Quarantined...

Abby has been home since Tuesday. It's six days only. She's been totally adorable, enjoyable, amazing, angelic, beautiful, gorgeous and heartwarming. This only happens when she's been well-fed and clean. She likes clean diapers. Wait. She likes to poop on clean diapers, usually about 3.712 minutes after she's cleaned and nicely swaddled.

Well, baby aside,

I will try my best to respect local confinement practices.
I will try my best to respect local confinement practices.
I will try my best to respect local confinement practices.
I will try my best to respect local confinement practices.
I will try my best to respect local confinement practices.
I will try my best to respect local confinement practices.
I will try my best to respect local confinement practices.
I will try my best to respect local confinement practices.
I will try my best to respect local confinement practices.
I will try my best to respect local confinement practices.

Regardless of who says it.

I'm really damn sick and tired of hearing the 'They Say's'. 'They say this, they say that'. Well, some of their correlation is tremendously RIDICULOUS! Like for instance, Abby's got hair on her shoulders, and one of the Old Wives (OW) asked me sternly, "Did you eat mutton or beef when you were pregnant?!?!" Pui. Then Ben's aunt or grandaunt (can't remember who) came to my rescue - "No lah, Lei Lei is hairy what!" (Referring to Ben's Dad.) Then the OW shut up.

Have been under scrutiny of mummy-in-jaws. But i must say, abt a couple of days ago, Ben had a great heart to heart conversation with her. Well, that day started with a start. Ben went outside and found a baby monitor outside the room. He was shocked. Then Abby whined abit. And in came mummy-in-jaws wanted to hijack the room. Okie. I'm exaggerating. She came in to soothe the baby. Then she happily exclaimed that she could arrive so fast because she had placed the baby monitor outside our room and heard Abby cry, so wonderwoman flew up. We were silenced. Beyond words. *Now ALL our conversation is monitored!!!* Well, she shuffled around the room while we were still in shock. Then she left the room for a while and then returned. Sensing our silence (it was deafening), she then said, "Well, I put the monitor outside so I can hear. If you dowan me to come in, then lock the door lah. If your door not locked then I come in ok?" Well, I was in shock, and I couldn't respond. Later, during the day, Ben switched the monitor off and I think that hurt her.

Well, back to the conversation - she said that all she wants is to be a good mother-in-law (amidst the other stuff they talked about). All the comments and all - it's supposed to be suggestions only, and not commands. But me the mousey one will run under the bed and OBEY her every single 'suggestion' while feeling so suppressed. Sigh. It's really a different culture with her and with my mum. Ben dussen really find anything wrong with how his mum does things coz he's so accustomed to her style, however it's really different for me. It's not easy, but i also know that it's not easy for her also, just that this takes loving someone to a new height. Have been praying and asking God to help me love her and see her as how He does, coz she does touch a few of my raw nerves, at least now. She's not malicious or anything, in fact I must say that she's a very very nice mother-in-law - cooks 4 me, even brings food up for me (my ma would kill me! :P), remembers my food preferences, helps us get breakfast, asks us what we want to eat and makes suggestions whenever possible. However, I'm the anal one - when she suggests something, I tend to take it as non-negotiable, coz I tend to think that her ways are overbearing. However, she has clarified with Ben that it's only a suggestion, not a must-do or a must-have. Sigh- I think my rejection towards her must be so strong that nowadays i think she's quite afraid of suggesting stuff liao. Also, the auntie-style of tactlessness gets to me - coz I'm ultrasensitive. Dussen help that it's post-delivery... I'm seriously trying to get my hormones in balance - and I have no idea how i'm trying to do it. :P

After all this lamenting (if anyone's stil reading), it's only a matter of conflict of style. She's a really nice and hospitable lady who is very simple and at times emotional. She's not a complicated and scheming woman who is trying to snatch away my baby. Just someone who wants to love Abigail because Abigail is her granddaughter. If possible, she'd want to cradle Abby 24hrs a day. I would too, and so would her dady. But it's not possible coz our arms would ache, but more imptly, we'd be bringing up a brat sometime after whose every whim and fancy is met. Ben & i have met too many of such children, and it's only by God's grace that we are learning not to make the mistakes these kids' parents may have made. Who wouldn't want to snuggle up to such a precious and lovely bundle? I can even tell that my mum-in-law rushes up (she no longer does that) to see and hold Abby the moment she wakes up. You can tell if someone has just woken up. Upon hindsight, all these are actions of love, but during then, it just looked like my room was being 'intruded'. I'm anal about personal space, and that's not a good thing. Well, it's something that God is trying to teach me - not to be so self-centred and think only for myself and for those I truly love. If so, I am no different from being a self-centred asshole.

Ben thinks that I may be especially harsh on her - I think I agree with him. Well, I'm trying to manage that. Minor stuff that irritate me - such as trying to open the door without knocking, commenting about how i manage abby, telling me to do stuff, etc - I must learn to overcome them. How? Any suggestions? :}

Today'll be a great day. Delwyn, Siew Lin, Nai & Hilda will be coming over today, and so will my family. being surrounded by so many people, I feel less vulnerable. Also, it really takes my mind away from such trivial matters. Can u believe it? Last nite, my sms conversation (22 to & fro correspondences in all) with Eve was the longest and most defenseless conversation I've had for a while? Other than that I think I talk to Abby the most. I really hope things turn for the better. Moving out seems like such a delicious option, but there is NO money. I really hope these terrible emotions die down very soon. It's hard to talk to Ben now coz it concerns his mum and I really dowan to put him in a difficult position coz I'm being difficult, so here's the only place i can ventilate. I'm really trying my best to love his mum and it'll take a while for me to embrace her. I myself have realised that I hold her at an arm's length whereas I hold my mum in my arms. I'm really confused. Yet at the same time I can tell that my MIL longs for such an intimate relationship with her children. How?