Comfort

Am feeling way much better. Bless Ben for his heart. I was miserable throughout last night because I yelled at Abby, but things became better this morning. We even managed to go our regular Thai restaurant for our weekly fix. Today, we ate A LOT. It was so good. I was smiling after that! :) during the lunch, ben suggested i arrange for a massage- self care. So i went for one after lunch. When i stepped in, it seemed i looked so fatigued the people there just understood and didn't dish out any courtesy crap. Usually they're really friendly, but today, the manager just saw me and gave me a super-sympathetic look. I came out much fresher. The therapist used a fantastic massage gel on me that literally melted away my knots! A heavy investment, and i would really love to get it. Without it, the massage wouldn't be as effective. But it's really pricey! Although the therapist wasn't my regular one, she's also really good. Thank God for today. I managed to finish 3 stacks of marking, but poor kids got slightly neglected by mummy. I asked Abby why i yelled at her yesterday, and she said rhd didn't know. Anyway, i apologised to her for yelling needlessly. She's forgiven me! :)

Was doing a bit of bedtime reading, and abby chose one of her favourite books "It's not easy being a bunny". She can almost read half the book by herself! :) i would read the non-repetitive parts while she'd do the repeated but sequentially-lengthened paragraphs. At first i thought she'd memorised the texts, later, when i pointed out the words at random to her, she could read them! Words such as 'bear, bird, beaver, pig, possum, skunk'! I'm so thrilled! :)

Anyway, I suspect my monthly cycle is fooling around with my moods. Ben reminded me to be thankful for not getting hfmd! That would mean i actually have one week of teaching time instead of taking MCs. Thank God indeed! :D

Leave. Me. Alone.

I snapped at Abby and Shalom last night. They were fighting over the nesting dolls and neither would give in. I yelled at them so sternly and terrified Abby. Shalom held his tears back but Abby was shocked. I broke down. After Abby called Ben (who was at cell), Abby came over to hug me.

How could I do this to my own kids?

The stress of the week has really taken its toll on me. The pressure of not being able to say no. Dealing with the stupidity of some people which led to me fixing up the mess after I returned after the extremely taxing break taking care of two kids who were sick and fussy. Having to plan for lesson observation because of my poor scheduling.

I snapped.

I have almost reached my breaking point.

I snapped earlier yesterday in my English/Science class. We've been collecting the Young Scientist projects, and I had returned the project 3 times to a particular group to get them to change their answers. But no, three times they returned it to me with the same answer. I got really fed up. Here's what they wrote:

Q: How is NEWater generated and give two of its uses.
A: NEWater is from our urine and we drink our own urine. It is purified by urine. It is healthier and it is more refreshing.

And these two girls are my good pupils. They refused to talk to me after that. I refused to look at them also.

Another incident: My kids often confide in me regarding the class politics because I take action. As a result, they don't fool around because they know I care. So two boys came to me to tell me that two other boys have been fighting. So I intervened. I found out that their history dates back to last year, in this colleague's class. She overheard and later told me, "My class doesn't have these issues."

Yah right. Because you cannot be bothered.

I'm fed up and bitchy. I'm pissed. I need rest. Exams are coming and I do not have enough time to revise with my classes. The stacks of marking have risen high, and I have brought marking home. I cannot rest well. I need a breakthrough.

It's Finally Friday!

Finally, the madness of this week is over. I cannot describe how thrilled I am. The madness is gone! Woohoo!

I finally managed to sit down today to mark & tally 3 stacks of worksheets, within good time. It's become a luxury-to sit down and mark. My kids and I had just returned from NEWater, so they had some time to kill. They offered their time and services and asked me if i needed any help. Of course! Now, i have 2 tasks almost completed by them! Praise the Lord! One's a reading tree project that's been on hold for the longest time because it just takes up too much time. The other is a tally of their work which takes up time and is not really worth it. So, thank God they took over!

During the trip, one of my boys who had been trying to tell me something the whole day managed to get his message across. He, on his own accord, passed a nomination form around to vote for a preferred Twisted Tales project (which went bad yesterday during the selection process). So it's done! Praise the Lord! Wow. Amazing.

Plus, some angels from my class came up to me, chuckling, telling me to go to our school's Expression Corner. Thankfully, my RO Jo reminded me coz she saw the msg-it was about how life's hard but it's fun coz they're in my class! :D they can be the sweetest at times! :) *touched*

God's been good. I've had favour with parents, students and colleagues. All glory to Him! :)

More Fatigued

I slept. I woke up. Now my head's spinning and vision's getting blurred. I still have to stay back for the P5 NAPFA test because we're short of teachers. The first thing I told my EL class today was that, if I faint, just run off and get the office staff. I am about to collapse. Yet I cannot rest.

Let's see, this week (coming back from 4day intensive child care):
Mon - PSLE Oral (Reserve but got activated anyway)
Tue - PSLE Oral
Wed - NAPFA
Thu - Speech & Drama workshop
Fri - Visit to NEWater Plant

All these activities take place AFTER SCHOOL and end about 5plus. The school closes at 6.30. Thereafter my time with the kids do not allow me to look at my marking. During curriculum time there is NO WAY to mark with the constant interruptions and lesson preparation. The worst thing to happen is to walk into a class UNPREPARED.

And the marking is getting taller.

God, help me please.

Fatigued

I am so tired. After 6 testing days of nursing sick grouchy kids, i went back to school only to find my desk overwhelmed by submissions and unmarked work. I stacked it up on my table today, and it came close to my shoulder. A concerned parent asked if i could have the possibility of contracting the dreadful disease. If i have, the 1st thing i'd do is bring back my marking. My students are having their compo exam in 2 weeks' time. And i can't finish marking. I'm going to bed now so that i can get up early to clear some stuff. If i'm well enough.

Goals for this month

I must be up to date with my marking. Asked a colleague who mentioned she's drowning in her marking how many outstanding stacks she had, then I realised I'm in serious trouble. I don't even know how many stacks i have, just that it's never ending.

On a brighter note, we had a mini family gathering today! Had dinner at my place in honour of my aunt michelle, uncle mike and godson Matthew. I'm a lousy godma whose always overwhelmed by the busy-ness of life. Had a great time catching up, and I forgot to take photos!

Ben took childcare leave today and prepared the house for the gathering. He even put up the wall stickers in the kids' room! It's gorgeous! :) we're contemplating whether to remove the ikea stickers on the Docent coz the theme is really different from the animal wall stickers. Anyway, now that the kids' work area is almost done plus their bedroom, now it's my turn to do up our study. Ben has kindly allowed me to use his usual work area as my own!

(Apologies- this post ends abruptly because I actually fell asleep while blogging and i can't remember what else i wanted to write.)

Delayed blog-housekeeping; Work stuff

I've finally changed the tickers below. It's really quite embarassing - prior to the change, Shalom's ticker was stuck at "Shalom's 1 year old!" for the past 13 months. With a photo of him at 4 months.

I also realised I haven't been blogging much last year - mostly because of teaching just sucks the time out from your life. Mondays to Fridays are way too short to do anything much... which is a good thing because it forces me to stare at every minute on Saturday and Sunday, just relishing every moment of it.

I've just done up my time table, and looking at it, I'm amazed I can even find time to mark. These few weeks have been rather exhausting especially with a 3 hr Speech & Drama workshop by Lorna Whinston every Thurdsay. 2 down, 6 more to go. That's 24 hrs worth of work time set aside for this course. I really wanted to siam it because I really couldn't manage my mountains, but mustered enough courage to confess to my hod that I haven't attended it. It's compulsory lah.

Anyway, I got promoted. I never expected to, not after I received my performance bonus of one month plus half a month top up and a 0.6 growth bonus, whatever that means. I received my PB notice right after Ben's, who got a TWO AND A HALF MONTH'S BONUS. He's amazing. I'm glad I snagged him as my life partner. I'd give him 20 and a half month's bonus for just being himself. Who ever gets 2.5 months in Civil Service?!?! So, you see, the promotion news came as a pleasant surprise, thinking that 1 month really is just, 1 month. When I received the email from my P, I almost wanted to delete it after reading the congratulatory message, but I thought, "Better not. Otherwise if don't congratulate people not very nice." And so I looked at the attachment and paused for many seconds when I saw my name on the list.

"Me? Promoted? Wah. Miracle!" I really never ever expected to be promoted. NEVER. Not so fast anyway. It really is a miracle of God. I just began full-fledged teaching last year, and I think we're supposed to wait for 3 years before getting promoted from GEO1.1 to GEO1A1 (for degree holders). My colleague nicely reminded me about my grouse with NS guys - they get promoted after 1 year because of their 2.5 yrs in NS. So after 1 year in teaching, all will get promoted. But not the girls. So I was never expecting this promotion, not after hearing awful news about many people who were passed up for promotion. My understanding? People take a really long time to move up the MOE ladder.

So, it really is a miracle. Someone actually told me that it could have been my contract teaching years being taken into consideration. Definitely not relief teaching though. Come to think of it, I've been with MOE since 2000. That's long. And I just got confirmed end of last year. And I'm still considered a beginning teacher. A 10 year old beginning teacher. Wah. I am a walking paradox. With all these facts, a promotion is unlikely.

Oh well. I just hope I don't have to start from the bottom of the new scale - meaning: pay cut. The starting pay of the next scale is lower than my current scale. I hope the number of increments will follow; otherwise I think I might very likely reject the promotion. :S If that's the case, then on the other hand (if we do continue with the number of increments) why do they still have the basic level (no increment) if people get promoted say after a few years, i.e. after a few increments?

Hmmm... quite confusing. I know trying to squeeze a few more cents is quite a challenge. I did try my best to get them to recognise my Murdoch degree many years ago, and they gave quite an evasive answer, which basically got me stuck at the diploma level though with a degree. That's quite a few hundred dollars difference. Now my colleague's asking me to write in to adjust my pay coz of previous working experience, which I haven't much. :( Some mid-career changers have adjusted quite a bit, but I haven't worked for that long outside... just 8 months previously? It's NIE that has taken my youth away, though during then I did pop twice. ;)

It's nice to receive the promotion, but the higher we climb, the thinner the air gets up there. I really hope I don't end up neglecting Abby and Shalom because of a silly ladder.

Revamp

The toys, books and games are threatening to overwhelm us. Surprisingly, despite so many ways to be engaged, they are still spending a disgusting number of hours in front of the tv every day. Perhaps it's because there are too many toys all over the place, so the kids can't really access everything. It's an irony - the more you have, the less you play with. It's the same with all the stuff we have - the more we have, the less we use (in proportion). So we need to make it accessible for them. Here we go (Ikea) again...

I'm on this hunt for activities to do with the kids at home. I usually make use of the 8 intelligences as a guide so as not to bore them. I thank God both their ages are really close, so they entertain each other most of the time. However, it's still good to have structured play whenever Mummy's home, otherwise Mummy will just busy herself with the huge load of guilt books she brings home everyday.

I need to have a workplan even at home. Otherwise the frustration of not knowing what to do sets in. We usually do colouring, painting, drawing, writing, puzzle fixing, tangraming, role-playing, stamping, play-doughing, reading, dancing, singing, sticker-pasting, etc - and that's usually just ALL IN A DAY. It's usually initiated by them. And then they still want to play some more. Other times when Mummy has a little more energy, we'll do a bit of cooking and baking. Sometimes Lina will allow Abby to make jelly for everyone. But there must be more to do... otherwise they'll just stare at the tv screen.

Oh. And our VCD/DVD collection. It's filled up many albums, and they're still persisting very well. They've watched many shows. The TV is the Babysitter's Babysitter. As much as I discourage my pupils from too much tv watching, my own kids are clocking about a minimum of 4 hours daily. It's really bad. From the time they wake up, the TV's switched on. And that's about 7. By 9 they would have watched about 1.5 to 2hrs of tv. Plus lunch - 1 hour, then nap. When they wake up at 3, all the way till 5, that's about 2 hours. So effectively, 4.5hrs to 5 hours a day. Multiply that by 5 days a week, 52 weeks a year, 3 years of their lives (Abby's at least). That's a lot of brain-dulling activity going on. Although some people do believe that tv can be educational, too much is really not good. It's proven. Also, even though Shalom and Abby don't watch 'television broadcast' programmes, their DVD collection is already at an astounding size (by conservative standards). Forget about cable. I cannot bear to see them have withdrawal symptoms if they are hooked on that too.

So my plan - get my helper to chart their tv watching - clock the actual number of hours. Then when she produces the results, aim for half that number (which I won't reveal at first until she produces one week's worth of tv watching). If she under-declares, she'll have an even smaller target to work with. She most likely won't over-declare though, as it'll look quite bad on her. We'll try to assist her with ways to help reduce the tv exposure although she's only half the factor. My MIL is finally persuaded by the newspaper that tv watching during meal times is bad for the kids. *WOOHOO!* So the kids are shipped away from the tv when it's meal-time.

I'm not saying tv is bad. But 4 hours a day is really a lot of tv watching. Some people would argue otherwise. If they do, I'd say they can do whatever they like to their kids, but I'd rather mine not watch. After teaching for a short period, I can tell those who are tv addicts and those who are not. Teachers are not entertainers; we can't entertain them in class like how tv does. So they actually have to be disciplined, active - proactive in fact, and do work.

So once again, my goal - to halve 4 hours to 2 hours a day. By more conservative standards - that's still quite a lot, but that's a 50% reduction... if possible. Not only that, they still watch programmes on mobile phones and portable dvd player (even when going out with grandparents)...

Research has shown that brainwaves dull after prolonged tv watching. Plus the numerous flashes on screen etc, the costs really does outweigh the benefits after a while. It took me a long time to wean myself off tv - I was a huge tv addict because there was no supervision at home and my 'supervisor' is a huge tv addict herself - my grandma -- so I hope my kids can start weaning off earlier and not waste their life away. Some people can still come up to me and insist that it's perfectly alright to do so - they've wasted their life away and still turned out fine, but I do hope that the kids can find more meaningful things to be engaged with and hopefully use whatever creativity that they have (together with others) and solve some of the world's problems. Sometimes it takes only that little spark to make this place a better place to live in. Or the other way is to just become a couch potato and stay out of the way.

March Holidays

As a brilliant start to the March Holidays, I had to scrap the tracks of the stadium at 'full' speed right in front of the Grand Stand which was overflowing with parents for the final event of our Sports Day. Brilliant. We were coming in last, and I was determined to give it my best shot - forget about even overtaking, coz they were really ahead of us. So I caught the baton from Elise and I started running. The ground approached me and I tumbled. The baton flew out of my hand and I scrambled for it right after I stopped rolling. I continued to run. It was quite a sight, seeing the crowd cheer and clap for a disoriented, bleeding and pale teaching running like mad past the finishing line. I was well taken care of after that. One parent who heard about the eventful race has been messaging me daily to check on me. My shoulder wound almost got infected. My boss asked today if it was like siew mai from Crystal Jade. I replied, "It's more like Lap Cheong."

As Abby would wrinkle her nose when she sees my wound and say, "It's quite bad uh?"

Oh well. No massages and sports for this holiday. We had Shalom's party the next day, and I had the dirtiest looks from people - like I had leprosy when I sported the wound with a spaghetti-strapped top. However, I also felt quite gung-ho - like I had gotten into a fight and was showing off my battle-scars. Or that I survived an abuse of a huge cigar on my shoulder. Oh well, I think people were just eyeing me to check for other injuries.

I've always wondered how people got such bad injuries on their shoulders. Wouldn't their heads get injured? Now I know.

I sustained other injuries - left knee (bad), right knee (almost nil), right shoulder (gross) and head (light pinkish injury, but otherwise alright). I singlehandedly united the school for 20 seconds. Not bad eh? :P

For this hols, I cleared the boxes off the study, met up with Eve, went for pedicure, spent lotsa time with Abby and Shalom, went Playground at Big Splash and rested well. On the other hand, busted $30+$50 fine for parking (Mum's car - more expensive than getting season parking - $63 a month!), Shalom's ill - been throwing up non-stop, haven't cleared my mountainload of marking (this is bad), lotsa deadlines piling up but I really don't know what they are, and I haven't finished my idealistic to-do list. Maybe I should make it even more detailed.

I really hope I will get around to uploading photos. But I can only do that if the study's functioning - meaning everything's in place, which would mean I would need to pack it. But to pack it, I'll need to clear my marking first. And I need to take the kids to the pedodontist coz their teeth's really bad - Lina's been siphoning sweets even without them asking for it! ARGH! Plus Shalom hasn't updated his vaccination yet, and he's unwell, think he's gotten an infection, so I've gotta take him to the doctor's tomorrow. Argh.

So if you want photos, I'm sorry but we'll have to wait.

Oh. By the way, HAPPY BURFDAY JIUJIU! :)

CNY Celebrations

Totally forgot about dressing Abby in new year clothes, so she was one of the neglected ones in school uniform today- i think they were supposed to bring goodies too. Another lousy mother record.

Had a chaotic celebratory session in school today too. The P.A. system is in a mess, and after i contributed some stuff, now i'm being recommended for the post. Tough job, not for the faint-hearted or those who want to manage career and family, or i think those who just started their worklife.

Anyway, today i managed to clear some overdue stuff, but i still have a lot more overdue stuff due. Marking's still piling up, categorised into two piles-fresh vs procrastinating pile. I realised i don't procrastinate-it's just that other more important priorities always take over the attention. My previous boss always told me to prioritise. Until now i can still see her telling me.

I hope I can survive this week. Thank God remedial's been cancelled this week, although i still gotta go singapore discovery centre with the kids for some total defence thing. I really hope each time i get out of the class that i haven't forgotten anything.

I really need to be more productive instead of being the last to leave almost everyday. It really isn't very healthy actually. :( let's hope things will get better, and that i won't drown with the next wave. God, keep me afloat!

My Kids

When I see my students, I see directors, majors, businesspeople, salespeople who'll make it big, salespeople who shouldn't be in sales, teachers, accountants, accounts assistants, tai-tais, homemakers, drivers, shop assistants, shop owners, athletes, police officers, unemployeds, people who'll forever be trying to fulfill their dreams.

I speak to people, I hear stories. Stories of how they've exasperated their teachers countlessly. Stories of how much trouble they've gotten themselves into. Stories of how they've overcome themselves and moved to a higher level.

And the biggest problem I see in kids: their self-perception.

When they think they are hopeless, they act up terribly. When they see that they have hope, to never give up trying, they act according to the expectation placed on them. Although they might fall and fail at times, they get up and do't give up trying.

My worry is not for the troublemakers and the kids who often fail. My worry is for those who never make trouble and never fail. For when they taste failure, they might hate its unfamiliar repulsive taste and throw away their whole life - at a late age. Then it might be too late.

I celebrate and comfort when my kids fail. For it makes them stronger. They hate it, of course, but they have learnt to affirm themselves in other ways - ways that are often frowned upon in traditional school settings.

They talk a lot. They'll become great salespeople.

They move about a lot. They'll never stop coming up with ideas to get out of life's occasional rut.

They get into trouble for breaking rules. They'll go against conventional norms and break new ground as they think of things never thought of by those who are well-trained for school.

I love my kids.

Chrysalis

I am just about a few minutes away from my next class, and in the midst of this pre-exam madness, I am about to explode.

I titled this 'Chrysalis' because that's pretty much what the kids are - THEY ARE CACOONED. ASLEEP IN THE CACOON.

I can talk, demonstrate, let them see, let them touch, let them experiment and play and they still have NO IDEA what they are doing. I am really teaching a special needs class.

Now it's filing season. I replace the worksheets of those who have been irresponsible, and one ultimate BLUR QUEEN writes her name on the worksheet, holds on to it for a few days, and then hands it in. EMPTY. BLANK. Like, "huh?"

ARGH. They are really quite badly labelled by other teachers at this point in time. Behaves 'well' only when I'm around. Yell at the top of their lungs when they feel like it. Gosh. Their self-control button is really jammed.

I need a break.

Burning up, burning out

We just celebrated Shalom's birthday yesterday. Now my weeks go according to the school's weekly label - Term 1 Week 10. Week 9 is now officially known as NIGHTMARE WEEK... or should it be WEEK MARE NIGHT? Oh well.

I haven't had any time planning for any bash for Shalom. Just silently grateful that we've made it past the one year mark. He was clearly exhilerated when he realised we were singing the birthday song for him just after he heard his name...

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SHALOM!..."

Even when we sang the Chinese version, he clapped and was really thrilled.

Wish I caught it on video. I think a relative or two might have.

Update: Ben's sis caught it, but only the second part. Nevertheless, it's great. :) Thanks! :D Note to self: Assign videographer/photographer (Claire?) during such events.


It was a Chinese do at a Teochew restaurant. First time in my life, I invited only my mum's relatives. I did not invite my dad's. Frankly, it was only quite close to the event that I realised I forgot to invite my dad. But I did, nevertheless. I'm glad I did so. Time apart does wonders. It doesn't hurt now. Only my maternal granny was fuming when she saw him there. She has to learn that he'll always be the kids' gong gong. Provided I don't forget about him.

I didn't invite the rest coz it seems quite mian qiang for them to attend. For Ben's side, it's about ren qing and to a certain extent, mian zi. My side, no issues like that (no need to give mian zi). I did check with my dad, and he also agreed to leave things as status quo. My paternal granny and my dearest aunt aren't here anyway, so inviting the rest seems painful for them. I think. Although I must admit that I do enjoy their company - the wives of the husbands. Oh well.

I requested for the kids not to stay overnight at their grandparents' place after the event. MIL wasn't too thrilled about the arrangement. Ben thinks that they might miss the kids too much coz they won't get to see them from Friday night through the weekend.

What about me? EVERY SINGLE WEEK I SLOG, I LOOK FORWARD TO THE WEEKEND ONLY TO FIND THE HOUSE EMPTY.

The original idea was to let the kids stay over coz PILs may feel the vacuum after we move out. But MIL picks Abby up from school everyday and stays with the kids from 11am all the way till 8pm, or sometimes later!

I get up at 5am, slog till 7pm, only to rush dinner at home to get the small window of 'opportunity' to nurse Shalom to sleep at 8.

And like I don't miss them.

My original intention was to spend loads of time with them this short one week break. But no.

STU had to take up the first two days of my holidays. AND INFORM ME ONLY ON THE LAST DAY OF TERM 1 WEEK 10. What the hell is wrong with them? I replied saying that I couldn't make it, coz I had prior arrangements, (I overlooked in the email the part where a replacement is needed in my absence) so I CAN'T CANCEL THE #@$#$#%) TRAINING.

So two days gone.

Wed - heart check up at NHC for irregular heartbeat and heart palpitations.

Fri - FULL DAY TRAINING FOR MULTIPLE INTELLIGENCE.

That leaves only Thursday free. AND I HAVE A SCENIC MOUNTAIN RANGE AROUND MY TABLE.

My original goal for this break was to Repair (the damages done in Term 1), Recharge and Rejuvenate for Term 2 and the rest of the year. I hate the fact that we get our class allocation so late (2 days before school started in Term 1) so there's absolutely no way to prepare anything at all.

Oh well.

I had an enjoyable time today with the kids. Although I wasn't feeling too great - eyes were stinging and I felt really sleepy - I felt recharged especially when I was watching Abby at the playground. I was clearing the music files in my phone and songs were playing. The breeze was heavenly, and that moment was frozen in time. It was refreshing.

It was then when I realised that recharging doesn't have to take a week or longer.

I feel recharged when I have stuff planned out. I hate firefighting and being late. I've been doing that for the past 10 weeks.

My Urgent and Important tasks:
- 2007 Workplan for P4 Science Club
- 30 week plan for P4 Science Club
- Lit program for P4 HA kids starting Term 2 - Sing to the Dawn
- PSLE Oral Communication Skills workshop (due in Term 2 Week 1)
- Science Diagnostic Test - mark and return
- Schedule Journal Topic for fortnight entries
- EPMS Meeting

My Urgent and (not that) important tasks:
- Straighten Compo files for both English classes
- Straighten My Pals WS files for both English classes
- Straighten English Unit Worksheet Files for both English classes
- Miscellaneous worksheets to mark
- Mark compos - 3 sets for 2 classes
- Mark Science WB - plenty of work not marked
- Go through their journals
- Mark Spelling for one class
- Plan Science Remedial for the rest of the year (term at least)
- TRAISI Training
- Get my edumail sorted out - gosh, don't get me started on that

My Not Urgent but Important tasks:
- Chase teachers for Graphic Stimulus and Compre Cloze WS for the rest of the year
- Plan Scrabble competition due in May
- Come up with 6 Dictation passages to replace the Unseen Dictation
- Start drafting the kids' Report book comments
- Create supplementary worksheets to drill kids
- Set P5 EM3 paper together with my SH (we'll see what happens...)

These are the tasks flying around my head for the time being. I was supposed to get most of these cleared by the end of next Friday. Right.

I just hope my kids don't get into any more trouble. Somehow there's this impression that my kids aren't a fantastic lot. And I really don't like that. My kids are fine - just that their family background is really an issue. And I really don't like other teachers shelling my kids when they can't even manage their own. I guess it's stinking pride. It's damn sad. Even when my kids aren't talking, they still get scolded by other teachers. And I take two classes, so I know that my form class really isn't all that bad. I really need to reflect on helping them shed that poor image. It's damn irritating - and it affects my kids also. They've been getting shellings from me at the littlest trigger until they are all so disheartened. The last day of school was terribly bad. It was painful. No wonder teacher absentieesm is especially high on MUFTI days. Sad but true. The whole school was chaotic.

I panicked the day before when I saw what I had to do with the kids in my other English class. Until I found out that time table was suspended so I didn't have to manage them. But still(!), I had to get the kids to do this! The kids were supposed to bring their own plasticine, Plaster of Paris bandages (!?!?!?!?) and gold paint (?!?!!??!). I don't even teach art.

Check out the 3rd photo on that site. I bet if the kids really carried out this activity, I would have MANY phallic symbols and many discipline cases to handle. Next landmine - dealing with plaster of paris bandages. It would be totally messy! And in home clothes some more! Some rented Egyptian costumes, so it would really have been a challenge keeping them clean. Ah, whatever. And the best part - all this done in half an hour - first period of the day. YAH. RIGHT. After assembly it would be 15 mins gone.

Thank God we didn't have to do that. Last minute instructions were given via email to change the activity to some P6 hieroglyphic drawing which we didn't do as well.

As for one of the schoolwide activities, my kids had a really tough time. The LA couldn't do the stuff at all, and my 2 runners had to shuttle back and forth, even when we gave the correct answer, we were marked wrong by the prefects - repeatedly, even when we found the correct answer as well as the worksheet online. My runner said another class put another answer (which was incorrect) and got it correct, so she suggested we try that answer. Still we got it wrong. That was when the kids were really fed up and just wanted to know the answer for its own sake. The bell went off and the game ended. Fed up, searched for the answer, gave up playing. Everything went downhill from there. Even during the fashion parade, when our class representatives appeared, no one cheered. No one was in the mood to, nor did they dare. I blasted them so much for being rowdy in class that no one had the mood to do anything else. And then they got scolded for being rowdy. WAH LAU.

Maybe my management really sucks big time, and my kids are suffering for it. Perhaps I've been really too laxed with them. They should be treated like convicts or soldiers in military training, instead of curious and lively children. I should shout at them and break their wills so that they will be totally compliant. If that's the case, then I should be a columbarium caretaker instead.

A better week ahead

Went to the polyclinic last Thursday because my heart was not in good order. Have been referred to the National Heart Centre during the March school holidays. Then, this week:

* one of my kid's parents suddenly passed away
* another kid admitted coz he passed out a lot of blood
* another one (in fact my whole class) was suspected of vandalising some other kid's book
* another one got his glasses smashed while playing table-tennis!?! Cornea injured.
* 3 heros in my class stuck their locker keys into the electrical socket and then TURNED IT ON. Mini explosion in class, power tripped. Thank God no injuries or deaths.

I'm just so glad the week is almost over. It was supposed to be their continual assessment diagnostic test week.

I'm just so tired. My daffodil is dying. I really hope I can find the time to post some pictures on my two lovelies up. Shalom's turning one next week. Time really's passing so fast. I am staying too long in school. I miss them so much.

I really look forward to the school holidays.

New jobs on my plate - just received this week: Workshop for parents to prepare for PSLE Oral Exam (fast deal - in two weeks' time); LIt program for P4 high ability pupils (bigger deal), head the Science Club for P4s (BIG DEAL!). How else will I be stretched?

Oh. Full force worship ministry in April. 3 Saturdays in March.

I need to appreciate the Friday evenings and Saturdays I have by myself. If only I can get over the 'missing ben and the kids' part. :'(

Next week will be great. It'd better be.

A Tough Reminder

Screaming at trees and children

Many parents, perhaps the majority, admit to losing their tempers and screaming at their kids from time to time. Usually we shrug it off assuming that not much harm was done. But is that really the case?

Deep in the woods of the Solomon Islands lives a tribe of villagers who practice a strange form of logging. When a tree is too large to be felled with an axe, they bring it down by yelling at it. Tribesmen believed to have special powers sneak up on the tree at dawn and scream at the top of their lungs. Day after day, they repeat this practice. Eventually, the tree dies and falls to the ground. "It kills the spirit of the tree," they say.

Well, I admit that I'm a bit skeptical of thie practice and that it works on trees, but I'll you this much: It will sure bring down a human being. If you want to kill someone's spirit, yelling is a great way to get it done.

And no spirit on earth is more fragile than that of a child. Though we mean no harm when we scream and shout at our kids, is there really nothing harmless about it? It's humiliating, and it's discouraging to children, and it often leaves scars that will last for a lifetime.

Admittedly, children will be irresponsible at times, and they're going to get on our nerves every now and then. Still, they deserve-and need-to be treated with dignity and respect. Resist the temptation to yell at them.

Taken from Today, Thursday, 25th January 2007

Although this article is written for parents, it is especially significant to me as an educator. It is week 5 of the year, and many colleagues have already lost their voice at least once. I hate the feeling in my throat after I yell at the kids. My body can take long days, but once I yell, even once, my throat starts feeling funny.

My mentor & I resolved last Friday not to scream at the students this week. That was before this article was published. Needless to say, we yelled at them so we reflected and decided not to. Oh well, I yelled once this week. Other than that, when I wasn't yelling, I observed many things.

First of all, when I wasn't yelling, the kids listened better. At only 10, they've learnt to shut out pain - that includes our shelling. It's a self-defence mechanism at work. Especially the once that are most difficult and most testing. Those that are openly defiant especially when you shout at them to sit down so that you can begin your lesson.

Without shouting/yelling, I was forced to get the kids on task. I also paid attention to them - as human beings. Then numerous realisations hit me.

1. These kids are bored. Honestly, if I had to teach from the textbook, I'd be real bored as well. They are bored (and so am I) because they see little purpose in school. The faraway PSLE doesn't do much to motivate them. Also, they are so used to multitasking (think multiple windows, internet, iTunes, cable, MSN, etc) vs paying attention to the teacher. During our time, we, as students, probably were able to last about 20-30minutes. These kids aren't anywhere near there. Even if they are, the entertainer has to be really entertaining. Even with enjoyable tv programs, they are used to commercial breaks. How then can we fault them for being restless?

2. There are various ways of learning. Majority of the kids aren't auditory learners, so whatever we say won't even reach their ears. I tried this - I was 'supposed to' scold them, but I explained to them in a strange way, saying, "Alright, at this point, normally I will scold you. But since you won't listen anyway, and it really takes lotsa energy to scold, and most importantly, it'll waste time, then what I'll do is, we'll just take 2 minutes. Just imagine me scolding you." And then I watched the clock for 2 minutes. It worked simply because we were heading out to the computer lab for some fun. So they felt the pain of wasted time. I wouldn't recommend this for the normal talk and chalk lesson, coz that's precisely what they want. They literally felt the time wasting away. Lesson learnt. Back to various learning styles. Quite a number are visual learners, so I prepare my specific but simple instructions on powerpoint - quick job, saves me time to yell again and again, and most can't hear me anyway - and leave it on when they're doing work. It really saves repeating - energy and time.

3. Setting the agenda on the board for the day really helps them to follow through with me, instead of them feeling bombarded or led by the nose. When they know how many more items are there to go, they'll gladly do so. This visual aid also reminds me what's to be done.

4. They actually love to work. It's when there's lotsa teacher talk and no work that frustrates them. So this week, most lessons have been hands-on, IT-based, drama, group work, discussion. In fact, my form class is about to adopt an endangered animal. For real. Amazing! But they didn't do very well for the report. Oh well.

5. Structure activities so that they actually have opportunities to get out of their seat. Normally I would distribute all worksheets, get them to do them, then hand up to the leader (now known as Task Captain). But what I did on Friday was to term the worksheets as 'Levels' (like games), finish Level 1, put worksheet in front, ascend to Level 2, etc... kinda shuttle run style but no running. Everyone enjoyed the chance to get out of their seat. They didn't abuse it, thank God.

6. Setting up a blog really helps to facilitate things. I get to put up English interactive lessons and games and the kids who have computer access can go there and explore. One of my weaker pupils actually enjoyed this site! But my regret? Putting up the tagboard. They've been flooding the board and one of them - an anonymous creature - has been using vulgar words. IP banned, but would that frustrate him even more?

7. Not screaming especially at those 'characters' actually provided bonding opportunities. One of them (who's an untouchable coz the parent will sue anyone and everyone) whom I've yelled at actually showed me a magic card trick. Ben thinks it's an accomplishment. :)

8. One kid had a major meltdown on Thursday. We were supposed to have spelling, and the kids around him were badgering him to follow my given format. He was extremely resistant, and I was the last straw that broke the camel's back. Although I was firm (yet gentle), he seemingly obliged but threw the book at the table after I walked away. He's really got social-emotional issues - I've had a few encounters with him and definitely has special needs. When I walked to him again, he refused to get started on his spelling and walked out of the class. Not the first time - he does that everytime the class gets too noisy. He'll just sit outside, calm himself down then return. But this time he disappeared. As expected, he returned after awhile but he packed his bag. He just wanted to walk off for good this time. I held him back and he started screaming and growling. I kept holding him and saying, "It's ok, it's ok." Usually I would've have gotten into a shouting match. But this time, instincts told me he really needed help. I asked him if he wanted to return to his parents, and he started sobbing in my arms and nodded. He wanted to go back into his 'hole' and said that his granny was waiting for him. I managed to get him to stay, and provided the priviledge of being the first to leave when the bell rang. I just couldn't trust that the granny would pick him up 25 minutes before dismissal. She might not even be there. So he stayed on and the lesson continued. The class was shocked by the entire saga and we had some finger fun and Simon says, kinda business as usual. That boy even contributed quite a bit when we had to do vocab. The next day, he asked me when he could do his spelling. It's almost as if he's 2 separate persons. When I spoke to the Chinese teacher, she said I should have restrained him when he first wanted to walk out. I said I did (only when he packed his bag) and the whole hooha happened. Thank God I didn't yell at him. It would have been worse.

9. Because there was no yelling, one of my 'characters' even helped me do admin stuff after school. Usually there'll be some kind of resistance, but because of the peaceful dealings (i.e. no yelling) he was keen to help me as he had time before his soccer. He was a really good help I must say. Sadly, I learnt that his parent has been really violent with him in the name of discipline and he's recording all the violence down so that he can get back next time. Heart pain.

10. The overall atmosphere is much better now. As for my form class, I'm really enjoying my time there. They're keen to learn and they seem to have begun dreaming of the impossible. One of them asked me, "You mean it's possible to be a female pilot?" "Why not?" "You mean we can publish our own books?" "Why not?" And then you see their eyes light up. Shiok. :D

This week's resolutions:
- Be more sensitive to pupils' needs and help them see that they're not too young to start contributing to society. This week's topic which is long overdue - people with disabilities and personal recount also known as diary writing. I'd rather call it blogging. :)
- No yelling, no screaming, no shouting.
- Take time out for lunch.
- Leave for home early at least one day a week - Tuesday.

Purposeful Engagement, Positive Experience.
That's my motto. We'll see how things go this week.

My Beloved iBook

It's amazing the world of difference my iBook makes on my office work table. I feel empowered already. :) Woohoo!

The slowpoke has been abandoned to the Abyss. Now my beloved baby is here. I'm just thinking if I can survive without it at home. Hmmm...

In the Thick of Things

Seems that the stress level in moving house is right up there with divorce and death. Throw in a recent birth and a career 'change' - from being a student to a teacher. Those are major events. Not so major ones (but still very significant) - finally finishing probation for worship ministry in church - I got to go on stage on the first service of 2007, Abigail starting school, Abby's poor eye health, Shalom's shocking episode of a leaky ear, getting a new car (we collected our Wish on Saturday), my stuff's not organised - everything's all over the place - at home and in school, the classroom's not done up, getting a foreign student who knows nuts about English in my already rather weak class (just kill me), having a handful of hyperactive kids in an already distracted class for my other class, taking double English for P4 not realising that i dislike hate nagging and repeating myself...

What a load.

My body's not taking it very well. Have been having headaches that's associated with the gas in the tummy. The more gas, the worse the headache. It doesn't help that I haven't been able to rest well coz Shalom's sick again and I'm on night shift. I'm shuttling between rooms in the middle of the night and I have to get up at 5 the next morning. I was almost late on Monday and Ben was stuck in a terrible jam coz morning traffic home was horrendous. Last night I resorted to sleeping in the kids' room. Thank God Shalom stayed asleep most of the time. The night before he kept waking up and fussing because of blocked nose (I guess) and at one point I jumped out of my sleep and caught him crawling away, almost off the bed. Another time he was falling off our platform bed, face stuffed in the gap between the huge feather pillow and the mattress.

And I have to get up at 5. If I get to sleep, that is.

Last night, I forgot to set my alarm. I woke up hearing the phone alarm from Ben's phone in the other room. Thank God, otherwise it'll be terrible. Didn't have enough time so I didn't pump in the morning. Was terribly engorged by 3.30pm in the afternoon. Had to rush back, with two huge stacks of chicken scratch to mark.

Workwise, I have been given the honour of being the level's English rep. The last time I remember feeling so stupid was when I was in the hotel. I lost my job because of prolonged stupidity. I am feeling that same kind of stupidity again. I'm expected to know EVERYTHING and how things run at the LEVEL REP level. Thank God there are very helpful colleagues to tide me through this time. The last thing I want is to affect my colleagues because of my incompetency - like getting the spelling list out. I'm already screwed for the minutes of the last meeting (not out yet), the spelling list (also not out) and the English worksheets (don't know what on earth they specifically are). See how screwed?

Tried to requisite for a laptop. The current batch is due for condemnation. I think I"ll take my iBook to work tomorrow. Forget about the various connection - the laptop I requisited was still opening up Microsoft word when I was at contact time today. Damn slow man. I could literally see my stress level meter increase with the laggy laptop.

It really helps to offload. I am feeling slightly better actually. Though I still feel like I'm close to tears, at least I'm able to press on and not give up. Out of all these things, the only thing that upsets me is that my body isn't coping very well - it is very disabling. The bubbles in my tummy seem to have stopped. Now I can start tackling these obstacles one at a time.

Oh, and did I mention that the non-shopper me has NO CLOTHES TO WEAR? And I HATE SHOPPING. Especially for shoes - coz I have gloriously big feet and I hate hearing "I"m sorry, we don't have your size." I don't usually pay full price for shoes coz we've been living on single income and cash isn't free-flowing. I usually wear shoes to their deaths and then literally drag my feet (Ben drags me actually) to get new shoes. So now, with work, I'm in serious trouble. No fitting shoes - my feet have been hurting - and only about 5 pieces of top to play around with. And I don't like to wear the same piece twice in a week. Help. What has added to the problem is that the new head requires female staff to be dressed in sleeved attire. So no sleeveless. 80% of my wardrobe is condemned. I've been watching my other female colleagues get around this obstacle - everyone's been wearing this short cropped jacket. I think I'll look really odd in it. I'm damn old-fashioned man.

Enough grumbling. Back to solution-focused management.

Oh. One good thing that happened today - I finally saw Abby in her kindy school uniform. Today's the fifth day of school. What a lousy mother.

Strange. So Strange.

I was talking to my kids in class. No yelling, just speaking to the whole bunch. My throat felt a lil' sore, but nothing serious. Suddenly, I tasted blood. Then I started feeling very light-headed. My throat went numb. No more soreness.

What was that all about?

Ooh YES! Ooh Lala!

I got my posting! :D and it's back to PCS! :D

Posting Update

Because of my no-pay leave supposedly ending on 31 Dec 06, the ministry hasn't been able to post me. So after today's conversation with one of their really nice and patient staff, I found out that I haven't been posted to any school yet and that they'll try to rush me to report on 4th dec (so that I can start drawing a paycheck :D). The lady also called me many times (I was at Hip Hop so I couldn't take the call) and when I finally called her back, her colleague, who was also really nice, filled me in on the details. I'm just really grateful to them for being so nice and patient. I mean, after dealing with a certain department in NIE that eats trainees for breakfast, I'm kinda terrified at these corporate people. But I'm just glad we had a pleasant conversation. And the best part: They will send the posting memo to my current residence! Yesh! that means I don't have to shuttle to the new place whenever I have this sense that I HAVE MAIL. It's really disappointing actually...

Oh well. Glad things are looking up. Praise God. :)