Pee? Poo?

This is totally mind boggling. After feeds, Abby takes about 15min before pooping. But she'd only do it AFTER we change her diaper. Even if we wait long enough, she will still pee and poo on new diapers. She's good... and then after changing her according to the routine (remove, clean, cream, diaper), she'll wanna feed. After a snack, we'll go for another round. Ideally, she's supposed to be awake for about an hour or half, averaging 8-10 feeds (even with or without PDF) and sleeping for about 16-20hrs. But she's asleep for max 12 hours, taking aobut 7 feeds and going round and round with her diaper chase. But still, she's an angel, whimpering only when hungry or needs to burp. Other than that, she's just looking around, sleeping, peeing or pooping.

My postnatal massage have started!!! Woohoo... and she tells me I'm super tired... haha. As if I dunno. But surviving on 4hr stretches of sleep at the max, If this was during the pre-pregnant state and I had only so much sleep, I'd have collapsed a long time ago... well, seeing my angel so often is more than enough to make me forget about my sleep, or the lack of it.

Well, other than Abby and tv, my life dussen have any other types of stimulation already. Oh, femalebridesonline forum is my source of contact with the outside world. :P Until I'm ready to face the world/my work, I'll just continue to indulge in mummyhood.

Oh, check this out... :D

Day? Or night?

Now I understand what they mean when people say it's a challenge getting my teeth brushed before noon. Not that life gets too busy, just tat everything happens on a 2.5 to 3hr cycle except for the nites (THANK GOD!), there isn't much of a day or nite. I've gotta remember to brush my teeth, coz there's no routine anymore. Or rather, it's a new routine that I've gotta adjust to.

Abby's still a major darling, learning to move her cheek muscles, i.e. smiling! :D She's able to imitate our facial movements abit, so it's really heart melting seeing her smile...

Things are much better now, now that my hormones are leveling. My poor MIL has suffered much with me, but still she's very nice and friendly. God bless her soul. She's rather respectful of our methods, which is quite a surprise, and I've come to realise that she's WAAAAAAY more negotiable than my mum. Coz it's a bunch of 'they says' which we've gotta deal with (for my MIL), while my mum's beliefs are STRONG coz it's her own... :S

Good news! Jamilah is coming tomorrow!!! Noor has gone MIA since last Wed and I haven't heard a beep from her. Think she joined some anti-establishment group in Indonesia... seriously, hope she's fine. Have tried calling her but I just kept getting her full mailbox. :p

Yay! And I finally got my GMail account! Silly me, everyone's been talking about it, and I'm like, Nah, it'll never happen to me. Coz I heard it's by invitation only. Until I paid attention to blooger's dashboard. I can't be a more extinct dodo. Each time I blog from the dashboard, there on the right column is AN INVITATION TO GMAIL!!!! Argh. It says,"Want Gmail? As an active Blogger user, we would like to invite you to try out Google's new email service, Gmail. Would you like to give it a whirl? Yes, please." :S

Okie, milk bar refueled and reopening soon. :D

Sick

This confinement has gone too far. My mother, in cahoots with her mother, made me drink FRUIT BAT SOUP. How much worse can things get? :p

On a slighter damper note, my mum highlighted to me some consequences of the divorce. When both sign the papers, the woman will no longer be blacklisted from Singapore, so she can enter and leave freely. More significantly, my father will be able to marry her and they'll be able to live in Singapore. Also very significantly, for family functions, the woman will be clinging on to my father's arms as they make their appearance while my mother will no longer have any status in my dad's family. Sick - she might even appear for this full month celebration if things take place THAT quickly.

It's reality which we've all been shelfing, and it is this reality that my mum has taken 7 years to consider. Sick. I dunno which is worse, this or the bat soup.

Life at Home

We escaped for a while yesterday to get Abby weighed. PD told us to weigh her. But he didn't say to go back to him. Just, "Oh, try to get her weighed on the tenth day or so." Like with what?? Go to other GPs or PDs, we've gotta pay $$. But pay $$ just to hear, "Hmm, everything seems okie, very good!" Then go outside and pay $40. So we bought a digital weighing scale instead. Well, let's just say, we'd better rely on other health indicators such as 6-8 wet diapers, 8-10 feeds, good sucking etc to determine her health rather than the weight. The scale is not fantastically accurate, so it's not easy to determine if she's put on weight. Daddy took the measurement with her 3 times and it all showed 0.4kg minus daddy. Do digital weighing machines round up?

Ventilation

(This is my personal space - as u read this entry, I have no malice for anyone. Neither is my opinion permanent. I just need to ventilate.)

"You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine,
You make me happy
When skies are grey
You'll never know dear,
How much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away."

I also feel bad for her - so it's a struggle within me. So much to ventilate, dunno where to start. My MIL does stare when i boobfeed but more so, so that I'll finish with the feed and she can take over the bb whenever possible. Haha, one of my friends commented that when she comes in, she'll check on us - ask one or two sentences - then zoom for the baby, even when my family's around. Ben did mention i'm pretty tough on her, and I'm seriously trying to control myself. (But he does see things from my point of view, so that helps alot.) Sigh. For the last few months before birth, I kept dreaming that Abby would be 'taken away' from me. True, I dowan to stop her from loving Abby, but it gets to me when she 'dominates'.

First day of Abby's arrival, she came to the hospital and carried her for a long time - even though my family was there and all, she just had the bb in her arms, until both her daughters had to tell her to put the baby down. Once at 2plus, another at 7plus. As my hubby and i were really tired, we wanted to sleep, so she said that she'll watch over the baby AS WE RESTED!!! Hullo! From 2plus to 7 until we were expecting visitors. I know she's excited, but really I felt hijacked. My mum didn't even get to carry her FIRST grandchild! So I said to bring the baby back to the nursery (I told my sis-in-law who told her mum) and she was like, "Why??? I can take care of her here what?!?" Then SIL said Abby's mummy said so. (I am almost a yes(wo)man with my MIL coz somehow she terrifies me.) Until we told her that Mt E is in the middle of Orchard Rd (she's a shopaholic), that she kinda relented. She even asked us why we didn't inform her once the baby was born at midnite so she could come down straightaway!!! Argh. Maybe her overenthusiasm scares me and I feel really helpless. I've been crying everyday and almost not looking at her in the eye. Still she hovers around when I breastfeed and telling me to go eat and breastfeed later (???) so that she can carry the baby. I hadn't even finish feeding yet. *PRESSURE*

Okie. I'm being extremely nasty again. It's just that either I see her, or I hear her voice either aloud or in my head. And post-natal blues becoz of this?!?!? I thought post-natal blues was usually caused by a feeling of being overwhelmed by the baby. Instead, the baby is the refuge!

Mum and bro just came over just now to visit me and I burst out in tears. So mum suggested going for a car ride and I was petrified that my MIL wouldn't allow it! It almost felt like being in jail! I'd gone on MC since 5wks ago and have been staying the room eversince. That's not that bad until the baby arrived and MIL has been around ever since.

My mum really persisted me in getting me out of the house and my MIL said she was afraid my legs would hurt if I walked too much so she din want me to go around. She claims that her knees hurt now coz she had to open the door for visitors during the confinement after her last child and her knees still hurt until now. So whatever I do now, instinctively I kinda like 'have to' ask my MIL. Even when my mum offered me a sweet in the car, I was so unsure if i could take it - almost like a lil' kid, "Cannot must ask MIL for permission first!" Until my mum said she said I could take that. My MIL monitors EVERYTHING. Even just now when we were about to have lunch, I was pretty troubled, so my hubby said grace and gave thanks for the food plus a lengthy prayer. Thereafter, my MIL agitatedly commented, "Wah, why u must pray so long? Last time see u all downstairs close eyes awhile only then can eat already. Why must pray so long now? I pray (pai sin) also not so troublesome and lengthy like u all, christian so troublesome..." *blur*

Although she's nice, everything is under constant scrutiny and it's tiring to have to justify and explain anything or everything that dussen go her way. It's really a culture shock to me, coz my own mum is really modern - she's ten yrs younger than my MIL. I really am at a lost as how to be nice to her in spite of all my fears. I really need advice here. She's like Empress Dowager to me. She say 1 I cannot say 2. It's really a struggle for me.

At the end, all this is WITHIN me. I haven't beeped at her at all. No. It's the docile, servile DIL. And it's because of Ben that I'm doing this. If not I wouldn't at all. Thanks but no thanks.

Abby's Birth Legend!

I checked in at Mt E on Sat 31 July around 11plus after going to the Singapore Food Fest! Felt mild contractions from around 6 onwards. In fact, earlier during the day, I went for my weekly gynae checkup and doc said I was abt 1cm dilated. My hubby was so excited until I told him that there are many women walking around with 3cm dilation for weeks! Then he calmed down. But around 5plus in the evening, I started feeling mild contractions. It was quite exciting! But nevertheless, my similarly preggie gf, hubby and I went to the Food Fest to whack the food! Eat first, give birth later! Heheh... Around 8plus, we were still walking around the Fest, and stopped at a booth and made small talk. One of the guys asked, "Oh, both of u pregnant uh, so when are u due uh? Next month?" (By the way, people already suspected me of carrying twins coz i'm THAT big.) I replied, "oh no. In a few hours' time." You could see those guys' eyes pop out and jaws drop! Hahaha... quite farni.

Okie, back to serious stuff. :D Sent my gf back and then started timing contractions. It's pretty impossible to time them at crowded places - it's very distracting lah, some more not THAT painful also (yet). So when we finally timed them in the car, we found that they were getting closer, 45secs with 3min intervals! In ante-natal classes, we were told to go hospital once we had contractions that were about 10 min apart. So I called my doc who sounded like he was attending a function and he asked me to meet him there immediately.

When I reached there, I was wheel-chaired into the delivery suite. Fwah, very exciting! The moment's finally here! But then again, I've read so many articles about women who were sent back home coz they weren't ready yet, and others who seemed like they were in labour but then the contractions stopped suddenly - repeating its pattern for 3 days! So when I went to the suite, I told the nurse that I wasn't sure if this was it. Well, from the look on her face (and the comment she made to my hubby), she believed it wasn't time yet. Coz I was still joking and walking about, and when she asked me if I was in pain, I told her I wasn't. Just tightenings.

When I was hooked up to the CTG monitor, she saw that I had regular 1 min contractions about 3min apart. So I WAS OFFICIALLY IN LABOUR. So on and off the monitor I went and my hubby and I slept alot throughout. That was 31 July 11pm.

Doc arrived and checked me repeatedly. He's the most patient doctor EVER! At 8am the next day, I was still have the same contractions and only 3cm dilated since the nite before. So he offered to break my waters. I'd heard so much about the HOOK that is used to break the bag, so I was very afraid (think fishing hook) until I saw the hook. It wasn't anything I had imagined! :) Thank God. So he broke it and felt this sudden gush. Then we all thought that it'd speed things up (I was already 8hrs in bed.) Well, contractions started getting stronger, I threw in the towel and asked for my best friend - the anesthetist! Heh. Epidural is a god-given magical potion... hahah... :D So he did his stuff and I slept on and off. Still 3 cm dilated. He'd bet we see Abby by noon.

Noon came and went. Nothing. Still 3cm. Gosh. I had watched so much telly that I was drifting in and out of sleep, out of boredom. Doc was quite worried, coz I wasn't dilating much and Abby's head was still quite high. But he still waited coz I told him I really wanted to go natural. By 8pm, he administered some stuff - can't remember - for stronger contractions to help me. I had been tossing and turning coz it was darn uncomfortable - lying in bed for more than 24 hrs already - so I shifted and fetal monitor came off. Nurses rushed in coz couldn't detect bb's heartbeat on their screen! Then they checked and found i was fully dilated!

So the whole team - 2 nurses and my darling obstetrician who was sleeping in the next room waiting for me to be fully dilated! As well as my hubby - did counts for me to push. Hubby could see bb's hair in the first push! :D The whole delivery was over in about 20 minutes (I needed episiotomy coz darling girl is big!!), and on 2 Aug 0016hrs, Abigail Teo Hui En arrived into the world, weighing 3.72kg, measuring 52cm in length with head circ 36cm.

Really thank God! Had an entire group of people praying with us - I think really prayer marathon for them!

Well, we thought everything was over and hubby left coz he had to pack up some stuff at home (We thought I'd sleep through the nite). But the post delivery was my ordeal. Due to the epidural, I puked when I tried to sit up to boobfeed Abby. It was sick. Then in my ward, I slept and woke up crying coz I was cold, feverish, nauseous and shivering. Epidural side effects. And coupled with not having Abby within me nor with me (she was at the nursery) and hubby not around, I cried so badly. Body was aching all over also - I was in bed for 30 hours! :p I was totally unprepared for the 'aftermath'. It was only when the nurse wheeled Abby in coz she was crying for a feed that I felt strength return. If not, I was a total wreck.

Things picked up after that and was discharged the next day. :) Praise God! :D I was glad I was able to be discharged with Abby.

Not exactly the birth I hoped for, but still I was a relatively 'smooth' (I slept for most part) and 'painless' (epidural is great nevertheless!) labour and delivery.

And kudos and a big bouquet of flowers to Dr Yap Lip Kee of Mount Elizabeth for being the most patient doctor I've ever known or heard of, and for performing magic to a badly mutilated site (so says my hubby).

Abigail

Abby's getting into a 2 1/2 to 3hr routine - the parent directed feeding (PDF) Feed/Wake/Sleep cycle. Trying to shorten her feeding time (coz she tends to fall asleep while feeding) and i think it's pretty successful. It's eating into her wake time, and sometimes she's awake for 2hrs! So that eats into her sleep which makes her sleepy when she's feeding then the delay takes place again, and blah blah blah...

The part I like most is when we put her down to bed when she's still awake - all nicely fed and cleaned and she'll lay in bed looking around while we go around doing our stuff. After a while, she falls asleep on her own. :) But somehow she dussen do that when my MIL is around.

Sigh - guess what? I think it may have started. Yesterday my sister-IL and her bf came in to see Abby and she was trying to fall asleep on her own. Then my MIL came in. As she was about to come in, her voice arrived first and Abby started Weh-Wehing. Then my sis-in-law pointed out, "There, my mother come in, Abby starts to cry." I bet I've seen this scene somewhere before.

So far, for the number of times I've fed her, changed her and put her down to sleep (all on my own when others are not around or concussed), she's been good. No crying. In fact it just happened again. After I just changed her after her morning feed at 6.45am, the nicely-and-snugly swaddle Abby didn't protest at being laid down to rest and has been silent eversince. And SHE'S SLEEPING!!! But I must say, to silence a fussy baby is tenacity-training. At times, she'll fuss and Ben will calm her down and carry her in his arms. But for all the times i've been with her on my own she's a major darling. Maybe because if she threatens to be nasty with me, she thinks I may take my boobs away, so she's being really nice to me?? :p Or perhaps right now I'm her special flavour and her food source, so I smell delicious? BTW, local confinement practices have it in small print that confining mothers must smell yucky. It's damn ironic lah - sterilise EVERYTHING - even boil the clothes, but dun allow the baby's food source to even be cleaned properly. It's "nevermind lah"... ?!?!?! Sigh. Bloody unhygenic. True, things are better now - the Chinese allow herbal baths, but have u tried drinking HERBAL MILK? SICK.

Well, ancient practices have it that, long time ago in rural China, after a woman gives birth, she dussen bathe for a while for PRACTICAL reasons. Firstly, they have to go to the well to take water. It's a long walk and the water's bloody cold and heavy. SO, in order not to tire the mummy out, dun bathe lah. Anyway, their weather permits it. But over in Singapore, it's different. Ben & I even smelt a whiff of fermentation somewhere yesterday as Abby was milking me. Damn. It's sick.

Quarantined...

Abby has been home since Tuesday. It's six days only. She's been totally adorable, enjoyable, amazing, angelic, beautiful, gorgeous and heartwarming. This only happens when she's been well-fed and clean. She likes clean diapers. Wait. She likes to poop on clean diapers, usually about 3.712 minutes after she's cleaned and nicely swaddled.

Well, baby aside,

I will try my best to respect local confinement practices.
I will try my best to respect local confinement practices.
I will try my best to respect local confinement practices.
I will try my best to respect local confinement practices.
I will try my best to respect local confinement practices.
I will try my best to respect local confinement practices.
I will try my best to respect local confinement practices.
I will try my best to respect local confinement practices.
I will try my best to respect local confinement practices.
I will try my best to respect local confinement practices.

Regardless of who says it.

I'm really damn sick and tired of hearing the 'They Say's'. 'They say this, they say that'. Well, some of their correlation is tremendously RIDICULOUS! Like for instance, Abby's got hair on her shoulders, and one of the Old Wives (OW) asked me sternly, "Did you eat mutton or beef when you were pregnant?!?!" Pui. Then Ben's aunt or grandaunt (can't remember who) came to my rescue - "No lah, Lei Lei is hairy what!" (Referring to Ben's Dad.) Then the OW shut up.

Have been under scrutiny of mummy-in-jaws. But i must say, abt a couple of days ago, Ben had a great heart to heart conversation with her. Well, that day started with a start. Ben went outside and found a baby monitor outside the room. He was shocked. Then Abby whined abit. And in came mummy-in-jaws wanted to hijack the room. Okie. I'm exaggerating. She came in to soothe the baby. Then she happily exclaimed that she could arrive so fast because she had placed the baby monitor outside our room and heard Abby cry, so wonderwoman flew up. We were silenced. Beyond words. *Now ALL our conversation is monitored!!!* Well, she shuffled around the room while we were still in shock. Then she left the room for a while and then returned. Sensing our silence (it was deafening), she then said, "Well, I put the monitor outside so I can hear. If you dowan me to come in, then lock the door lah. If your door not locked then I come in ok?" Well, I was in shock, and I couldn't respond. Later, during the day, Ben switched the monitor off and I think that hurt her.

Well, back to the conversation - she said that all she wants is to be a good mother-in-law (amidst the other stuff they talked about). All the comments and all - it's supposed to be suggestions only, and not commands. But me the mousey one will run under the bed and OBEY her every single 'suggestion' while feeling so suppressed. Sigh. It's really a different culture with her and with my mum. Ben dussen really find anything wrong with how his mum does things coz he's so accustomed to her style, however it's really different for me. It's not easy, but i also know that it's not easy for her also, just that this takes loving someone to a new height. Have been praying and asking God to help me love her and see her as how He does, coz she does touch a few of my raw nerves, at least now. She's not malicious or anything, in fact I must say that she's a very very nice mother-in-law - cooks 4 me, even brings food up for me (my ma would kill me! :P), remembers my food preferences, helps us get breakfast, asks us what we want to eat and makes suggestions whenever possible. However, I'm the anal one - when she suggests something, I tend to take it as non-negotiable, coz I tend to think that her ways are overbearing. However, she has clarified with Ben that it's only a suggestion, not a must-do or a must-have. Sigh- I think my rejection towards her must be so strong that nowadays i think she's quite afraid of suggesting stuff liao. Also, the auntie-style of tactlessness gets to me - coz I'm ultrasensitive. Dussen help that it's post-delivery... I'm seriously trying to get my hormones in balance - and I have no idea how i'm trying to do it. :P

After all this lamenting (if anyone's stil reading), it's only a matter of conflict of style. She's a really nice and hospitable lady who is very simple and at times emotional. She's not a complicated and scheming woman who is trying to snatch away my baby. Just someone who wants to love Abigail because Abigail is her granddaughter. If possible, she'd want to cradle Abby 24hrs a day. I would too, and so would her dady. But it's not possible coz our arms would ache, but more imptly, we'd be bringing up a brat sometime after whose every whim and fancy is met. Ben & i have met too many of such children, and it's only by God's grace that we are learning not to make the mistakes these kids' parents may have made. Who wouldn't want to snuggle up to such a precious and lovely bundle? I can even tell that my mum-in-law rushes up (she no longer does that) to see and hold Abby the moment she wakes up. You can tell if someone has just woken up. Upon hindsight, all these are actions of love, but during then, it just looked like my room was being 'intruded'. I'm anal about personal space, and that's not a good thing. Well, it's something that God is trying to teach me - not to be so self-centred and think only for myself and for those I truly love. If so, I am no different from being a self-centred asshole.

Ben thinks that I may be especially harsh on her - I think I agree with him. Well, I'm trying to manage that. Minor stuff that irritate me - such as trying to open the door without knocking, commenting about how i manage abby, telling me to do stuff, etc - I must learn to overcome them. How? Any suggestions? :}

Today'll be a great day. Delwyn, Siew Lin, Nai & Hilda will be coming over today, and so will my family. being surrounded by so many people, I feel less vulnerable. Also, it really takes my mind away from such trivial matters. Can u believe it? Last nite, my sms conversation (22 to & fro correspondences in all) with Eve was the longest and most defenseless conversation I've had for a while? Other than that I think I talk to Abby the most. I really hope things turn for the better. Moving out seems like such a delicious option, but there is NO money. I really hope these terrible emotions die down very soon. It's hard to talk to Ben now coz it concerns his mum and I really dowan to put him in a difficult position coz I'm being difficult, so here's the only place i can ventilate. I'm really trying my best to love his mum and it'll take a while for me to embrace her. I myself have realised that I hold her at an arm's length whereas I hold my mum in my arms. I'm really confused. Yet at the same time I can tell that my MIL longs for such an intimate relationship with her children. How?

PRAISE THE LORD!

Back from Mt E! Praise God! Abigail Teo Hui En appeared at 1216am on 02 August 2004 after 30 hrs of labour! (with epidural of course!) She's a robust 3.72kg at birth and is the most beautiful being on earth coz she looks exactly like her daddy! :D Will blog more later when everything isn't so full. Meanwhile, do pray for us! :D Thanks! :D