Argh!

This is not good. It's approaching my deadline and i'm still no where near creating a semblance of an assignment for children's illustrated books. :P Sigh. Panic also no use, I need to get down to doing it!! Wanted to do it today, but never got around to typing something out. Maybe if I braindump I'd feel better. Okie, braindump is a term I use to just dump EVERYTHING that's been floating around in my brain. Then after that I sort out the wheat and the chaff. Hopefully there'll be things valuable in the braindump. The assignment word limit is between 800 and 1500 words. A discussion for two books, one for upper and the other for lower. WHAT COULD BE SO DIFFICULT ABOUT THAT???? But no... I can't seem to squeeze a word out of my brain. :P Tis not good...

Well, anyway, I hope that tomorrow will be a productive day.

Seeing my mum today reallly made me pretty sad. She's a silent giver. She gives so well that no one realises that she's giving (though she can be pretty loud!). But today she finally said it. All this time, from the time I gave birth till now, she hasn't had a solid opportunity to spend time with Abby. Either people are fighting to carry her or she's being carried or she's TOTALLY cranky because she's tired. So she's just been waiting. So quietly. Her first grandchild and yet she has to restrain herself. :( She's not exactly excellent with children, but her heart is just to love.

Sometimes I get tired just speaking up for her. But because of who she is, she is often misunderstood. She can come across as someone domineering and obstinate, so her motives are misunderstood. Worse is when she is seen through the eyes of my brother. If we could only just see her as who she really is, then perhaps she wouldn't have to fight for her survival. Strange that she's got so many friends in church, etc, but when it comes to family, she's more often than not, rejected. She spends little time with her family, so because of that, she has to live with accusations and insults, spoken and murmured, even in people's head. I just wished we'd be a little more patient with her and hear her heartbeat before reacting. Personally I just feel so tied down. Seeing her go in and out of hospital so many times and me not spending enough time with her really dumps the guilt on me. Even my own daughter doesn't take to her very well. Guess at times even ben just bears with her. He's learning to love her more, but perhaps she can be quite a difficult person to love, especially when she's so easily misunderstood. I just wish I could have more time with her before it's too late. She fought with her life for me. It's just a little something I could do for her. Just eat as often as I can with her, spend time with her. As much as staying with my in laws is borrowed time for ben, likewise I hope to borrow abit more time with my mum before it's too late. She's had too many near death encounters. And being almost destroyed by a heartless and insenstive man could have left her totally embittered, but by the grace of God, she is living on borrowed time. I just wish I could borrow a piece of that time and be with her.

I'm glad I went seletar with ben and abby today. It meant alot to me. Even though my mum tried to ask me a couple of times to go, and I rejected her initially. She will just try and try, and I know deep within she really wants us to be there. And it was great to know that I wasn't imposing on ben's time when we made the trip. It was my work that he was more concerned with. Hope that when this semester is over, I'll make it routine to spend as much time with her as possible, even possibly to the extent of leaving abby with her for the day if I'm not able to spend that time there. With her heart of love to love abby, I can trust her. Even if there are mistakes and slip ups. Abby also has to borrow Granny's time to spend it with her. I hope both of them will be happy. :)