Changes

I'm moving over to vox if everything works out well. It's been quite frustrating blogging without photos, and vox basically allows me to blog from my N82. At first i thought i had to upload to Flickr which has been a pain as well because i didn't realise my account is stuffed with photos from long ago and i have no time to housekeep. Oh well. Hopefully vox won't fail me. Goodbye blogger. I'll miss you.

Comfort

Am feeling way much better. Bless Ben for his heart. I was miserable throughout last night because I yelled at Abby, but things became better this morning. We even managed to go our regular Thai restaurant for our weekly fix. Today, we ate A LOT. It was so good. I was smiling after that! :) during the lunch, ben suggested i arrange for a massage- self care. So i went for one after lunch. When i stepped in, it seemed i looked so fatigued the people there just understood and didn't dish out any courtesy crap. Usually they're really friendly, but today, the manager just saw me and gave me a super-sympathetic look. I came out much fresher. The therapist used a fantastic massage gel on me that literally melted away my knots! A heavy investment, and i would really love to get it. Without it, the massage wouldn't be as effective. But it's really pricey! Although the therapist wasn't my regular one, she's also really good. Thank God for today. I managed to finish 3 stacks of marking, but poor kids got slightly neglected by mummy. I asked Abby why i yelled at her yesterday, and she said rhd didn't know. Anyway, i apologised to her for yelling needlessly. She's forgiven me! :)

Was doing a bit of bedtime reading, and abby chose one of her favourite books "It's not easy being a bunny". She can almost read half the book by herself! :) i would read the non-repetitive parts while she'd do the repeated but sequentially-lengthened paragraphs. At first i thought she'd memorised the texts, later, when i pointed out the words at random to her, she could read them! Words such as 'bear, bird, beaver, pig, possum, skunk'! I'm so thrilled! :)

Anyway, I suspect my monthly cycle is fooling around with my moods. Ben reminded me to be thankful for not getting hfmd! That would mean i actually have one week of teaching time instead of taking MCs. Thank God indeed! :D

Leave. Me. Alone.

I snapped at Abby and Shalom last night. They were fighting over the nesting dolls and neither would give in. I yelled at them so sternly and terrified Abby. Shalom held his tears back but Abby was shocked. I broke down. After Abby called Ben (who was at cell), Abby came over to hug me.

How could I do this to my own kids?

The stress of the week has really taken its toll on me. The pressure of not being able to say no. Dealing with the stupidity of some people which led to me fixing up the mess after I returned after the extremely taxing break taking care of two kids who were sick and fussy. Having to plan for lesson observation because of my poor scheduling.

I snapped.

I have almost reached my breaking point.

I snapped earlier yesterday in my English/Science class. We've been collecting the Young Scientist projects, and I had returned the project 3 times to a particular group to get them to change their answers. But no, three times they returned it to me with the same answer. I got really fed up. Here's what they wrote:

Q: How is NEWater generated and give two of its uses.
A: NEWater is from our urine and we drink our own urine. It is purified by urine. It is healthier and it is more refreshing.

And these two girls are my good pupils. They refused to talk to me after that. I refused to look at them also.

Another incident: My kids often confide in me regarding the class politics because I take action. As a result, they don't fool around because they know I care. So two boys came to me to tell me that two other boys have been fighting. So I intervened. I found out that their history dates back to last year, in this colleague's class. She overheard and later told me, "My class doesn't have these issues."

Yah right. Because you cannot be bothered.

I'm fed up and bitchy. I'm pissed. I need rest. Exams are coming and I do not have enough time to revise with my classes. The stacks of marking have risen high, and I have brought marking home. I cannot rest well. I need a breakthrough.

It's Finally Friday!

Finally, the madness of this week is over. I cannot describe how thrilled I am. The madness is gone! Woohoo!

I finally managed to sit down today to mark & tally 3 stacks of worksheets, within good time. It's become a luxury-to sit down and mark. My kids and I had just returned from NEWater, so they had some time to kill. They offered their time and services and asked me if i needed any help. Of course! Now, i have 2 tasks almost completed by them! Praise the Lord! One's a reading tree project that's been on hold for the longest time because it just takes up too much time. The other is a tally of their work which takes up time and is not really worth it. So, thank God they took over!

During the trip, one of my boys who had been trying to tell me something the whole day managed to get his message across. He, on his own accord, passed a nomination form around to vote for a preferred Twisted Tales project (which went bad yesterday during the selection process). So it's done! Praise the Lord! Wow. Amazing.

Plus, some angels from my class came up to me, chuckling, telling me to go to our school's Expression Corner. Thankfully, my RO Jo reminded me coz she saw the msg-it was about how life's hard but it's fun coz they're in my class! :D they can be the sweetest at times! :) *touched*

God's been good. I've had favour with parents, students and colleagues. All glory to Him! :)

More Fatigued

I slept. I woke up. Now my head's spinning and vision's getting blurred. I still have to stay back for the P5 NAPFA test because we're short of teachers. The first thing I told my EL class today was that, if I faint, just run off and get the office staff. I am about to collapse. Yet I cannot rest.

Let's see, this week (coming back from 4day intensive child care):
Mon - PSLE Oral (Reserve but got activated anyway)
Tue - PSLE Oral
Wed - NAPFA
Thu - Speech & Drama workshop
Fri - Visit to NEWater Plant

All these activities take place AFTER SCHOOL and end about 5plus. The school closes at 6.30. Thereafter my time with the kids do not allow me to look at my marking. During curriculum time there is NO WAY to mark with the constant interruptions and lesson preparation. The worst thing to happen is to walk into a class UNPREPARED.

And the marking is getting taller.

God, help me please.

Fatigued

I am so tired. After 6 testing days of nursing sick grouchy kids, i went back to school only to find my desk overwhelmed by submissions and unmarked work. I stacked it up on my table today, and it came close to my shoulder. A concerned parent asked if i could have the possibility of contracting the dreadful disease. If i have, the 1st thing i'd do is bring back my marking. My students are having their compo exam in 2 weeks' time. And i can't finish marking. I'm going to bed now so that i can get up early to clear some stuff. If i'm well enough.

Post Quarantine Effects

As I approach the end of this quarantine, I realise I love my job a lot. Strangely, before this nightmare started, these two lines kept running through my head:

Being a parent makes me a better teacher;
and being a teacher makes me a better parent.

I REALLY CANNOT DENY THAT. It's been 5.5 days taking care of 2 lovely kids and I really think I love them better when I'm a full-fledged teacher and not a SAHM. In fact, I get recharged just clearing my work email. I love my job a lot, really. Being a temporary SAHM (Stay at Home Mum) is really way tougher than being a teacher to 80 kids. 80 kids, I can handle. But two toddler/pre-schooler? ARGH. They are like endless phonecalls that are asking for you, emails that require and IMMEDIATE reply and the Management chasing you for deadlines - ALL WHILE TEACHING! Ok, I exaggerate. But the tantrums and the fights - gosh. I surrender.

My colleagues in school still can't understand why I love going to school on Mondays. It's pretty unexplainable - just that I love my job so that I can love my kids better. :) Possibly too much of a good thing can turn out otherwise. It doesn't help that there is pain going all around - so the tantrums are expected. Still, argh. I think I might give homeschooling a miss. They might have to repeat P1 if I teach them myself... at 16.

Please Use Your Hand To Take Your Foot & Put It In My Mouth

Abby enjoyed her ballet class on Sunday and was bright and chirpy as usual. She even called the boys to come downstairs as instructed as we turned at the junction approaching the carpark. A while later, she pretty much went lethargic and was burning. Her heart was racing and was running a fever. When we got home, she registered 39.2. Sponged her and gave her paracetomol-didn't have burofen. The next day, her fever went up and down. Took her to the clinic after i got home from school and the doctor was sick too. So we went to a different one. I asked if it was HFMD, and he said he was suspecting that too. Checked the mouth and saw many mini blisters on the cheek and palate. He pointed out some reddish parts on her hands and foot as well. Yet he refused to confirm. 3 days mc to keep both of us away from school. When i got out of the clinic, i waited for a long time for ben to end his conversation before i broke the news to him. We then had to decide whether and when to quarantine shalom at ben's parents' place. We separated them at night and thought his mum could pick the boy up in the afternoon. But by tennish he started becoming feverish and it shot up to 39.6 in less than 15 minutes when we decided to take him to the doc for a check up. Also suspected to have the same virus.

His fever's been on a roller-coaster, and so has been his mood. Personally, i've been having this biting sensation on my lips and in my mouth since saturday. I had the impression that it was a super-efficient toothpaste that we changed to the other day, or it could be that new moisturiser that possibly has some strange effect. Anyway, the adults are feeling less than optimal right now, and i hope that we survive this unscath. This is not like chicken pox where one develops immunity after 1 round. Anyway i just received a call from a church co-worker- it seems one of the kids got it too, but we didn't go this week. So we're just wondering how long exactly is the incubation period. Oh well. Anyway i'm really worried all sides, even for my classes. They've been on their own with a non-teaching relief teacher. She doesn't teach anything and just tries to maintain discipline. Very worried. I tried giving work, but most work i have needs guidance. I really hope i don't have to pick up the pieces when i get back. I hope i can get back by friday and not take mc. I feel the prickly sensation on my lips and in my mouth again. I really hope it's not anything serious. Yet i've never had such a feeling before. Argh. Damn the virus.

Goals for this month

I must be up to date with my marking. Asked a colleague who mentioned she's drowning in her marking how many outstanding stacks she had, then I realised I'm in serious trouble. I don't even know how many stacks i have, just that it's never ending.

On a brighter note, we had a mini family gathering today! Had dinner at my place in honour of my aunt michelle, uncle mike and godson Matthew. I'm a lousy godma whose always overwhelmed by the busy-ness of life. Had a great time catching up, and I forgot to take photos!

Ben took childcare leave today and prepared the house for the gathering. He even put up the wall stickers in the kids' room! It's gorgeous! :) we're contemplating whether to remove the ikea stickers on the Docent coz the theme is really different from the animal wall stickers. Anyway, now that the kids' work area is almost done plus their bedroom, now it's my turn to do up our study. Ben has kindly allowed me to use his usual work area as my own!

(Apologies- this post ends abruptly because I actually fell asleep while blogging and i can't remember what else i wanted to write.)

Shalom praying

"Dankew Gees por the pood, OH MAN!"

Translation: Thank you Jesus for the food, Amen!

Treats

Went for a long overdue massage on Monday. Gosh, it was just... heavenly. Although it wasn't exactly painless, I managed to have one of the best sleep ever after that, though marred by a terribly odd dream. I dreamt that Ben was my brother and our marriage was morally wrong! SO STRANGE. Oh well. He did start out being my 'kor kor' during our secondary school days though.

Will most likely be going for a mani-pedi with Eve later! Woohoo! :) The only thing left is a decent haircut at a decent price. I really love this cut, but the duck-tailing really irks me. :S

Have been wanting to put up pictures, but until I get the beautiful shots which Ben took with his N95 8GB phone, I can only post text. :P I want a new phone... *greedy* or a good camera. Watching old videos taken with low resolution phones on a much higher resolution screen is such a heartbreak and a pain. Abby used to be cuter in my previous phones. Maybe I shouldn't have traded those in... :'( Oh well. Must remember to take more photos and videos of kids. They are growing up really fast!

Being Politically Correct

Just came home after a meet up with my cell leader. Went to peek in the kids room and found Abby still awake, waiting for us. She then came over to our room and started chatting with us.

I'd just bought a new dress recently and was wearing it, so I asked her if it was nice. She smiled sweetly and in a very genuine way, said it was nice. Then she turned to Ben, who was beside her, and wanted to pay him a similar compliment. She stroked his shirt, and said with a sweet smile, "Your shirt is... very dark blue!"