Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Running
I love travelling. I also hate it. It's almost a love-hate relationship. I used to love it till I met Ben. I remember the time when we first got together in 1999. I left for Hong Kong a couple of days after that and I wanted to take the next flight there after I touched down. I really don't like to travel without him. I thought I was bonkers, till I had children.
Once Abby was born, it seemed as if a part of me was apart from me, and it has never been the same again. I no longer am that independent, even though I long to. With two kids in tow, it's double the challenge. It was only out of desperate measures that I had no choice but to travel without Ben when I went to Sydney, seven months pregnant, with Abby. Alone. I couldn't take my MIL's nonsense anymore. I really had to get away.
Now with her nonsense starting all over again, I wanna run. With the impending upgrading - internal flat upgrading and the building of the multistorey carpark, occuring around the same time as Lina taking one month off back to Indonesia, I am facing the future shit scared.
I don't know when the flat upgrading will take place. When it does, we'll need to vacate. I have ADAMANTLY REFUSED to move back with my in-laws, especially after what happened recently. If the upgrading takes place when Lina is not around (and chances are extremely high), then I am quite screwed. Also, they are going to build a multistorey carpark next to our block. With the dust and the noise, we'll definitely need to get another place. Although word has it that it'll only take up to mid-next year to complete the construction (they just built another MSCP nearby within a year), we still need temporary living arrangements.
Going back to in-laws is outta question coz Abby and I have a long travelling time during peak hour traffic in the mornings. It's really the last option. So now we're house searching again. We definitely need to get out for the flat upgrading, but as for the MSCP construction, we won't know till we're seriously plagued by the ill effects of the construction, which I hope will not affect us as much.
We're toying with the idea of rental, kinda like one-for-one, but that would mean we'll need to upgrade the flat first and fix the window grilles, the smelly toilets and the balcony. Then we can rent this place out. Before that, we'll most likely get another place to stay, either temporarily or perhaps permanent. We're also toying with the idea of getting another place, but that would put quite a strain on our finances, and we don't wanna pay cash upfront for our lodging actually. Hopefully the new place will have condo facilities so that the kids can have access to the pool and not be confined to the four walls or get bitten by insects (at my in-laws which is now a weekly affair. Poor Shalom.)
I know that things will work out, but in the face of all these issues, I really just wanna take the kids, together with Ben, and RUN. Run to a place where we won't get harrassed. A place we can truly call our own. Since I came back from Perth, I haven't had a definitely sense of belonging. When I returned, my room was literally in bits and pieces coz my family moved into a 3rm flat (from a 5rm) and my former room was in 17 different boxes hidden all over the house. I tried settling down but it was just really difficult. When I got married, I had to live with Ben's parents for a (long) while until the two kids came along. Even as we moved out, I haven't really found my sense of belonging especially when coming home to face my MIL daily (either that or the kids won't be at home coz they'll be at my in-laws' place which'll make the house EMPTY - that happens on Wednesdays, Fridays AND Saturdays as well). Coming home everyday is really a pain which I thought would be gone when I didn't have to face my in-laws everyday if I didn't live with them anymore. But no. I see her even more now. *bangs head on wall*
Which wrong step did I make?
Why am I in this position?
Are there any steps I can retrace so that I can free myself?
I'm stuck. And I want to run. Run away with Ben and the two kids. Away from everything.
No wonder my aunt migrated to Australia 12 years ago.
How long more can I take this?
Ben & I realised that we shouldn't try matchmaking people ever. The pains of marriage can be really testing.
If we didn't hold on to the vow of marriage so dearly, I don't know how strong the marriage would actually be to endure her nonsense. Would she ever feel guilty of breaking her own son's marriage?
But thank God for God. I know that things will get better. This is just one of the valleys I trudge so that the peaks will be worth it. The stresses of life can really test the strength of a marriage. That's why I wanna run with Ben and the two kids away from it all. We miss each other so much, and we're still trying to carve a nest we can truly call our own.
Perhaps I'm just being ungrateful. People say that I'm blessed to have a mother-in-law who takes care of my kids. But I don't trust her. And I have grounds not to.
Ignorance + Obstinance = Exasperation.
I've had enough of her voices in my head.
I've had it.
Post delivery after Abby, I had hallucinations of her walking around in the middle of the night in our room.
Now I have her voices in my head.
Enough is enough.
When I didn't have kids, I think of jumping whenever I'm near a window. Now I don't because it's for the children that I grit and bear with it.
I never cherished the carefree life I had. Now it's checkmate.
Take my heart. Take it all. Trample it. Step on it. Take me hostage. Fool around with it and kill it. Again. And Again. And claim ignorance after that. Use it. Abuse it. Then play victim. Blame me. I still have some life left. Take it all.
Don't you ever dare to ask me to have another kid.
I don't want to be held three-times hostage.
Once Abby was born, it seemed as if a part of me was apart from me, and it has never been the same again. I no longer am that independent, even though I long to. With two kids in tow, it's double the challenge. It was only out of desperate measures that I had no choice but to travel without Ben when I went to Sydney, seven months pregnant, with Abby. Alone. I couldn't take my MIL's nonsense anymore. I really had to get away.
Now with her nonsense starting all over again, I wanna run. With the impending upgrading - internal flat upgrading and the building of the multistorey carpark, occuring around the same time as Lina taking one month off back to Indonesia, I am facing the future shit scared.
I don't know when the flat upgrading will take place. When it does, we'll need to vacate. I have ADAMANTLY REFUSED to move back with my in-laws, especially after what happened recently. If the upgrading takes place when Lina is not around (and chances are extremely high), then I am quite screwed. Also, they are going to build a multistorey carpark next to our block. With the dust and the noise, we'll definitely need to get another place. Although word has it that it'll only take up to mid-next year to complete the construction (they just built another MSCP nearby within a year), we still need temporary living arrangements.
Going back to in-laws is outta question coz Abby and I have a long travelling time during peak hour traffic in the mornings. It's really the last option. So now we're house searching again. We definitely need to get out for the flat upgrading, but as for the MSCP construction, we won't know till we're seriously plagued by the ill effects of the construction, which I hope will not affect us as much.
We're toying with the idea of rental, kinda like one-for-one, but that would mean we'll need to upgrade the flat first and fix the window grilles, the smelly toilets and the balcony. Then we can rent this place out. Before that, we'll most likely get another place to stay, either temporarily or perhaps permanent. We're also toying with the idea of getting another place, but that would put quite a strain on our finances, and we don't wanna pay cash upfront for our lodging actually. Hopefully the new place will have condo facilities so that the kids can have access to the pool and not be confined to the four walls or get bitten by insects (at my in-laws which is now a weekly affair. Poor Shalom.)
I know that things will work out, but in the face of all these issues, I really just wanna take the kids, together with Ben, and RUN. Run to a place where we won't get harrassed. A place we can truly call our own. Since I came back from Perth, I haven't had a definitely sense of belonging. When I returned, my room was literally in bits and pieces coz my family moved into a 3rm flat (from a 5rm) and my former room was in 17 different boxes hidden all over the house. I tried settling down but it was just really difficult. When I got married, I had to live with Ben's parents for a (long) while until the two kids came along. Even as we moved out, I haven't really found my sense of belonging especially when coming home to face my MIL daily (either that or the kids won't be at home coz they'll be at my in-laws' place which'll make the house EMPTY - that happens on Wednesdays, Fridays AND Saturdays as well). Coming home everyday is really a pain which I thought would be gone when I didn't have to face my in-laws everyday if I didn't live with them anymore. But no. I see her even more now. *bangs head on wall*
Which wrong step did I make?
Why am I in this position?
Are there any steps I can retrace so that I can free myself?
I'm stuck. And I want to run. Run away with Ben and the two kids. Away from everything.
No wonder my aunt migrated to Australia 12 years ago.
How long more can I take this?
Ben & I realised that we shouldn't try matchmaking people ever. The pains of marriage can be really testing.
If we didn't hold on to the vow of marriage so dearly, I don't know how strong the marriage would actually be to endure her nonsense. Would she ever feel guilty of breaking her own son's marriage?
But thank God for God. I know that things will get better. This is just one of the valleys I trudge so that the peaks will be worth it. The stresses of life can really test the strength of a marriage. That's why I wanna run with Ben and the two kids away from it all. We miss each other so much, and we're still trying to carve a nest we can truly call our own.
Perhaps I'm just being ungrateful. People say that I'm blessed to have a mother-in-law who takes care of my kids. But I don't trust her. And I have grounds not to.
Ignorance + Obstinance = Exasperation.
I've had enough of her voices in my head.
I've had it.
Post delivery after Abby, I had hallucinations of her walking around in the middle of the night in our room.
Now I have her voices in my head.
Enough is enough.
When I didn't have kids, I think of jumping whenever I'm near a window. Now I don't because it's for the children that I grit and bear with it.
I never cherished the carefree life I had. Now it's checkmate.
Take my heart. Take it all. Trample it. Step on it. Take me hostage. Fool around with it and kill it. Again. And Again. And claim ignorance after that. Use it. Abuse it. Then play victim. Blame me. I still have some life left. Take it all.
Don't you ever dare to ask me to have another kid.
I don't want to be held three-times hostage.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Shalom's Development @ 12m 1.5w
Tried looking for Abby's development at around the same age as Shalom but couldn't find anything. Was probably too busy to blog (*argh!*) so now I can only depend on vague memory recollection. Currently Shalom is picking lotsa words! Erhm, stuff that only parents and caretakers can decipher.
Stuff like:
1. Ah-Mah
2. Ye-ye (but rarely now. He calls his grandpa Ah-Mah! :D)
3. Daddy (Dadee)
4. Mummy (Mama)
5. Cat
6. Meow
7. Bird
8. Dog
9. Jesus (Thee-therth)
10. Kor Kor
11. Lina
12. Jie Jie (He can add 'Che Che' after 'Lina' - our helper)
13. Thank you (T'kew)
14. Neng neng (for milk)
15. Come (with hand wave)
16. No (with hand wave)
17. Beat (hits me coz he likes to pinch me, so I'll say 'No' to which he'll wave no and then I'll say 'Mummy beat!' He'll hit my hand and say beat! Shows that he knows what I'm talking about. He stops pinching after that.)
18. Bear
19. Car
20. Star (Tar - and he sings along to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, but in gibberish though... really cute!)
21. Flower (Wah-wer)
22. Ball
23. Book (Vibrates lips a lot before the rest of the vowels appear)
24. Lion
25. Tiger
26. Owl
27. Uh-oh! (for mini-accidents like stuff dropped from high chair)
28. Drop (ditto)
29. Up!
30. Mum-mum (for food!)
He can kiss by leaning over, mouth to whichever (cheek or lips), give a high-five, shake hands (he's our church's youngest usher - even has his own nametag!) spot cats and birds even before anyone else can see any, feeds me food, make funny faces (though impromptu just to get people's attention),scramble crawl away like mad when chased by his dad (and sometimes me) and then laugh like mad, pull himself up and push walkers (not those sit in type, but the push type) independently. Eats everything and is a joy to feed - finishes his sister's food especially when she's becoming quite a challenging eater at times. He can climb up stairs - his favourite hobby @ his grandparents' place - and now am trying to teach him to get off beds and sofas feet first, but he seems to prefer the 'head-first' way.
Found out that we've got two more pairs of shoes which haven't been worn - we thought they were still too big - and he's about to outgrow them soon. One's Adidas while the other's OshKosh, and they've got this cute indicators at the soles of the shoes - to indicate 'Too Small', 'Toe Zone' and 'Too Big'. The other two pairs of shoes - Weebok and Polo - are not worn very often but seems like they are too small for him. The OK looks waay bigger when placed next to them. All these are hand-me-downs from my cousins, and I'm so glad we've got them. Otherwise Shalom and Abigail would have to go barefoot at the rate I'm managing their wardrobe.
Found out today that he could be left under the care of others in the church's nursery while I went out of the room a few times. He happily played by himself and got my cellmate - Rachale - to play with him also. When it was time to go home, he managed to put all the toys into the box! :D So proud of him! :D He had his huge smile plastered on his face too! :D
Tonight, I told him that I wouldn't be nursing him to sleep. We used to endure long crying sessions because I wanted to stop nursing him to sleep... but then I did one thing wrong. I was lying down beside him as I tried to get him NOT to suckle. BIG MISTAKE. So this evening, I remained seated while he was lying down. After I told him, he was a little shocked, got up and tried to see if I was serious. Got him to lie down and managed to lull him to sleep successfully! :D Woohoo! Otherwise I would fall asleep with him and then get up about 3 hours later to do my stuff. Very unhealthy because it totally screws up my sleep. Sleep with him through the night also makes sleep very difficult coz he would want to nurse throughout the night.
I'm just so glad he's ok with not nursing to sleep when I'm around. It really is a huge relief. Now I'm not sure if I want to continue breastfeeding. I pump only once a day and am getting only 2 ounces. I enjoy the bonding with him yet my schedule hardly permits pumping. I aimed to nurse him till 2yo, but now only through the halfway mark I'm already thinking of giiving up. Maybe it's because I see my milk supply dwindling down and my workload rising. But I really am not too keen on giving up. Hmm... will continue to think about it. Meanwhile, just enjoy (except the occasional bites!).
*Update: Check out this site from a fan! :D
Stuff like:
1. Ah-Mah
2. Ye-ye (but rarely now. He calls his grandpa Ah-Mah! :D)
3. Daddy (Dadee)
4. Mummy (Mama)
5. Cat
6. Meow
7. Bird
8. Dog
9. Jesus (Thee-therth)
10. Kor Kor
11. Lina
12. Jie Jie (He can add 'Che Che' after 'Lina' - our helper)
13. Thank you (T'kew)
14. Neng neng (for milk)
15. Come (with hand wave)
16. No (with hand wave)
17. Beat (hits me coz he likes to pinch me, so I'll say 'No' to which he'll wave no and then I'll say 'Mummy beat!' He'll hit my hand and say beat! Shows that he knows what I'm talking about. He stops pinching after that.)
18. Bear
19. Car
20. Star (Tar - and he sings along to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, but in gibberish though... really cute!)
21. Flower (Wah-wer)
22. Ball
23. Book (Vibrates lips a lot before the rest of the vowels appear)
24. Lion
25. Tiger
26. Owl
27. Uh-oh! (for mini-accidents like stuff dropped from high chair)
28. Drop (ditto)
29. Up!
30. Mum-mum (for food!)
He can kiss by leaning over, mouth to whichever (cheek or lips), give a high-five, shake hands (he's our church's youngest usher - even has his own nametag!) spot cats and birds even before anyone else can see any, feeds me food, make funny faces (though impromptu just to get people's attention),
Found out that we've got two more pairs of shoes which haven't been worn - we thought they were still too big - and he's about to outgrow them soon. One's Adidas while the other's OshKosh, and they've got this cute indicators at the soles of the shoes - to indicate 'Too Small', 'Toe Zone' and 'Too Big'. The other two pairs of shoes - Weebok and Polo - are not worn very often but seems like they are too small for him. The OK looks waay bigger when placed next to them. All these are hand-me-downs from my cousins, and I'm so glad we've got them. Otherwise Shalom and Abigail would have to go barefoot at the rate I'm managing their wardrobe.
Found out today that he could be left under the care of others in the church's nursery while I went out of the room a few times. He happily played by himself and got my cellmate - Rachale - to play with him also. When it was time to go home, he managed to put all the toys into the box! :D So proud of him! :D He had his huge smile plastered on his face too! :D
Tonight, I told him that I wouldn't be nursing him to sleep. We used to endure long crying sessions because I wanted to stop nursing him to sleep... but then I did one thing wrong. I was lying down beside him as I tried to get him NOT to suckle. BIG MISTAKE. So this evening, I remained seated while he was lying down. After I told him, he was a little shocked, got up and tried to see if I was serious. Got him to lie down and managed to lull him to sleep successfully! :D Woohoo! Otherwise I would fall asleep with him and then get up about 3 hours later to do my stuff. Very unhealthy because it totally screws up my sleep. Sleep with him through the night also makes sleep very difficult coz he would want to nurse throughout the night.
I'm just so glad he's ok with not nursing to sleep when I'm around. It really is a huge relief. Now I'm not sure if I want to continue breastfeeding. I pump only once a day and am getting only 2 ounces. I enjoy the bonding with him yet my schedule hardly permits pumping. I aimed to nurse him till 2yo, but now only through the halfway mark I'm already thinking of giiving up. Maybe it's because I see my milk supply dwindling down and my workload rising. But I really am not too keen on giving up. Hmm... will continue to think about it. Meanwhile, just enjoy (except the occasional bites!).
*Update: Check out this site from a fan! :D
Monday, March 12, 2007
O.P.Q.R.S.
Ben passed me a woman's devotional a couple of days ago. His printer had some extra copies, so he was given one for me. When I started on it today, I was hoping to embark on something fruitful. And indeed I have.
After reading a bit, I read the bible. Later, it asked me to recall a secret dream or ambition I cherish in my life. I couldn't find any initially. Later, I decided, oh well, nothing glamorous. I just want to be a librarian.
Next question: Can you identify the deeper needs and longings beneath this desire?
I reflected and realised. Yes, I could. Order, Peace, Quietness. (The perceptions of a library.)
To sum up the experience, God surfaced the following bible verses:
Order: 1 Cor 14:33
For God is not a God of disorder but of peace
Peace: John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Philippians 4:6-7
6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Quietness
Psalm 23:2-3
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.
Rest
Matthew 11:28-30
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
The last was Satisfaction and Stillness. O.P.Q.R.S. Really interesting eh? After such a refreshing morning, the burdens don't seem so heavy. Even this evening, when we didn't make it to NTUC Hougang on time, we decided to go for supper at blk 85 bedok. And there was an NTUC there which opens till 11! We were really surprised, coz we thought all supermarkets had similar operating hours. It was indeed a blessing. Although I don't have much of the hols to rest, these past two days have been rather refreshing. Thank God. :)
After reading a bit, I read the bible. Later, it asked me to recall a secret dream or ambition I cherish in my life. I couldn't find any initially. Later, I decided, oh well, nothing glamorous. I just want to be a librarian.
Next question: Can you identify the deeper needs and longings beneath this desire?
I reflected and realised. Yes, I could. Order, Peace, Quietness. (The perceptions of a library.)
To sum up the experience, God surfaced the following bible verses:
Order: 1 Cor 14:33
For God is not a God of disorder but of peace
Peace: John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Philippians 4:6-7
6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Quietness
Psalm 23:2-3
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.
Rest
Matthew 11:28-30
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
The last was Satisfaction and Stillness. O.P.Q.R.S. Really interesting eh? After such a refreshing morning, the burdens don't seem so heavy. Even this evening, when we didn't make it to NTUC Hougang on time, we decided to go for supper at blk 85 bedok. And there was an NTUC there which opens till 11! We were really surprised, coz we thought all supermarkets had similar operating hours. It was indeed a blessing. Although I don't have much of the hols to rest, these past two days have been rather refreshing. Thank God. :)
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Burning up, burning out
We just celebrated Shalom's birthday yesterday. Now my weeks go according to the school's weekly label - Term 1 Week 10. Week 9 is now officially known as NIGHTMARE WEEK... or should it be WEEK MARE NIGHT? Oh well.
I haven't had any time planning for any bash for Shalom. Just silently grateful that we've made it past the one year mark. He was clearly exhilerated when he realised we were singing the birthday song for him just after he heard his name...
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SHALOM!..."
Even when we sang the Chinese version, he clapped and was really thrilled.
Wish I caught it on video. I think a relative or two might have.
Update: Ben's sis caught it, but only the second part. Nevertheless, it's great. :) Thanks! :D Note to self: Assign videographer/photographer (Claire?) during such events.
It was a Chinese do at a Teochew restaurant. First time in my life, I invited only my mum's relatives. I did not invite my dad's. Frankly, it was only quite close to the event that I realised I forgot to invite my dad. But I did, nevertheless. I'm glad I did so. Time apart does wonders. It doesn't hurt now. Only my maternal granny was fuming when she saw him there. She has to learn that he'll always be the kids' gong gong. Provided I don't forget about him.
I didn't invite the rest coz it seems quite mian qiang for them to attend. For Ben's side, it's about ren qing and to a certain extent, mian zi. My side, no issues like that (no need to give mian zi). I did check with my dad, and he also agreed to leave things as status quo. My paternal granny and my dearest aunt aren't here anyway, so inviting the rest seems painful for them. I think. Although I must admit that I do enjoy their company - the wives of the husbands. Oh well.
I requested for the kids not to stay overnight at their grandparents' place after the event. MIL wasn't too thrilled about the arrangement. Ben thinks that they might miss the kids too much coz they won't get to see them from Friday night through the weekend.
What about me? EVERY SINGLE WEEK I SLOG, I LOOK FORWARD TO THE WEEKEND ONLY TO FIND THE HOUSE EMPTY.
The original idea was to let the kids stay over coz PILs may feel the vacuum after we move out. But MIL picks Abby up from school everyday and stays with the kids from 11am all the way till 8pm, or sometimes later!
I get up at 5am, slog till 7pm, only to rush dinner at home to get the small window of 'opportunity' to nurse Shalom to sleep at 8.
And like I don't miss them.
My original intention was to spend loads of time with them this short one week break. But no.
STU had to take up the first two days of my holidays. AND INFORM ME ONLY ON THE LAST DAY OF TERM 1 WEEK 10. What the hell is wrong with them? I replied saying that I couldn't make it, coz I had prior arrangements, (I overlooked in the email the part where a replacement is needed in my absence) so I CAN'T CANCEL THE #@$#$#%) TRAINING.
So two days gone.
Wed - heart check up at NHC for irregular heartbeat and heart palpitations.
Fri - FULL DAY TRAINING FOR MULTIPLE INTELLIGENCE.
That leaves only Thursday free. AND I HAVE A SCENIC MOUNTAIN RANGE AROUND MY TABLE.
My original goal for this break was to Repair (the damages done in Term 1), Recharge and Rejuvenate for Term 2 and the rest of the year. I hate the fact that we get our class allocation so late (2 days before school started in Term 1) so there's absolutely no way to prepare anything at all.
Oh well.
I had an enjoyable time today with the kids. Although I wasn't feeling too great - eyes were stinging and I felt really sleepy - I felt recharged especially when I was watching Abby at the playground. I was clearing the music files in my phone and songs were playing. The breeze was heavenly, and that moment was frozen in time. It was refreshing.
It was then when I realised that recharging doesn't have to take a week or longer.
I feel recharged when I have stuff planned out. I hate firefighting and being late. I've been doing that for the past 10 weeks.
My Urgent and Important tasks:
- 2007 Workplan for P4 Science Club
- 30 week plan for P4 Science Club
- Lit program for P4 HA kids starting Term 2 - Sing to the Dawn
- PSLE Oral Communication Skills workshop (due in Term 2 Week 1)
- Science Diagnostic Test - mark and return
- Schedule Journal Topic for fortnight entries
- EPMS Meeting
My Urgent and (not that) important tasks:
- Straighten Compo files for both English classes
- Straighten My Pals WS files for both English classes
- Straighten English Unit Worksheet Files for both English classes
- Miscellaneous worksheets to mark
- Mark compos - 3 sets for 2 classes
- Mark Science WB - plenty of work not marked
- Go through their journals
- Mark Spelling for one class
- Plan Science Remedial for the rest of the year (term at least)
- TRAISI Training
- Get my edumail sorted out - gosh, don't get me started on that
My Not Urgent but Important tasks:
- Chase teachers for Graphic Stimulus and Compre Cloze WS for the rest of the year
- Plan Scrabble competition due in May
- Come up with 6 Dictation passages to replace the Unseen Dictation
- Start drafting the kids' Report book comments
- Create supplementary worksheets to drill kids
- Set P5 EM3 paper together with my SH (we'll see what happens...)
These are the tasks flying around my head for the time being. I was supposed to get most of these cleared by the end of next Friday. Right.
I just hope my kids don't get into any more trouble. Somehow there's this impression that my kids aren't a fantastic lot. And I really don't like that. My kids are fine - just that their family background is really an issue. And I really don't like other teachers shelling my kids when they can't even manage their own. I guess it's stinking pride. It's damn sad. Even when my kids aren't talking, they still get scolded by other teachers. And I take two classes, so I know that my form class really isn't all that bad. I really need to reflect on helping them shed that poor image. It's damn irritating - and it affects my kids also. They've been getting shellings from me at the littlest trigger until they are all so disheartened. The last day of school was terribly bad. It was painful. No wonder teacher absentieesm is especially high on MUFTI days. Sad but true. The whole school was chaotic.
I panicked the day before when I saw what I had to do with the kids in my other English class. Until I found out that time table was suspended so I didn't have to manage them. But still(!), I had to get the kids to do this! The kids were supposed to bring their own plasticine, Plaster of Paris bandages (!?!?!?!?) and gold paint (?!?!!??!). I don't even teach art.
Check out the 3rd photo on that site. I bet if the kids really carried out this activity, I would have MANY phallic symbols and many discipline cases to handle. Next landmine - dealing with plaster of paris bandages. It would be totally messy! And in home clothes some more! Some rented Egyptian costumes, so it would really have been a challenge keeping them clean. Ah, whatever. And the best part - all this done in half an hour - first period of the day. YAH. RIGHT. After assembly it would be 15 mins gone.
Thank God we didn't have to do that. Last minute instructions were given via email to change the activity to some P6 hieroglyphic drawing which we didn't do as well.
As for one of the schoolwide activities, my kids had a really tough time. The LA couldn't do the stuff at all, and my 2 runners had to shuttle back and forth, even when we gave the correct answer, we were marked wrong by the prefects - repeatedly, even when we found the correct answer as well as the worksheet online. My runner said another class put another answer (which was incorrect) and got it correct, so she suggested we try that answer. Still we got it wrong. That was when the kids were really fed up and just wanted to know the answer for its own sake. The bell went off and the game ended. Fed up, searched for the answer, gave up playing. Everything went downhill from there. Even during the fashion parade, when our class representatives appeared, no one cheered. No one was in the mood to, nor did they dare. I blasted them so much for being rowdy in class that no one had the mood to do anything else. And then they got scolded for being rowdy. WAH LAU.
Maybe my management really sucks big time, and my kids are suffering for it. Perhaps I've been really too laxed with them. They should be treated like convicts or soldiers in military training, instead of curious and lively children. I should shout at them and break their wills so that they will be totally compliant. If that's the case, then I should be a columbarium caretaker instead.
I haven't had any time planning for any bash for Shalom. Just silently grateful that we've made it past the one year mark. He was clearly exhilerated when he realised we were singing the birthday song for him just after he heard his name...
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SHALOM!..."
Even when we sang the Chinese version, he clapped and was really thrilled.
Wish I caught it on video. I think a relative or two might have.
Update: Ben's sis caught it, but only the second part. Nevertheless, it's great. :) Thanks! :D Note to self: Assign videographer/photographer (Claire?) during such events.
It was a Chinese do at a Teochew restaurant. First time in my life, I invited only my mum's relatives. I did not invite my dad's. Frankly, it was only quite close to the event that I realised I forgot to invite my dad. But I did, nevertheless. I'm glad I did so. Time apart does wonders. It doesn't hurt now. Only my maternal granny was fuming when she saw him there. She has to learn that he'll always be the kids' gong gong. Provided I don't forget about him.
I didn't invite the rest coz it seems quite mian qiang for them to attend. For Ben's side, it's about ren qing and to a certain extent, mian zi. My side, no issues like that (no need to give mian zi). I did check with my dad, and he also agreed to leave things as status quo. My paternal granny and my dearest aunt aren't here anyway, so inviting the rest seems painful for them. I think. Although I must admit that I do enjoy their company - the wives of the husbands. Oh well.
I requested for the kids not to stay overnight at their grandparents' place after the event. MIL wasn't too thrilled about the arrangement. Ben thinks that they might miss the kids too much coz they won't get to see them from Friday night through the weekend.
What about me? EVERY SINGLE WEEK I SLOG, I LOOK FORWARD TO THE WEEKEND ONLY TO FIND THE HOUSE EMPTY.
The original idea was to let the kids stay over coz PILs may feel the vacuum after we move out. But MIL picks Abby up from school everyday and stays with the kids from 11am all the way till 8pm, or sometimes later!
I get up at 5am, slog till 7pm, only to rush dinner at home to get the small window of 'opportunity' to nurse Shalom to sleep at 8.
And like I don't miss them.
My original intention was to spend loads of time with them this short one week break. But no.
STU had to take up the first two days of my holidays. AND INFORM ME ONLY ON THE LAST DAY OF TERM 1 WEEK 10. What the hell is wrong with them? I replied saying that I couldn't make it, coz I had prior arrangements, (I overlooked in the email the part where a replacement is needed in my absence) so I CAN'T CANCEL THE #@$#$#%) TRAINING.
So two days gone.
Wed - heart check up at NHC for irregular heartbeat and heart palpitations.
Fri - FULL DAY TRAINING FOR MULTIPLE INTELLIGENCE.
That leaves only Thursday free. AND I HAVE A SCENIC MOUNTAIN RANGE AROUND MY TABLE.
My original goal for this break was to Repair (the damages done in Term 1), Recharge and Rejuvenate for Term 2 and the rest of the year. I hate the fact that we get our class allocation so late (2 days before school started in Term 1) so there's absolutely no way to prepare anything at all.
Oh well.
I had an enjoyable time today with the kids. Although I wasn't feeling too great - eyes were stinging and I felt really sleepy - I felt recharged especially when I was watching Abby at the playground. I was clearing the music files in my phone and songs were playing. The breeze was heavenly, and that moment was frozen in time. It was refreshing.
It was then when I realised that recharging doesn't have to take a week or longer.
I feel recharged when I have stuff planned out. I hate firefighting and being late. I've been doing that for the past 10 weeks.
My Urgent and Important tasks:
- 2007 Workplan for P4 Science Club
- 30 week plan for P4 Science Club
- Lit program for P4 HA kids starting Term 2 - Sing to the Dawn
- PSLE Oral Communication Skills workshop (due in Term 2 Week 1)
- Science Diagnostic Test - mark and return
- Schedule Journal Topic for fortnight entries
- EPMS Meeting
My Urgent and (not that) important tasks:
- Straighten Compo files for both English classes
- Straighten My Pals WS files for both English classes
- Straighten English Unit Worksheet Files for both English classes
- Miscellaneous worksheets to mark
- Mark compos - 3 sets for 2 classes
- Mark Science WB - plenty of work not marked
- Go through their journals
- Mark Spelling for one class
- Plan Science Remedial for the rest of the year (term at least)
- TRAISI Training
- Get my edumail sorted out - gosh, don't get me started on that
My Not Urgent but Important tasks:
- Chase teachers for Graphic Stimulus and Compre Cloze WS for the rest of the year
- Plan Scrabble competition due in May
- Come up with 6 Dictation passages to replace the Unseen Dictation
- Start drafting the kids' Report book comments
- Create supplementary worksheets to drill kids
- Set P5 EM3 paper together with my SH (we'll see what happens...)
These are the tasks flying around my head for the time being. I was supposed to get most of these cleared by the end of next Friday. Right.
I just hope my kids don't get into any more trouble. Somehow there's this impression that my kids aren't a fantastic lot. And I really don't like that. My kids are fine - just that their family background is really an issue. And I really don't like other teachers shelling my kids when they can't even manage their own. I guess it's stinking pride. It's damn sad. Even when my kids aren't talking, they still get scolded by other teachers. And I take two classes, so I know that my form class really isn't all that bad. I really need to reflect on helping them shed that poor image. It's damn irritating - and it affects my kids also. They've been getting shellings from me at the littlest trigger until they are all so disheartened. The last day of school was terribly bad. It was painful. No wonder teacher absentieesm is especially high on MUFTI days. Sad but true. The whole school was chaotic.
I panicked the day before when I saw what I had to do with the kids in my other English class. Until I found out that time table was suspended so I didn't have to manage them. But still(!), I had to get the kids to do this! The kids were supposed to bring their own plasticine, Plaster of Paris bandages (!?!?!?!?) and gold paint (?!?!!??!). I don't even teach art.
Check out the 3rd photo on that site. I bet if the kids really carried out this activity, I would have MANY phallic symbols and many discipline cases to handle. Next landmine - dealing with plaster of paris bandages. It would be totally messy! And in home clothes some more! Some rented Egyptian costumes, so it would really have been a challenge keeping them clean. Ah, whatever. And the best part - all this done in half an hour - first period of the day. YAH. RIGHT. After assembly it would be 15 mins gone.
Thank God we didn't have to do that. Last minute instructions were given via email to change the activity to some P6 hieroglyphic drawing which we didn't do as well.
As for one of the schoolwide activities, my kids had a really tough time. The LA couldn't do the stuff at all, and my 2 runners had to shuttle back and forth, even when we gave the correct answer, we were marked wrong by the prefects - repeatedly, even when we found the correct answer as well as the worksheet online. My runner said another class put another answer (which was incorrect) and got it correct, so she suggested we try that answer. Still we got it wrong. That was when the kids were really fed up and just wanted to know the answer for its own sake. The bell went off and the game ended. Fed up, searched for the answer, gave up playing. Everything went downhill from there. Even during the fashion parade, when our class representatives appeared, no one cheered. No one was in the mood to, nor did they dare. I blasted them so much for being rowdy in class that no one had the mood to do anything else. And then they got scolded for being rowdy. WAH LAU.
Maybe my management really sucks big time, and my kids are suffering for it. Perhaps I've been really too laxed with them. They should be treated like convicts or soldiers in military training, instead of curious and lively children. I should shout at them and break their wills so that they will be totally compliant. If that's the case, then I should be a columbarium caretaker instead.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Abby's Development at 31 Months
Abby just turned 31 months yesterday. Gosh, she's past the big THREE O. My turn next. :P Anyway, she's been developing so fast she now a young lady!
Schooling
Abby's been going to her new school for nine weeks already. Previously, while she was attending that expensive childcare (not that expensive but still not worth the money - $400 plus after subsidy for half day care per month), she cried everytime she was dropped in school and when we picked her up. She also fell ill really often and most of the time, I didn't see the kids occupied. In fact, the classroom was almost always bare (except for meet the parent session) and the kids would literally be all over the place - under the chairs, tables, lying on the floor, etc. They had only two or three sets of toys - $5 for a small bin of connecting toys, and the kids were bored. Even when we first visited the place - the principal showed us around the large and spacious area - the pre-nursery kids were only confined to a small room most of the time. So no point showing us the whole place right?
Nevertheless, that place had merits. The teachers put in a lot of effort to train the kids to perform at the annual graduation concert. We bought the DVD and watched Abby's performance. It was amazing. If and when I have the free time, I might upload it. Oh well.
Now, with the new school, Abby stopped crying after the second day. She looks forward to going to school everyday and when she is picked up, she's all fine and cheery! More importantly, she's stopped falling ill so frequently. As a result, Shalom as well. Previously, she'd be falling ill almost every other week, but now, thank God, she's much stronger. Maybe she got her full immunisation then! :)
Reading
She's now able to read a couple of words, mostly due to flashcards. I haven't been diligent, so she hasn't been picking up new words. Her list:
* Jesus
* Daddy
* Mummy
* Shalom
* Abigail
* Lina
* no (She goes, "N, O, no!" and shakes her head. So cute!)
* kiss
* milk
* Hi-5
* bathe
* toes
She's really like how Glenn Doman describes - flashing must be done fast. Do it slowly and try explaining the spelling and she'll definitely be bored. So flash the 5 cards, 1 sec each, each time reading the word, and after all 5 are flashed, praise the kid for just learning - i.e. looking. Don't make the kid spell or even recite. They'll pick it up naturally. And it works. 5 sets of 5 cards, 3 times a day, change one card per day after the 5th day.
I'm still at my first lot since last year. And I haven't changed any cards yet. I'm that undisciplined and busy. Yet she's picking them up.
Potty Training
Potty training wise, she's been fully trained slightly after she turned two. She transited smoothly for night-time training as well. However, there were times when she came home with soiled undies when she was still at the old school (she left in Dec 06)- from what the teachers in the previous school said, she didn't tell anyone she wanted to go. However, now there doesn't seem to be any problem. Now our goal is trying to put all her acquired skills together - pull potty out (she also goes on adult bowl but needs assistance), pull clothes down, sit on potty, wipe herself, and pull clothes up.
She's real cute - took her to the bathroom once and she extended the session coz she had a tummy ache. So she said, "Abigail got stomachache. Very painful." Scrunched face. Then smiled. When I asked her whether she was done, she had that thoughtful look and said, "Haven't yet. Abigail got stomachache. Wait." :)
She's really affectionate but doesn't allow Shalom to play anything. However, it seems that now he's able to resist her. Oh well. Doesn't help very much with slight favoritism from the grandparents. Hopefully during the short hols I'll be able to spend more time with the kids. :)
Schooling
Abby's been going to her new school for nine weeks already. Previously, while she was attending that expensive childcare (not that expensive but still not worth the money - $400 plus after subsidy for half day care per month), she cried everytime she was dropped in school and when we picked her up. She also fell ill really often and most of the time, I didn't see the kids occupied. In fact, the classroom was almost always bare (except for meet the parent session) and the kids would literally be all over the place - under the chairs, tables, lying on the floor, etc. They had only two or three sets of toys - $5 for a small bin of connecting toys, and the kids were bored. Even when we first visited the place - the principal showed us around the large and spacious area - the pre-nursery kids were only confined to a small room most of the time. So no point showing us the whole place right?
Nevertheless, that place had merits. The teachers put in a lot of effort to train the kids to perform at the annual graduation concert. We bought the DVD and watched Abby's performance. It was amazing. If and when I have the free time, I might upload it. Oh well.
Now, with the new school, Abby stopped crying after the second day. She looks forward to going to school everyday and when she is picked up, she's all fine and cheery! More importantly, she's stopped falling ill so frequently. As a result, Shalom as well. Previously, she'd be falling ill almost every other week, but now, thank God, she's much stronger. Maybe she got her full immunisation then! :)
Reading
She's now able to read a couple of words, mostly due to flashcards. I haven't been diligent, so she hasn't been picking up new words. Her list:
* Jesus
* Daddy
* Mummy
* Shalom
* Abigail
* Lina
* no (She goes, "N, O, no!" and shakes her head. So cute!)
* kiss
* milk
* Hi-5
* bathe
* toes
She's really like how Glenn Doman describes - flashing must be done fast. Do it slowly and try explaining the spelling and she'll definitely be bored. So flash the 5 cards, 1 sec each, each time reading the word, and after all 5 are flashed, praise the kid for just learning - i.e. looking. Don't make the kid spell or even recite. They'll pick it up naturally. And it works. 5 sets of 5 cards, 3 times a day, change one card per day after the 5th day.
I'm still at my first lot since last year. And I haven't changed any cards yet. I'm that undisciplined and busy. Yet she's picking them up.
Potty Training
Potty training wise, she's been fully trained slightly after she turned two. She transited smoothly for night-time training as well. However, there were times when she came home with soiled undies when she was still at the old school (she left in Dec 06)- from what the teachers in the previous school said, she didn't tell anyone she wanted to go. However, now there doesn't seem to be any problem. Now our goal is trying to put all her acquired skills together - pull potty out (she also goes on adult bowl but needs assistance), pull clothes down, sit on potty, wipe herself, and pull clothes up.
She's real cute - took her to the bathroom once and she extended the session coz she had a tummy ache. So she said, "Abigail got stomachache. Very painful." Scrunched face. Then smiled. When I asked her whether she was done, she had that thoughtful look and said, "Haven't yet. Abigail got stomachache. Wait." :)
She's really affectionate but doesn't allow Shalom to play anything. However, it seems that now he's able to resist her. Oh well. Doesn't help very much with slight favoritism from the grandparents. Hopefully during the short hols I'll be able to spend more time with the kids. :)
Friday, March 02, 2007
A better week ahead
Went to the polyclinic last Thursday because my heart was not in good order. Have been referred to the National Heart Centre during the March school holidays. Then, this week:
* one of my kid's parents suddenly passed away
* another kid admitted coz he passed out a lot of blood
* another one (in fact my whole class) was suspected of vandalising some other kid's book
* another one got his glasses smashed while playing table-tennis!?! Cornea injured.
* 3 heros in my class stuck their locker keys into the electrical socket and then TURNED IT ON. Mini explosion in class, power tripped. Thank God no injuries or deaths.
I'm just so glad the week is almost over. It was supposed to be theircontinual assessment diagnostic test week.
I'm just so tired. My daffodil is dying. I really hope I can find the time to post some pictures on my two lovelies up. Shalom's turning one next week. Time really's passing so fast. I am staying too long in school. I miss them so much.
I really look forward to the school holidays.
New jobs on my plate - just received this week: Workshop for parents to prepare for PSLE Oral Exam (fast deal - in two weeks' time); LIt program for P4 high ability pupils (bigger deal), head the Science Club for P4s (BIG DEAL!). How else will I be stretched?
Oh. Full force worship ministry in April. 3 Saturdays in March.
I need to appreciate the Friday evenings and Saturdays I have by myself. If only I can get over the 'missing ben and the kids' part. :'(
Next week will be great. It'd better be.
* one of my kid's parents suddenly passed away
* another kid admitted coz he passed out a lot of blood
* another one (in fact my whole class) was suspected of vandalising some other kid's book
* another one got his glasses smashed while playing table-tennis!?! Cornea injured.
* 3 heros in my class stuck their locker keys into the electrical socket and then TURNED IT ON. Mini explosion in class, power tripped. Thank God no injuries or deaths.
I'm just so glad the week is almost over. It was supposed to be their
I'm just so tired. My daffodil is dying. I really hope I can find the time to post some pictures on my two lovelies up. Shalom's turning one next week. Time really's passing so fast. I am staying too long in school. I miss them so much.
I really look forward to the school holidays.
New jobs on my plate - just received this week: Workshop for parents to prepare for PSLE Oral Exam (fast deal - in two weeks' time); LIt program for P4 high ability pupils (bigger deal), head the Science Club for P4s (BIG DEAL!). How else will I be stretched?
Oh. Full force worship ministry in April. 3 Saturdays in March.
I need to appreciate the Friday evenings and Saturdays I have by myself. If only I can get over the 'missing ben and the kids' part. :'(
Next week will be great. It'd better be.
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