Broken

Haven't been blogging awhile. Have been running around like a headless chicken, bringing Abby and my helper out. To where? Sometimes I don't know either. Just out of the house. Well, that doesn't stop Abby from missing people at home - really obviously. And this mother of hers is just so stranded. So many emotions have been rushing through me... Thank God Ben has been truly supportive and nurturing although he's just sooooo busy.

I've got so much to blog about, yet I can't seem to bring myself to do it. I'm just thinking: can I still vent here when my real world is reading my blog? People whom I care about - and people who may reject me for knowing who I truly am?

Ben told me, "Don't forget that I love you." I replied, "Often, I even have difficulty remembering that God loves me."
"Why?" asked Ben.

Long pause.

"Because I'm unlovable."

And to think the person who shows me the most love is leaving for Sydney soon. When I was at their house on Thursday, I saw the place being emptied. And I couldn't stop my tears from falling. I cannot believe iit. A big part of my foundation taken away right from beneath me. I am broken once again.

Everytime I think about it, I can't help but break down. I don't know if I can say farewell. The one who has loved me the most, and even gave me my name, is leaving. How I wish I could leave with her. Help. I am broken once again.

When I was born,
people rejected me.
Yet, you were there,
Young.
Yet you loved me,
Like your own.

When I grew up,
when I went through life,
You were there every step of the way.
You loved me
even when I was unlovable.

When you got married,
you gave me the honour
of being your bridesmaid.
A true honour
which I can't reciprocate.

When you had your baby,
you gave me the honour
of being his godma.
An even higher honour
which I can't reciprocate.

You have given so much,
loved so much,
and suffered so much.
Yet, you still gave
so freely.

I can only say,
God has blessed me with this angel
He calls,
"Michelle".