Trapped

It was a bad dream. Yet, this time round, I surprised even myself. I woke up feeling horrible. Wondered about it for a while. Then life started. I miss Abby so much.

Had dinner and conversation with Ben's family tonite. Ben got really tipsy. Drank quite a bit. And left the pregnant wife while he was lost in his thoughts and his conversations. Not that the pregnant wife minded, but just that through the dark alley, thank God for a brother-in-law who realised that his wife's sister-in-law is pregnant. Rather heavily in fact. And trying to get around a dark alley without falling apart.

Sense of belonging. The last time I felt that was probably in Perth. At Queenie's. Thereafter it's been downhill. Perhaps when I was at Poi Ching. That was the other time when I felt I belonged. Maybe that's why my heart yearns to go back there. Otherwise I just wanna take Abby and run. To look for a place where I can belong. Maybe I'm just being selfish. Probably am.

This nite is just one of those nites when I feel sick in the stomach. And it's not morning sickness. It'll go away and I'll resume succumbing to being a meek person again.

Sigh. It gets tiring after a while. When will the ride be over? I wanna get off.

Hopefully when I wake up tomorrow, I'll feel better.