More random thoughts...

The newspapers don't really bear good news. Cyclist gets pinned under wheel of bus. Maid throws 5 month old baby down and jumps to her death after being reprimanded by Grandfather. When Ben goes out for his midnight cycling, I can't help but worry. Until he returns home safe and sound. I'd jolt out of bed suddenly to make sure that he's back in bed before I fall back to sleep again.

Approaching 2005 with a heavy heart, yet gearing to go. School is starting. I've always liked school. I'm one of those crazy ones who'd buy tons of assessment books and do before the school term starts. Well. I still enjoy it actually. Now school's slightly different. Just churned out my almost personalised timetable FOR THE THIRD TIME. THE PEOPLE AT NIE HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN KEEP UPDATING THE BLARDY TIMETABLE!

I'm not sure how I'm going to juggle 2005 and beyond. I'm not sure how Ben's gonna juggle either. Work. Studies. Relationships. Ministry. It's all coming at once. Wow. Can you feel the wind yet?

Ben and I had a serious conversation regarding a person we've been helping for a couple of years. I think I'm just quite tired saying the same things over and over again. Also very wary of the person being dependent on us. But more so, I think all this talk, if they were supposedly so effective, this person would've moved on. The fact of the matter is - one year later, things are still the same. So many people are already helping this person. We're all doing the same thing. We all want to help this person. Yet, running in circles is really very tiring. I'm tired. I've had so many 'cold wars' with this person I've stopped counting. Things are not healthy. They are not right. Within me I just want to be totally honest. Yet I know when I am 'honest', I am deemed as harsh and not caring. Then the person will go elsewhere looking for comfort and tlc. Well. I cannot provide that kind of motherly/sisterly love that the person is looking for. I am not this person's SAVIOUR. And I never will be. Because of the background, many have attempted to save this person. Yet, we can take one out of Egypt, but we can't take the Egypt out of one. I don't wish to condemn, for I have once been condemned. I just wish this person well, and I can no longer help this person. For I am totally exhausted. I am zapped.