Transition

Haven't been blogging for a while. There's just too much to say, so I usually end up not saying anything. Yup, for those really observant ones, Abby's gonna have a sibling soon! :) Have been feeling strong and good, which is a great thing. I felt more nauseous during my last pregnancy. I really hope I control my sugar and salt level this time round though.

We're finally moving out. I have been homeless for the longest time. Eversince I returned from Perth. Because of my family's break up, my mum and brother moved from a 5rm to a 3rm when I was away. My bro & I took turns to sleep in the other room while the other one slept with my mum. But we felt that it wasn't right for my bro to do so coz he's grown up, so I ended up sleeping in the same room as my mum. As my stuff was unpacked all over the place (some in bro's room, mum's room, storeroom, kitchen!, living room) stuff from my former room was just all over the place, hidden. That was a tough time settling back in Singapore. I wanted to move out. But my mum thought, since I was going to get married soon, might as well get a 3rm since I'll be gone anyway. (That was in 1999 and I was with a rather strange guy who refused to break up, but that's another story altogether. Thank God for Ben.)

So after getting married in 2003, I moved into his family and had abby soon after. It's been a really trying time as I am unable to state my stand and 'live harmoniously'. Post-pregnancy confinement was a total pain. And I CANNOT LIVE THROUGH ANOTHER ONE. I had hallucinations of my MIL walking around the room in the middle of the night, and she was just butting into all areas of my life. I don't consider that place my home, just a temporary abode.

I have been homeless, and I need a place I can call my own. It doesn't have to be designer pretty and all that money burning notions; it just needs to be a place to put the bubble which Ben & I (now with Abby & Blessing) exist in.

I drove around, rather aimlessly yesterday. I had some time before a dinner appointment, and I wanted to spend time with Abby. Yet, I couldn't go back home. My heart was at home, in the hands of an emotional someone, yet, I couldn't go back home. I really missed Abby. But I couldn't go home. I don't know how much longer I can take this. I know breakthrough is coming. And I know I will not have the next baby there. It's been too much, too long. Enough is enough.