A Tough Reminder

Screaming at trees and children

Many parents, perhaps the majority, admit to losing their tempers and screaming at their kids from time to time. Usually we shrug it off assuming that not much harm was done. But is that really the case?

Deep in the woods of the Solomon Islands lives a tribe of villagers who practice a strange form of logging. When a tree is too large to be felled with an axe, they bring it down by yelling at it. Tribesmen believed to have special powers sneak up on the tree at dawn and scream at the top of their lungs. Day after day, they repeat this practice. Eventually, the tree dies and falls to the ground. "It kills the spirit of the tree," they say.

Well, I admit that I'm a bit skeptical of thie practice and that it works on trees, but I'll you this much: It will sure bring down a human being. If you want to kill someone's spirit, yelling is a great way to get it done.

And no spirit on earth is more fragile than that of a child. Though we mean no harm when we scream and shout at our kids, is there really nothing harmless about it? It's humiliating, and it's discouraging to children, and it often leaves scars that will last for a lifetime.

Admittedly, children will be irresponsible at times, and they're going to get on our nerves every now and then. Still, they deserve-and need-to be treated with dignity and respect. Resist the temptation to yell at them.

Taken from Today, Thursday, 25th January 2007

Although this article is written for parents, it is especially significant to me as an educator. It is week 5 of the year, and many colleagues have already lost their voice at least once. I hate the feeling in my throat after I yell at the kids. My body can take long days, but once I yell, even once, my throat starts feeling funny.

My mentor & I resolved last Friday not to scream at the students this week. That was before this article was published. Needless to say, we yelled at them so we reflected and decided not to. Oh well, I yelled once this week. Other than that, when I wasn't yelling, I observed many things.

First of all, when I wasn't yelling, the kids listened better. At only 10, they've learnt to shut out pain - that includes our shelling. It's a self-defence mechanism at work. Especially the once that are most difficult and most testing. Those that are openly defiant especially when you shout at them to sit down so that you can begin your lesson.

Without shouting/yelling, I was forced to get the kids on task. I also paid attention to them - as human beings. Then numerous realisations hit me.

1. These kids are bored. Honestly, if I had to teach from the textbook, I'd be real bored as well. They are bored (and so am I) because they see little purpose in school. The faraway PSLE doesn't do much to motivate them. Also, they are so used to multitasking (think multiple windows, internet, iTunes, cable, MSN, etc) vs paying attention to the teacher. During our time, we, as students, probably were able to last about 20-30minutes. These kids aren't anywhere near there. Even if they are, the entertainer has to be really entertaining. Even with enjoyable tv programs, they are used to commercial breaks. How then can we fault them for being restless?

2. There are various ways of learning. Majority of the kids aren't auditory learners, so whatever we say won't even reach their ears. I tried this - I was 'supposed to' scold them, but I explained to them in a strange way, saying, "Alright, at this point, normally I will scold you. But since you won't listen anyway, and it really takes lotsa energy to scold, and most importantly, it'll waste time, then what I'll do is, we'll just take 2 minutes. Just imagine me scolding you." And then I watched the clock for 2 minutes. It worked simply because we were heading out to the computer lab for some fun. So they felt the pain of wasted time. I wouldn't recommend this for the normal talk and chalk lesson, coz that's precisely what they want. They literally felt the time wasting away. Lesson learnt. Back to various learning styles. Quite a number are visual learners, so I prepare my specific but simple instructions on powerpoint - quick job, saves me time to yell again and again, and most can't hear me anyway - and leave it on when they're doing work. It really saves repeating - energy and time.

3. Setting the agenda on the board for the day really helps them to follow through with me, instead of them feeling bombarded or led by the nose. When they know how many more items are there to go, they'll gladly do so. This visual aid also reminds me what's to be done.

4. They actually love to work. It's when there's lotsa teacher talk and no work that frustrates them. So this week, most lessons have been hands-on, IT-based, drama, group work, discussion. In fact, my form class is about to adopt an endangered animal. For real. Amazing! But they didn't do very well for the report. Oh well.

5. Structure activities so that they actually have opportunities to get out of their seat. Normally I would distribute all worksheets, get them to do them, then hand up to the leader (now known as Task Captain). But what I did on Friday was to term the worksheets as 'Levels' (like games), finish Level 1, put worksheet in front, ascend to Level 2, etc... kinda shuttle run style but no running. Everyone enjoyed the chance to get out of their seat. They didn't abuse it, thank God.

6. Setting up a blog really helps to facilitate things. I get to put up English interactive lessons and games and the kids who have computer access can go there and explore. One of my weaker pupils actually enjoyed this site! But my regret? Putting up the tagboard. They've been flooding the board and one of them - an anonymous creature - has been using vulgar words. IP banned, but would that frustrate him even more?

7. Not screaming especially at those 'characters' actually provided bonding opportunities. One of them (who's an untouchable coz the parent will sue anyone and everyone) whom I've yelled at actually showed me a magic card trick. Ben thinks it's an accomplishment. :)

8. One kid had a major meltdown on Thursday. We were supposed to have spelling, and the kids around him were badgering him to follow my given format. He was extremely resistant, and I was the last straw that broke the camel's back. Although I was firm (yet gentle), he seemingly obliged but threw the book at the table after I walked away. He's really got social-emotional issues - I've had a few encounters with him and definitely has special needs. When I walked to him again, he refused to get started on his spelling and walked out of the class. Not the first time - he does that everytime the class gets too noisy. He'll just sit outside, calm himself down then return. But this time he disappeared. As expected, he returned after awhile but he packed his bag. He just wanted to walk off for good this time. I held him back and he started screaming and growling. I kept holding him and saying, "It's ok, it's ok." Usually I would've have gotten into a shouting match. But this time, instincts told me he really needed help. I asked him if he wanted to return to his parents, and he started sobbing in my arms and nodded. He wanted to go back into his 'hole' and said that his granny was waiting for him. I managed to get him to stay, and provided the priviledge of being the first to leave when the bell rang. I just couldn't trust that the granny would pick him up 25 minutes before dismissal. She might not even be there. So he stayed on and the lesson continued. The class was shocked by the entire saga and we had some finger fun and Simon says, kinda business as usual. That boy even contributed quite a bit when we had to do vocab. The next day, he asked me when he could do his spelling. It's almost as if he's 2 separate persons. When I spoke to the Chinese teacher, she said I should have restrained him when he first wanted to walk out. I said I did (only when he packed his bag) and the whole hooha happened. Thank God I didn't yell at him. It would have been worse.

9. Because there was no yelling, one of my 'characters' even helped me do admin stuff after school. Usually there'll be some kind of resistance, but because of the peaceful dealings (i.e. no yelling) he was keen to help me as he had time before his soccer. He was a really good help I must say. Sadly, I learnt that his parent has been really violent with him in the name of discipline and he's recording all the violence down so that he can get back next time. Heart pain.

10. The overall atmosphere is much better now. As for my form class, I'm really enjoying my time there. They're keen to learn and they seem to have begun dreaming of the impossible. One of them asked me, "You mean it's possible to be a female pilot?" "Why not?" "You mean we can publish our own books?" "Why not?" And then you see their eyes light up. Shiok. :D

This week's resolutions:
- Be more sensitive to pupils' needs and help them see that they're not too young to start contributing to society. This week's topic which is long overdue - people with disabilities and personal recount also known as diary writing. I'd rather call it blogging. :)
- No yelling, no screaming, no shouting.
- Take time out for lunch.
- Leave for home early at least one day a week - Tuesday.

Purposeful Engagement, Positive Experience.
That's my motto. We'll see how things go this week.

Quickies

So many things have zoomed by and I haven't had time to pant. I've got CCA in exactly 8 minutes' time and I couldn't resist the urge to jot down some stuff before I disappear. I've started a site for my P4 kids, and now they know MRS TEO HAS A BLOG! But no,... this is private. Hopefully can keep as private. The teaching blog is here. I started it coz the site I wanted them to access had such a long URL I would have died halfway while telling them to type the address in. So there.

Homewise, Abby was scratched by another girl over a toy two days ago. Eversince then, she's been slightly different. More distant, gets agitated very easily, especially during sleep. The last time she was bitten, she was also like that - until she burst out crying in church out of a sudden during service. And then she was better. Delivered. Now, at nights, she's so feisty it's such a pain seeing her rest this way. Somehow she isn't even sucking her thumb! So she can't be pacified. She kept refusing her thumb, even in her sleep. It's really quite worrying.

Shalom's started crawling, and gets really excited when he sees me come home from work. Demands quite a bit of attention from me, Abby seems left out. He needs to be nursed to sleep, and Abby just quietly lies down waiting for me to join her after he sleeps, if ever. Sometimes she falls asleep before he does. :( I really miss her very much.

Have been given the responsibilities of an English level rep, and after clearing the bulk of my duties - I didn't know what most of them were, being super blur- some colleagues are friendlier now coz I have eased their lives by providing worksheets and more work. As for my own work, I need to design more engaging activities so that the kids are really interested in learning instead of just learning for whatever's sake. Today's lesson showed them that they really didn't know their stuff... without the pain and the shame of seeing red marks. Yucks. They'll most likely visit the site again when they reach home. Everyone was engaged! :D

Okie. 1.30. Gotta go. Wished I had more time to take more photos of the kids. They are growing up too quickly. :'(

My Beloved iBook

It's amazing the world of difference my iBook makes on my office work table. I feel empowered already. :) Woohoo!

The slowpoke has been abandoned to the Abyss. Now my beloved baby is here. I'm just thinking if I can survive without it at home. Hmmm...

In the Thick of Things

Seems that the stress level in moving house is right up there with divorce and death. Throw in a recent birth and a career 'change' - from being a student to a teacher. Those are major events. Not so major ones (but still very significant) - finally finishing probation for worship ministry in church - I got to go on stage on the first service of 2007, Abigail starting school, Abby's poor eye health, Shalom's shocking episode of a leaky ear, getting a new car (we collected our Wish on Saturday), my stuff's not organised - everything's all over the place - at home and in school, the classroom's not done up, getting a foreign student who knows nuts about English in my already rather weak class (just kill me), having a handful of hyperactive kids in an already distracted class for my other class, taking double English for P4 not realising that i dislike hate nagging and repeating myself...

What a load.

My body's not taking it very well. Have been having headaches that's associated with the gas in the tummy. The more gas, the worse the headache. It doesn't help that I haven't been able to rest well coz Shalom's sick again and I'm on night shift. I'm shuttling between rooms in the middle of the night and I have to get up at 5 the next morning. I was almost late on Monday and Ben was stuck in a terrible jam coz morning traffic home was horrendous. Last night I resorted to sleeping in the kids' room. Thank God Shalom stayed asleep most of the time. The night before he kept waking up and fussing because of blocked nose (I guess) and at one point I jumped out of my sleep and caught him crawling away, almost off the bed. Another time he was falling off our platform bed, face stuffed in the gap between the huge feather pillow and the mattress.

And I have to get up at 5. If I get to sleep, that is.

Last night, I forgot to set my alarm. I woke up hearing the phone alarm from Ben's phone in the other room. Thank God, otherwise it'll be terrible. Didn't have enough time so I didn't pump in the morning. Was terribly engorged by 3.30pm in the afternoon. Had to rush back, with two huge stacks of chicken scratch to mark.

Workwise, I have been given the honour of being the level's English rep. The last time I remember feeling so stupid was when I was in the hotel. I lost my job because of prolonged stupidity. I am feeling that same kind of stupidity again. I'm expected to know EVERYTHING and how things run at the LEVEL REP level. Thank God there are very helpful colleagues to tide me through this time. The last thing I want is to affect my colleagues because of my incompetency - like getting the spelling list out. I'm already screwed for the minutes of the last meeting (not out yet), the spelling list (also not out) and the English worksheets (don't know what on earth they specifically are). See how screwed?

Tried to requisite for a laptop. The current batch is due for condemnation. I think I"ll take my iBook to work tomorrow. Forget about the various connection - the laptop I requisited was still opening up Microsoft word when I was at contact time today. Damn slow man. I could literally see my stress level meter increase with the laggy laptop.

It really helps to offload. I am feeling slightly better actually. Though I still feel like I'm close to tears, at least I'm able to press on and not give up. Out of all these things, the only thing that upsets me is that my body isn't coping very well - it is very disabling. The bubbles in my tummy seem to have stopped. Now I can start tackling these obstacles one at a time.

Oh, and did I mention that the non-shopper me has NO CLOTHES TO WEAR? And I HATE SHOPPING. Especially for shoes - coz I have gloriously big feet and I hate hearing "I"m sorry, we don't have your size." I don't usually pay full price for shoes coz we've been living on single income and cash isn't free-flowing. I usually wear shoes to their deaths and then literally drag my feet (Ben drags me actually) to get new shoes. So now, with work, I'm in serious trouble. No fitting shoes - my feet have been hurting - and only about 5 pieces of top to play around with. And I don't like to wear the same piece twice in a week. Help. What has added to the problem is that the new head requires female staff to be dressed in sleeved attire. So no sleeveless. 80% of my wardrobe is condemned. I've been watching my other female colleagues get around this obstacle - everyone's been wearing this short cropped jacket. I think I'll look really odd in it. I'm damn old-fashioned man.

Enough grumbling. Back to solution-focused management.

Oh. One good thing that happened today - I finally saw Abby in her kindy school uniform. Today's the fifth day of school. What a lousy mother.

The Difference between a Father and a Mother

Ben took Abby to school yesterday. Seems she was pretty clingy. But Ben stood at a distance and let her mingle with her new friends and teachers. Ben showed me a photo of her engaged in an activity. Upon closer inspection, it seemed like she was doing fractions. Wah.

Today, parents weren't allowed to accompany their kids. So Ben handed Abby over to her teacher and left. She clinged on to Ben for her dear life. But within 5 minutes, she was playing with other kids and her toys. It was really quick. Ben even took a video of her playing with some toys. When her granny picked her up after school, she didn't burst out crying like how she used to do so at the previous childcare. My MIL was very surprised. Her teacher even said that Abby was very well-behaved and even played with other kids. We of little faith. We expected her to yell her lungs out, but she was happy in her new environment.

I've learnt NOT to be there during such events. I'm way too soft-hearted. Formerly at the childcare, I almost whipped her home after hearing her cry non-stop on the third day. I was there for the first 2 days. It was heart-wrenching. And she cried for a long time after that. Even when she finally settled down. At times she would be fine, then burst out crying when my MIL picks her up at the end of her session. Ben does a much better job of dropping her off at school. Coz Abby 'takes Angel to school' (not that she's going to school, but she's accompanying her toy angel to school). Ben'll pray with her every morning before dropping her off, and that really helps her to adjust. Once we asked her whom she saw at her previous childcare. And she replied, "Jesus." :)

I'm just glad she's here - in a Christian environment, with caring and loving teachers, highly engaging with preferred teaching philosophies. I just hope I can teach that way too. :P

Strange. So Strange.

I was talking to my kids in class. No yelling, just speaking to the whole bunch. My throat felt a lil' sore, but nothing serious. Suddenly, I tasted blood. Then I started feeling very light-headed. My throat went numb. No more soreness.

What was that all about?