Didn't have to go to school today (Wednesday's off) and don't have to either tomorrow (or later, rather). Wanted to clear my Maths assignment, Social Studies Reflection and some Teacher & Society essay for next Tuesday, but ended spending the day (from 3pm till 9.30pm) with Abigail instead. Although I didn't manage to get any work done, still it was a definitely a worthy sacrifice.
Lately, I think with all the changes - new sibling (big change!), turning two, going to daycare, getting bitten - Abigail hasn't really been adjusting very well. It is a lot of change especially in a few short months - and there'll be more changes ahead. I think she's been feeling a little out of place (especially when I kinda overcompensated before the birth of Shalom by holding her whenever possible and even to sleep every night) when she sees Shalom feeding every morning at my side. She's been more vocal, more manja, more violent (hitting our faces - sometimes playfully, sometimes when she's really frustrated), more sullen, and... just different.
On Sunday, when we reached church without Ben as he was parking the car, Abby was very quiet. I saw a li'l tear. She held me really close. Unfortunately, I had to go change Shalom's diaper, so Ben took over. When I returned, Ben told me Abby had a very unique experience. It seemed as if she was delivered. Seems she started crying suddenly, sobbing terribly and then stopped after a while. When she stopped she looked relieved. When I returned from the loo with Shalom, the first thing she did was to give Shalom a hug. Amazing.
Even for daycare, we've decided that September shall be her last month. We're stopping for several reasons. Firstly, although the teachers are good, somehow as an educator, I am surprised to see empty shelves in a playgroup environment. The classroom consists of 1 pigeon hole for the PG kids, 1 shelf that had books that were torn, one other shelf that holds their waterbottles and 2 trays of toys. (I managed to find one of them for $5 a set.) Although the whole environment (outside the Playgroup zone) is rather wholesome, the problem is, the PG kids don't really get to get out of their zone. So it's quite dumb. We send Abby there before 9 and then pick her up around 11.30-12noon. Every weekday. Monthly it's more than $400. It's not worth it. Secondly, a few days ago, when my MIL went to pick Abby up, it seemed that Abby burst out crying upon seeing her granny. She mentioned, "Teacher... BEAT!" Sigh. Although Abby's learning to speak, sometimes deciphering has to take a while. We really didn't know if her teacher had hit her (I really hope not) but it was still quite worrying coz Abby has stopped crying in daycare for a while. So it seemed this morning, her favourite teacher spoke to ben and told him that when she tried to conduct a lesson (I think a few days ago) Abby couldn't sit still. So she was very firm with Abby and she burst out crying. Ben was quite taken aback upon hearing that. Maybe, just maybe, our kid is not as 'prodigical' as the others, who are able to sit still and attend to the teacher AT TWO YEARS OLD. I have that problem with older kids (8? or 9?) sometimes in my class also. They have REALLY HIGH EXPECTATIONS of my kid. And I'm not sorry she's not meeting up to them. I don't expect Abby to be sitting quietly watching the teacher especially if she's not interested. Ok. Maybe we'll work on that. True, she's easily distracted, but I think that's normal! Perhaps she hasn't learnt to 'sit still', if so, we're very willing to give her time to learn. Even so, I'm just glad she's interested enough in her surroundings to want to explore.
Just now, when we were playing for the whole time, she did keep changing from activity to activity. A couple of minutes here, a couple of minutes on a new activity. But she is always reminded to put away her toys before commencing on a new one. She went through more than 10 books, did sorting, constructing, dancing, singing, getting her snack and then dinner, a video (our wedding video :P) sticker pasting, online Elmo activity, shape-sorting, pretend play, drawing, colouring. It wasn't a half-hearted event; she was really engaged in every single moment and even finished most of the activities! :) I really wished I was able to stay at home full time to help her explore her world more. Oh well.
After our dinner, we had our shower and continued playing, this time with Ben around. Ben first put Shalom to bed and then played with Abby. I realised that after today's play, Abby seemed much less frustrated and more settled in knowing that we, esp I, still love her. She's no problems with Ben's love, but affected by my 'absence' due to seeing her li'l bro always in my arms. There've been a few times when she asked to breastfeed, and wise Ben told me that she wants to be cradled and cuddled as well. I've tried my best telling her that I love her, but somehow she doesn't really believe it. Till yesterday. Because to her, love is indeed spelt T-I-M-E.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
More Talking Cock in Parliament
Ruby Pan is amazing.
Imran Johri is quite farni.
Now I want to watch Mr Brown & Mr Miyagi in high quality video. :) Waiting...
Imran Johri is quite farni.
Now I want to watch Mr Brown & Mr Miyagi in high quality video. :) Waiting...
Harm? Hump? Heeam? Hum? Hmmm.
When I first watched this, I was amused. Then when I realised it was played in IndiNation 2006, I was laughing my head off! Especially when mrbrown and mr Miyagi ran off after playing it! It was hilarious! :) Now for the 'clear' version. Seems some underground media don't agree with what the orthodox reports are saying that our dear PM meant 'Heeam' (as in spicy) instead of 'Harm' as in cockle. You judge for yourself. (Word has it that our dear PM can't differentiate between Mee Siam and Laksa.)
Hmm.
Hmm.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
The Enneagram Test
Followed the link from Lisa's site and did the test. Here's the score.
I really don't agree with the comic - or either that I'm not such a three. I gave away my pageant trophy when I won it years ago. Maybe I was mad then. Oh well. :) Don't like to hang on to past victories and failures.
| the Achiever Thanks for taking the test ! | ||
you chose AZ - your Enneagram type is THREE."I need to succeed"Achievers are energetic, optimistic, self-assured, and goal oriented. How to Get Along with Me
What I Like About Being a Three
What's Hard About Being a Three
Threes as Children Often
Threes as Parents
The Enneagram Made Easy
You are not completely happy with the result?! You chose AZ
| ||
 | ||
My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
|
| Link: The Quick & Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test |
I really don't agree with the comic - or either that I'm not such a three. I gave away my pageant trophy when I won it years ago. Maybe I was mad then. Oh well. :) Don't like to hang on to past victories and failures.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Abby goes underwater freely!
Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing
Decided to give up on youtube. Now using DropShots. So much FASTER. But the sound quality's so bad!
Finally! :) I tried uploading this video countless times but somehow it just couldn't upload. Anyway, Abby's been going for swim sessions with Ben - it's their quality time and both enjoy it tremendously! Yesterday was the first time (a couple of times actually) where the coach put Abby underwater and RELEASED HER! I was so excited! :D Abby wasn't very keen on letting the coach put her under during the past few sessions, but the coach's recommendation of getting the kids to dunk their daddy's heads underwater really help boost their confidence in going under! Seems that Abby's eyes were opened when she was in the water! If only we could get an underwater shot! Maybe I can go get those waterproof disposable cameras! :)
Oh, we're getting the wetsuit for Abby coz it gets terribly cold in the water! :P
Mel, when's Athena & Kev joining us? :D Oh, it's not $15 per session, I calculated wrongly. It's $90 per month.
Trying Again
Hopefully youtube works this time. Here's Shalom on the left & his friend (son of Taiwanese missionaries who are here in Singapore) who're doing some Taiwanese jig. Too cute!
Friday, August 25, 2006
Losing Grip, Finding Ground
The whirlwind has started again.
Somehow I feel alive in the whirlwind.
Fun, laughter, joy, tears, pain, anger, sorrow, regret, anguish, hope, faith, love.
All these tell me I am still alive.
Losing grip of everything, yet find new ground to stand on.
When I think about it, a hope glimmers.
A voice tells me to let go.
And I lose grip.
In return, God fills my life with His Word, His promises, His true Self.
He shows me the good fruit. He also shows me where the bad fruit is.
And I keep pressing on.
Third week of school.
The pressure is mounting.
The last lesson of the week is a brain juice drainer.
Everyone gets out of class mentally exhausted.
But it's exhilerating.
Really exhilerating.
I see new sides to things I've never noticed before.
For that I am grateful for the new insights.
I must learn to embrace change.
Not to resist it and cling on to the old.
People come, people go.
I too, will come and go.
Few things remain constant.
To learn to trust is a constant.
A constant challenge.
People close become distant, those who were distant suddenly find themselves near me.
And the cycle of trust continues.
I just wished I didn't trust that easily.
Oh well.
This too shall pass. :)
Jesus, thank You for Benji, Abigail and Shalom.
My Love, Joy and Peace.
Somehow I feel alive in the whirlwind.
Fun, laughter, joy, tears, pain, anger, sorrow, regret, anguish, hope, faith, love.
All these tell me I am still alive.
Losing grip of everything, yet find new ground to stand on.
When I think about it, a hope glimmers.
A voice tells me to let go.
And I lose grip.
In return, God fills my life with His Word, His promises, His true Self.
He shows me the good fruit. He also shows me where the bad fruit is.
And I keep pressing on.
Third week of school.
The pressure is mounting.
The last lesson of the week is a brain juice drainer.
Everyone gets out of class mentally exhausted.
But it's exhilerating.
Really exhilerating.
I see new sides to things I've never noticed before.
For that I am grateful for the new insights.
I must learn to embrace change.
Not to resist it and cling on to the old.
People come, people go.
I too, will come and go.
Few things remain constant.
To learn to trust is a constant.
A constant challenge.
People close become distant, those who were distant suddenly find themselves near me.
And the cycle of trust continues.
I just wished I didn't trust that easily.
Oh well.
This too shall pass. :)
Jesus, thank You for Benji, Abigail and Shalom.
My Love, Joy and Peace.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Heartbreak
My baby got bitten at childcare today. Really heartbreaking. Seems the predator wanted abby's angel but she refused to give, so he bit her on her right of her chest. It was too late for the teacher's intervention. Abby cried. Teacher said the bite was quite hard, and she applied ice and Zambak. Pray that there's no infection or other horrible stuff. Sigh. The teeth marks are now getting more obvious as the bruise is slowly showing.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Roll over, boy!
Shalom just started to roll over yesterday. He has been trying, but since yesterday, he's been on a roll! (Pun intended) Even in his sleep, he'll suddenly wake up and find himself on his belly, looking very shocked and very much like a grasshopper. Seems it'll only be a while before he finds out how to roll back onto his back.
My sleep is already punctuated by his shuffles, kicks, cries for pacifier, cries for milk and now the surprise roll over ambushes. As much as I'm excited for his development, I need *uninterrupted* sleep.
My sleep is already punctuated by his shuffles, kicks, cries for pacifier, cries for milk and now the surprise roll over ambushes. As much as I'm excited for his development, I need *uninterrupted* sleep.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Textual Updates
No photos or videos at the moment - wanted to post a video but somehow failed at uploading it. Sigh.
> School's started and it's the second week. It's been mad and I'm loving it! I've got classes everyday except for wednesday, and 8.30 class tomorrow morning (and I'm blogging at this time. Need to sleep.)
> Caught the Singapore Fireworks Festival on 8th August & 12 August. First time we caught it by the Kallang River (I think), next to the Stadium. Quite far away, blocked by Pebble Bay. Went to Padang on the 12th. It was SPECTACULAR. And the atmosphere was electrifying! People were EVERYWHERE! Parliament House, Padang, Marina Square staircase, Esplanade. It was so fun! When we reached the Padang, THREE lanes were parked with cars. At first I thought it was a jam, then I saw that the cars had no drivers. Then I thought, "Wah, these drivers make use of the opportunity of the jam to watch the fireworks." Then I realised it was the other way around.
> Shalom's cut his first tooth - lower left incisor! :) And he's such a happy baby! Love it when he laughs at my funny antics.
> Finally collected Abigail's Coverlooks photos. We spent quite a bit. :P But she looked really good! Photos are too big to upload, so must reduce which takes too much time.
> Shalom's still fully breastfed, and I'm pumping in school as well as when I'm driving to school! When I first read about it, I was amazed. Then I met someone who does it on a regular basis. Then I tried it for myself - first by driving around the carpark, then the whole journey. It's manageable actually, coz it's handsfree! :D And the car adapter works MUCH BETTER than the electricity supply at home. PIS is amazing. :)
> Prayed for new friends on campus coz my buddies all left me liao. *boohoo!* And God's been faithful! He's provided me with friends from all over and I don't feel so left out! Perhaps except for one module where I have to find a partner... God, I still need that miracle! :D
Okie, gotta rush back to work! :)
> School's started and it's the second week. It's been mad and I'm loving it! I've got classes everyday except for wednesday, and 8.30 class tomorrow morning (and I'm blogging at this time. Need to sleep.)
> Caught the Singapore Fireworks Festival on 8th August & 12 August. First time we caught it by the Kallang River (I think), next to the Stadium. Quite far away, blocked by Pebble Bay. Went to Padang on the 12th. It was SPECTACULAR. And the atmosphere was electrifying! People were EVERYWHERE! Parliament House, Padang, Marina Square staircase, Esplanade. It was so fun! When we reached the Padang, THREE lanes were parked with cars. At first I thought it was a jam, then I saw that the cars had no drivers. Then I thought, "Wah, these drivers make use of the opportunity of the jam to watch the fireworks." Then I realised it was the other way around.
> Shalom's cut his first tooth - lower left incisor! :) And he's such a happy baby! Love it when he laughs at my funny antics.
> Finally collected Abigail's Coverlooks photos. We spent quite a bit. :P But she looked really good! Photos are too big to upload, so must reduce which takes too much time.
> Shalom's still fully breastfed, and I'm pumping in school as well as when I'm driving to school! When I first read about it, I was amazed. Then I met someone who does it on a regular basis. Then I tried it for myself - first by driving around the carpark, then the whole journey. It's manageable actually, coz it's handsfree! :D And the car adapter works MUCH BETTER than the electricity supply at home. PIS is amazing. :)
> Prayed for new friends on campus coz my buddies all left me liao. *boohoo!* And God's been faithful! He's provided me with friends from all over and I don't feel so left out! Perhaps except for one module where I have to find a partner... God, I still need that miracle! :D
Okie, gotta rush back to work! :)
Thursday, August 10, 2006
The Stroller
Somehow the stroller looks better in real life (not so photogenic lah...) It's by MamaLove, $158 @ Kiddy Palace (member no discount hor). Really easy to push and turn, and the backrests of both the front and back seats can fully recline to convert it to a mini cot. Bigger kid in front, smaller one behind (that's usually the case for most twin strollers). Abby can sleep in it without her legs dangling out! It's too fun for her - she even climbs around in it which is utterly dangerous. Helper tried to put both kiddos in the stroller today when MIL & I weren't at home and had fun with them in it, except Shalom wasn't too thrilled apparently. He's really an outdoorsy guy - very inquisitive and excited to learn. We are probably too unstimulating for him. :P
Back to the stroller - all fabrics can be removed and are washable, and front hood (not sure about the back) can be removed. Stroller mechanism is similar to the one MIL bought - after a while it's quite idiot proof. But before the 'after a while' you feel thoroughly like an idiot because it's nothing like the usual strollers where you press the handle and the stroller collapses. This one, you step on some bar below the stroller to close it. When I hadn't learnt how to close it yet, I got fed up (it was hot and stuffy at the carpark and I was getting impatient) and carted the whole darn stroller back upside down in the backseat of the car. :S
This post like some Yahoo! Auctions. This item is NOT for sale.
Too tired to blog, so...
I took another photo from her daddy's blog, entitled "Happy 41st Birthday, Singapore!" :) This picture was taken while she was happily entertaining herself @ Marina Square's Kiddy Palace. And we got our double-stroller! Yippee! Right under my MIL's nose! :D hahaha... she still asked me what to do with the numerous strollers at home. So I offered to sell them on Y! But she wasn't too tickled by the idea. :P
Will probably post a picture of the stroller when I've got the time (shucks, should have taken photos of the stroller earlier when Abby was playing in it. It can actually be converted to a full length 'bed' for Abby! And it folds to approximately the same size as the
Monday, August 07, 2006
Another pretty photo of Abby on her birthday
Took this photo from her daddy's site. :) This little girl sat on the chair by herself happily eating her first(!) lollipop till it was all gone! We had to wrap up rather quickly coz the jagar was chasing us out already. Thank God she enjoyed herself despite the long day. When we were almost about to go home, she called out for her daddy, leaned her forehead on his chest while standing (he lowered himself down) and didn't move. At all. She was almost falling asleep while standing up, until Ben had to rouse her from her sleepiness. She was that tired, but was an absolute angel throughout. :)
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Adding to the Celebration Report...
Finally youtube.com is up again. Wanted to load this video but the site was down. Abby seemed abit lost among the celebration - but the kids (including her!) are really cute! :D
Abigail's Second Birthday Celebration
Here we are, bright and bushy-tailed, getting ready for Abigail's birthday celebration in school! :)
When we arrived there, everything was done in chop-chop fashion. The Playgroup (PG) and Nursery (N1) sat down fairly quickly (in fact, very quickly) while some kids were very attracted to the Sesame Street cake we got from Polar. Abby requested for an 'Elmo' cake, and it was probably the most challenging part of the celebration. I didn't know that Polar carried the licensing rights - I thought any pastry shop was able to do it, but then I went through tonnes of obstacles (including indecisiveness) and ended up with ordering last minute. Argh. But thank God there was still a cake.
And she was happy! Not only did she get Elmo, she got the whole Sesame St gang! :D
Here's her class with Teacher J and Mdm Lee. Despite the kids' age and size, they eat VERY fast and are VERY efficient. Or either that, Abby really takes her own sweet time... but then again, it's her birthday! :D She's the princess for the day! :D Anyway, the boy to the left of Abby licked his plate clean! :D He had cream all over his face and wanted more! Super cute! :D The caucasian boy is new - his 2nd day at school - and has an allergy to cocoa and will have an eczema breakout. Poor thing. He couldn't eat the cake. :P The classroom behind the window is where the PG plays! :D
The 'standard' must-have family shot. :)
After the cake, we left together as Abby wasn't too keen to let us leave her behind after the celebrations. So we went home to catnap so that we could get ready for the evening! :D
So here we are, after the rest, ready to go for second round! :D
Don't we look alike? :D
Ben loves the way Abby looks in this photo. :) (Though I look scary! It was supposed to be her version of 'Happy Face'! See second photo.)
Another standard family shot, but with our special guests - Cody and Victoria! :D
Upon hindsight, I realised we missed out on the extended family shots, partly due to the sudden drizzle. It wasn't easy getting hold of the greatgrandma(s) there (one didn't turn up), plus capturing the rest of the family. What a wasted opportunity. :( Anyway, check out Shalom checking out his cousin's hair.
Now Shalom's going for the cake! :D
Abby loved the whole celebration, even though there were a couple of accidents - first one occurred when we were arranging the bowling pins play set and she stood up and gave me a black eye coz I was above her. My brow bone still hurts. The second one happened when Ben was slowly closing the door, watching for her fingers where the doors meet. However, she had her left hand placed at the hinge of the door (the small gap) and got her hand almost crushed. There was an instant bruise but we prayed and it went away. Ben tried to close the door on his own hand (to comprehend the level pain) and admitted it was painful. Poor thing. Another accident took place the day before the birthday. Abby was standing on the floor mat outside the bathroom while I was washing my hands. I think she tried taking a step but tripped on the mats (there were two - Ben warned MIL and maid not to double layer the mats but sigh... the top layer is for Shalom's bath, and is now stowed away in another corner.) She crashed into the door frame and had three bruises - one on the forehead, one on the cheek and one on the upper lip. We prayed immediately and the swelling went down! Praise the Lord! :)
Abby definitely knows it was her birthday - she has been singing 'Happy Birthday to You' (her own version) and was all excited the whole day. However, after the celebration on the actual day, she knows it's over coz she stopped singing it to herself. :)
Anyway, as a final touch, lollipops with this sticker was given out to thank everyone for coming to make Abby's birthday a success! :)
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
It's the World Breastfeeding Week! :D
I wanna go for Singapore's Breastfest 2006 in spite of how mad Sundays are! :P I've always wanted to make a statement with a group of breastfeeding mummies like how they did at the nurse-ins locally at the Esplanade, Coffee Club or abroad at Starbucks (US) or even the most unlikely of places, Victoria's Secret where boobs normally spill more than necessary in their posters and catalogs.
I can SO identify with this...
I just read this from BabyCenter. Anyway, I thought I'd post it here...
Bringing home baby number two can be an earth-shaking adjustment — and second-time mom Evonne Lack is hoping she's up for the challenge. Join her each week as she chronicles her adventures with her husband, Dan, and their daughters, Anna, 23 months, and Clara, 3 weeks old. (Editor's note: Evonne began her journal in July 2006.)
Week 4: You're feeling sleepy ...
Sleep deprivation is like childbirth — the instant it's over, amnesia arrives in a flurry of goodwill and settles in to stay. Sure, I can say, "Wow, labor sucked," or "Ten months of not sleeping enough sucked even more," but I can't feel the sensations in any kind of real way. If someone commanded me to feel sleep deprived when I wasn't, I couldn't do it.
This is why, when I was pregnant, I forgot to get anxious about the exhaustion that newborns bring. In fact, in a completely misguided way, I was looking forward to the nights of nursing.
I pictured myself nursing the baby at 1 a.m. in our quiet bedroom, which would be suffused with soft moonlight. Outside, stars would twinkle benevolently and tree branches would sway. Together Clara and I would experience the comfortable aloneness that you feel when you're awake in a sleeping house. Then I'd put her in the co-sleeper that adjoins our bed and crawl into bed myself. Oh, and our bed, by the way, would feature clean, non-milk-soaked, non-night-sweat-coated sheets. I'd quickly float into a calming dreamland, from which I would awaken completely refreshed.
This fantasy hasn't exactly panned out. My night world is, in fact, crowded and intensely wacky. Want to know the most bizarre thing about it? I hear the songs to the Sesame Street Sing-a-long video all night long. Every night. The muppets permeate my dreams, singing gleefully with their wide mouths and high nasal voices. And when I reluctantly jolt into a semi-awake state to nurse Clara, they step it up a bit.
There's Ernie, singing about his rubber ducky. There's Burt, crooning about pigeons. There's Big Bird, chirping "Cheer Up." There's Grover, belting out "The Echo Song." There's Oscar, clanging his trash-can lid. It's hellish.
And it's sad, because during the daytime, I actually like the Sesame Street video. This week Anna and I have watched it every day. I've gotten attached to it. Sometimes Anna wanders out of the room, but I stay behind with the sleeping Clara, my eyes glued to the set, singing along with my Sesame Street friends. When Anna wanders back in, I pretend I'm singing for her, but we all know the truth.
Time for another?
The second-most bizarre thing happening at night is that I find myself thinking about having a third child.
This is insane. First of all, I'm old. Second, I hate being pregnant. Hate it. And third, I'm barely keeping my head above water with just two kids.
"It's not me," I told Dan. "I don't want to get pregnant. It's these stupid postpartum hormones. They keep bugging me."
The hormones have taken on Sesame Street personalities. I imagine them as miniature Oscar the Grouches, but deep pink and not grouchy. They pop out of their cheerful trash cans and sing in soprano voices about getting pregnant. The tune is that Sesame Street classic, "Sing a Song."
Conceive! Conceive again.
Conceive right now. Do not abstain!
Pregnancy's a good thing, not bad
Have another baby, be glad.
Don't worry about the throwing up
Heartburn and becoming a witch.
Conceive! Conceive again!
Ha HA ha ha ha ha, ha HA ha ha ha ha, ha HA ha ha ha HA....
So those are my nights.
Just a little grouchy
My days aren't much better. When you're sleep deprived, every single thing becomes an exaggerated version of itself. A car horn goes off, and it's not a single short bleat, but a sharp, piercing, horrendously loud blare that goes on and on and on and on.
Or someone snaps on the overhead light, and it becomes an experiment in high wattage, somehow adding 8 pounds to each of your eyeballs.
Or, and I'm just pulling this hypothetical example out of my hat, your toddler asks for a balloon in the grocery store, and you explain that they don't give out balloons at this grocery store, the balloons are at a different grocery store, and she moans, "Balloon, balloon," as if she's in labor and "balloon" is the word for "epidural," and her voice suddenly sounds like 50 ambulance drivers having a siren competition.
What with the nightly cabaret, the yapping postpartum hormones, and the exaggerated universe, well, it follows that I'd be a little irritable, don't you think? And I'm using the word "little" in a very fluid sense.
I mean, isn't it logical that when Dan doesn't hear what I say and I have to actually repeat a sentence, or when he says he's tired, or when he yawns, I want to bite someone's hand off? Not his, of course. But someone's. I mean, that makes sense to me.
Reader beware
This irritability makes for easy frustration. A cup won't fit in the dishwasher, for example, and I just want to throw it across the room. Hmmm, sound familiar? A toddler moment, perhaps?
Well, yes. In that sense, I've gained a new appreciation for how Anna must feel when she's tired and throws her shoe across the room.
Same goes for Clara. When she's exhausted from all that growing and consequently cries so hard that she snorts, I can relate.
It's just sleep deprivation, I tell myself as I ferry my girls to dreamland. Try not to take it personally.
So there's that silver lining. But otherwise, this lack-of-sleep thing isn't doing much for me.
That said, you might want to slowly back away from your computer. And whatever you do, don't touch the screen! I just might reach through it and bite your hand off.
But try not to take it personally.
Next week: Anna's world is rocked by her new baby sister, and Evonne feels like 95 percent of her life as a parent is spent making mistakes.
Actually it's an exaggeration of what I'm going through, but it doesn't mean it's an easy ride. Some days are good, but some days are...? Some differences: I like being pregnant, I like breastfeeding, Abby is usually rather negotiable. Some similarities: SLEEP DEPRIVIATION (I usually end up co-sleeping with Shalom and Abigail - but because of the fragility of the situation, I sleep lightly, which is hardly any sleep at all. Also, the family's been taking turns falling ill. After my surgery, I've been having bouts of chills, and Shalom's running a fever. But when he cries, usually I have to get up and carry him over to our bed to 'commence' the co-sleeping. Abby sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night for various reasons - to drink water, to pass water, but mostly to join us in bed. And I have to get the daddy up to be my extended hand to help her. Otherwise his snooze button is perpetually switched on.), having to repeat myself to Ben (I can't speak well and he can't hear well. What an excellent combination. And I HATE to nag.), appreciating my toddler's emotions in terms of the low levels of self-control involved, the overall sense of being overwhelmed, the consideration of the third child (Aha! It's the hormones...), and all the other nitty-gritty stuff.
Wow. I'm not in this alone. Although I really feel that way.
Bringing home baby number two can be an earth-shaking adjustment — and second-time mom Evonne Lack is hoping she's up for the challenge. Join her each week as she chronicles her adventures with her husband, Dan, and their daughters, Anna, 23 months, and Clara, 3 weeks old. (Editor's note: Evonne began her journal in July 2006.)
Week 4: You're feeling sleepy ...
Sleep deprivation is like childbirth — the instant it's over, amnesia arrives in a flurry of goodwill and settles in to stay. Sure, I can say, "Wow, labor sucked," or "Ten months of not sleeping enough sucked even more," but I can't feel the sensations in any kind of real way. If someone commanded me to feel sleep deprived when I wasn't, I couldn't do it.
This is why, when I was pregnant, I forgot to get anxious about the exhaustion that newborns bring. In fact, in a completely misguided way, I was looking forward to the nights of nursing.
I pictured myself nursing the baby at 1 a.m. in our quiet bedroom, which would be suffused with soft moonlight. Outside, stars would twinkle benevolently and tree branches would sway. Together Clara and I would experience the comfortable aloneness that you feel when you're awake in a sleeping house. Then I'd put her in the co-sleeper that adjoins our bed and crawl into bed myself. Oh, and our bed, by the way, would feature clean, non-milk-soaked, non-night-sweat-coated sheets. I'd quickly float into a calming dreamland, from which I would awaken completely refreshed.
This fantasy hasn't exactly panned out. My night world is, in fact, crowded and intensely wacky. Want to know the most bizarre thing about it? I hear the songs to the Sesame Street Sing-a-long video all night long. Every night. The muppets permeate my dreams, singing gleefully with their wide mouths and high nasal voices. And when I reluctantly jolt into a semi-awake state to nurse Clara, they step it up a bit.
There's Ernie, singing about his rubber ducky. There's Burt, crooning about pigeons. There's Big Bird, chirping "Cheer Up." There's Grover, belting out "The Echo Song." There's Oscar, clanging his trash-can lid. It's hellish.
And it's sad, because during the daytime, I actually like the Sesame Street video. This week Anna and I have watched it every day. I've gotten attached to it. Sometimes Anna wanders out of the room, but I stay behind with the sleeping Clara, my eyes glued to the set, singing along with my Sesame Street friends. When Anna wanders back in, I pretend I'm singing for her, but we all know the truth.
Time for another?
The second-most bizarre thing happening at night is that I find myself thinking about having a third child.
This is insane. First of all, I'm old. Second, I hate being pregnant. Hate it. And third, I'm barely keeping my head above water with just two kids.
"It's not me," I told Dan. "I don't want to get pregnant. It's these stupid postpartum hormones. They keep bugging me."
The hormones have taken on Sesame Street personalities. I imagine them as miniature Oscar the Grouches, but deep pink and not grouchy. They pop out of their cheerful trash cans and sing in soprano voices about getting pregnant. The tune is that Sesame Street classic, "Sing a Song."
Conceive! Conceive again.
Conceive right now. Do not abstain!
Pregnancy's a good thing, not bad
Have another baby, be glad.
Don't worry about the throwing up
Heartburn and becoming a witch.
Conceive! Conceive again!
Ha HA ha ha ha ha, ha HA ha ha ha ha, ha HA ha ha ha HA....
So those are my nights.
Just a little grouchy
My days aren't much better. When you're sleep deprived, every single thing becomes an exaggerated version of itself. A car horn goes off, and it's not a single short bleat, but a sharp, piercing, horrendously loud blare that goes on and on and on and on.
Or someone snaps on the overhead light, and it becomes an experiment in high wattage, somehow adding 8 pounds to each of your eyeballs.
Or, and I'm just pulling this hypothetical example out of my hat, your toddler asks for a balloon in the grocery store, and you explain that they don't give out balloons at this grocery store, the balloons are at a different grocery store, and she moans, "Balloon, balloon," as if she's in labor and "balloon" is the word for "epidural," and her voice suddenly sounds like 50 ambulance drivers having a siren competition.
What with the nightly cabaret, the yapping postpartum hormones, and the exaggerated universe, well, it follows that I'd be a little irritable, don't you think? And I'm using the word "little" in a very fluid sense.
I mean, isn't it logical that when Dan doesn't hear what I say and I have to actually repeat a sentence, or when he says he's tired, or when he yawns, I want to bite someone's hand off? Not his, of course. But someone's. I mean, that makes sense to me.
Reader beware
This irritability makes for easy frustration. A cup won't fit in the dishwasher, for example, and I just want to throw it across the room. Hmmm, sound familiar? A toddler moment, perhaps?
Well, yes. In that sense, I've gained a new appreciation for how Anna must feel when she's tired and throws her shoe across the room.
Same goes for Clara. When she's exhausted from all that growing and consequently cries so hard that she snorts, I can relate.
It's just sleep deprivation, I tell myself as I ferry my girls to dreamland. Try not to take it personally.
So there's that silver lining. But otherwise, this lack-of-sleep thing isn't doing much for me.
That said, you might want to slowly back away from your computer. And whatever you do, don't touch the screen! I just might reach through it and bite your hand off.
But try not to take it personally.
Next week: Anna's world is rocked by her new baby sister, and Evonne feels like 95 percent of her life as a parent is spent making mistakes.
Actually it's an exaggeration of what I'm going through, but it doesn't mean it's an easy ride. Some days are good, but some days are...? Some differences: I like being pregnant, I like breastfeeding, Abby is usually rather negotiable. Some similarities: SLEEP DEPRIVIATION (I usually end up co-sleeping with Shalom and Abigail - but because of the fragility of the situation, I sleep lightly, which is hardly any sleep at all. Also, the family's been taking turns falling ill. After my surgery, I've been having bouts of chills, and Shalom's running a fever. But when he cries, usually I have to get up and carry him over to our bed to 'commence' the co-sleeping. Abby sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night for various reasons - to drink water, to pass water, but mostly to join us in bed. And I have to get the daddy up to be my extended hand to help her. Otherwise his snooze button is perpetually switched on.), having to repeat myself to Ben (I can't speak well and he can't hear well. What an excellent combination. And I HATE to nag.), appreciating my toddler's emotions in terms of the low levels of self-control involved, the overall sense of being overwhelmed, the consideration of the third child (Aha! It's the hormones...), and all the other nitty-gritty stuff.
Wow. I'm not in this alone. Although I really feel that way.
Ripped from my LG's blog...
I just had to post this picture up. They look like a Before-After version of each other. Taken from LG's blog.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
