...



What kind of site are you?

You are a content-site. You like to talk about yourself but you also care about others. A content site would be perfect for you bacause than you can talk about yourself but also make stuff for others.

Which [Seven Dwarfs] are you?

this is baaaaad... was told by a fren yesterday that i'm so different this semester... last 2 sem i pretty much freaked her out (as well as everyone else) by being so prepared and so 'on'... "eh, last sem uh, people haven't start project yet u about to finish liao!" but then this sem is the other way around totally... gosh... it's pretty tuff to settle down. I HAVE NO ROUTINE!!! And I think it's because of the bad bedtime hours I'm keeping, sleeping around 12 plus and waking up at 6am (and later and later and later). 6 hr sleep, brain cannot function! Then drive that bloodly long distance to sch. thank God for Mich & Evelyn... keeping me awake while i drive. really makes the distance seem much shorter! Picked Eve up yesterday from the granite bus stop and sent her back also... which is a good thing... anyway she stays so close to ben's working place. She's from FC also... God has done wonders in her life. A 180 degree change! Honestly!! Woo hoo! God is good! :)

Okie... I got ECM (P4 Fractions Test paper 9 questions to set - what could be so tough about that! Yah right), ECE (Select a non-fiction text do lesson plan on how to teach kids how to read the text), ECS (Gosh, this is a big headache - gotta teach kids for them to show awareness on the influence of Man's interaction with the environment on the development on technology, esp telecommunications?????? =PPPPPPPPP), ETM Test, EAE Test, ETS Test, and a research project for EED248 (School-Home relationships for enhancing learning).

And I haven't started on any.

Deadlines start 2 weeks from now, and if I don't meet them, I'm dead. Just kept reflecting on how i managed last 2 semesters. Afraid that my grades will keep slipping... maybe that's why...

Had a good 12 hour sleep though... woke up at 930am. Fresh to start the day. Going for Aerobics Cross-Training soon.

And I've a feeling someone has been reading my blog. Have the balls, identify yourself.

I'm pissed. Yet too lazy to shift this bloody thing elsewhere.

Looking at resources for journals...

http://ericae.net/

wah seh... actually met Evelyn here in NIE!!! Hahahah... we go a long way back... knew her in 1996, times were different then. She seems older now... more matured... she's doing English & Lit (Sec)... think will charm many boys... :)


Asked myself today... what's stopping me from actually completing my assignments? Procrastination!! So right now, I'm trying to get started on all my projects, while sitting under the powerful airconditioning system... Brrrr.... i'm supposed to drop off the car at Ben's and take the bus back... but right now i noe that if i go home, i won't do work... coz i'd be too distracted by the sounds and smells of the room (a.k.a. overdue housework). Ben took the bus to work this morning... I've practically dominated the car, and it seems so strange... sigh... wat to do? Got stretching timetable. (I've made up my mind not to kpkb about it.)

Told ben about elise's description about my shopping skills (or lack of) and he laughed and said that i was really very fortunate to have the girls still accepting me for who i am... heheh... :)


My Eeyore broke...

Argh... supposed to find science journals for tomorrow's class...gosh. haven't even read the project outline... however, the scope's getting clearer...

God is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo gooooooooooooooood.... He's amazing. After trudging through 2 weeks of Siberia a.k.a. NIE with all that relationships going haywire... Blanca called me last nite. She told me that prior to calling me she sensed that i was feeling depressed, which i was... Yup... it's the third monday blues.... gosh. So, i shared with her what was happening in school, and she told me that she had a friend who went through similar circumstances. However, she decided to accept it and move on. That got me thinking abit... then after counselling me and encouraging me, she prayed for me. Indeed she is also one of my God-send... really spoke into my life, no nonsense yet really out of love. About stop looking at myself and focus on God. Somehow i just sat up and listened to her. She's such an angel... and when she prayed, it was really full of anointing. Indeed, God really answers our prayer... this morning, as i drove to school, i arrived around 8. Met Ms Jessie Png along the way to the LT. Greeted her and she was so warm!!! She was like, "Hi!!!! Long time no see!!!" Wah... really really touched... and then i emailed her via WAP, which pretty much surprised her, coz she didn't expect to receive an email so soon after having met up. Shared with her abit about how her gesture made me feel, which was the warmest thing that happened in Siberia for the past 2 weeks,... if i dun rem wrongly... and that i've resolved to move on, and how today was a great start! :) Then she replied very promptly too, saying that she's happy that i've made such a decision, and to look at the clear sky, listen to the birds chirping and to see the beautiful trees in NIE... and cheer up! Wow... God, thank you for Ms Png! :)

Also thank God that i am actually on such good terms with my tutor... i think it's really unbelievable... back in murdoch i never believe such relationships existed... wow... amazing. I'm actually thrilled to see her... and Mrs Fernandez too... :) oh, and Dr H K Boo... hehehe.... dunno why. they're inspiring and get me excited about studies and teaching! Oh, and not forgetting Dr W C Liu! :)

Then, as i attended my first lecture and tutorial, after class, Ellezan & Katherine invited me for lunch! :D Well, Ellezan did. :) And we had lunch together, ard 10 plus, and saw Ellezan saying grace. *excited* It was a really good experience, thanking God and just experiencing His presence... (actually read Psalms this morning... :) before going for lecture and meeting Ms Png). After lunch, as we were chatting, i thanked the both of them for the invitation... which surprised them. Then i shared briefly about what had been happening... I teared and Ellezan too when she saw me tearing... wah... really got heart of compassion... and she said she'd also been praying daily for God to use her to be a blessing to the people around her. Never did she realise that such a small gesture had a tremendous effect. Praise God. And Katherine's a young believer too... accepting Christ as her Lord about a month ago! God answered our prayer of putting Christian sisters/friends in my life in NIE! :) It's good to know that God's in control! :) It was simply amazing... Kat also went through a group dynamic change... sigh... seems that there are quite a few of these cases around. :(

Went KB today, died after 20 minutes. Too tired to exercise. Not enough sleep. Third day of cycle also... it's ending... at goreng pisang which sucked... went shoe shopping but they were all ugly... and about a certain dot who mentioned me picking up ugly shoes... yup, just seeing how ugly they could be!! Hahahah..... No lah... seriously, just looking around... and i still like the ribbons and roses.... even though dottie has 'shredded' my beautiful Southhaven skirt to death... =P will wear it to death!! Hahahhah....

Ben's been at the fish tank for more than an hour... wonder when the perfect condition and landscape's gonna happen. When he misses me, then he'll come and look for me...i think...yup... or perhaps i should buy the remote control car and he go play with another toy...? He almost changed water... he sure is busy... but thankfully he took care of the smelly toilet... hahaha.... argh. damn smelly, wanna faint. dog piss & vapour. argh.

But then again, if I were to take care of the fishes, guppies would be on the endangered species list pretty quickly... so forget it...

Fish update: one male guppy died in main tank. Female guppy died in vase-tank. New tank and frame installed in the student care centre... more guppies there. And there are virtual fishes on the computer. I'm not going to eat fish anymore. The fishes I'm really interested in are those that i catch with hook and bait and lots of favour from God, almost hearing His voice saying (like throwing the net in the bible)... "Throw your line over to this side of the boat, for you will surely catch many seabass..." hahah... =P Seriously, I like fishing. :) It's therapeutic... and even if at the end of the day, i dun catch anything, i know i have fed many fishes... my last count? 3 fishes in Maldives... with one big one that got away... seriously.

Got 930 class tmw, with 3 hour break. Hopefully can find journal articles. Or else die ugly death. Day ends at 330, will come home and SLEEP. Yup... enjoy the luxury while still possible... coz the deadlines are like the tsunamis... 200 feet tall... but God is good. :)

Oh. If Elise ever goes NIE, one will be pork-chopped, while another will have her $400 hairstyle ruined by scissors... sigh... how i love her so much... haahhahaha..... good nite. :)

Have decided to rename this blog coz ben doesn't write here... so it's MINE... ahahha....argh. stufid science project... After being in front of the comp for half a day with little progress, i've decided to take a break and look at the ever increasing number of guppies in the tank now. Small tank, but filled with guppies... had one aggressive one which was quarantined in a plastic cup last nite,... much better behaved wgeb we put it back this morning. HOWEVER, coz of the 'kilis' - 2 aggressive males, practically ripped one of the guppies' tail apart and the gup died. the surviving ones were 'limping', or wobbling... sigh... with ripped tails. Oh, found out why yamato prawns are so expensive, coz they're becoming extinct. Why extinct?? perhaps it's due to beginning breeders ...*guilty*...

I'm quite behind in some of my work. supposed to have 2 journal entries up... on school home relationships, when i'm inspired enough, i'll travel back in time (2 weeks ago), do my reflection here, cut and paste when it's due and submit. Only hindrance is that there's SO many questions to answer. =P Sigh...

Finishing reading Copycat Marketing 101 yesterday, what it said was pretty true although quite lame... when we copy others well enough (like ur driving instructor when learning driving) u will be rewarded. Thinking about this statement within the context of teacher education in Singapore... Just duplicate (if possible lah) what ur tutor does, and u'll score? Hmm....

Read Elise's & Mich's blog... highlights of my science online journal research... and realised that God is indeed wonderful and marvellous... the way Elise thanks the Lord for her children, Mich for her friends and boo (i've always wondered why boomm... hmmm... why double m leh?) the more we give thanks to God for what He has done, is doing and is going to do, the more we develop. Because there's thanksgiving, contentment and hope. Faith arise because we believe God for what He says. As Roland shared on Friday nite during cell, when we need faith, people tell us to ask God for more faith... which sounds logical, but in fact the Bible says, Faith comes by hearing, and hearing the word of God. Thus, faith comes from being exposed to the Word of God! Indeed,... when we believe God for what He says, our faith increases, we have hope for the things to come. Even if we dun get the stuff we asked for, we know that all things happen for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose. :)

Watched Bruce Almighty last nite... although it seemed humorous, it set me thinking... as it did for many others, i would assume. If God had said YES to al��������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������

Which [Charlie's Angels] characters are you?

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY, SINGAPORE!

I'm finally making good use of my loooooong breaks... napping lesser (we figured it uses less petrol if i drive back home than i nap in the car...) Have been feeling dizzy after the nap... wonder if it's the carbon monoxide... die...

Bought 6 guppies... 1 $8 fish died... now they've finally got a pump... I'm so happy for them... swimming so happily ... :) the guppies tails' are very very nice... they look like those spanish dancers... :)

Today's National Day... yay... somehow as we went for breakfast this morning, many people were in red! :) It's so beautiful... like finally people are sitting up and realising the importance of a united nation (erhm... not the UN) instead of taking everything for granted and minding their own business.

God has indeed blessed this nation... and unless we turn to him and cry out, judgement will be near... God longs to forgive His people and draw near to them, but firstly, His people must be repentant and desire to draw near to Him.

Had an odd day yesterday... drove to school and walked the wrong way... blur as usual... then 2 tut mates called my name and i looked up. They asked me where i was going, and i said, "Huh, to class lor..." Then they asked, "why u walking this way? the class room is over the other side!" And I had just come from the other side... shhessh...

then as we were walking, one of them exclaimed, "Eh! Why u always so 'on' one uh? So 'on the dot'! In class u say something, we are all like 'huh... what's she saying... wah u really uh... eh,... now got rumours going around saying that you spoil market leh..." I turned around and told her, "Yah,... and I'm losing my friends." Immediately, the other replied, "wah! They so immature, forget it lah!" The first one was stunned. And I continued to explain briefly, "This is my second chance. I blew my poly and uni with poor grades." So,... I'm one of those market spoilers... sigh... too bad. I'm quite sick and tired of crawling in the mud... if I can fly, I sure want to. No point simply existing when I can soar... but then again, for areas which i suck in, like learning financial planning, i siam like mad and let the expert do the job, namely Ben. :D

Interestingly enough, when i was at the library in the afternoon, i was sitting near a grp of girls who were kaopehing about a certain member which i've mentioned in my earlier posting. One of them... apparently this person told another (in the group) that the latter had changed. The latter was offended - so was the group. They seemed quite pissed with this person, and were saying things that soothed themselves (in retaliation to her comments... as if she were there). Then i realised... everyone is imperfect, and i may not have been the total cause of this person's indifference towards me. Which reminds me, attended a class and she said that i always wore branded stuff... huh? coz i was wearing my Banyan Tree sleeveless polo tee at that time. Her tone was joking, yet heavy-ladened... and the other girl who was sitting next to me, eyeing me up and down, said, "Huh? Banyan Tree? Never hear this brand before. LV got lar..." =P

Last but not least, when one of the ones i'd 'offended' didn't turn up for school, the rest of the tut group allowed me to join in to sit together with them. Wah... but through that i've just seen how lame all these issues are... but then again, it's all part and parcel of life. But still, it's lame.

Sigh... After this week, I've learnt some stuff. What Elise said is so true... the people whom i've been mixing around with for a large part of my life haven't been able to accept me for who i am, which is why Ben, Elise & Mich and all so dear to me... It takes quite a bit to accept me,... ben did mention that i seem competitive at times even when there's no need to (with him, like taking sermon notes... i was like, huh?) and he said, "if even i feel this way, which is pretty nonsensical, perhaps others may feel it too, and take it seriously..." which really made sense to me... irony of it is, i hate competition.

But praise the Lord, He's leading me and moulding me, sharpening me with my angels around me. :)

Have been bleeding the past two days, using the douche... ob sent biopsy to australia. results back in a months' time. he thinks there may be a virus... the last check up, there was a white spot. the 2nd check up, a black spot. I'm beginning to feel like a spotted insect... butterfly? Hope the bleeding's the onstart of my cycle.

Yay... payday's coming... soon. :)

Had a great day. :)

Got to school on time :D and had 4 hours of lessons. Couldn't find clothes to wear in the morning, so wore skirt - in the end got compliments! :) hehehe... Understood functional grammar much better during the tutorial session. Dr Wee Bee Geok IS good. :) Went Amore for Low Impact with Elise... met a girl from NIE there... can't remember her name =P, she went for class also.

Pigged out at Lips, had a great time listening to Elise's family. God has blessed her with so much... that money cannot buy. It's wonderful, the simple pleasures of life, even though at times her dad appears auntie or when her mum wears her funky white sequinned sandals/slippers to the market... hahahah...

Read the God's Little Instruction Book for Students today... really made me re-analyse the choices I've made,... esp regarding friends, and 04/08's post. Although things haven't changed much, my perspective has... Ben has been very encouraging...

In fact, we had an excellent heart-to-heart talk tonite... Really prayed and asked God for intimacy in marriage. It's not something that 'happens' naturally coz it's not going to. Both of us have been under tonnes of pressure, in fact, even pressured for intimacy. That's irony. However, the Lord revealed to us that the 'distance' between us started after the honeymoon because of a silly thing I did. I borrowed 2 copies of New Man from my bro. Really bad choice... Ben thought that everything had been great at the honeymoon, and suddenly I borrowed 2 copies of New Man? He was deeply hurt and humiliated... and even believed that he wasn't good enough, that he'll never be good enough. My heart broke after he said that.

Finally, it was all out... the root of the pressure... the Lord is good... because as soon as he said that, both of us respectively felt the burden lift, and the chains break loose. He thought I was really dissatisfied with him... in fact, all these came when all the blame grabbing/pushing stopped... and we decided to work towards a solution for the tension between us. And then i shared about how i 'saw' him last time... a guy of passion... when passion arises within him, he's a strong current! He flows and is in full control... makes the room spin and just lets himself go with the flow... in whatever aspect... art, etc ;). That's the Benji I've known. He has an artistic temperament, and together with that passion, he's harnassing himself with newfound discipline.

So for the past few weeks, under pressure to perform, passion trickled at best. Really must pray for the Lord to teach us marital intimacy. He created marriage, and it has been warped by the devil. I believe that if God said what He'd created is GOOD, then it must be pretty good! :) Even though Satan entices mankind with illicit union, he keeps mum about CONSEQUENCES that God says would definitely take place. Satan wants us to think that sex within the boundaries of marriage is mundane & boring, simply because he's in a life-long battle with God! Sadly, many people are tempted to taste a bit of sex even their bodies are fully developed. That totally screws their surprise. It's like u've got a Christmas present, and it's promised to SATISFY... yet because of that curiosity, u take a peep. Just a peep, didn't open the package, didn't use the gift. Just peeped. THAT'S IT. You've successfully screwed up the surprise u're supposed to have. And u think, "Huh, that's it?"

Just to leave with this statement from Holy Sex by Terry Wier, "Sexual lust may begin with the body, but the fulfillment of sexual desire involves our minds and emotions at ta very deep level. Sexual union between a man and woman results in a powerful emotional bond between them, the richness of which has been mined for centuries by countless poets and singers. This strong emotional bond between husband and wife helps them to withstand the stresses and pains of life, particularly the struggles of raising children." Also, "the drive for sexual union is a powerful motivator of human behaviour; it must be strong to form a strong family unit."

Sex is not dirty. ;) God created it, and it can only be fully appreciated within the boundaries of marriage as designed by God. It is not only a physical desire, but a union of emotions, spirit and soul. God's intended oneness...

sleepless.

Sigh... I'm bloggin' from school. This is quite sad... Anyways, i'm waiting for my next lecture at 1.30pm, supposedly doing my project now. Somehow I'm still at a loss... spoke to my tutor about last sem's work and the rubric for the upcoming assignment. Feel better after speaking to her. Explained to her that i was really confused with the KCA classification of questions, and then as she explained how to do it (i got a lil lost there) she said it's common for good teachers (she smiled) to think too much and become confused. That was really sweet of her. :)

For today's ecm class, our usual group of jeremiah, thana, janet, jamie and myself have become only jeremiah, thana & me. Sadly, feel that even thana's distancing herself from me, being cold in response, while when jamie enters the class, she exclaims and teases her. *shrug*

Gosh, I dun even dare to speak up in class already. This semester, instead of being in the same groups for the Es & the Ms, it's left with the Ms that we're together. Hahah... the best thing today? Walked out of the LT, saw Jamie coming in, while Aslinda was on my right exiting the LT. Talk about me being public enemy. Sigh. Said hi to Aslinda and tried to smile at Jamie. The latter responded like her lip was cramping. Sigh...

Can hardly talk to anyone already. Had my lunch at 9.45am coz want to avoid the lunch crowd and hide away in some dingy computer lab with old computers. Gosh... I just wanna leave the campus asap. Felt good reading ben's sms...

Actually wanna do some research in the library, but today wear spaghetti strap and slippers, forget it. Just touch & go,.. I mean, go to lectures (2 left) and then zoom back straight to the east.

Took the PIE today, sang till my lungs almost popped. Worshiped the Lord, which felt really good. I found out it's really much shorter via the PIE than the ECP, and I'VE FOUND THE ROUTE TO PICK MICH UP!! :) Yup,... although she's gotta extend a bus stop more, so that can just head for PIE straightaway after exiting Telok Kurau. :) Yay... :)

Oh... bought fishes and 2 batches of prawns yesterday. The first batch - the Yamatos - didn't make it for very long. By night, most of them were gone. $12 per pack... not so 'sim-tia' about the money, but life just disintergrating in ur hands... then the night batch - $2 prawns, this morning, only a few left. Is it the NEWATER? The fella at the fish shop said so... but then again, why are the 3+4 fishes ok but not prawns? Thought they were supposed to be scavengers. There's no pump in the tank, and the fishes are near the surface... hmm.... oxygen? :) Ben was really upset, and i said something mindless last nite which totally pissed him off. Argh. How much more stupid can I get... =P A wise woman will bite her tongue when tempted to say (even in variations) "I told you so..."

Oooh... how exciting, gotta go for lectures liao. The earlier session some more. Then got another hour break. Hand cramping... Sigh.

Yay... National Day is coming. Let's all wear RED! :)

I AM SO BLESSED

Just finished reading Michelle's entry, and I really really praise the Lord for being faithful and releasing her! It's like a glorious sunrise, waiting to burst forth... taste & see that the Lord is good. Indeed He is... I am so proud of her... :) and I'm really so thankful that God has built our friendships... especially from the wedding onwards. Somehow i know that the Lord's hand is upon our friendships, coz He knows our needs.

Looking back at good friends, or even my so-called best friends, I've realised that I had been trying, really really trying to find a friend. It didn't help that I was insecure. Likewise, recently, I recalled an incident which happened to my brother when he was in primary school. He too, was looking for friends. It seemed that he spent alot of moonie & bought lotsa goodies, sweets I think, and offered them to some of his classmates on the field, hoping to join them in their game. They took his offer and ran off after that. They didn't invite him to their game, and he was so broken...

As for myself, when i was in kindergarten & primary school (up to p4), I was like the big sister of the group. Seemed like i knew what to do, etc, and i was one of the most dominant ones. Close friends were Karen & Clara (twins), Petrina Ee (head prefect later on), Patricia, Esther, and a few other girls. When i went to CLGC in P5, I lost contact with everyone, but made new friends. Oh, i made some enemies too... coz i the pao-toh kia... Aileen was my best pal, which Ki'ern used to call (our friendship) The Never Ending Story . Always had issues and frustrations. Imagine,... I hated competitions (coz i was lousy and always lost) while she was the overachiever... sports, academics (she was the walking dictionary) and also a prefect in secondary school. After when we went separate ways in JC, our friendship fizzled out. I remember her as someone really critical of me (which i couldn't stand)... but somehow it seemed like she felt inferior (in her own way), perhaps it was due to physical appearance... ever since then, no one was termed as 'best friend'. To me, 'best friends' are like from young, and everyone already has one. So I'm the odd one out... yup, u have close friends, etc, but not best friend, coz 1 can't be best friends to 2 persons. (Doesn't this sound like a BGR?)

Went poly, had good friends, and by then I had a string of boyfriends, by then too busy to have a 'best friend'. Got to know Ravini in my final year, she was such a sweetie, but I felt like the dominant party once again. She also had a wide range of friends... although we still do keep in contact (she's in UK), she's already soared far away.

From then on, i had short term close girl-friends, such as Carolyn & June from Miss Singapore; Julia, Queenie, Yvonne from Perth; Mishal from FCBC; Jamie from NIE. However, the friendships fizzled out, due to proximity & misunderstandings/lack of understanding. Somehow there was always a gap. You know they'll be good friends, but they still have their life which you have no idea about. Something like that...

Then, in PCS, I met Elise. The friendship has bloomed, and I think she is one of the rare few who accepts me for who I am. She is one power babe. And I cannot overemphasise how thankful I am. I am also extremely grateful for Mich's friendship. She is also one strong babe whom I admire. I know I sound mushy, but that's who i am... and finally i'm able to express these emotions. I really do hope our friendships will not fizzle out... they're special. I've learnt that it takes real effort to maintain friendships, and open communication too. I'm learning to accept myself for who i am, and i must say that they have given me that confidence to do so. It takes guts to have friends, I've learnt. I am very afraid of competitive friendships. I will run. And manipulative friendships too... I hope that we'll be able to see each other through the seasons of life, and with the confidence of unconditional acceptance plus the hand of God upon our friendships (minus the bitching- have had enough of that).

The very essence why i think Ben & my relationship has lasted so long is due to the lack of competition and his unconditional acceptance of me. He's seen me since day one - the geeky skinny spider - yet he has faithfully waited when i had my constant change of guy friends. =P Even when i receive my results, instead of feeling inadequate (for whatever reason), he celebrates for me, and with me, genuinely. I praise the Lord for him. :) Ben has taught me alot.


Thanks. Once again. I am very blessed.

Face mask is a pain!!!!! ARGH.