Well. Yesterday Ben and this person had a discussion. A loong discussion. From about 1pm to dinner time. After dinner, I asked Ben - do you find yourself repeating the same things over and over to her again? After some clarification of my question, he said No. That today's topics/issues were totally different and he went on to elaborate what they spoke about. In conclusion, he said his energy bar went up after talking to this person. Wow. The last time I remember, after talking to this person (one session after about a year of no in-depth conversation), I was TOTALLY DRAINED. SQUEEZED DRY. Exhausted like many others before me. The temptation to condemn had been so great because nothing had changed. Nothing was done.
But when Ben elaborated on their conversation, something struck me. During the last session, Ben said that whatever I had said just flew over his head. He didn't understand most of what I had said to this person. I assumed this person understood. Then I realised. The big realisation. I HAD BEEN SPEAKING GREEK.
Seriously. Ben has this uncanny ability to talk to children and youth. He is able to relate to them at such a level that it's just purely amazing. I've never seen anyone connect with them at a level like he does. And because they connected yesterday, he was recharged. I was drained because all the passion and heart I put into speaking to this person went unheard. Not because this person didn't want to hear. Just because I was speaking a different language from this person. Ben thought I had given up hope on this person. I haven't. Never. My desire for this person is to grow up into a well-adjusted adult amidst the difficult and confusing circumstances that this person has been placed in. But because I've been so exhausted - totally dry - I sounded like I had totally given up hope and had conveniently condemned this person, like how many others had.
So I explained to Ben what I realised, and he saw it as well. It can be really exhausting when after numerous hours of heart-to-heart talk, no change is made. And on the receipient's end, I haven't contributed much... or helped much. Simply because communication is so distorted!! The heart's desire is there, but communication has to be worked on. After explaining, Ben understood the exhaustion that comes from being disconnected. So many years already, now then the realisation sets in. But thank God it's still early, for there's a long way more to go. Now we tango. I continue speaking my Greek while Ben will explain what I'm saying to this person. For I supposedly provide Ben with the main points to expand on. Wow. :)
Okie. Confession time. Today's the day. I'm a die hard Stephen Chow fan. Even though I hardly laugh at his jokes, I really appreciate his humour. Takes the stress of my life. :P It's KUNG FU HUSTLE TIME!! :D
No comments:
Post a Comment