A Tough Reminder

Screaming at trees and children

Many parents, perhaps the majority, admit to losing their tempers and screaming at their kids from time to time. Usually we shrug it off assuming that not much harm was done. But is that really the case?

Deep in the woods of the Solomon Islands lives a tribe of villagers who practice a strange form of logging. When a tree is too large to be felled with an axe, they bring it down by yelling at it. Tribesmen believed to have special powers sneak up on the tree at dawn and scream at the top of their lungs. Day after day, they repeat this practice. Eventually, the tree dies and falls to the ground. "It kills the spirit of the tree," they say.

Well, I admit that I'm a bit skeptical of thie practice and that it works on trees, but I'll you this much: It will sure bring down a human being. If you want to kill someone's spirit, yelling is a great way to get it done.

And no spirit on earth is more fragile than that of a child. Though we mean no harm when we scream and shout at our kids, is there really nothing harmless about it? It's humiliating, and it's discouraging to children, and it often leaves scars that will last for a lifetime.

Admittedly, children will be irresponsible at times, and they're going to get on our nerves every now and then. Still, they deserve-and need-to be treated with dignity and respect. Resist the temptation to yell at them.

Taken from Today, Thursday, 25th January 2007

Although this article is written for parents, it is especially significant to me as an educator. It is week 5 of the year, and many colleagues have already lost their voice at least once. I hate the feeling in my throat after I yell at the kids. My body can take long days, but once I yell, even once, my throat starts feeling funny.

My mentor & I resolved last Friday not to scream at the students this week. That was before this article was published. Needless to say, we yelled at them so we reflected and decided not to. Oh well, I yelled once this week. Other than that, when I wasn't yelling, I observed many things.

First of all, when I wasn't yelling, the kids listened better. At only 10, they've learnt to shut out pain - that includes our shelling. It's a self-defence mechanism at work. Especially the once that are most difficult and most testing. Those that are openly defiant especially when you shout at them to sit down so that you can begin your lesson.

Without shouting/yelling, I was forced to get the kids on task. I also paid attention to them - as human beings. Then numerous realisations hit me.

1. These kids are bored. Honestly, if I had to teach from the textbook, I'd be real bored as well. They are bored (and so am I) because they see little purpose in school. The faraway PSLE doesn't do much to motivate them. Also, they are so used to multitasking (think multiple windows, internet, iTunes, cable, MSN, etc) vs paying attention to the teacher. During our time, we, as students, probably were able to last about 20-30minutes. These kids aren't anywhere near there. Even if they are, the entertainer has to be really entertaining. Even with enjoyable tv programs, they are used to commercial breaks. How then can we fault them for being restless?

2. There are various ways of learning. Majority of the kids aren't auditory learners, so whatever we say won't even reach their ears. I tried this - I was 'supposed to' scold them, but I explained to them in a strange way, saying, "Alright, at this point, normally I will scold you. But since you won't listen anyway, and it really takes lotsa energy to scold, and most importantly, it'll waste time, then what I'll do is, we'll just take 2 minutes. Just imagine me scolding you." And then I watched the clock for 2 minutes. It worked simply because we were heading out to the computer lab for some fun. So they felt the pain of wasted time. I wouldn't recommend this for the normal talk and chalk lesson, coz that's precisely what they want. They literally felt the time wasting away. Lesson learnt. Back to various learning styles. Quite a number are visual learners, so I prepare my specific but simple instructions on powerpoint - quick job, saves me time to yell again and again, and most can't hear me anyway - and leave it on when they're doing work. It really saves repeating - energy and time.

3. Setting the agenda on the board for the day really helps them to follow through with me, instead of them feeling bombarded or led by the nose. When they know how many more items are there to go, they'll gladly do so. This visual aid also reminds me what's to be done.

4. They actually love to work. It's when there's lotsa teacher talk and no work that frustrates them. So this week, most lessons have been hands-on, IT-based, drama, group work, discussion. In fact, my form class is about to adopt an endangered animal. For real. Amazing! But they didn't do very well for the report. Oh well.

5. Structure activities so that they actually have opportunities to get out of their seat. Normally I would distribute all worksheets, get them to do them, then hand up to the leader (now known as Task Captain). But what I did on Friday was to term the worksheets as 'Levels' (like games), finish Level 1, put worksheet in front, ascend to Level 2, etc... kinda shuttle run style but no running. Everyone enjoyed the chance to get out of their seat. They didn't abuse it, thank God.

6. Setting up a blog really helps to facilitate things. I get to put up English interactive lessons and games and the kids who have computer access can go there and explore. One of my weaker pupils actually enjoyed this site! But my regret? Putting up the tagboard. They've been flooding the board and one of them - an anonymous creature - has been using vulgar words. IP banned, but would that frustrate him even more?

7. Not screaming especially at those 'characters' actually provided bonding opportunities. One of them (who's an untouchable coz the parent will sue anyone and everyone) whom I've yelled at actually showed me a magic card trick. Ben thinks it's an accomplishment. :)

8. One kid had a major meltdown on Thursday. We were supposed to have spelling, and the kids around him were badgering him to follow my given format. He was extremely resistant, and I was the last straw that broke the camel's back. Although I was firm (yet gentle), he seemingly obliged but threw the book at the table after I walked away. He's really got social-emotional issues - I've had a few encounters with him and definitely has special needs. When I walked to him again, he refused to get started on his spelling and walked out of the class. Not the first time - he does that everytime the class gets too noisy. He'll just sit outside, calm himself down then return. But this time he disappeared. As expected, he returned after awhile but he packed his bag. He just wanted to walk off for good this time. I held him back and he started screaming and growling. I kept holding him and saying, "It's ok, it's ok." Usually I would've have gotten into a shouting match. But this time, instincts told me he really needed help. I asked him if he wanted to return to his parents, and he started sobbing in my arms and nodded. He wanted to go back into his 'hole' and said that his granny was waiting for him. I managed to get him to stay, and provided the priviledge of being the first to leave when the bell rang. I just couldn't trust that the granny would pick him up 25 minutes before dismissal. She might not even be there. So he stayed on and the lesson continued. The class was shocked by the entire saga and we had some finger fun and Simon says, kinda business as usual. That boy even contributed quite a bit when we had to do vocab. The next day, he asked me when he could do his spelling. It's almost as if he's 2 separate persons. When I spoke to the Chinese teacher, she said I should have restrained him when he first wanted to walk out. I said I did (only when he packed his bag) and the whole hooha happened. Thank God I didn't yell at him. It would have been worse.

9. Because there was no yelling, one of my 'characters' even helped me do admin stuff after school. Usually there'll be some kind of resistance, but because of the peaceful dealings (i.e. no yelling) he was keen to help me as he had time before his soccer. He was a really good help I must say. Sadly, I learnt that his parent has been really violent with him in the name of discipline and he's recording all the violence down so that he can get back next time. Heart pain.

10. The overall atmosphere is much better now. As for my form class, I'm really enjoying my time there. They're keen to learn and they seem to have begun dreaming of the impossible. One of them asked me, "You mean it's possible to be a female pilot?" "Why not?" "You mean we can publish our own books?" "Why not?" And then you see their eyes light up. Shiok. :D

This week's resolutions:
- Be more sensitive to pupils' needs and help them see that they're not too young to start contributing to society. This week's topic which is long overdue - people with disabilities and personal recount also known as diary writing. I'd rather call it blogging. :)
- No yelling, no screaming, no shouting.
- Take time out for lunch.
- Leave for home early at least one day a week - Tuesday.

Purposeful Engagement, Positive Experience.
That's my motto. We'll see how things go this week.