At Ikea

Abby was playing with the colourful animal puppets in the sale bin outside the restaurant. There were zebras, crocodiles, monkeys, lions, frogs and elephants! Shalom, an animal fan, got all excited and rushed forward and started tiptoeing over the brim of the bin to pick out one to play with too.

Ben then signaled to me to look over, which I did, and then I saw Shalom happily waving - an oven mitten.

TMI

It's confirmed a negative. I don't know whether to laugh or to cry.

Oh well. Back to reality, and being thankful that we can continue sleeping a few straight hours a night (at least 5 times a week).

Work is piling up, and I just checked with my colleagues - their marking 'grace period' is about two, max three days. Mine's about two, max three weeks, or even months? I'm so dead.

ON MC AGAIN!

It's my third one this year. Went to the doc coz i had breathing difficulties and he diagnose as low blood pressure. But based on my medical records, i've been visiting frequently and it just doesn't look good. Dr says i look tired and really persuaded me to rest-tomorrow. It's been a bad vicious cycle. On fridays, i just thank God that the week's over, and on Sunday evenings, i thank God even more that the weekend's over! I really look forward to going back to work coz it's just waiting for me. I'm longing for the day when it's all cleared. No more outstanding work. Even for my last hols i still had work that was overdue.

i hate feeling this way. But i know i need to rest. It's been way too much pressure.

The Test

It's a negative.

Trying to unwind (Read with caution)

Was blasted by colleague for following a new guideline set out by school, implemented by teachers and not annouced formerly. Started off by parents' complaints of giving too little homework, so school issued guideline of having one day off a week - tuesdays for our level. Kiddo brains thrilled at news, didn't realised it means heavy workload for rest of days. So told kids on monday, colleague didn't know i told them, gave them work on tuesday coz mon no homework. Kids ARGUED with her, threatened her with principal etc... she blasted at me. I broke down big time. Thank God, managed to reconcil, let's hope things stay good. Got the kids to apologise to her. Or else... anyway, they did.

Brother and Jacque left on tuesday. Not a teary send off coz tears been shed - and all were trying their best to hold back. My mum TRIED to make my brother cry by evoking sad thoughts - joy, telling him NOT to cry when he wasn't. I spoke up - told her to stop. Rare. Unfillial daughter.

Tired like mad. Having some infection. Cleared HUGE knee-high stack of worksheets. Files due for checking soon. Hope they'll have something in the files to check. Period is late. Feeling cranky. Thinking too hard till head hurts. Woke up at 6.30 this morning missing my period. (Pun intended.) Everyone's been talking about no. 3. And it's not like we're not using protection. Had perpetual infection when i was having no. 2, so when it hit again a few days ago I started to worry. Thought period was supposed to come on 20th. Can't remember last menstrual period. Or was it 23rd? It's the 23 today. Somehow I always hit the date - so quite regular in an odd way. Oh well. Will test it out later. Will be disappointed either way. Oh well.

I need to unwind. Going for ice-cream with my best pal now.

Bruised Heart

We were on our way for the Lunar 15th day dinner at my in-laws place when it happened. Shalom was beginning to fuss as he was belted up in the front booster seat. I was talking to Ben about how we were going to get a free breakfast from our boss tmw coz singapore had won the youth olympics. Then, as the car in front moved off after being stuck in a mini-jam, ben who just unbuckled Shalom moved off too. He didn't have enough time to pass shalom to the back. When he realised that the car in front was turning right and his ass was sticking into our lane making it impassable to the rest of the world, it was too late. He braked abruptly and shalom flew towards the dashboard while looking right, impacted and then slipped into the abyss below the glove compartment. My reaction was too slow and could barely fish him out of the black hole in time.

I held him so close for the rest of the journey, kissing his bruised cheekbone and ear a million times. I really wish it was me instead. My heart flew, smashed into the dashboard and crashed onto the floor. My poor heart.

From a good friend...

Father lord i pray u will continue to strengthen audrey thru this tough period... give her more strength be it mental or physical... support her and her family... And also i pray u will pace everything in place like her work, family and minstriy oh lord... leave her into your hands, and pray u will continue to bless her and her family... in jesus name amen....

Overheard

Was putting the kids to bed the other night when I sat in their 'conversation':

S: (avid milkaholic) No more drink milk... No more drink milk... (He had finished his night bottle a while ago and knew that he couldn't have another one... so was sort of stating/lamenting)
A: Ah mah drink milk?
S: (I was watching his thought bubble form - of his granny and his beloved milk bottle) Yuck-do-do-do! (We go "Yuckie-doodle-do" for something gross!)

Hilarious! They laughed so hard!

CNY Celebrations

Totally forgot about dressing Abby in new year clothes, so she was one of the neglected ones in school uniform today- i think they were supposed to bring goodies too. Another lousy mother record.

Had a chaotic celebratory session in school today too. The P.A. system is in a mess, and after i contributed some stuff, now i'm being recommended for the post. Tough job, not for the faint-hearted or those who want to manage career and family, or i think those who just started their worklife.

Anyway, today i managed to clear some overdue stuff, but i still have a lot more overdue stuff due. Marking's still piling up, categorised into two piles-fresh vs procrastinating pile. I realised i don't procrastinate-it's just that other more important priorities always take over the attention. My previous boss always told me to prioritise. Until now i can still see her telling me.

I hope I can survive this week. Thank God remedial's been cancelled this week, although i still gotta go singapore discovery centre with the kids for some total defence thing. I really hope each time i get out of the class that i haven't forgotten anything.

I really need to be more productive instead of being the last to leave almost everyday. It really isn't very healthy actually. :( let's hope things will get better, and that i won't drown with the next wave. God, keep me afloat!

Fatigued Mother

I am absolutely spent. I still have my marking almost untouched. For the long holiday finale, just as we were all about to wrap up the day with a nice hosing down of the kids, abby fell and her chin & hip hit the toilet kerb as she was stepping out of her clothes. At that moment, i couldn't hold her back coz it happened too quickly. I just felt like smashing my head on the step as well for being such a lousy mother.

i'm very tired. At probably the most tired moment, Shalom looked at me with his pretty eyes and asked very nicely, "Mummy... Can you... please... One Two Two Three... please?" *smile*

I almost melted into a puddle. One Two Three is our nightly routine where i sweep their blankets over their whole bodies and faces before settling them down in their beds. And usually i have to wrestle shalom to bed. But tonight, he was just absolutely angelic.

i was so close to breaking down, and with that, i instantaneously felt much much better. Thank God.

First, Second & Third Baby

Picked this up from Karen's blog, and wanted a keepsake. It's really funny! (Btw, I'm not pregnant with No. 3.)

……………………………………..

The Evolution of Parenthood

Your Clothes -

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy. (I couldn't wait then, honestly.)

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. (Very true.)

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes. (I hope not! :P)

The Baby’s Name -

1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favourites. (Not true - Abigail's name surfaced before the pregnancy. :D )

2nd baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you. (Not true either - no one in the family named Shalom.)

3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect! (I hope not!)

Preparing for the Birth -

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously. (I went for ante-natal classes! But didn't remember how to breathe though. Too complicated.)

2nd baby: You don’t bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn’t do a thing. (Yup. There's the epidural.)

3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month. (I went w/o epi for 2nd birth! Woohoo!)

The Layette -

1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn’s clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau. (Yes, yes...)

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains. (Yes too...)

3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they? (All my baby clothes have been passed around.)

Pacifier -

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it. (Thumbsucker...)

2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby’s bottle. (No. 2 - Apply rule from No. 1 above.)

3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in. (Eeps.)

Diapering -

1st baby: You change your baby’s diapers every hour, whether they need it or not. (No... Only poop time.)

2nd baby: You change their diaper every 2 to 3 hours, if needed. (Yes.)

3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees. (Eeew! Hmm... I might. Who knows?)

Worries -

1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a frown - you pick up the baby.
(Not exactly... but I did peek and stay alert!)

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn. (He's a loudhailer loudwailer, so need to pick up quickly.)

3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing. (Tempting!)

Activities -

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour. (Yes yes...)

2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics. (No I didn't. He grew up too fast. By the time I wanted to, he was too old.)

3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out -

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times. (Once I think?)

2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached. (Yup.)

3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood. (Oh man...)

At Home -

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby. (Quite a bit.)

2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby. (Yes. True.)

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children. (I hope not!)

Baby 3 sounds scary! But hilariously funny! :) and possibly true... :'(

The CNY load

I don't know how i'm going to survive this season. Already we had to rush to 3 places for reunion yesterday, starting at 5pm and ending close to 11pm, and we'll have to repeat this for the first part of today, PLUS extended relatives.

I brought a massive amount of work home. I really want to clear the backlog. I also need to be at 4 places on Saturday- multiple school reunions plus cell commitment. I should be thankful that i don't have a lonely life, but both ends of the spectrum do have their pros and cons.

i really wish i could just clear my work quickly and really enjoy this break. I think if i didn't sleep last night, i should have cleared all by now. But that'll be madness, won't it?

somehow i know i'll still clear it. Oh, still got SONbeam preparations for sunday.

Sick Again! Plus a Few Deep Thoughts

Have been unwell and totally bloated. In fact i’ve been freezing. I sound like a pack of frozen shishamo. Anyway if gibberish appears, it’s because i’m blogging via email from my phone.

Kids aren’t fantastically well either. They’re cranky and at best, cordial with each other. Usually they’re really affectionate and proud of each other, although we try not to let them punch the daylights out of one another too many times though.

We just celebrated Lina’s birthday over the weekend. She’s growing younger and younger! When she was working for my aunt, she was born in 1980. Then when she came over to my side, i thought i remember her saying she’s born in 1982. Just last saturday, when i thought she turned 26, she said she’s born in 1985. Whatever. She’s probably one of the most reliable 23yo i known- save for the fact that her age keeps changing. Understandable though-if she’d revealed her real age, she’d be sent back, which means end of career. Counting back, she arrived in singapore at 17 only?! Wow. She’s come a long way. Although we’ve received ‘feedback’ from people re: her, we’ve managed to compromise and have our own agreement. She’s more than a maid to our family; after so many years, she’s like an elder sister to the kids. :)

We’re planning to go Sydney end of this year, kids and all. Although it’s going to be really expensive, it’s been something we’ve been wanting to do. Since most of my family is moving over there sooner or later, singapore is becoming less of a home. :(

Recently my MIL has been asking about no. 3. Although i’d love to have more kids (yup, no kidding) i need more energy and money. They don’t exactly come cheap, esp with additional rooms, schools, etc, so we’re still trying to get behind the logic of stopping work (income gone) and having kids (expenses up). Would love to have kids, but whom do i bargain the price with? Plus, being pregnant and with a new child will definitely put me out of ministry again, at least on hold. I still LOVE pregnancy and childbirth, plus newborn, breastfeeding and the whole package, but it consumes lots of attention, time, energy & money. I’ve finally just managed to balance my focus-husband, kids, work, ministry, household. If i have another one everything will be topsy-turvy again. Hmmm. Timing. Somehow i know i’ll have a no 3, but not sure when, although 2 seems perfect for now. I still remember we wanted 4, but we’ll see how. I still wanna be a SAHM.

Priorities this year:
-re-establish walk with God, i.e. Have regular quiet time (been doing well, thank God!)
-Marriage, date regularly and rediscover each other (not often enough!)
-manage work within working hours, i.e. Don’t bring work back (very challenging! I stay till 6.30 in school everyday, with backlogs sky high).
-make friends with life-giving people (cell girls have been a great blessing! Now a stronger support group.)
-spend at least 2 quality hours daily with kids.
-Sleep 8 hours daily.