Six Years Anniversary

We celebrated our sixth year anniversary yesterday (05.12.2005). We've been together for six years. Ben didn't go to work yesterday coz he worked on Saturday, so we had the whole of yesterday together. We ran our errands, bought some furniture and felt totally awesome. We even went to a nice pub and grill place to commemorate our six years together. Had steak, abit of wine, great conversation, encouraging each other and just basically enjoying each other.

When we came home, we had a blast of a time. Literally. Ben's mum's fuse was off and she was a hot firecracker. I was one of her target boards. Ben took her head on. I left halfway (though I remained silent throughout while she continued shooting) and was in bed with Abby. Ben came in telling me it ended well, not that he won, but that his mum felt heard. Which was good. I was terrified.

Went to bed and had a strange dream. Dreamt that my mum rented some place and i had a share in it. I was alone. And that place had no roof, kinda like a swimming pool in the middle, but i had to live there, without a roof. Give birth then let my lil' one live there with me. Just the two of us. Natural air, no air con (someone in the dream said so). No Ben. No Abby. Full of heartaches. Just my son and myself. No family either. No lights. No friends. Totally abandoned.

Woke up totally shaken. Even thought about leaving here so that the family would be more peaceful. Matyr attitude at work again. Ben saw that I was so shaken (not by the dream, but by the confrontation) and he took the day off to make sure I was alright. Though he ran errands, he still made sure that I was fine throughout the day.

If I could, I'd still be hiding under the bed right now.

I am so trapped. Can't go out, can't stay at home. But I still need to live. For my husband and my children, I will survive.