J.O.Y.

Changes

2008-04-20T20:48:00.000+08:00

I'm moving over to vox if everything works out well. It's been quite frustrating blogging without photos, and vox basically allows me to blog from my N82. At first i thought i had to upload to Flickr which has been a pain as well because i didn't realise my account is stuffed with photos from long ago and i have no time to housekeep. Oh well. Hopefully vox won't fail me. Goodbye blogger. I'll miss you.

Comfort

2008-04-19T23:08:00.000+08:00

Am feeling way much better. Bless Ben for his heart. I was miserable throughout last night because I yelled at Abby, but things became better this morning. We even managed to go our regular Thai restaurant for our weekly fix. Today, we ate A LOT. It was so good. I was smiling after that! :) during the lunch, ben suggested i arrange for a massage- self care. So i went for one after lunch. When i stepped in, it seemed i looked so fatigued the people there just understood and didn't dish out any courtesy crap. Usually they're really friendly, but today, the manager just saw me and gave me a super-sympathetic look. I came out much fresher. The therapist used a fantastic massage gel on me that literally melted away my knots! A heavy investment, and i would really love to get it. Without it, the massage wouldn't be as effective. But it's really pricey! Although the therapist wasn't my regular one, she's also really good. Thank God for today. I managed to finish 3 stacks of marking, but poor kids got slightly neglected by mummy. I asked Abby why i yelled at her yesterday, and she said rhd didn't know. Anyway, i apologised to her for yelling needlessly. She's forgiven me! :)

Was doing a bit of bedtime reading, and abby chose one of her favourite books "It's not easy being a bunny". She can almost read half the book by herself! :) i would read the non-repetitive parts while she'd do the repeated but sequentially-lengthened paragraphs. At first i thought she'd memorised the texts, later, when i pointed out the words at random to her, she could read them! Words such as 'bear, bird, beaver, pig, possum, skunk'! I'm so thrilled! :)

Anyway, I suspect my monthly cycle is fooling around with my moods. Ben reminded me to be thankful for not getting hfmd! That would mean i actually have one week of teaching time instead of taking MCs. Thank God indeed! :D

Leave. Me. Alone.

2008-04-19T11:25:00.002+08:00

I snapped at Abby and Shalom last night. They were fighting over the nesting dolls and neither would give in. I yelled at them so sternly and terrified Abby. Shalom held his tears back but Abby was shocked. I broke down. After Abby called Ben (who was at cell), Abby came over to hug me.

How could I do this to my own kids?

The stress of the week has really taken its toll on me. The pressure of not being able to say no. Dealing with the stupidity of some people which led to me fixing up the mess after I returned after the extremely taxing break taking care of two kids who were sick and fussy. Having to plan for lesson observation because of my poor scheduling.

I snapped.

I have almost reached my breaking point.

I snapped earlier yesterday in my English/Science class. We've been collecting the Young Scientist projects, and I had returned the project 3 times to a particular group to get them to change their answers. But no, three times they returned it to me with the same answer. I got really fed up. Here's what they wrote:

Q: How is NEWater generated and give two of its uses.
A: NEWater is from our urine and we drink our own urine. It is purified by urine. It is healthier and it is more refreshing.

And these two girls are my good pupils. They refused to talk to me after that. I refused to look at them also.

Another incident: My kids often confide in me regarding the class politics because I take action. As a result, they don't fool around because they know I care. So two boys came to me to tell me that two other boys have been fighting. So I intervened. I found out that their history dates back to last year, in this colleague's class. She overheard and later told me, "My class doesn't have these issues."

Yah right. Because you cannot be bothered.

I'm fed up and bitchy. I'm pissed. I need rest. Exams are coming and I do not have enough time to revise with my classes. The stacks of marking have risen high, and I have brought marking home. I cannot rest well. I need a breakthrough.

It's Finally Friday!

2008-04-18T19:17:00.001+08:00

Finally, the madness of this week is over. I cannot describe how thrilled I am. The madness is gone! Woohoo!

I finally managed to sit down today to mark & tally 3 stacks of worksheets, within good time. It's become a luxury-to sit down and mark. My kids and I had just returned from NEWater, so they had some time to kill. They offered their time and services and asked me if i needed any help. Of course! Now, i have 2 tasks almost completed by them! Praise the Lord! One's a reading tree project that's been on hold for the longest time because it just takes up too much time. The other is a tally of their work which takes up time and is not really worth it. So, thank God they took over!

During the trip, one of my boys who had been trying to tell me something the whole day managed to get his message across. He, on his own accord, passed a nomination form around to vote for a preferred Twisted Tales project (which went bad yesterday during the selection process). So it's done! Praise the Lord! Wow. Amazing.

Plus, some angels from my class came up to me, chuckling, telling me to go to our school's Expression Corner. Thankfully, my RO Jo reminded me coz she saw the msg-it was about how life's hard but it's fun coz they're in my class! :D they can be the sweetest at times! :) *touched*

God's been good. I've had favour with parents, students and colleagues. All glory to Him! :)

More Fatigued

2008-04-16T14:44:00.000+08:00

I slept. I woke up. Now my head's spinning and vision's getting blurred. I still have to stay back for the P5 NAPFA test because we're short of teachers. The first thing I told my EL class today was that, if I faint, just run off and get the office staff. I am about to collapse. Yet I cannot rest.

Let's see, this week (coming back from 4day intensive child care):
Mon - PSLE Oral (Reserve but got activated anyway)
Tue - PSLE Oral
Wed - NAPFA
Thu - Speech & Drama workshop
Fri - Visit to NEWater Plant

All these activities take place AFTER SCHOOL and end about 5plus. The school closes at 6.30. Thereafter my time with the kids do not allow me to look at my marking. During curriculum time there is NO WAY to mark with the constant interruptions and lesson preparation. The worst thing to happen is to walk into a class UNPREPARED.

And the marking is getting taller.

God, help me please.

Fatigued

2008-04-15T21:40:00.001+08:00

I am so tired. After 6 testing days of nursing sick grouchy kids, i went back to school only to find my desk overwhelmed by submissions and unmarked work. I stacked it up on my table today, and it came close to my shoulder. A concerned parent asked if i could have the possibility of contracting the dreadful disease. If i have, the 1st thing i'd do is bring back my marking. My students are having their compo exam in 2 weeks' time. And i can't finish marking. I'm going to bed now so that i can get up early to clear some stuff. If i'm well enough.

Post Quarantine Effects

2008-04-12T18:16:00.002+08:00

As I approach the end of this quarantine, I realise I love my job a lot. Strangely, before this nightmare started, these two lines kept running through my head:

Being a parent makes me a better teacher;
and being a teacher makes me a better parent.

I REALLY CANNOT DENY THAT. It's been 5.5 days taking care of 2 lovely kids and I really think I love them better when I'm a full-fledged teacher and not a SAHM. In fact, I get recharged just clearing my work email. I love my job a lot, really. Being a temporary SAHM (Stay at Home Mum) is really way tougher than being a teacher to 80 kids. 80 kids, I can handle. But two toddler/pre-schooler? ARGH. They are like endless phonecalls that are asking for you, emails that require and IMMEDIATE reply and the Management chasing you for deadlines - ALL WHILE TEACHING! Ok, I exaggerate. But the tantrums and the fights - gosh. I surrender.

My colleagues in school still can't understand why I love going to school on Mondays. It's pretty unexplainable - just that I love my job so that I can love my kids better. :) Possibly too much of a good thing can turn out otherwise. It doesn't help that there is pain going all around - so the tantrums are expected. Still, argh. I think I might give homeschooling a miss. They might have to repeat P1 if I teach them myself... at 16.

Please Use Your Hand To Take Your Foot & Put It In My Mouth

2008-04-09T23:38:00.001+08:00

Abby enjoyed her ballet class on Sunday and was bright and chirpy as usual. She even called the boys to come downstairs as instructed as we turned at the junction approaching the carpark. A while later, she pretty much went lethargic and was burning. Her heart was racing and was running a fever. When we got home, she registered 39.2. Sponged her and gave her paracetomol-didn't have burofen. The next day, her fever went up and down. Took her to the clinic after i got home from school and the doctor was sick too. So we went to a different one. I asked if it was HFMD, and he said he was suspecting that too. Checked the mouth and saw many mini blisters on the cheek and palate. He pointed out some reddish parts on her hands and foot as well. Yet he refused to confirm. 3 days mc to keep both of us away from school. When i got out of the clinic, i waited for a long time for ben to end his conversation before i broke the news to him. We then had to decide whether and when to quarantine shalom at ben's parents' place. We separated them at night and thought his mum could pick the boy up in the afternoon. But by tennish he started becoming feverish and it shot up to 39.6 in less than 15 minutes when we decided to take him to the doc for a check up. Also suspected to have the same virus.

His fever's been on a roller-coaster, and so has been his mood. Personally, i've been having this biting sensation on my lips and in my mouth since saturday. I had the impression that it was a super-efficient toothpaste that we changed to the other day, or it could be that new moisturiser that possibly has some strange effect. Anyway, the adults are feeling less than optimal right now, and i hope that we survive this unscath. This is not like chicken pox where one develops immunity after 1 round. Anyway i just received a call from a church co-worker- it seems one of the kids got it too, but we didn't go this week. So we're just wondering how long exactly is the incubation period. Oh well. Anyway i'm really worried all sides, even for my classes. They've been on their own with a non-teaching relief teacher. She doesn't teach anything and just tries to maintain discipline. Very worried. I tried giving work, but most work i have needs guidance. I really hope i don't have to pick up the pieces when i get back. I hope i can get back by friday and not take mc. I feel the prickly sensation on my lips and in my mouth again. I really hope it's not anything serious. Yet i've never had such a feeling before. Argh. Damn the virus.

Goals for this month

2008-04-04T05:51:00.002+08:00

I must be up to date with my marking. Asked a colleague who mentioned she's drowning in her marking how many outstanding stacks she had, then I realised I'm in serious trouble. I don't even know how many stacks i have, just that it's never ending.

On a brighter note, we had a mini family gathering today! Had dinner at my place in honour of my aunt michelle, uncle mike and godson Matthew. I'm a lousy godma whose always overwhelmed by the busy-ness of life. Had a great time catching up, and I forgot to take photos!

Ben took childcare leave today and prepared the house for the gathering. He even put up the wall stickers in the kids' room! It's gorgeous! :) we're contemplating whether to remove the ikea stickers on the Docent coz the theme is really different from the animal wall stickers. Anyway, now that the kids' work area is almost done plus their bedroom, now it's my turn to do up our study. Ben has kindly allowed me to use his usual work area as my own!

(Apologies- this post ends abruptly because I actually fell asleep while blogging and i can't remember what else i wanted to write.)

Shalom praying

2008-04-02T11:24:00.001+08:00

"Dankew Gees por the pood, OH MAN!"

Translation: Thank you Jesus for the food, Amen!

Treats

2008-04-02T11:19:00.002+08:00

Went for a long overdue massage on Monday. Gosh, it was just... heavenly. Although it wasn't exactly painless, I managed to have one of the best sleep ever after that, though marred by a terribly odd dream. I dreamt that Ben was my brother and our marriage was morally wrong! SO STRANGE. Oh well. He did start out being my 'kor kor' during our secondary school days though.

Will most likely be going for a mani-pedi with Eve later! Woohoo! :) The only thing left is a decent haircut at a decent price. I really love this cut, but the duck-tailing really irks me. :S

Have been wanting to put up pictures, but until I get the beautiful shots which Ben took with his N95 8GB phone, I can only post text. :P I want a new phone... *greedy* or a good camera. Watching old videos taken with low resolution phones on a much higher resolution screen is such a heartbreak and a pain. Abby used to be cuter in my previous phones. Maybe I shouldn't have traded those in... :'( Oh well. Must remember to take more photos and videos of kids. They are growing up really fast!

Being Politically Correct

2008-04-01T22:34:00.000+08:00

Just came home after a meet up with my cell leader. Went to peek in the kids room and found Abby still awake, waiting for us. She then came over to our room and started chatting with us.

I'd just bought a new dress recently and was wearing it, so I asked her if it was nice. She smiled sweetly and in a very genuine way, said it was nice. Then she turned to Ben, who was beside her, and wanted to pay him a similar compliment. She stroked his shirt, and said with a sweet smile, "Your shirt is... very dark blue!"

Delayed blog-housekeeping; Work stuff

2008-03-30T15:05:00.003+08:00

I've finally changed the tickers below. It's really quite embarassing - prior to the change, Shalom's ticker was stuck at "Shalom's 1 year old!" for the past 13 months. With a photo of him at 4 months.

I also realised I haven't been blogging much last year - mostly because of teaching just sucks the time out from your life. Mondays to Fridays are way too short to do anything much... which is a good thing because it forces me to stare at every minute on Saturday and Sunday, just relishing every moment of it.

I've just done up my time table, and looking at it, I'm amazed I can even find time to mark. These few weeks have been rather exhausting especially with a 3 hr Speech & Drama workshop by Lorna Whinston every Thurdsay. 2 down, 6 more to go. That's 24 hrs worth of work time set aside for this course. I really wanted to siam it because I really couldn't manage my mountains, but mustered enough courage to confess to my hod that I haven't attended it. It's compulsory lah.

Anyway, I got promoted. I never expected to, not after I received my performance bonus of one month plus half a month top up and a 0.6 growth bonus, whatever that means. I received my PB notice right after Ben's, who got a TWO AND A HALF MONTH'S BONUS. He's amazing. I'm glad I snagged him as my life partner. I'd give him 20 and a half month's bonus for just being himself. Who ever gets 2.5 months in Civil Service?!?! So, you see, the promotion news came as a pleasant surprise, thinking that 1 month really is just, 1 month. When I received the email from my P, I almost wanted to delete it after reading the congratulatory message, but I thought, "Better not. Otherwise if don't congratulate people not very nice." And so I looked at the attachment and paused for many seconds when I saw my name on the list.

"Me? Promoted? Wah. Miracle!" I really never ever expected to be promoted. NEVER. Not so fast anyway. It really is a miracle of God. I just began full-fledged teaching last year, and I think we're supposed to wait for 3 years before getting promoted from GEO1.1 to GEO1A1 (for degree holders). My colleague nicely reminded me about my grouse with NS guys - they get promoted after 1 year because of their 2.5 yrs in NS. So after 1 year in teaching, all will get promoted. But not the girls. So I was never expecting this promotion, not after hearing awful news about many people who were passed up for promotion. My understanding? People take a really long time to move up the MOE ladder.

So, it really is a miracle. Someone actually told me that it could have been my contract teaching years being taken into consideration. Definitely not relief teaching though. Come to think of it, I've been with MOE since 2000. That's long. And I just got confirmed end of last year. And I'm still considered a beginning teacher. A 10 year old beginning teacher. Wah. I am a walking paradox. With all these facts, a promotion is unlikely.

Oh well. I just hope I don't have to start from the bottom of the new scale - meaning: pay cut. The starting pay of the next scale is lower than my current scale. I hope the number of increments will follow; otherwise I think I might very likely reject the promotion. :S If that's the case, then on the other hand (if we do continue with the number of increments) why do they still have the basic level (no increment) if people get promoted say after a few years, i.e. after a few increments?

Hmmm... quite confusing. I know trying to squeeze a few more cents is quite a challenge. I did try my best to get them to recognise my Murdoch degree many years ago, and they gave quite an evasive answer, which basically got me stuck at the diploma level though with a degree. That's quite a few hundred dollars difference. Now my colleague's asking me to write in to adjust my pay coz of previous working experience, which I haven't much. :( Some mid-career changers have adjusted quite a bit, but I haven't worked for that long outside... just 8 months previously? It's NIE that has taken my youth away, though during then I did pop twice. ;)

It's nice to receive the promotion, but the higher we climb, the thinner the air gets up there. I really hope I don't end up neglecting Abby and Shalom because of a silly ladder.

Revamp

2008-03-23T14:59:00.004+08:00

The toys, books and games are threatening to overwhelm us. Surprisingly, despite so many ways to be engaged, they are still spending a disgusting number of hours in front of the tv every day. Perhaps it's because there are too many toys all over the place, so the kids can't really access everything. It's an irony - the more you have, the less you play with. It's the same with all the stuff we have - the more we have, the less we use (in proportion). So we need to make it accessible for them. Here we go (Ikea) again...

I'm on this hunt for activities to do with the kids at home. I usually make use of the 8 intelligences as a guide so as not to bore them. I thank God both their ages are really close, so they entertain each other most of the time. However, it's still good to have structured play whenever Mummy's home, otherwise Mummy will just busy herself with the huge load of ~~guilt~~ books she brings home everyday.

I need to have a workplan even at home. Otherwise the frustration of not knowing what to do sets in. We usually do colouring, painting, drawing, writing, puzzle fixing, tangraming, role-playing, stamping, play-doughing, reading, dancing, singing, sticker-pasting, etc - and that's usually just ALL IN A DAY. It's usually initiated by them. And then they still want to play some more. Other times when Mummy has a little more energy, we'll do a bit of cooking and baking. Sometimes Lina will allow Abby to make jelly for everyone. But there must be more to do... otherwise they'll just stare at the tv screen.

Oh. And our VCD/DVD collection. It's filled up many albums, and they're still persisting very well. They've watched many shows. The TV is the Babysitter's Babysitter. As much as I discourage my pupils from too much tv watching, my own kids are clocking about a minimum of 4 hours daily. It's really bad. From the time they wake up, the TV's switched on. And that's about 7. By 9 they would have watched about 1.5 to 2hrs of tv. Plus lunch - 1 hour, then nap. When they wake up at 3, all the way till 5, that's about 2 hours. So effectively, 4.5hrs to 5 hours a day. Multiply that by 5 days a week, 52 weeks a year, 3 years of their lives (Abby's at least). That's a lot of brain-dulling activity going on. Although some people do believe that tv can be educational, too much is really not good. It's proven. Also, even though Shalom and Abby don't watch 'television broadcast' programmes, their DVD collection is already at an astounding size (by conservative standards). Forget about cable. I cannot bear to see them have withdrawal symptoms if they are hooked on that too.

So my plan - get my helper to chart their tv watching - clock the actual number of hours. Then when she produces the results, aim for half that number (which I won't reveal at first until she produces one week's worth of tv watching). If she under-declares, she'll have an even smaller target to work with. She most likely won't over-declare though, as it'll look quite bad on her. We'll try to assist her with ways to help reduce the tv exposure although she's only half the factor. My MIL is finally persuaded by the newspaper that tv watching during meal times is bad for the kids. *WOOHOO!* So the kids are shipped away from the tv when it's meal-time.

I'm not saying tv is bad. But 4 hours a day is really a lot of tv watching. Some people would argue otherwise. If they do, I'd say they can do whatever they like to their kids, but I'd rather mine not watch. After teaching for a short period, I can tell those who are tv addicts and those who are not. Teachers are not entertainers; we can't entertain them in class like how tv does. So they actually have to be disciplined, active - proactive in fact, and do work.

So once again, my goal - to halve 4 hours to 2 hours a day. By more conservative standards - that's still quite a lot, but that's a 50% reduction... if possible. Not only that, they still watch programmes on mobile phones and portable dvd player (even when going out with grandparents)...

Research has shown that brainwaves dull after prolonged tv watching. Plus the numerous flashes on screen etc, the costs really does outweigh the benefits after a while. It took me a long time to wean myself off tv - I was a huge tv addict because there was no supervision at home and my 'supervisor' is a huge tv addict herself - my grandma -- so I hope my kids can start weaning off earlier and not waste their life away. Some people can still come up to me and insist that it's perfectly alright to do so - they've wasted their life away and still turned out fine, but I do hope that the kids can find more meaningful things to be engaged with and hopefully use whatever creativity that they have (together with others) and solve some of the world's problems. Sometimes it takes only that little spark to make this place a better place to live in. Or the other way is to just become a couch potato and stay out of the way.

March Holidays

2008-03-14T01:25:00.002+08:00

As a brilliant start to the March Holidays, I had to scrap the tracks of the stadium at 'full' speed right in front of the Grand Stand which was overflowing with parents for the final event of our Sports Day. Brilliant. We were coming in last, and I was determined to give it my best shot - forget about even overtaking, coz they were really ahead of us. So I caught the baton from Elise and I started running. The ground approached me and I tumbled. The baton flew out of my hand and I scrambled for it right after I stopped rolling. I continued to run. It was quite a sight, seeing the crowd cheer and clap for a disoriented, bleeding and pale teaching running like mad past the finishing line. I was well taken care of after that. One parent who heard about the eventful race has been messaging me daily to check on me. My shoulder wound almost got infected. My boss asked today if it was like siew mai from Crystal Jade. I replied, "It's more like Lap Cheong."

As Abby would wrinkle her nose when she sees my wound and say, "It's quite bad uh?"

Oh well. No massages and sports for this holiday. We had Shalom's party the next day, and I had the dirtiest looks from people - like I had leprosy when I sported the wound with a spaghetti-strapped top. However, I also felt quite gung-ho - like I had gotten into a fight and was showing off my battle-scars. Or that I survived an abuse of a huge cigar on my shoulder. Oh well, I think people were just eyeing me to check for other injuries.

I've always wondered how people got such bad injuries on their shoulders. Wouldn't their heads get injured? Now I know.

I sustained other injuries - left knee (bad), right knee (almost nil), right shoulder (gross) and head (light pinkish injury, but otherwise alright). I singlehandedly united the school for 20 seconds. Not bad eh? :P

For this hols, I cleared the boxes off the study, met up with Eve, went for pedicure, spent lotsa time with Abby and Shalom, went Playground at Big Splash and rested well. On the other hand, busted $30+$50 fine for parking (Mum's car - more expensive than getting season parking - $63 a month!), Shalom's ill - been throwing up non-stop, haven't cleared my mountainload of marking (this is bad), lotsa deadlines piling up but I really don't know what they are, and I haven't finished my idealistic to-do list. Maybe I should make it even more detailed.

I really hope I will get around to uploading photos. But I can only do that if the study's functioning - meaning everything's in place, which would mean I would need to pack it. But to pack it, I'll need to clear my marking first. And I need to take the kids to the pedodontist coz their teeth's really bad - Lina's been siphoning sweets even without them asking for it! ARGH! Plus Shalom hasn't updated his vaccination yet, and he's unwell, think he's gotten an infection, so I've gotta take him to the doctor's tomorrow. Argh.

So if you want photos, I'm sorry but we'll have to wait.

Oh. By the way, HAPPY BURFDAY JIUJIU! :)

My Family

2008-03-05T11:35:00.002+08:00

We had this activity of pasting circles representing our family during church a few weeks ago. Here's what Abby did - all by herself! (I helped to label the people) When she showed me, the faces were all drawn and pasted. Then she directed me to write the names of the people. She started with ~~Mommy~~Daddy on top (she changed her mind), then taima (great-grandma), then Mummy, Shalom, Lina (right at the bottom) and Godma Elise. She finished with two angels by our sides. All are happy! :)

Own note: A Must Read

2008-03-04T09:53:00.001+08:00

For personal productivity and management:
Wrike helps you get things done

Subject to Interpretation

2008-03-03T23:10:00.001+08:00

Just dropped my mum and her friend off at the airport, and I drove both the kids back, happily fastened in the back seat. As we reached the carpark, we tried looking for an available non-season parking lot, but to no avail. I decided to get ben to come downstairs and take them upstairs while i continued on the hunt.

So i got Abby to make the phonecall. My instructions to her were, "Love, please call Daddy and ask him to come downstairs to take you upstairs coz Mummy can't find a parking lot."

The phone rang, and Ben picked up and heard Abby exclaim, "DADDY! MUMMY DUNNO HOW TO PARK THE CAR LEH!"

TGIF!

2008-03-01T00:24:00.000+08:00

THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY! I'm just getting happier with each passing Friday. My days are just unbelievably packed. But amazingly, it's these days when I do my Quiet Time best. Praise God for His presence!

Ben & I are just so glad it's Friday. Although the weekend madness is about to hit us next when we wake up, still, it's a wonderful feeling knowing it's time to prepare for the coming week.

I need adequate sleep. I've been sorely lacking sleep and having been taking a lot of caffeine. Bad idea. I look like a walking zombie. I must detox and purge the toxins from my body, allow it to adjust to it's natural state of energy (or fatigue, whichever applies) then recover.

i've picked up my planner again, need it to navigate my time. Otherwise i'll be overwhelmed and totally unmanageable! :( let's hope for a better week ahead! Then it's the holidays! :)

At Ikea

2008-02-27T23:50:00.002+08:00

Abby was playing with the colourful animal puppets in the sale bin outside the restaurant. There were zebras, crocodiles, monkeys, lions, frogs and elephants! Shalom, an animal fan, got all excited and rushed forward and started tiptoeing over the brim of the bin to pick out one to play with too.

Ben then signaled to me to look over, which I did, and then I saw Shalom happily waving - an oven mitten.

TMI

2008-02-26T17:27:00.002+08:00

It's confirmed a negative. I don't know whether to laugh or to cry.

Oh well. Back to reality, and being thankful that we can continue sleeping a few straight hours a night (at least 5 times a week).

Work is piling up, and I just checked with my colleagues - their marking 'grace period' is about two, max three days. Mine's about two, max three weeks, or even months? I'm so dead.

ON MC AGAIN!

2008-02-24T23:52:00.000+08:00

It's my third one this year. Went to the doc coz i had breathing difficulties and he diagnose as low blood pressure. But based on my medical records, i've been visiting frequently and it just doesn't look good. Dr says i look tired and really persuaded me to rest-tomorrow. It's been a bad vicious cycle. On fridays, i just thank God that the week's over, and on Sunday evenings, i thank God even more that the weekend's over! I really look forward to going back to work coz it's just waiting for me. I'm longing for the day when it's all cleared. No more outstanding work. Even for my last hols i still had work that was overdue.

i hate feeling this way. But i know i need to rest. It's been way too much pressure.

The Test

2008-02-24T14:17:00.000+08:00

It's a negative.

Trying to unwind (Read with caution)

2008-02-23T16:39:00.003+08:00

Was blasted by colleague for following a new guideline set out by school, implemented by teachers and not annouced formerly. Started off by parents' complaints of giving too little homework, so school issued guideline of having one day off a week - tuesdays for our level. Kiddo brains thrilled at news, didn't realised it means heavy workload for rest of days. So told kids on monday, colleague didn't know i told them, gave them work on tuesday coz mon no homework. Kids ARGUED with her, threatened her with principal etc... she blasted at me. I broke down big time. Thank God, managed to reconcil, let's hope things stay good. Got the kids to apologise to her. Or else... anyway, they did.

Brother and Jacque left on tuesday. Not a teary send off coz tears been shed - and all were trying their best to hold back. My mum TRIED to make my brother cry by evoking sad thoughts - joy, telling him NOT to cry when he wasn't. I spoke up - told her to stop. Rare. Unfillial daughter.

Tired like mad. Having some infection. Cleared HUGE knee-high stack of worksheets. Files due for checking soon. Hope they'll have something in the files to check. Period is late. Feeling cranky. Thinking too hard till head hurts. Woke up at 6.30 this morning missing my period. (Pun intended.) Everyone's been talking about no. 3. And it's not like we're not using protection. Had perpetual infection when i was having no. 2, so when it hit again a few days ago I started to worry. Thought period was supposed to come on 20th. Can't remember last menstrual period. Or was it 23rd? It's the 23 today. Somehow I always hit the date - so quite regular in an odd way. Oh well. Will test it out later. Will be disappointed either way. Oh well.

I need to unwind. Going for ice-cream with my best pal now.

Bruised Heart

2008-02-22T00:09:00.001+08:00

We were on our way for the Lunar 15th day dinner at my in-laws place when it happened. Shalom was beginning to fuss as he was belted up in the front booster seat. I was talking to Ben about how we were going to get a free breakfast from our boss tmw coz singapore had won the youth olympics. Then, as the car in front moved off after being stuck in a mini-jam, ben who just unbuckled Shalom moved off too. He didn't have enough time to pass shalom to the back. When he realised that the car in front was turning right and his ass was sticking into our lane making it impassable to the rest of the world, it was too late. He braked abruptly and shalom flew towards the dashboard while looking right, impacted and then slipped into the abyss below the glove compartment. My reaction was too slow and could barely fish him out of the black hole in time.

I held him so close for the rest of the journey, kissing his bruised cheekbone and ear a million times. I really wish it was me instead. My heart flew, smashed into the dashboard and crashed onto the floor. My poor heart.

From a good friend...

2008-02-18T14:56:00.001+08:00

Father lord i pray u will continue to strengthen audrey thru this tough period... give her more strength be it mental or physical... support her and her family... And also i pray u will pace everything in place like her work, family and minstriy oh lord... leave her into your hands, and pray u will continue to bless her and her family... in jesus name amen....

Overheard

2008-02-14T10:19:00.004+08:00

Was putting the kids to bed the other night when I sat in their 'conversation':

S: (avid milkaholic) No more drink milk... No more drink milk... (He had finished his night bottle a while ago and knew that he couldn't have another one... so was sort of stating/lamenting)
A: Ah mah drink milk?
S: (I was watching his thought bubble form - of his granny and his beloved milk bottle) Yuck-do-do-do! (We go "Yuckie-doodle-do" for something gross!)

Hilarious! They laughed so hard!

CNY Celebrations

2008-02-11T22:22:00.001+08:00

Totally forgot about dressing Abby in new year clothes, so she was one of the neglected ones in school uniform today- i think they were supposed to bring goodies too. Another lousy mother record.

Had a chaotic celebratory session in school today too. The P.A. system is in a mess, and after i contributed some stuff, now i'm being recommended for the post. Tough job, not for the faint-hearted or those who want to manage career and family, or i think those who just started their worklife.

Anyway, today i managed to clear some overdue stuff, but i still have a lot more overdue stuff due. Marking's still piling up, categorised into two piles-fresh vs procrastinating pile. I realised i don't procrastinate-it's just that other more important priorities always take over the attention. My previous boss always told me to prioritise. Until now i can still see her telling me.

I hope I can survive this week. Thank God remedial's been cancelled this week, although i still gotta go singapore discovery centre with the kids for some total defence thing. I really hope each time i get out of the class that i haven't forgotten anything.

I really need to be more productive instead of being the last to leave almost everyday. It really isn't very healthy actually. :( let's hope things will get better, and that i won't drown with the next wave. God, keep me afloat!

Fatigued Mother

2008-02-10T23:22:00.000+08:00

I am absolutely spent. I still have my marking almost untouched. For the long holiday finale, just as we were all about to wrap up the day with a nice hosing down of the kids, abby fell and her chin & hip hit the toilet kerb as she was stepping out of her clothes. At that moment, i couldn't hold her back coz it happened too quickly. I just felt like smashing my head on the step as well for being such a lousy mother.

i'm very tired. At probably the most tired moment, Shalom looked at me with his pretty eyes and asked very nicely, "Mummy... Can you... please... One Two Two Three... please?" *smile*

I almost melted into a puddle. One Two Three is our nightly routine where i sweep their blankets over their whole bodies and faces before settling them down in their beds. And usually i have to wrestle shalom to bed. But tonight, he was just absolutely angelic.

i was so close to breaking down, and with that, i instantaneously felt much much better. Thank God.

First, Second & Third Baby

2008-02-09T00:19:00.000+08:00

Picked this up from Karen's blog, and wanted a keepsake. It's really funny! (Btw, I'm not pregnant with No. 3.)

……………………………………..

The Evolution of Parenthood

Your Clothes -

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy. (I couldn't wait then, honestly.)

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. (Very true.)

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes. (I hope not! :P)

The Baby’s Name -

1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favourites. (Not true - Abigail's name surfaced before the pregnancy. :D )

2nd baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you. (Not true either - no one in the family named Shalom.)

3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect! (I hope not!)

Preparing for the Birth -

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously. (I went for ante-natal classes! But didn't remember how to breathe though. Too complicated.)

2nd baby: You don’t bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn’t do a thing. (Yup. There's the epidural.)

3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month. (I went w/o epi for 2nd birth! Woohoo!)

The Layette -

1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn’s clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau. (Yes, yes...)

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains. (Yes too...)

3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they? (All my baby clothes have been passed around.)

Pacifier -

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it. (Thumbsucker...)

2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby’s bottle. (No. 2 - Apply rule from No. 1 above.)

3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in. (Eeps.)

Diapering -

1st baby: You change your baby’s diapers every hour, whether they need it or not. (No... Only poop time.)

2nd baby: You change their diaper every 2 to 3 hours, if needed. (Yes.)

3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees. (Eeew! Hmm... I might. Who knows?)

Worries -

1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a frown - you pick up the baby.
(Not exactly... but I did peek and stay alert!)

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn. (He's a ~~loudhailer~~ loudwailer, so need to pick up quickly.)

3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing. (Tempting!)

Activities -

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour. (Yes yes...)

2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics. (No I didn't. He grew up too fast. By the time I wanted to, he was too old.)

3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out -

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times. (Once I think?)

2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached. (Yup.)

3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood. (Oh man...)

At Home -

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby. (Quite a bit.)

2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby. (Yes. True.)

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children. (I hope not!)

Baby 3 sounds scary! But hilariously funny! :) and possibly true... :'(

The CNY load

2008-02-07T09:07:00.001+08:00

I don't know how i'm going to survive this season. Already we had to rush to 3 places for reunion yesterday, starting at 5pm and ending close to 11pm, and we'll have to repeat this for the first part of today, PLUS extended relatives.

I brought a massive amount of work home. I really want to clear the backlog. I also need to be at 4 places on Saturday- multiple school reunions plus cell commitment. I should be thankful that i don't have a lonely life, but both ends of the spectrum do have their pros and cons.

i really wish i could just clear my work quickly and really enjoy this break. I think if i didn't sleep last night, i should have cleared all by now. But that'll be madness, won't it?

somehow i know i'll still clear it. Oh, still got SONbeam preparations for sunday.

Sick Again! Plus a Few Deep Thoughts

2008-02-04T12:29:00.001+08:00

Have been unwell and totally bloated. In fact i’ve been freezing. I sound like a pack of frozen shishamo. Anyway if gibberish appears, it’s because i’m blogging via email from my phone.

Kids aren’t fantastically well either. They’re cranky and at best, cordial with each other. Usually they’re really affectionate and proud of each other, although we try not to let them punch the daylights out of one another too many times though.

We just celebrated Lina’s birthday over the weekend. She’s growing younger and younger! When she was working for my aunt, she was born in 1980. Then when she came over to my side, i thought i remember her saying she’s born in 1982. Just last saturday, when i thought she turned 26, she said she’s born in 1985. Whatever. She’s probably one of the most reliable 23yo i known- save for the fact that her age keeps changing. Understandable though-if she’d revealed her real age, she’d be sent back, which means end of career. Counting back, she arrived in singapore at 17 only?! Wow. She’s come a long way. Although we’ve received ‘feedback’ from people re: her, we’ve managed to compromise and have our own agreement. She’s more than a maid to our family; after so many years, she’s like an elder sister to the kids. :)

We’re planning to go Sydney end of this year, kids and all. Although it’s going to be really expensive, it’s been something we’ve been wanting to do. Since most of my family is moving over there sooner or later, singapore is becoming less of a home. :(

Recently my MIL has been asking about no. 3. Although i’d love to have more kids (yup, no kidding) i need more energy and money. They don’t exactly come cheap, esp with additional rooms, schools, etc, so we’re still trying to get behind the logic of stopping work (income gone) and having kids (expenses up). Would love to have kids, but whom do i bargain the price with? Plus, being pregnant and with a new child will definitely put me out of ministry again, at least on hold. I still LOVE pregnancy and childbirth, plus newborn, breastfeeding and the whole package, but it consumes lots of attention, time, energy & money. I’ve finally just managed to balance my focus-husband, kids, work, ministry, household. If i have another one everything will be topsy-turvy again. Hmmm. Timing. Somehow i know i’ll have a no 3, but not sure when, although 2 seems perfect for now. I still remember we wanted 4, but we’ll see how. I still wanna be a SAHM.

Priorities this year:
-re-establish walk with God, i.e. Have regular quiet time (been doing well, thank God!)
-Marriage, date regularly and rediscover each other (not often enough!)
-manage work within working hours, i.e. Don’t bring work back (very challenging! I stay till 6.30 in school everyday, with backlogs sky high).
-make friends with life-giving people (cell girls have been a great blessing! Now a stronger support group.)
-spend at least 2 quality hours daily with kids.
-Sleep 8 hours daily.

Stye in the Eye; Lunch in School

2008-01-30T13:20:00.001+08:00

At home today, rushing P6EM3CA1 paper, while on MC. Tomorrow's the deadline, so must die die finish by today, otherwise die. Initially planned to do it after school, but woke up this morning with huge swollen left eye, utterly uncomfortable, so took an mc to stay haome to prevent it from getting worse. Not sure if staring at computer screen will worsen it.

Have been bringing leftover dinner (or rather set-aside dinner) for lunch to school everyday. Teachers pass by and salivate! Compared to our measly but expensive canteen food, it really looks good... except that the thermos container is really huge! Keeps my lovely lunch warm though, so it's really worth it. :) Thank God for Lina for keeping my stomach sane and my palates happy! :)

Strong Currents

2008-01-29T16:02:00.000+08:00

Here's the occasional drop by to say hi to my lonely little blog. Oh well, there can only be so many things on my plate before everything starts spilling off...

This year has been a crazy one. It's only January and I'm feeling the heat - workwise. I'm in school before 7 daily and leave only after 6. I'm on full throttle and hardly even stop. Work's literally piling up, and I'm demolishing piles of books with a red pen faster than the en blocs project tearing old hdbs down. But they keep coming up, faster than those ridiculously priced condos.

I'm teaching 2 EL classes this year, and they are presumably the HA kids. Yet I still get mediocre work. I thought I could do tons with them, but somehow I have to adjust my expectations regarding their ability. Now there's this gifted child in my class, and I have to read up on gifted kids who are slightly different - in terms of behaviour - from the rest.

Abby and Shalom are thriving despite my absence. Mustn't feel too lousy about it. Oh well, at least I don't bring work home during the weekdays, and try to put them to bed, which is quite a feat, especially for Shalom. They're such darlings! Shalom has his own stroller and baby as well, and I bet he'd make an excellent dad when he grows up, just like his dad.

Abby just told me yesterday that her teacher scolded her. When asked further, she said that she wasn't colouring fast enough, so she got scolded. Another teacher came to her rescue though. She was so sad. I can almost see my own pupils telling their parents that about me. *guilty*

Churchwise, our ladies bible study is having a revival... more honesty, stronger desire to grow in the Lord. We did our goal setting, our spiritual gifts analysis and now gaining momentum for the year. As for SONbeam - the parent-child playgroup I started with Siew Fun - it's growing well. Now we need to be diligent in going for adult service on Saturday, otherwise we'll be dried up.
Personally, I've been reading more. Just finished Heidi & Rolland Baker's Always Enough. They are missionaries to Mozambique, and their testimony is amazing! Now just finished Rachel's tears, the young Christian matyr who was killed in the Columbine tragedy. Also onto Disciplines of a Godly Woman and The Apostolic Cell Church by Apostle Lawrence Khong. :)

Work WOrk WORk WORK

2008-01-23T14:09:00.000+08:00

It's piling up. Big time. I feel like level 99 of some computer game. And it doesn't look like I'm winning anytime soon. Which explains why I haven't been blogging.

Day 2 of 2008

2008-01-02T22:18:00.000+08:00

I've got a splitting headache which started slightly before today. It's the first day of school, and yes, I also get first day jitters. It seems that it's actually IBS, which is not good news at all. Anyway, met my kids and there are quite a few outspoken ones. I get the feel that they are generally competitive and individualistic. Different challenges from last year.

Missed Abby and Shalom terribly. Abby took to school very well today - one of the older kids already! Well, one of the downsides of being a teacher is that you can't be there on your kids' first day of school. *big cry*

I've had such a wonderful time with the kids this hols, and I think all of us blossomed. I was telling Ben that I'm really appreciative of the space we had this time round - our holiday schedule allowed the caregivers some off days on alternative days, so they were with me Mon, Wed, Fri and weekends, while Tues and Thu were with their grandparents. The kids can play better together now, and when Shalom intrudes on Abby's play, she's learning to offer alternatives instead of getting into a death match. Being empowered has helped her not to be so defensive towards Shalom, and Shalom has also learnt to be slightly more gentle with Abby. :)

They're now hogging my precious iBook! Abby's hooked on Island Princess and loves the bloopers! (Bloopers from a cartoon?!?! Yup, I was puzzled initially, but really quite farni - especially Tellulah!) She also likes Thomas which is great coz Didi gets to watch and cheer her on. Great for bonding. :)

They used to like Animal Parade but have gotten quite sick of it. When Shalom gets the computer, he goes for Fisher Price Infant Games. They have the toddler and pre-schooler versions as well.

Well, back to work. I've got tons to clear and a headache to get rid off. I really hope I can clear the bulk of it by this Friday and still get out of school daily latest by 4.30pm. (I get to school around 6.40am.) I really need to get home earlier and continue bonding with the kids. It seems that prior to this holidays, there was hardly any bond with Shalom. I was just one of the many adults in his life. I'm just grateful for this holidays.

I also need to update here more. With more pictures of course! :)

Emmanuel AOG Christmas Food & Fun Fair

2007-12-17T01:23:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was our church's food and funfair! We had great fun and the weather was absolutely gorgeous! Everyone's been praying for fine weather especially when the event's smacked in the middle of the monsoon season.

We sold hotdogs with mashed potatoes and fruit & marshmallow fondue. Everything was sold out by the time the funfair was over, which is absolutely amazing. One praise point - all glory to God for directing in making mashed potato gravy - which I'd NEVER done before! :) With ingredients ALL from home - and it's really just bare essentials. I thought my trusty cookbook would have the recipe, but it disappointed me. However, thank God - I found one online! Ingredients are a hassle, especially when my cell friends actually ran all around the island looking for the elusive ready-made mix. It's challenging also because most recipes required brown sauce, which meant we had to go to the supermarket - and we didn't have time for that. We only had one hour to churn it out.

I can't seem to find that recipe now, but if I can recall my experience - not the recipe, it is:

30g butter (look in fridge)
30g plain flour (look in cupboard)
300-320ml chicken stock (look in fridge for Knorr and pray that it's there)
1 tbsp beef granules (don't bother to look in fridge coz it won't be there. Substitute with BOVRIL!)
salt & pepper (Bring along - but salty enough, so don't have to add salt)
1 tsp mustard (You must be kidding. Although recommended, I didn't dare. And I didn't have also.)
10g Cornstarch (Maid will suggest.)

I multipled all ingredients by x3. Coz we were selling one whole pot of mashed potatoes.

Steps:
Heat butter. To get 30g butter, put knife in hot water to cut butter.
Mix in flour. Stir continuously till brown.
Pour in chicken stock. (VERY BAD IDEA.) Better to mix butter and flour INTO the stock instead - unless you like oily and painful fireworks.
Stir and stir. Hope it'll turn out the way it's supposed to.
Add in huge teaspoon of Bovril. (Huge teaspoon coz tablespoon cannot go inside the Bovril jar.)
Keep stirring. Mixture will thicken.
When it looks like it's not going to thicken anymore, maid will suggest to put in corn flour mixture. Then it'll thicken.
Taste. Pray. Cannot complain.
Then be surprised by the miracle. :)

I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY PRAISE GOD. We were praying very hard in the car because it was quite an impossible task. But God is good. He is the God of all! Even mashed potato gravy! :)

My bro & Jacque came to the funfair! It was amazing seeing them there. And we took 3 shots - well 2, and for the final one, there was some miscommunication, and we almost didn't take it. I'm glad we did - coz it was the BEST shot! :)

From left: Jacque, Randy, Mum, Me, Ben

Shalom when he was about 6 months old - I think

2007-12-15T02:54:00.000+08:00

Was looking through some photos in my youtube collection - only a handful - and I found this classic. Our dear boy is some great actor! Winner of the Granny Award 2007! :)

Enjoy!

Dec Hols (Updated)

2007-12-14T11:47:00.000+08:00

It's about the halfway mark for the holidays. It's been jammed packed, partly doing the activities I planned, and doing those I didn't plan and not doing those that I planned. :P

It's going to be another 3 weeks (or less) before I return to school, so here's the checklist:

Planned & Did/Doing:
1. Bake cookies
2. Go zoo
3. Go Jacob Ballas Children's Garden
4. Lose weight
5. Manicure/Pedicure
6. Go Pasir Ris Park
7. Dinner with granny (she came over to cook)
8. Church funfair
9. Revamp entire year's worksheet (almost done!)
10. Massage(s)
11. Facial(s)
12. Reading through 2 Timothy 30 times (I've read about 11 times this hols)
13. Re-reading Harry Wong's First Days of School
14. Reading Transformed by the Renewing of Your Mind by Robert Shirock
15. Read Second Dawn
16. Financial Budget for 2008
17. Prepare calendar (of events)
18. Science Club Workplan
19. Go Ikea to shop for couch and bookcase
20. Made homemade Playdoh (excellent stuff! Recipe here.)
21. Go Gogo Bambini
22. Prepare EL dept CD for P4 2008!
23. Get set of facial products
24. Prepare for getaway

Planned & Not done:
1. Shu'e's wedding
2. Science Club 30 week schedule
3. Get couch
4. Get bookcase
5. Pack study
6. Pack wardrobe shelves
7. Neaten messy hair
8. Get new clothes (current ones are dying/dyed or won't fit)
9. Get new shoes (all are worn out!)
10. Bake muffins
11. Catch Island Princess
~~12. Go Gogo Bambini~~
13. Go Birdpark
14. Go Underwater World
15. Personal Vision for 2008
16. Holiday getaway with Ben (coming soon)
17. Tint windows
18. Collect photos
19. Christmas presents (!!!)
~~20. Prepare EL dept CD for P4 2008!~~

I refuse to add anymore. I've got less than 15 11 days left and I won't be able to do all! :P

Didn't planned but doing:
1. Get hooked on Facebook
2. Find all my long-lost primary school friends eversince I lost touch with them 2 decades ago. (I left school earlier.)

I Cut My Hair!

2007-12-12T23:43:00.000+08:00

Warning: Bimbo Post

After many weeks of fussing over my hair, I stepped into One Salon @ Century Square and was at the mercy of a very nice hairstylist, Alex. After 3 hours of hair cut and treatment, I finally stepped out - poorer, but feeling better. :)

Even Ben noticed that I looked different... and paid slightly more attention to me. :)

See the back? I didn't realise that this shot allowed the back to be seen too. :)

The Aftermath

2007-12-09T00:54:00.000+08:00

Haven't been able to load the photos - a million things to do, it seems. Anyway, the baking was quite a success, with edible yummy cookies that has tons of chocolate chips, mini m&ms, rainbow rice, etc. It's really sweet! But the sweeter part was watching the girls enjoy themselves, plus Shalom eating more (chocs and cookies) than he was helping. The scary part, however, was the clean up, which Lina did almost right away. She enjoyed herself baking too. The buttery smell lingered overnight, and thankfully, by this evening, it's mostly gone.

Will post photos when I can find the cable to the digital camera which I'm finally using. Have been using my phone to take photos, and I know I'll kick myself for being lazy and not use the digital camera coz when I look back, I'll see only poor quality shots. :P

Am feeling less down these few days, thanks to the kids, Eve & Elise's company. I'm seriously re-thinking my Stay At Home Mum option in four years' time. If I were to do that, my social life would dwindle to - BEN. And that actually means zilch. We hardly see each other, meet up once in a while, and while we're at that, we talk about work and kids and him. I really hope this trip to Malacca and KL in 2 weeks' time will strengthen the marriage. If we continue the way we are, it will continue to be challenging. I'm glad that we're both looking forward to the trip, but lately I've been feeling very isolated; like I'm in a vacuum. When I talk, there seems to be no sound coming out, because there's no response. I can't even be honest with myself, with anyone, definitely not here. I'm dying inside.

But life still goes on.

Pretty Pretty!

2007-12-06T18:03:00.000+08:00

Just came back from a classic manicure+pedicure appointment ($58 for trial, usu. $68) at Pretty Pretty at Eastpoint Mall. Made an appointment after reading the rave reviews in Simply Her mag, and since I wanted to do up my nails (in the midst of a total makeover without any drastic results... go figure) why not?

Am impressed. Equipment is sterilised for each use, and file, buff and toe separators are disposed of or given to customer after each session. Plus, the other quality products used, and that emphasis on hygiene! Customers to wash their hands with soap before treatment, feet soaked in disinfectant, micro-antibacterial something applied before nail polish... Great for clean freaks like me. And the place is so lovely! Nice waiting area, comfortable chairs, excellent service.

The service processes were very nicely thought through, and every single detail has been taken care of, right up to putting on my rings and watch before painting my nails. If that's the norm, then I've been to the wrong places. I thought it'd be nice if they had a tv, but later when I walked past another nail place which had a tv, I thought it wasn't as classy as Pretty Pretty with a local chinese channel being aired.

I was very surprised when I realised that the guy that'd walked in was the boss. When I saw him, I noticed his shirt - stripes, like the wallpaper and the decor. Hmmm... the in-thing? He's very professional, has excellent service, and even offered to get lunch for me, which obviously I declined.

Overall, I'm just very impressed by the level of service with this place. Seriously considering taking up a package - just that my annual budget for 2008 is supremely tight, and it's not really for a good cause. :P Great session nevertheless. :)

Attempting to Bake

2007-12-04T11:15:00.000+08:00

We've got a cookie Christmas party on Saturday, and the kids will be baking them on friday! :) I'm searching around for a few recipes (with ingredients available locally!) and will jot a few here:

FIRST CHOICE FESTIVE COOKIES
Recipe By Chef Celian Leong

Ingredients (A)
1.75 cup Ghee oil
0.75 tsp Salt
1 tsp Vanilla extract
1.5 tsp Baking soda
2 nos FIRST CHOICE Egg yolks

Ingredients (B)
1.25 cup Icing sugar
2.5 cup Plain flour
2 tsp Baking powder
0.5 cup Crushed FIRST CHOICE Jackfruit Chips
0.5 cup Crushed FIRST CHOICE Cornflakes
0.5 cup Toasted FIRST CHOICE Almonds

Method of baking:
1. Place all ingredients from (A) into mixer, stir till light and fluffy. Hand-mix thoroughly ingredients (B) - flour mixture with First Choice ingredients (crushed Jackfruit Chips, Cornflakes and Almonds).
2. Fold in all ingredients from (B) into fluffy ingredients from (A) and mix into semi-soft dough. Place the dough in the refrigerator until it is slightly firm.
3. Divide dough equally, shape dough to desired cookie shapes and arrange cookies in line on the baking tray. Preheat oven before baking cookies. Bake the cookies at 180ºC for 12 to 15 minutes depending on size of cookies till golden brown.

Chef's Tip
Brush the cookies with egg white and sprinkle First Choice Chopped Macadamias nuts for a nutty taste.

My Two Angels

2007-12-01T23:44:00.000+08:00

Without these two angels, my first year of teaching would be horrendous. They have been my trustworthy aides, my support and my help. I am just so thankful for them. They have helped me without reward for the longest time, and through their helpfulness and perserverance, I have learnt a lot. :)

Thank you Phyllis and Siok Khim. You have made 2007 a wonderful one for me. :)

Jacob Ballas Children's Garden

2007-12-01T23:17:00.000+08:00

So in the end we trotted off to Jacob Ballas Children's Garden. We made a sudden detour after heading towards Vivo and went straight for JBCG. Needless to say, Abby was thrilled coz she's been asking to "go to the garden" eversince we brought her there once.

We stopped by the Kids' Cafe at the entrance, and sadly, the food isn't too fantastic; service wasn't all that great either. But when we went in, the water play area was quite a madhouse with the kids on a Friday afternoon. The water seemed uncontrollable, but the kids went all out to have a good time.

Abby and Shalom experimenting with the tempermental water spray. Vic was very suspicious of it initially.

Shalom was just mingling around with groups and observing what they were doing, and occasionally dipping his hands into their tubs, much to their annoyance. But he, he's one who can charm the socks of a caterpillar! :P

Watching the bigger girls do their thing.

Getting more up close and personal, much to their annoyance...

Dipping his fingers into where they aren't supposed to be...

Well, they aren't caterpillars, so they weren't really charmed. Simply put, they told him to buzz off.

Vic was rather cautious at the beginning, I guess from the short nap and frightening bigger kids, but after a while, she started warming up to the place. By the end of it all, she started having a great time! But by then, Shalom had run through the showers countless times and was standing at a spot, not really moving. I got quite scared. He was just looking at the kids, but this time round, his teeth were chattering. He was freezing! Quickly, I sprang into action, rinsed him up and got him wrapped up nice and warm. I grabbed his jacket and gave him hot milo. Soon he defrosted and came back to life. (The last time I tried to get him out of the water at the zoo, we almost had a fight. This time round, he was very willing.) Taught him how to tell me if it's really cold. I think he kinda got the idea.

After defrosting...about to head home.

We went back to the garden to touch the Mimosa plants, but Abby had to go to the loo. So after that, we ran out of time and had to leave.

Two pretty flowers at the garden. :)

We'll definitely be back again; it must take at least half a day of good weather to explore the whole place! :)

Vivocity! Here we come!

2007-11-30T11:26:00.000+08:00

We're heading off to Vivo in a couple of hours' time. But, kids are having runny noses, so they might not get into the water after all, PLUS, the weather! *boohoo*

Science Centre perhaps? :)

My Inspiration

2007-11-30T11:21:00.000+08:00

Both Ben (Underwood) and his mum. May I be like his mother, whose attitude is amazing. She has given him life, twice over.

Watch it.

We went to the Zoo today!

2007-11-28T23:52:00.000+08:00

After dropping Ben off at work this morning, we headed for the zoo. Since we paid for the zoo membership, we had better make good use of it! :) We've been going quite regularly, and I'm glad that this time round, we saw more than just the Elephant Show.

We managed to catch the Splash! Safari show - with penguins, manatees and sea lions as the kids took their lunch. Abby was, as usual, whingy, coz we were seated very near the speakers. She doesn't like loud noises. After her ears were covered, she was much better.

Thereafter, we headed to the Children's Playland. After we grabbed lunch, I asked the kids if they were keen to head into the water play area. At first they were quite hesitant, then after their feet got the first taste, they were hooked. After I removed Shalom's tee and placed it at the stroller, I was shocked to find out that Abby had removed her top as well! She got really wet and didn't like the wet tee, so note to self: BRING SWIMWEAR, BIKINI AT LEAST! Sigh. Shalom, on the other hand, roamed freely around topless.

The kids knocked out soon after they rinsed up, and Shalom was so tired he fell asleep right after he saw his favourite - giraffes!

He was really very tired. They really enjoyed themselves. :) I know I did. ;)

Wine Appreciation

2007-11-27T12:21:00.000+08:00

I did something I never dared to do last night. I stepped into a wine cellar, or shop rather. Shalom looked like he wanted a change of scenery after he put Peking duck into his hair and spitting out whatever food we put in his mouth. He had more than enough.

So I took him for a walk. As I stepped out of the restaurant, I saw the shop. One of the list of things to accomplish for 2008 is to get to know wine better. So I stepped in to enquire for courses. And I was in for a surprise. :)

The boss was very welcoming and replied that they don't usually hold courses, but I was most welcome for a glass of whatever's opened. So I joined in the party there. And in the course of doing so, I met two teachers! :) One of them initially asked what we thought her profession was, and I guessed correctly! :) It's just the vibes I guess, then the gentleman who guess that she was an engineer said that his partner (wife?) who was there is also a teacher, and fianlly it ended off with me revealing that I, too, am a teacher.

I learnt a lot last night, and most importantly, I made some new friends. I think I'm close to dying of loneliness if I don't break out of my rut soon.

I am now certified!

2007-11-23T15:47:00.000+08:00

Was feeling kinda bored with all those after-school-term meetings, so I decided to join in one of the courses which came through the school's email. I thought since it'd be just a few hours event of learning something new, why not? My life's a li'l stagnated right now.

So I decided to go Sports Climbing.

Usually people call it Rock-climbing, but since it's known as such, you actually need... erhm, rocks, or a rock at least. Real ones. Those moulds they mount on walls, that's Sports Climbing. I seriously didn't know the difference, until yesterday.

So after 5 hours of setting up, learning to tie figure 8 knots, understanding that karabiners are NOT Carribenas (erhm, something close to the Carribean Sea?), put on the harnass, getting my flesh jammed in the ATC while belaying my colleague, overcoming my mental obstacle and reaching the top of the school wall TWICE!, wrapping up and getting inspired by all the mountaineering videos, I AM CERTIFIED!

Sports Climbing Certificate Level 1.

No big deal, but it's my FIRST ever climb! The only thing I usually climb is up onto my bed. Not trees, definitely not moulds on walls. I wanted to give up, really give up, and just polish up my skills as a belayer. But no... this session provided an excellent opportunity to bond with a not-so-familiar colleague whose going to be in the same level next year. With her help and support, I managed to press on and reach the top, which I never thought I could do it. I just wanted to cross the red line - about 2.5m off the ground. But the top, it's about 3 stories high I think!

But the catch which came later - now since we're certified, we'll need to be on call for kiddos who need to boulder or sports climb. Supervise; be their belayer. There's talk that there's going to be Level 2 training.

When I told Ben I was now certified Level 1, he asked me, "So how many more thousand levels to go before being fully certified?" :P

Actually, 2 more - Level 2 then Supervisor or Instructor Course. The latter is very expensive.

He was quite impressed I think. :)

Well, here's a video to inspire! However, Dan Osman's not around anymore - equipment failure. Watch the video! :)

Regaining Momentum

2007-11-18T22:28:00.001+08:00

As most can see, i've hardly been blogging. Not that there isn't the motivation to do so-i've so many things to record- but i've gotta consider too many factors before i post anything. It's getting too crowded in here.

Not that i don't welcome readers reading my blog, but it's just that there are also who snoop around and criticise every single thing that is said. If this place irks you so much, i highly recommend a detour to the other blogs listed on my right.

Hopefully with the holidays coming up, i'll be able to post more. Just for the record, i'm stopping Diane. She's screwing up my life big time.

Last Week of School

2007-11-14T03:21:00.000+08:00

The school year's almost coming to an end. I'm up in the middle of the night wondering what i'm going to bring for the class party tmw. Hopefully the canteen's got some party-worthy stuff to contribute.

The kids asked for mac's, but would breakfast suffice? I did think about that, but the b'fast sets don't seem too exciting. May check pizza out too-but do they deliver at 8 in the morning? Who eats pizza at 8 in the morning anyway?

I'll be having a mini prize giving ceremony before the party commences, thereafter followed by a Spring Cleaning Party, which the kids are excited about too. Really quite heartening, the way they love the class, except one or two aristocrats who think the rest is too lowly for them.

Need to sleep now...

Eyes...aiks!

2007-11-04T15:40:00.001+08:00

Since the start of our SONbeam toddler ministry, we've been celebrating what God has created for us - our eyes, ears and mouth. So, for the start of the new month, we revised what we had learnt for the previous month by consolidating the activities - for the eyes, ears and mouth.

So for this particular activity, we were supposed to search for eyes in a woman's magazine, cut it out and then paste it on a piece of paper. So as I was happily cutting the eyes out, I decided to do something. I placed the cut outs over my face. The kids were strangely amused. Even Shalom was really amused. So I put it over his face and took a photo.

When he saw it, he went, "EEE!"

On Turning 30

2007-10-29T01:31:00.000+08:00

I had a few gatherings last month- secondary school friends, poly friends, and that big topic arose-turning 30. Quite a few of them had already reached that milestone, while later ones like myself could buy a little more time before reaching there.

I reached there yesterday (technically 2 days ago). Thanks to technology, i received more birthday greetings than ever before. :) Lest i sound ungrateful, i was very touched when i received each one, appreciating the effort that was taken to send the message. :)

One of them asked how i felt turning older. I thought I'd feel over the hill since the twenties are now officially gone, but even i was surprised by my own answer. I said that i finally feel like i've grown up, that i'm no more a little girl. I am excited about the things that lie ahead of me. There are so many things to be done, so much to see, to accomplish.

i had a rather quiet affair, considering Ben & my birthday is just a day apart. We had a small celebration at home, just the four of us plus lina. Unfortunately, S wasn't too well so we cancelled dinner at Hanabi. Ouch. Although i was really looking forward to it, i really couldn't bear to go seeing S so uncomfortable. I really didn't have the heart or the appetite after seeing him throw his dinner up.

Towards the end of yesterday, I wasn't the most pleasant person to be around with. I was just feeling so down. I haven't been well myself and was so exhausted. In fact, i went to e doctor on thursday coz i felt generally unwell but wo pain, yet when the doctor checked my throat, he said it was very inflammed and that i was also running a fever. I didn't realise i was ill. Only when i found myself slurring in class a few days ago then i realised something wasn't quite right.

i really hope to rest well and be able to wrap up the academic year well plus keep the house in good order. I'm now 30, and it's time for me to take action.

Our Regular Weekends at Great-Granny's Place

2007-10-23T09:51:00.000+08:00

contributed and edited by cousin Claire! :)

My Kids

2007-10-10T08:25:00.000+08:00

When I see my students, I see directors, majors, businesspeople, salespeople who'll make it big, salespeople who shouldn't be in sales, teachers, accountants, accounts assistants, tai-tais, homemakers, drivers, shop assistants, shop owners, athletes, police officers, unemployeds, people who'll forever be trying to fulfill their dreams.

I speak to people, I hear stories. Stories of how they've exasperated their teachers countlessly. Stories of how much trouble they've gotten themselves into. Stories of how they've overcome themselves and moved to a higher level.

And the biggest problem I see in kids: their self-perception.

When they think they are hopeless, they act up terribly. When they see that they have hope, to never give up trying, they act according to the expectation placed on them. Although they might fall and fail at times, they get up and do't give up trying.

My worry is not for the troublemakers and the kids who often fail. My worry is for those who never make trouble and never fail. For when they taste failure, they might hate its unfamiliar repulsive taste and throw away their whole life - at a late age. Then it might be too late.

I celebrate and comfort when my kids fail. For it makes them stronger. They hate it, of course, but they have learnt to affirm themselves in other ways - ways that are often frowned upon in traditional school settings.

They talk a lot. They'll become great salespeople.

They move about a lot. They'll never stop coming up with ideas to get out of life's occasional rut.

They get into trouble for breaking rules. They'll go against conventional norms and break new ground as they think of things never thought of by those who are well-trained for school.

I love my kids.

My Own Place

2007-10-08T14:45:00.000+08:00

I had such an awesome weekend! :) Finally, we managed to spend some quality time together as a family, and more importantly, as a couple. Finally, we managed to heave a sigh of relief as our transitions for this phase of our lives are coming to an end. We've done so much in the last 4 years it's amazing... marriage, in-laws, TWO KIDS, new jobs, bleak finances, studies, studies AND work, church, ministries, etc.

As we sat in the living room appreciating the overall design (of our home) that we came up with together (will post pictures up), I had the familiar sense of my childhood all coming back to me. The wind, the feel, the emotions. It was great to be home once again.

I am no longer displaced.

Shalom and the 28 Piece Puzzle

2007-10-05T09:06:00.000+08:00

He's been very intrigued by how his sister assembles the puzzle together. So he's been trying to help. Usually his role is just to pass the next puzzle piece for his sister to place. However, he decided to do it on his own.

His concentration was amazing. His focus was unfaltering.

As I guided him to place each puzzle in their rightful slot, he got more and more excited. We cheered each time as he managed to put every piece in. Finally, he did it. All 28 pieces.

And he posed for this picture too! :)

My Happening Dotter

2007-10-05T08:54:00.000+08:00

We went to her best friend's birthday last month and the birthday girl had a performer who did tricks, balloon sculpting and tattoos. Ab, who've never had a tat before, wanted one. Usually little girls would want flowers, sparkles, or anything frilly or pretty. So while she was waiting in line, Eve asked her what tattoo she wanted.

"Lion!"

Eve was surprised. But Ab was very sure. We thought she'd change her mind when it came to her turn.

When she was next, the tattoo-er asked her nicely, "What would you like?"

"Lion!"

So she got her lion.

A close up...

Can you see the lion? :)

Kids say...

2007-10-03T17:16:00.000+08:00

I bought a pair of earrings from a colleague's friend yesterday. I showed Abigail when I got home.

Me (showing her the earrings on my ear): Look Abby, Mummy's got new earrings!
Abby (delighted): WoW! That's NICE!

Then out of the blue,
Abby: Auntie uh?

I was absolutely speechless.

Spending Time with the Kids

2007-09-27T22:24:00.000+08:00

I've managed to ship the kids to their rooms after dinner for the past three evenings - with or without their gramps around - and we've been having a great time. We've developed some sort of a routine (but not in strict order) - writing, reading, puzzles, counting, drawing, music, animal play, doctor play - all within about an hour and a half. Even Shalom now understands that before we pull out another toy to play, we put the previous one back to its original position. He's quite good at putting those containers back into the drawers. The boxes look like three-quarters his size.

Both of them will sit on my lap during reading time and i'd have to squeeze my head between their heads to see the words on their books. Shalom loves to read - just like Abby. He's actually more endearing - he'd plonk himself on my lap with a book and get me to read. Actually he'd plonk himself on my lap anytime i'm cross-legged and sit there... :)

Just now we were getting a little wild, and I was puckering my lips asking for kisses. Abby smiled cheekily and continued playing. There was no response from Shalom, until I saw him raise his toy giraffe to kiss me! I kissed a giraffe! And a COW! :S I was really amused - this fella is so cheeky! :)

Filled up my deployment form today. I wanted to go PM session, but after speaking to Ben, I'm going for AM instead - mostly because of the kids and my time management. Hopefully everything works out well.

I've been taking pictures and videos of both the kids but haven't been able to upload them. They've really grown! :)

Dedicated to her

2007-09-25T11:48:00.000+08:00

Jewel
Hands

If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all ok
And not to worry cause worry is wasteful
and useless in times like these
I won’t not be made useless
Won't be idled with despair
I’ll gather myself around my faith
for light does the darkness most fear
My hands are small, I know,
but they're not yours they are my own
but they're not yours they are my own
and I’m never broken

Poverty
Stole your golden shoes
It didn't steal your laughter
Heartache came to visit me
but I knew it wasn't ever after
We will fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
Cause where there's a man who has no voice
there ours shall go singing

My hands are small, I know,
but they're not yours they are my own
but they're not yours they are my own
and I’m never broken

In the end only kindness matters
In the end only kindness matters

I will get down on my knees and I will pray
I will get down on my knees and I will pray
I will get down on my knees and I will pray

My hands are small, I know,
but they're not yours they are my own
but they're not yours they are my own
and I’m never broken

We are never broken
We are
God's eyes
God's hands
God's heart

We are
God's eyes
God's hands
God's heart
We are God's hands
We are God's hands
We are God's hands

Under Pressure

2007-09-17T11:47:00.000+08:00

Shucks. I just lost my most recent post.

Argh.

Abigail & Time

2007-09-11T09:30:00.000+08:00

Abby was supposed to meet my godson on Friday, and she was really excited about it. Her nap time's usually from 12 to about 3, but that day, she woke up at 1.20 and tried to stay in bed till 2. She was really trying her best, but just like me, we can't go back to sleep once awaken. So when it was two, I decided to show her how 2 o'clock looked like on the clock because I mentioned that she could only get up at 3. She was amazed and went, "Oooh!!" Then she hopped back in bed.

When it was about 3 and we were done trying to sleep, I showed her the clock again. She went "WOW! That's...ELEPHANT!" She was truly amazed; I was truly amused. "What?" I asked her.

Then, once again, with utmost sincerity and wide-eyed amazement looking at the clock, "WOW, THAT'S EXCELLENT!"

Updates

2007-08-24T17:20:00.000+08:00

The last entry was June 28, about some mindless entertainment with the mouse. About 2 months later, I look at my life and wonder what has happened since that entry. I took a personal 40 day journey (not literally) and adjusted my values. It has made quite an impact; I wonder how life would be from now on. Anywayz, back to the updates...

Ben & I
We've been busy. Real busy. His Masters programme has resumed, so Friday nights are lessons. He's got practicum, and is starting a fellowship where he's having it, which is absolutely awesome! So that leaves only one weeknight free, besides the weekly bible study. Weekends are for family, and so are mine.

I've been getting to school real early eversince we moved back to my in-laws for the upgrading. That's because I've been driving to school. Today was record time. I reached at 6.30a.m. and sat in the car, wondering how I got here so early. I used to arrive just before the flag raising. I like this kind of arrangement better.

We're readjusting our finances to make sure that we won't land ourselves in unfavourable predicaments. The pastor who preached last week really made an impact. What he said ministered greatly to me. It's really a different season of life now. I look at my bookshelf and it's loaded with books - and quite a number of them deal with finding a direction in life. Now that doesn't seem to be the question anymore, and after hearing his sermon on Sunday, that message really appealed to me. That's good news. :) In summary, biblical financial management in its entirety. :)

Abigail
She's talking a lot more and is code-switching rather well. She's asking Whys as a form of conversation extension and it's really enjoyable talking to her. She can draw really well and can colour well too! :) I like her art. It seems that she's doing really well in school also; her teachers are really fond of her and she gets along great with her classmates. Ben saw her play 'Scissors Paper Stone' with 3 other classmates moments after dropping her off in school. There were 2 obvious leaders in the group; she was one of them. :) I'm just really glad she's getting along well with Shalom too, instead of the usual tug of war and big wails. Shalom loves to tag along with her wherever she goes and loves her company! He mimics whatever she does, which is both good and not good.

I gotta go. Update again if there's time! :)

Now I Know How My Cursor Works...

2007-06-28T18:17:00.000+08:00

Do you really want to know too? Click here! :D

First Day Back At School

2007-06-25T19:25:00.000+08:00

I'm just so so glad to be back at school. Not because I'm away from my darlings, but work's been lingling on my mind for the WHOLE month of June, and I'm just glad to be back to FOCUS on what has to be cleared.

I just moved tables because my cubicle and my colleague's had an 'en bloc sale' for nothing. Now I've taken over Abby's godma and it's a lovely place surrounded by great colleagues. Now I understand why she's reluctant to relocate. :'(

God was really with me the whole day today. I managed to carry out whatever I had planned to do in PEACE. Though the kids were rather unsettled, given that it's the first day back at school and it's a new seating arrangement which I think most of them are thrilled at their new positions except for a handful, I could literally sense God's presence in the classroom. I was almost worried sick about today, and I really didn't know how I was going to pull it off. I stayed till about 2am in the morning just preparing the lesson plans and had to wake up at 6. I prayed that I would wake up on time. Was rather worried and couldn't fall asleep properly. Ben hit the sack and knocked out straightaway even though he turned in later than me. He's really tired, my poor boy.

Anyway, I broke the news to my class today that I'd be taking them Maths. Prior to that, I'd warned them that I had news, and that that news could either be good or bad. But if it's bad news to them, they had to keep their reactions to themselves... and maintain a straight face... hahaha... :) Many cheered when they heard the EMS news! :) Praise the Lord! :D I really hope I can help them... please God, let me be a blessing to them especially in their studies...

I'm all excited and geared up to go! Although my backlog is horrendous, I thank God that He is helping me soar! It's really all glory to God! I still have my unbelievable deadlines, but I believe that with God, all things are possible! :D

Church Camp, Kids Sick, Lina's Back!, Approaching Avalanche

2007-06-23T23:57:00.000+08:00

Haven't been able to blog coz my hands (and feet) are tied with overwhelming responsibilities. Nevertheless, I'm glad life's almost back to sanity. We returned from church camp on the 15th and it was AMAZING. When I first arrived there, I was spent. Tired. Fatigued. During the first session, Ps Martin Steel spoke about coming with a heart of expectancy. I just expected to survive the camp. Nothing else. But God just was amazing. Actually, I was anything but enthusiastic. I was bitter, fatigued, worried, aching, miserable etc... so when Ps Martin asked us to get into groups of 2s and 3s to pray for one another, I wasn't that excited about it. In fact I wanted to go back to the room. However, it seemed like God had other plans. This lady turned around and smiled at me after the instructions, and so I went up to her and joined hands with her. She just said, "Let's pray as the Holy Spirit leads." I was like, hmm... alright. I felt this strong anointing on her, but since I was so out-of-shape emotionally, spiritually, etc, I just went along with her.

When she started praying, she was spot on for every single bug in my life. From that coldness in my heart, to the fatigue, to that silent isolation which I hardly told anyone, and even healing for the backache which I have been having. God was indeed alive and kicking, through her I felt heard and alive. I cried like a baby and just simply couldn't stop. She understood. I had not even said a word and she understood.

The next evening, when she saw me again, she rejoiced. She saw that I was completely different. Indeed I was. With that divine encounter, I couldn't stay the same - cynical and embittered. In fact, upon hindsight, I believe it was because I had to serve on the worship team the next morning that I had this 'clean-up' so that I could worship Jesus without hindrance and to help lead His people to worship Him. Anyway, she said that she had such a huge burden for me the evening before that when she returned to her hotel room, she continued praying in tears for me. God really works wonders.

Besides this encounter, my cell-groupmates had the burden for everyone to come together before the day starts and after the day's activities to pray together. Every morning at 6.40am before the 7am prayer service and 10.30pm after the evening service. It was very exciting! In fact, as we gathered around outside the conference room to pray, our dearest pastor Mark was moved to tears at seeing that passion in our cell. Everyone has been ignited. And we need to protect our fire and fan the flame. Usually after each church camp, when the fire is not well-protected, it would perish due to neglect. However, when we united and close ranks, the fire keeps on burning. In fact, the cell now gathers at 7.30pm to have a pre-cell prayer before cell at 8.20, and yesterday cell was radically different! In fact our worship leader said that of all the cell meetings she's attended, yesterday was the most exciting so far! It was amazing! :D Praise God!

I'm so glad the kids have bonded so well with the cell group, especially with Eileen, Soks, Jeremy, Chellie and Anderson. Usually the kids would be rather shy, but after this camp and now that we're meeting so regularly, they are family to the kids!

God's really so good. In spite of challenges like Shalom's 40.3 deg Cel fever, we continued praying as well as giving med, sponging, and miraculously, today he's all well! Yesterday he was still above 39.5. Unfortunately, Abby's now down with fever, hovering around 39 plus, so it's really back to prayer, medication and sponging. As the cell prayed for healing for the two kids, we were expecting healing. Shalom's healed! Now's Abby's turn!

Praise God that Lina's back! Ben and I have learnt to appreciate her way much more, as we've had experience with other helpers during her absence, and the way she works is absolutely commendable. I'm just glad God's blessed us with her.

The hols are coming to an end, but God's proven Himself faithful. Although I feel like I'm treading into an absolutely chaotic territory come Monday, He has promised that He will see me through it all. Through Anderson's testimony during cell, I am encouraged by how the seemingly huge workpile was easily dealt with. I really pray for supernatural time management and efficiency so that I will meet my deadlines and be a responsible and proactive teacher. This really calls for a miracle!

Flying Thoughts

2007-06-08T14:13:00.000+08:00

Playing the role of a homemaker these few days has knocked my breath out, especially with Shalom sick again. Also, with the setting of the P5EM3 SA2 paper at the back of my mind (vetting on the Wed of the first week when school reopens!!) it's been challenging. I've bonded really well with the kids, and Abby's whining less.

But...

MIL and helper has been coming over since Wednesday because Shalom was falling ill - difficult to take care of one fussy and sick kid and the other one wanting a playmate all the time - and I can't say it's been easier. For one, when we play, I try to get the kids to pack before moving on to something else. But with the other adult around who's also pullling things out and wanting to do something with them and then abandoning it halfway (like pulling out Abby's PJs and wanting to go through them to see which are too small in the midst of their winding down period which is usually a mad time) it's been messy.

Really messy.

But the most frustrating - is the part where she's screaming at the maid so often. And I can tell that the poor maid really can't understand bahasa malayu because she's indonesian, and my MIL keeps raising her voice in frustration in an effort to EXPLAIN CLEARER to the maid. Doesn't she understand that BY SPEAKING LOUDER IN A LANGUAGE SOMEONE ELSE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WILL NOT MAKE THEM UNDERSTAND ANY BETTER?

Try loud Hainanese with a non-Hainanese Chinese speaker.

Sigh.

Another trivial incident - wanted to give Shalom medication. Bottle said "3q of a teaspoon". Standard teaspoon is 5ml, so mathematically it is 3.75ml right? Nooo... MIL's logic - must use the teaspoon given by clinic and get 3/4 (mind you, the base of the teaspoon has less surface area than the top) because 3/4 of a teaspoon is less than 3.75ml using a syringe. "3.75ml too much. 3/4 teaspoon ok!" argh.

I tried explaining to her.
Me: Three quarters of a teaspoon is 3.75ml.
She: No, the syringe too much. I feel that the spoon just nice.
Me: You see, half of 5ml is 2.5 right?
She: ...
Me: and half of 2.5 is 1.25 right?
She:...
Me: Add 1.25 and 2.5 up that's 3/4 of 5ml.
(As I'm blogging this I think I should have just saved my breath.)
She: No, I think too much. 3/4 of teaspoon just nice.
Me: (knock head on wall)

I even showed her. I used water in a syringe and placed 5ml onto the teaspoon given by clinic. I proved it to her. But still. No no. Cannot.

This kind, if my Science student, I die.

Sigh.

Camp's coming up next week. On the final night of the camp, we're supposed to dress up and "Live our Dreams". What's my dream? I've been asking myself. A businesswoman? Nah. A librarian? Maybe. But I see myself carrying two kids, in charge of the household and homeschooling them.

And through these few days, I realised that I need household help to be able to homeschool them effectively. Otherwise they'll just end up learning how to do the housework for 6 years. Not very good for a homeschooling syllabus.

I need to get in touch with myself once again. To get alone and gather my thoughts. Ben's been far too busy and I'm all alone in this no-Lina period. He does try to help but I can tell it's really stretching him. Work's just cruel to him. I think he's really missing out on the kids' childhood at the rate he's working. I'm sure there are those jobs which do actually knock off at 5. Shan't say too much about his work, lest he gets into trouble.

As for myself, from next term onwards, I want to work decent hours instead of 7 to 7. I hope to leave at 4 and spend time with the kids, despite the messy house and noisy environment. Blardy frustrating.

Learning from the Children

2007-05-29T22:28:00.000+08:00

As I watch the children growing up, I am learning, re-learning and realising things about myself and the people around me.

I see the quiet confidence in Abby, and I realise that I was made like that as well. The insistence, reactions to things around her, all remind me of my childhood. What truly amazes me about her is that once she has chosen something, she usually will stick to it. I on the other hand, have been trained NOT to trust my preferences and instincts. Instead, I have been 'trained' to do what I am told to do, or else...

The breaking of my will has led to rather undesirable consequences. For one, it took me a really long time to find my confidence again, to live by my decisions rather than regret it - as always, I would regret my decisions as I often made them based on what the 'majority' wants. Terribly indecisive, because being 'nice' was the right thing to do. Offending people was frowned upon, like how I was brought up, so I had to avoid nasty confrontations, like plates of rice flying into my face if I dared defy parental authority.

Quietly, I respect Abby's stubbornness and determination. Although she must learn to be obedient, yet at the same time, I must not allow her to go unheard. As a result of suppression and going with the flow, I lost myself and didn't know myself anymore. I just went along and did not know what I wanted. As a result, I lost precious time and respect from others and myself, for myself.

Through Abigail, I have once again rediscovered myself. To let my yes be yes, and my no be no. In the past, I would do things simply because it was the right thing to do especially when the world was doing it. Like going into Mass Comm. Just because it was difficult to get in, I had to get in. Stupid. After getting in, I almost drowned because that just wasn't me. I should have gone into engineering. Or try my best to get into a JC or something.

Or getting to my secondary school. I went there coz everyone else went there, even those who had better scores than me. So I assumed it wasn't too bad a school. I was never guided to get to a good school. My parents were too busy. I remembered a phonecall from my mum asking me to speak to some older girl who was supposed to help me choose a secondary school. Yah right. I couldn't remember the conversation, but just that my mum's effort in guiding me was to shove the phone to some unsuspecting girl who had no idea what she was supposed to say.

I recognise the Abigail's resistence within me. I hear that almost inaudible voice, muffled whenever I don't like something, yet I am not supposed to voice my displeasure. Because I would face the "or else".

Conditioning.

It is rearing its ugly head in the marriage. As I keep silent on some matters, I am not truly silent. Ben is helping me create an 'equal partnership', but because the man is supposedly to 'lead' the family, I end up quiet. He is trying to get me to speak. And I am learning how to.

Today, a colleague asked me if I was taking my Masters. A lot of people in the staff room are taking their Masters. Under previous circumstances, I would probably have followed suit soon. Besides the fact that we have been undergoing through numerous life changes which are highly stressful, I would probably have started toying with the idea of doing my Masters.

Except that - it is not part of my life-goal to do Masters. I know I am not going to do it. I have studied for so long - more than 20 years in education and I see no point in doing it anymore. I want to homeschool the kids, and I don't need a Masters to do so. Unless one day, I find an area I am so passionate about that I want to do my Masters in it. Until then, I am glad I am not pressured into doing it.

So I told my colleague that I wasn't going to do it, plus my reasons. She said that she was considering. However, until now, she can barely cope with the workload. I see myself there. I see myself not coping and yet wanting to pile on more. But I forget that the pressure will mount. Limited capacity to deal with unlimited workload. Somehow, something will give. What will it be? My marriage? My health? My family? My life?

With Abby's strong personality, I am encouraged. Because I know I was once like that. That is my 'nature'. Although my 'nurture' has made me into who I am today, I know I am not as spineless as I think I am. Especially when it comes to dealing with older women.

I had a conversation with Ben yesterday. He said that he was concerned about my treatment of Abby's resistence. I tend to take the authoritarian approach instead of the authoritative way - the former a controlling adult vs the latter, a controlled adult. I recognise it myself too, as it was often the way I was treated when I displayed such stubbornness when I was young. However, there is a difference. I was too often left emotionally abandoned after the 'treatment'. No explanations or reassurances were given. In fact, I had to seek forgiveness and made to feel bad about myself. On the other hand, Abby is given instructions, explanations and reassurances. If that had been done for me, I would turn out a very different person.

Abigail is highly talented. Although initially she was rather unsure about herself and needed a lot of assurance, lately she has developed a quiet confidence. Although it would drive us nuts because as efficiency would be compromised, after when we explained the situation to her, she would understand and relent or compromise.

I really pray that I would not exasperate the children but provide a firm yet assuring presence in their lives. I pray I would never stifle their true selves, yet at the same time, be able to help them become disciplined individuals who care for the people around them.

Lina-less month

2007-05-28T00:22:00.000+08:00

It's Day 3 of No-Lina Month. She almost didn't make it home. We checked the night before her departure and realised that AdamAir flights out of Singaproe to Jarkarta had been cancelled. As it was past midnight, we could not contact the office here. Thankfully, we managed to contact the handling agent (I think) of/at Changi Airport (we called some number on the airport webpage) and they made arrangements for us.

Finally she boarded ValuAir-Jetstar after the lady whom we liaised with removed the ticket of the flight that was cancelled. Lina survived the transit at Jakarta between international and domestic airport, but was told that she could NOT return to Singapore coz she did not have the air-ticket. She was close to tears when she called Ben. We got that sorted out - either it's the travel agent's fault or that lady - I'm not sure, but I'm glad she's looking forward to coming back. She called Ben the next day and told him that she was really keen on coming back. Anyway, we were supposed to be informed of the cancellation but the phonecall never reached us. Either the travel agent's fault, or the maid agency, or simply inconsiderate behaviour.

Today started at 7. I set the alarm and it also woke Shalom up although it's quite soft - a clip of Abby singing Happy Birthday - or maybe he really likes that song? And he woke Abby up. So Ben had to wake up too. Made breakfast, bathed the kids, did laundry, cooked lunch, Ben mopped the floor, we washed up and packed the kids up for church. Then fed them in church with the very first meal I cooked especially for them. Although the first meal seemed presentable, it was not as easy to eat coz the corn was quite indigestable. I thought since they like the Mac's corn-cup so much, I'd add corn to the porridge. Only that the kernel had this tough bit which made it quite tough to swallow. Thankfully the next meal which was this evening- Salmon porridge - was quite alright. But then again, Shalom eats anything. :)

After church, we brought the kids back. They napped and woke up around 3plus. Abby started feeling sluggish and started running a fever later. Nevertheless, we entertained her request of the weekly Macker's meal as we were on our way to Kallang Stadium for GDOP, but she wasn't too thrilled. Fussy throughout. Fed Shalom at Stadium, Abby slept. She didn't eat. Had a drink and threw up in the car. She was dozing on and off, and I was worried as fever accompanied by lethargy is a cause for concern. We brought her to the GP and she suddenly came alive. Even started chatting with me happily. But when she got home, she started getting fussy and whiney again. Sigh.

I asked Abby yesterday if she missed Lina. She thought for a while and smiled, "I want Mummy...!" :) My heart melted. Both the kids know that Lina's not around, yet they haven't really asked for her.

I found a note from Lina to my MIL's helper today in one of the drawers. Although in Bahasa Indonesia, one sentence touched us - it read (in English), "Dewi please could you take care of the two kids, Shalom and Abigail." So sweet. :) Her sense of responsibility is very rare. :)

I spoke to my granny's helper yesterday and she told me that it is not easy to live in Indonesia once their contract ends. The conditions cannot be compared to here, and since they've been so conditioned to our kind of hygiene and lifestyle, they find it difficult to adjust to their former conditions. She could only stay up to 4 months before she requested to work overseas again. She wanted to go Hong Kong, but it seems that paperwork takes a long time, and Singapore's much faster, so she returned here instead.

These few days have been thoroughly physically exhausting, yet I really do enjoy it. Ben said that it isn't as hectic as this at work, and I told him that I quite like it - with all the childcare, household, laundry (with my mother's handwash methods - I can't use the machine to wash lah, except to spin dry... psychological barrier) cooking, cleaning, packing, etc, and he said that I really do like motherhood. Of course.

My only struggle? My backlog of work that's awaiting to be done this June hols. Oh well.

Am I Dreaming or What?

2007-05-20T23:09:00.000+08:00

It's been such an awesome weekend. Although most people would complain about the pain, it's been great. It's all glory to God.

I've been under the weather since the start of the week, but since it's post-exam madness - marking of exam scripts, tallying of marks, entertaining the kiddos with work and going through marked scripts, checking OAS and exam papers for errors, making sure those suspected 'editors' would edit their marks by photocopying the script before returning to them, uploading marks, making sure books and files that are due for checking are in order (that still not done), attending a FULL DAY COURSE in the midst of the madness on Thursday, dealing with disappointment from a Band 1-der getting a Band 3 for Science, taking my Science club sweeties mixed with one-sixth of my 'highly adventurous and energetic' form class to the Singapore Science Centre, dealing with 2 kids who threw up on the way there because of the horrible bus ride, having a whale of a time at the Singapore Youth Science Festival (glad the kids got to run around the Science Centre legitimately), seeing my form class sweeties learning so much through hands-on activities. AND THEN, when the weekend started, we (BEN & I! The Parents!) took Abby to her Saturday playgroup and thereafter mobilised the maid to zoom to ICA coz Ben was stuck there in a 800-people long queue collecting his & Shalom's passports while Abby & I were at the Playroom. Abby & I took ~~a train~~ three trains there (had to transfer etc) and finally reached Lavender. Waited some more, but had Mac's (weekly affair) latest at Kallang with an indoor playground, then returned to ICA again to wait some more. Spent so much time with Abby & Shalom - in fact never so intense before - that I can literally sense the bond between Shalom & myself. Previously I was simply the child-producer and the milkmaid. We played and played. He was even comfortable enough to sit on my lap today to watch telly! :) Oh, and last evening Abby actually finished her fishball bee-hoon soup ALL BY HERSELF! No struggles, nothing whatsoever. We were having a very simple meal, eating together as A FAMILY. OUR FAMILY. I was so grateful for that moment. Abby didn't go into her Granny vs Mummy mode by using one against the other and we had such a great time. :)

Abby at the Playroom paper cutting and craft work on 'Long' and 'Short'. The teachers say that she's able to stay on task for a long time. :)

We went church today, Ben served with cell for ushering, I took care of the two kids in the nursery while Lina had her off day. Fed both kids. After church, they took a 45-min nap in the car and we went for lunch at California Pizza Kitchen at the Forum. Raved about as a kiddy place, wanted to check it out, but it wasn't as fancy as I thought. Food was pricey and they had parsley with their Original BBQ chicken. Even Shalom was trying to remove the greens from his food. :S Probably won't go back there again. The only child-friendly stuff was the kids' menu, some activity sheet to scribble on, crayons and a kiddy cup (actually a takeaway plastic cup like what Mac's uses). About 4 times the price though, of a Value Meal. We went to one of the pizza restaurants in Sydney and it was really child-friendly. They had a smaller kiddy cup which was great for small kids, activity sheets for kids also, and they had DOUGH for everyone to knead and then they would bake our creations! :D Pricey also, but fun. :)

After lunch, we went to the 2nd level playground. Abby made a new friend and was quite affected when she disappeared suddenly without saying goodbye. :'( Her name's Clara (before I forget).

It was a random shot I took coz I wanted to MMS eve about the place. Too bad phone not enough memory to mms. :P

They played really well, even held hands when Abby was looking for Shalom. We hid in a corner coz my li'l prince toppled and needed comfort via a quick fix. They played for a long time, and Shalom could crawl up the rock-climbing slope! :) Very garang, that boy. But still doesn't like the ball-pit. He charmed the lady-in-charge who gave him a Mac's wedge when she saw us later.

We left the playground and went looking at kids' books and toys in the shops. It's so awesome and so fun. We just spent the time, unhurried, checking out stuff. Usually I'll feel like I'm imposing even on Lina as we while away time, coz she'll be there standing, waiting for us. So just knowing that all four of us were having a great time made it all so great! :) Ben was happily checking out the toys also, and even bought a 3D map for Shalom. IF I have the time, I'll snap a shot and post it.

We picked Lina up around 6 and headed off to my granny's place. It was fun. Abby remembered the kittens there and they've grown up so quickly! :) She was so chatty at my granny's place. Shalom, as usual, was eating ever so often. On Sat night, Ben bought grapes. Shalom kept stuffing in his mouth that it was jammed packed! And he kept going on. So dangerous, but yet so adorable! :) Heh. :)

Another week of madness, and then Lina's leaving on Friday. Thereafter, it's going to be a new chapter.

Sun nite - prepare powerpoint slide of How to Create Air-Rocket coz my LR expects it to be a breeze. I am Kia-See. Dowan to die tomorrow explaining to the kids that if they mess up their rockets, it will boomerang and jab them in the eye.
Mon - Get kids to create bottle air-rocket. Prepare for Tues prize presentation and Scrabble competition. Collect star records from pupils.
Tues - Launch air rocket. Conduct Scrabble competition. Conduct prize giving ceremony.
Wed - Go through English Paper with 4A. Prepare Meet-The-Parent session on Thursday. Pray like mad that everything will go well. Attend course in church on Studying the Bible in the evening.
Thurs - Meet the parents. Survive it. Rush book checking.
Friday - CLEAR MY TABLE. (Don't underestimate that task. That includes finishing up all my work... *BIG CRY*)

Oh well. This too shall pass. :) And I'll have another awesome weekend! Or will I?

I'm supposed to blog this so...

2007-05-18T12:09:00.000+08:00

A couple of days ago, Ben and Abby were about to leave for school. As usual, she'd bid farewell to didi, Lina-jiejie, the chair, the floor, the tv, the fan, the sofa, the carpet, the door... you get the idea.

So on that day, prior to leaving, she wanted to take her laptop along to school.
Ben: Abby, we can't take that. It's too big, it can't fit into your bag.
Abby (ponders and looks at both laptop and Hello Kitty backpack): Too big? Cannot go in.
Ben: Yes, that's right, we can't bring that.
Abby: Ok, cannot bring.

Later, as they got into the car, which was about 10 minutes or so as they made their way past a playground and offered the daily courtesy hello to a neighbour attending Brighton M., she requested for the toy bag in the car. She started looking inside as usual, then suddenly...

Abby: Oh! It's here!
Ben (looking at her): What? Oh, your phone? (referring to her toy mobile phone a.k.a. the noisy thing)
Abby: Not too big right?

Ben was stunned. She was actually making reference to the laptop and comparing both, and at the same time persuading Ben to let her take that to school.

...

Last night, when we were about to doze off, Ben was on the phone with one of his kids. Then when he ended the conversation,
Abby: Who's that?
Mummy: One of Daddy's probationers.
(a slight pause...)
Abby (repeating herself, directing the question to Daddy): Who's that? WOMAN UH?

We were stunned. Ben exclaimed that even Mummy doesn't even ask that! :D

Paradigm Shift, Elnathan's Full Month, Sunday

2007-05-07T00:04:00.000+08:00

It's been quite a life changing period. The books that Ben and I have been reading, the movie we watched plus the audio cds that we've finished and those that we're listening to... Plus the sermon this morning. Am really convinced that our personal agendas need to change. The end days are here. Just look at the calamities. It's occuring at a rate like never before in history. As much as I've been quite an environmentalist, the still small voice I hear within says, "Don't worry. I will create a new heaven and a new earth. The end is coming soon."

With that, I have no idea how to carry on my Science Club. I've been passionately converting the little kiddos to "Save the Earth(!)" and "watch what you do coz that's just gonna kill the earth even more!" until I felt it has almost become a religion. So with a gentle reminder from a kingdom perspective, I see the picture in a different light now. I'll still integrate what they are learning from P4 Science to the environment coz that's what it's all about but to focus on people instead of the planet. As much as we fret about it, I got reminded of someone once telling me, "If the Earth was tilted one degree more, it'll be too hot and we'll all die. Similarly, if it's tilted one degree less, everything will freeze and we'll also die." Hmm... so if it gets too hot, I'm sure it would it be too hard for God to tilt his footstool a little bit so that things can be in order once again? :D Heh.

Oh well. I'm just glad all this will be over soon. The end is coming. :) And we're going home.

I once thought about this analogy: Life is like a foetus in the mother's womb. As a foetus, we think that's it. Until it's time and we're born. Then we enter into this world. Likewise, as humans, we think, "this is it." Until we die and then we enter into another world. And in that other world, it's for eternity.

Cheem eh?

Anyway, after church today, we went to a friend's baby's full-month celebration. Baby's called Elnathan. We were once all part of the Ezzo group, and I think they aren't really devout followers... sounds like a cult? But I caught up with another mother and she's all struggling with her soon to be 3 yo. She said that she really can't manage to get her girl to be 'First Time Obedient' as much as she's trying so hard. (FTO is part of the Ezzo syllabus.) As she said that, I tried comforting her by saying, "Even when God asks us to do something, we don't usually respond with First Time Obedience. What more with little kids (who are so fond of testing boundaries)?" I didn't have the heart to tell her that we aren't Ezzo-followers anymore. It creates really unhealthy expectations and messes up relationships - parent-child and between parents. I also mentioned about my 2 English classes. For my form class, I have higher expectations and usually get way more frustrated. For the other class, I don't expect as much. As a result, with less frustration and tension, the second class is performing better than the first class. I yell more at my form class, and it's really affecting them a lot. I read elsewhere that research has shown that yelling so often at a living thing will actually kill it. I think they used plants. I hope.

I must learn NOT to yell at the kids. I am destroying them. And I'm not supposed to do so.

Back to today. I actually met my primary school good pal! I saw a familiar face and then called out to her. She took a moment before she recognised me. We actually hung out very often together when we were little girls! And after I left, we lost touch. We lost contact for TWENTY YEARS. So old liao. :P She actually remembers me! :) Must go dig old photos. Heh. She's got a little boy now, and even said that her mum will be so surprised to know that we met. (Her mum? Wow, she'll actually remember me too?)

After that, we exchanged contact and took a group photo. Abby wanted to go swimming coz the celebration was at a condo, so she was offered two choices - Aunt's condo or beach. She wanted the beach because of the sand.

May Day's outing to the beach. The only decent picture.

It was rather early, so we thought we could catnap at home first. She didn't really wanna sleep, but we bribed her with McDonald's plus beach after the nap. We overslept and tried to get her to wake up. We told her we couldn't go to the beach. She was fine with that. But almost immediately, she whined, "McDonald's?" with tears in her eyes. Wah lau.

Oh well. Her daddy got her a corn cup before we reached her great-granny's place. When we got there, she was very terrified of Joy - now my mum's pom. Actually was mine but I really can't manage so many especially with a terribly noisy pom plus 2 babies. She kept crying whenever she saw Joy, until her dad said, "Joy joy is a hamster!"

That was the thing that did the trick. She likes hamsters but really doesn't like Joy. So when Ben said that, she was way much better. She even mentioned her 'Mouster' - her Godma's hamster. It's Mouse and Hamster combined. She keeps calling that. Oh well. Quite cute eh?

So we got back. Because of the late naps, the kids didn't sleep till late. It took almost an hour to lull them to sleep. Shalom kept getting up - almost like the Gremlins which keep appearing! Except that this one is way cuter! :D

Late. Gotta get up early ~~tomorrow~~ later. Back to work.

Shalom at 13m 3w

2007-05-05T23:01:00.000+08:00

He's officially a toddler! His first long distance steps (about 15 at a go?) were taken today when I WASN'T around at his grandparents' place. Sigh. Oh well. :'(

He climbed down - feet first - from his sister's knee-high bed. I've been training him to go feet-first for quite a while - and he kept going palms down from his lower pull-out bed - and suddenly he just started going feet down. Thank God. Just now, he came down from Abby's bed feet first! Woohoo! He must get more used to it. And he helped me put back the books before bedtime! Erhm... I directed him the push the books back into the bookshelf - and tried to get him not to pull the books out again. Not easy, I say. :P

And he's talking quite a bit - he's pretty much parroting whatever people are saying, and I think he's slightly faster than Abby in terms of speech development. I remembered Abby as being comfortable with two-syllable words for quite a while, but this fella is managing more than 2 rather well. Or either that I spent more time with Abby and less with Shalom so it seems that Abby was longer. Hmm... Anyway, he's blabbering quite a bit and is rather shocking at times. For instance...

(at the beach last Sunday)
Abby the cheena girl (picking up the dislocated handle of a pail): Orh!! Didi nong huai de! (Didi damaged this!)
Shalom (almost immediately as he looked up from his sand digging): Mei you! (Don't have!)

It's really scary. And they repeated the scene, which Ben witnessed as well the second time round. Are they supposed to be having a conversation so early?

He can really say quite a number of words. I think I am just not doing enough for him.

Oh well. I am so looking forward to the church camp with Ben & the kids! Not easy, but not impossible I believe! :) I am also looking forward to 'retirement' (if God wills) when my time is up and be able to take care of the kids fulltime. That's always been my dream - to take care of my children myself. Will it ever be possible?

Chrysalis

2007-05-03T11:52:00.000+08:00

I am just about a few minutes away from my next class, and in the midst of this pre-exam madness, I am about to explode.

I titled this 'Chrysalis' because that's pretty much what the kids are - THEY ARE CACOONED. ASLEEP IN THE CACOON.

I can talk, demonstrate, let them see, let them touch, let them experiment and play and they still have NO IDEA what they are doing. I am really teaching a special needs class.

Now it's filing season. I replace the worksheets of those who have been irresponsible, and one ultimate BLUR QUEEN writes her name on the worksheet, holds on to it for a few days, and then hands it in. EMPTY. BLANK. Like, "huh?"

ARGH. They are really quite badly labelled by other teachers at this point in time. Behaves 'well' only when I'm around. Yell at the top of their lungs when they feel like it. Gosh. Their self-control button is really jammed.

I need a break.

Beyond Madness

2007-04-27T20:16:00.000+08:00

Breathing a sigh of relief. Out of the seven files I owe two classes of kids, I've managed to return two full files and one half file (Science notes only). Had to bribe them with stickers (I use an accumulated stars award system to collate their stars and smiley faces stickers) - one sticker for each completed unit with all corrections done. Took 2 periods each class to get the files straightened out. Note to self: Do not use yellow file for My Pals worksheet even though stipulated by dept. It just doesn't make organisational sense.

I have about 10 more stacks of marking to be done by Monday and then about 10 more to be completed by the end of next week before their exams begin. The classes seem to be changing tides - in the past, it used to be my non-form class that was a handful. Now it's my class. But they don't act up in front of me - only in front of trainees and CL teachers are they rude, defiant and generally non-co-operative. Sigh. Then I have to ~~blast~~ pep-talk them.

I really like this photo. :)

So typical of my cheeky boy! :) He's about to walk now! :) And is repeating lotsa stuff that we're saying. :) Heh. Such a darling! :)

Our Very Important Princess

2007-04-17T00:42:00.000+08:00

Here's our lovely princess all dressed in her favourite colour! :D She's such a charm, and she's been up to so much fun lately! :) Love the way she's suddenly sprouting Mandarin. Although she does code-switch between English and Mandarin, I'm just glad she isn't too adverse to her mother tongue (though her mother is really trying to speak Mandarin to her regularly). She's becoming more independent now, and is able to play with kids her age and even younger. She looks forward to going children's church and will ask to pray for people every night before we sleep. She's really teaching me how to pray without ceasing. She's into drawing on walls now :S and will love the brother to bits even as she bullies him into obeying her. He's learnt to defend himself though - his grip is quite secure. She'll try to grab something from him and he'll NEVER let go. We usually let them sort things out themselves (but I can't really say when the gramps are around). Anyway, she gets her way at times coz she's more mobile than him. I hope when they grow up they'll live amicably. My brother and I didn't turn out too badly. :D Anyway, she loves to take photos. Give her a camera and she'll take photos of her favourite object - the tv - besides other stuff that cannot be blogged about. *sheepish*

Oh well.

Fantastic Weekend

2007-04-08T21:55:00.000+08:00

I've just had a fantastic weekend. Although I've been sick the entire long weekend - extended by two days because I was on MC since Wednesday and still nursing the cold - it's been amazing. I was knocked out cold on Wednesday; tried to sleep the entire day but was interrupted once in a while by the kids which was fine with me. Anyway, I caught the bug from them and then they wanted it back. So we ended up sharing it.

Was supposed to meet up with Mich and Elise but had to cancel it the last minute because by then I was out cold again by 9pm. I would have been the living dead at the date. :( Sorry babes, we'll arrange again k?

Why was the weekend fantastic? Because Ben helped me put the foot down. As from the weekend, the verdict is - as long as there's an adult (other than the helper) at home, my MIL is free to do whatever she likes on her own. Perhaps the arrangement might sound harsh (to her at least), but honestly, I really didn't give birth to two kids for her pleasure. It was only from this weekend that I'm beginning to recognise the semblance of the family we were supposed to be.

Take for instance - if Ben & I were living on our own, somewhere else in another country, and his mum was there, day in day out, we wouldn't be able to define to coupleship. But if we were on our own, getting the hang of things on our own, we would be able to identify ourselves as a couple. This is a result of boundaries.

Likewise, for these 5 days (4.5 actually coz she was over on Wednesday but left in the late afternoon), I've finally started to bond with the children and together with Ben, be the authority of the household. It's not easy, but it's surely worth it. On Saturday night, the kids ate something I cooked for them for the very first time. Including my granny also. Although the noodles weren't fantastic, still I was glad they could finally have something their own mother prepared. My helper assisted and was very kind to my rudimentary culinary skills. The husband, granny and kids were also very merciful. My granny complimented on my chicken balls though! :)

We trodded off to the zoo on Friday, much to the dismay of my bro and gf coz they wanted to take the kids there, but on Sat. Abby had been looking forward to the trip and due to some miscommunication on my part, we went on Friday instead of Saturday. We wanted to cover Bird Park also, so one on fri, and one on sat. But bro insisted on taking them to the zoo on sat. We offered to go again on Sat coz we bought the Zoo Pass but they didn't want to. We hit the zoo close to 4 and walked till 6. For the first time, we walked without the map. And for the first time, I saw so many parts of the zoo I had never seen before. I used up so many packets of tissue paper that I lost count, and definitely took notice of the bins in the zoo. I died at bedtime. I was so feverish that I was feeling really cold and shivering. Then we prayed and Ben got me two Panadol cold relief tablets. I could not take the air-conditioning so Ben chose not to sleep in the oven with me. The amazing thing was, before he was sound asleep, I woke him up to say that I was fine already. No longer cold, in fact feeling very hot and perspiring! It was really fast! I didn't keep track of the duration, but it was really fast.

We dug up some old photos and were amazed by what we saw. Check them out.

The Boys

Cute right? :) Pity Ben's second photo is slightly damaged. :(

We missed out taking quite a bit of photos. So must be more religious in doing so. Otherwise time will pass too quickly. Anyway, I'm just really glad for this window of opportunity for the family to enjoy one another. It really makes me appreciative of little things like this. Pity that boundaries have to be so clearly stated in the face instead of knowing what to do at the appropriate time. As such, feelings may be soured. I've also learnt that I can't control her mouth - with me and with others, but I can control my words and actions. I always try to be nice to her, not that I am hypocritical, but in the hope that by being nice to her, I can generate positive feelings within myself instead of feeling negative (and showing it) whenever she's here. Sometimes she's nice. But most importantly, I always have to remember that she's my kids' granny. Likewise, I am their mother. She isn't. I need to remember that.

These are a few of my favourite things...

2007-03-28T22:33:00.000+08:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Running

2007-03-27T19:40:00.000+08:00

I love travelling. I also hate it. It's almost a love-hate relationship. I used to love it till I met Ben. I remember the time when we first got together in 1999. I left for Hong Kong a couple of days after that and I wanted to take the next flight there after I touched down. I really don't like to travel without him. I thought I was bonkers, till I had children.

Once Abby was born, it seemed as if a part of me was apart from me, and it has never been the same again. I no longer am that independent, even though I long to. With two kids in tow, it's double the challenge. It was only out of desperate measures that I had no choice but to travel without Ben when I went to Sydney, seven months pregnant, with Abby. Alone. I couldn't take my MIL's nonsense anymore. I really had to get away.

Now with her nonsense starting all over again, I wanna run. With the impending upgrading - internal flat upgrading and the building of the multistorey carpark, occuring around the same time as Lina taking one month off back to Indonesia, I am facing the future shit scared.

I don't know when the flat upgrading will take place. When it does, we'll need to vacate. I have ADAMANTLY REFUSED to move back with my in-laws, especially after what happened recently. If the upgrading takes place when Lina is not around (and chances are extremely high), then I am quite screwed. Also, they are going to build a multistorey carpark next to our block. With the dust and the noise, we'll definitely need to get another place. Although word has it that it'll only take up to mid-next year to complete the construction (they just built another MSCP nearby within a year), we still need temporary living arrangements.

Going back to in-laws is outta question coz Abby and I have a long travelling time during peak hour traffic in the mornings. It's really the last option. So now we're house searching again. We definitely need to get out for the flat upgrading, but as for the MSCP construction, we won't know till we're seriously plagued by the ill effects of the construction, which I hope will not affect us as much.

We're toying with the idea of rental, kinda like one-for-one, but that would mean we'll need to upgrade the flat first and fix the window grilles, the smelly toilets and the balcony. Then we can rent this place out. Before that, we'll most likely get another place to stay, either temporarily or perhaps permanent. We're also toying with the idea of getting another place, but that would put quite a strain on our finances, and we don't wanna pay cash upfront for our lodging actually. Hopefully the new place will have condo facilities so that the kids can have access to the pool and not be confined to the four walls or get bitten by insects (at my in-laws which is now a weekly affair. Poor Shalom.)

I know that things will work out, but in the face of all these issues, I really just wanna take the kids, together with Ben, and RUN. Run to a place where we won't get harrassed. A place we can truly call our own. Since I came back from Perth, I haven't had a definitely sense of belonging. When I returned, my room was literally in bits and pieces coz my family moved into a 3rm flat (from a 5rm) and my former room was in 17 different boxes hidden all over the house. I tried settling down but it was just really difficult. When I got married, I had to live with Ben's parents for a (long) while until the two kids came along. Even as we moved out, I haven't really found my sense of belonging especially when coming home to face my MIL daily (either that or the kids won't be at home coz they'll be at my in-laws' place which'll make the house EMPTY - that happens on Wednesdays, Fridays AND Saturdays as well). Coming home everyday is really a pain which I thought would be gone when I didn't have to face my in-laws everyday if I didn't live with them anymore. But no. I see her even more now. *bangs head on wall*

Which wrong step did I make?

Why am I in this position?

Are there any steps I can retrace so that I can free myself?

I'm stuck. And I want to run. Run away with Ben and the two kids. Away from everything.

No wonder my aunt migrated to Australia 12 years ago.

How long more can I take this?

Ben & I realised that we shouldn't try matchmaking people ever. The pains of marriage can be really testing.

If we didn't hold on to the vow of marriage so dearly, I don't know how strong the marriage would actually be to endure her nonsense. Would she ever feel guilty of breaking her own son's marriage?

But thank God for God. I know that things will get better. This is just one of the valleys I trudge so that the peaks will be worth it. The stresses of life can really test the strength of a marriage. That's why I wanna run with Ben and the two kids away from it all. We miss each other so much, and we're still trying to carve a nest we can truly call our own.

Perhaps I'm just being ungrateful. People say that I'm blessed to have a mother-in-law who takes care of my kids. But I don't trust her. And I have grounds not to.

Ignorance + Obstinance = Exasperation.

I've had enough of her voices in my head.

I've had it.

Post delivery after Abby, I had hallucinations of her walking around in the middle of the night in our room.

Now I have her voices in my head.

Enough is enough.

When I didn't have kids, I think of jumping whenever I'm near a window. Now I don't because it's for the children that I grit and bear with it.

I never cherished the carefree life I had. Now it's checkmate.

Take my heart. Take it all. Trample it. Step on it. Take me hostage. Fool around with it and kill it. Again. And Again. And claim ignorance after that. Use it. Abuse it. Then play victim. Blame me. I still have some life left. Take it all.

Don't you ever dare to ask me to have another kid.

I don't want to be held three-times hostage.

Shalom's Development @ 12m 1.5w

2007-03-18T22:31:00.000+08:00

Tried looking for Abby's development at around the same age as Shalom but couldn't find anything. Was probably too busy to blog (*argh!*) so now I can only depend on vague memory recollection. Currently Shalom is picking lotsa words! Erhm, stuff that only parents and caretakers can decipher.

Stuff like:
1. Ah-Mah
2. Ye-ye (but rarely now. He calls his grandpa Ah-Mah! :D)
3. Daddy (Dadee)
4. Mummy (Mama)
5. Cat
6. Meow
7. Bird
8. Dog
9. Jesus (Thee-therth)
10. Kor Kor
11. Lina
12. Jie Jie (He can add 'Che Che' after 'Lina' - our helper)
13. Thank you (T'kew)
14. Neng neng (for milk)
15. Come (with hand wave)
16. No (with hand wave)
17. Beat (hits me coz he likes to pinch me, so I'll say 'No' to which he'll wave no and then I'll say 'Mummy beat!' He'll hit my hand and say beat! Shows that he knows what I'm talking about. He stops pinching after that.)
18. Bear
19. Car
20. Star (Tar - and he sings along to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, but in gibberish though... really cute!)
21. Flower (Wah-wer)
22. Ball
23. Book (Vibrates lips a lot before the rest of the vowels appear)
24. Lion
25. Tiger
26. Owl
27. Uh-oh! (for mini-accidents like stuff dropped from high chair)
28. Drop (ditto)
29. Up!
30. Mum-mum (for food!)

He can kiss by leaning over, mouth to whichever (cheek or lips), give a high-five, shake hands (he's our church's youngest usher - even has his own nametag!) spot cats and birds even before anyone else can see any, feeds me food, make funny faces (though impromptu just to get people's attention), ~~scramble~~ crawl away like mad when chased by his dad (and sometimes me) and then laugh like mad, pull himself up and push walkers (not those sit in type, but the push type) independently. Eats everything and is a joy to feed - finishes his sister's food especially when she's becoming quite a challenging eater at times. He can climb up stairs - his favourite hobby @ his grandparents' place - and now am trying to teach him to get off beds and sofas feet first, but he seems to prefer the 'head-first' way.

Found out that we've got two more pairs of shoes which haven't been worn - we thought they were still too big - and he's about to outgrow them soon. One's Adidas while the other's OshKosh, and they've got this cute indicators at the soles of the shoes - to indicate 'Too Small', 'Toe Zone' and 'Too Big'. The other two pairs of shoes - Weebok and Polo - are not worn very often but seems like they are too small for him. The OK looks waay bigger when placed next to them. All these are hand-me-downs from my cousins, and I'm so glad we've got them. Otherwise Shalom and Abigail would have to go barefoot at the rate I'm managing their wardrobe.

Found out today that he could be left under the care of others in the church's nursery while I went out of the room a few times. He happily played by himself and got my cellmate - Rachale - to play with him also. When it was time to go home, he managed to put all the toys into the box! :D So proud of him! :D He had his huge smile plastered on his face too! :D

Tonight, I told him that I wouldn't be nursing him to sleep. We used to endure long crying sessions because I wanted to stop nursing him to sleep... but then I did one thing wrong. I was lying down beside him as I tried to get him NOT to suckle. BIG MISTAKE. So this evening, I remained seated while he was lying down. After I told him, he was a little shocked, got up and tried to see if I was serious. Got him to lie down and managed to lull him to sleep successfully! :D Woohoo! Otherwise I would fall asleep with him and then get up about 3 hours later to do my stuff. Very unhealthy because it totally screws up my sleep. Sleep with him through the night also makes sleep very difficult coz he would want to nurse throughout the night.

I'm just so glad he's ok with not nursing to sleep when I'm around. It really is a huge relief. Now I'm not sure if I want to continue breastfeeding. I pump only once a day and am getting only 2 ounces. I enjoy the bonding with him yet my schedule hardly permits pumping. I aimed to nurse him till 2yo, but now only through the halfway mark I'm already thinking of giiving up. Maybe it's because I see my milk supply dwindling down and my workload rising. But I really am not too keen on giving up. Hmm... will continue to think about it. Meanwhile, just enjoy (except the occasional bites!).

*Update: Check out this site from a fan! :D

O.P.Q.R.S.

2007-03-12T00:20:00.000+08:00

Ben passed me a woman's devotional a couple of days ago. His printer had some extra copies, so he was given one for me. When I started on it today, I was hoping to embark on something fruitful. And indeed I have.

After reading a bit, I read the bible. Later, it asked me to recall a secret dream or ambition I cherish in my life. I couldn't find any initially. Later, I decided, oh well, nothing glamorous. I just want to be a librarian.

Next question: Can you identify the deeper needs and longings beneath this desire?
I reflected and realised. Yes, I could. Order, Peace, Quietness. (The perceptions of a library.)

To sum up the experience, God surfaced the following bible verses:
Order: 1 Cor 14:33
For God is not a God of disorder but of peace

Peace: John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Philippians 4:6-7
6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Quietness
Psalm 23:2-3
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.

Rest
Matthew 11:28-30
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

The last was Satisfaction and Stillness. O.P.Q.R.S. Really interesting eh? After such a refreshing morning, the burdens don't seem so heavy. Even this evening, when we didn't make it to NTUC Hougang on time, we decided to go for supper at blk 85 bedok. And there was an NTUC there which opens till 11! We were really surprised, coz we thought all supermarkets had similar operating hours. It was indeed a blessing. Although I don't have much of the hols to rest, these past two days have been rather refreshing. Thank God. :)

The Ultimate Husband and Wife Team

2007-03-11T00:29:00.000+08:00

Wife: Do we need to go to the PC show?

Husband: What's that?

Burning up, burning out

2007-03-10T22:29:00.000+08:00

We just celebrated Shalom's birthday yesterday. Now my weeks go according to the school's weekly label - Term 1 Week 10. Week 9 is now officially known as NIGHTMARE WEEK... or should it be WEEK MARE NIGHT? Oh well.

I haven't had any time planning for any bash for Shalom. Just silently grateful that we've made it past the one year mark. He was clearly exhilerated when he realised we were singing the birthday song for him just after he heard his name...

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SHALOM!..."

Even when we sang the Chinese version, he clapped and was really thrilled.

Wish I caught it on video. I think a relative or two might have.

Update: Ben's sis caught it, but only the second part. Nevertheless, it's great. :) Thanks! :D Note to self: Assign videographer/photographer (Claire?) during such events.

It was a Chinese do at a Teochew restaurant. First time in my life, I invited only my mum's relatives. I did not invite my dad's. Frankly, it was only quite close to the event that I realised I forgot to invite my dad. But I did, nevertheless. I'm glad I did so. Time apart does wonders. It doesn't hurt now. Only my maternal granny was fuming when she saw him there. She has to learn that he'll always be the kids' gong gong. Provided I don't forget about him.

I didn't invite the rest coz it seems quite mian qiang for them to attend. For Ben's side, it's about ren qing and to a certain extent, mian zi. My side, no issues like that (no need to give mian zi). I did check with my dad, and he also agreed to leave things as status quo. My paternal granny and my dearest aunt aren't here anyway, so inviting the rest seems painful for them. I think. Although I must admit that I do enjoy their company - the wives of the husbands. Oh well.

I requested for the kids not to stay overnight at their grandparents' place after the event. MIL wasn't too thrilled about the arrangement. Ben thinks that they might miss the kids too much coz they won't get to see them from Friday night through the weekend.

What about me? EVERY SINGLE WEEK I SLOG, I LOOK FORWARD TO THE WEEKEND ONLY TO FIND THE HOUSE EMPTY.

The original idea was to let the kids stay over coz PILs may feel the vacuum after we move out. But MIL picks Abby up from school everyday and stays with the kids from 11am all the way till 8pm, or sometimes later!

I get up at 5am, slog till 7pm, only to rush dinner at home to get the small window of 'opportunity' to nurse Shalom to sleep at 8.

And like I don't miss them.

My original intention was to spend loads of time with them this short one week break. But no.

STU had to take up the first two days of my holidays. AND INFORM ME ONLY ON THE LAST DAY OF TERM 1 WEEK 10. What the hell is wrong with them? I replied saying that I couldn't make it, coz I had prior arrangements, (I overlooked in the email the part where a replacement is needed in my absence) so I CAN'T CANCEL THE #@$#$#%) TRAINING.

So two days gone.

Wed - heart check up at NHC for irregular heartbeat and heart palpitations.

Fri - FULL DAY TRAINING FOR MULTIPLE INTELLIGENCE.

That leaves only Thursday free. AND I HAVE A SCENIC MOUNTAIN RANGE AROUND MY TABLE.

My original goal for this break was to Repair (the damages done in Term 1), Recharge and Rejuvenate for Term 2 and the rest of the year. I hate the fact that we get our class allocation so late (2 days before school started in Term 1) so there's absolutely no way to prepare anything at all.

Oh well.

I had an enjoyable time today with the kids. Although I wasn't feeling too great - eyes were stinging and I felt really sleepy - I felt recharged especially when I was watching Abby at the playground. I was clearing the music files in my phone and songs were playing. The breeze was heavenly, and that moment was frozen in time. It was refreshing.

It was then when I realised that recharging doesn't have to take a week or longer.

I feel recharged when I have stuff planned out. I hate firefighting and being late. I've been doing that for the past 10 weeks.

My Urgent and Important tasks:
- 2007 Workplan for P4 Science Club
- 30 week plan for P4 Science Club
- Lit program for P4 HA kids starting Term 2 - Sing to the Dawn
- PSLE Oral Communication Skills workshop (due in Term 2 Week 1)
- Science Diagnostic Test - mark and return
- Schedule Journal Topic for fortnight entries
- EPMS Meeting

My Urgent and (not that) important tasks:
- Straighten Compo files for both English classes
- Straighten My Pals WS files for both English classes
- Straighten English Unit Worksheet Files for both English classes
- Miscellaneous worksheets to mark
- Mark compos - 3 sets for 2 classes
- Mark Science WB - plenty of work not marked
- Go through their journals
- Mark Spelling for one class
- Plan Science Remedial for the rest of the year (term at least)
- TRAISI Training
- Get my edumail sorted out - gosh, don't get me started on that

My Not Urgent but Important tasks:
- Chase teachers for Graphic Stimulus and Compre Cloze WS for the rest of the year
- Plan Scrabble competition due in May
- Come up with 6 Dictation passages to replace the Unseen Dictation
- Start drafting the kids' Report book comments
- Create supplementary worksheets to drill kids
- Set P5 EM3 paper together with my SH (we'll see what happens...)

These are the tasks flying around my head for the time being. I was supposed to get most of these cleared by the end of next Friday. Right.

I just hope my kids don't get into any more trouble. Somehow there's this impression that my kids aren't a fantastic lot. And I really don't like that. My kids are fine - just that their family background is really an issue. And I really don't like other teachers shelling my kids when they can't even manage their own. I guess it's stinking pride. It's damn sad. Even when my kids aren't talking, they still get scolded by other teachers. And I take two classes, so I know that my form class really isn't all that bad. I really need to reflect on helping them shed that poor image. It's damn irritating - and it affects my kids also. They've been getting shellings from me at the littlest trigger until they are all so disheartened. The last day of school was terribly bad. It was painful. No wonder teacher absentieesm is especially high on MUFTI days. Sad but true. The whole school was chaotic.

I panicked the day before when I saw what I had to do with the kids in my other English class. Until I found out that time table was suspended so I didn't have to manage them. But still(!), I had to get the kids to do this! The kids were supposed to bring their own plasticine, Plaster of Paris bandages (!?!?!?!?) and gold paint (?!?!!??!). I don't even teach art.

Check out the 3rd photo on that site. I bet if the kids really carried out this activity, I would have MANY phallic symbols and many discipline cases to handle. Next landmine - dealing with plaster of paris bandages. It would be totally messy! And in home clothes some more! Some rented Egyptian costumes, so it would really have been a challenge keeping them clean. Ah, whatever. And the best part - all this done in half an hour - first period of the day. YAH. RIGHT. After assembly it would be 15 mins gone.

Thank God we didn't have to do that. Last minute instructions were given via email to change the activity to some P6 hieroglyphic drawing which we didn't do as well.

As for one of the schoolwide activities, my kids had a really tough time. The LA couldn't do the stuff at all, and my 2 runners had to shuttle back and forth, even when we gave the correct answer, we were marked wrong by the prefects - repeatedly, even when we found the correct answer as well as the worksheet online. My runner said another class put another answer (which was incorrect) and got it correct, so she suggested we try that answer. Still we got it wrong. That was when the kids were really fed up and just wanted to know the answer for its own sake. The bell went off and the game ended. Fed up, searched for the answer, gave up playing. Everything went downhill from there. Even during the fashion parade, when our class representatives appeared, no one cheered. No one was in the mood to, nor did they dare. I blasted them so much for being rowdy in class that no one had the mood to do anything else. And then they got scolded for being rowdy. WAH LAU.

Maybe my management really sucks big time, and my kids are suffering for it. Perhaps I've been really too laxed with them. They should be treated like convicts or soldiers in military training, instead of curious and lively children. I should shout at them and break their wills so that they will be totally compliant. If that's the case, then I should be a columbarium caretaker instead.

Abby's Development at 31 Months

2007-03-03T10:12:00.001+08:00

Abby just turned 31 months yesterday. Gosh, she's past the big THREE O. My turn next. :P Anyway, she's been developing so fast she now a young lady!

Schooling
Abby's been going to her new school for nine weeks already. Previously, while she was attending that expensive childcare (not that expensive but still not worth the money - $400 plus after subsidy for half day care per month), she cried everytime she was dropped in school and when we picked her up. She also fell ill really often and most of the time, I didn't see the kids occupied. In fact, the classroom was almost always bare (except for meet the parent session) and the kids would literally be all over the place - under the chairs, tables, lying on the floor, etc. They had only two or three sets of toys - $5 for a small bin of connecting toys, and the kids were bored. Even when we first visited the place - the principal showed us around the large and spacious area - the pre-nursery kids were only confined to a small room most of the time. So no point showing us the whole place right?

Nevertheless, that place had merits. The teachers put in a lot of effort to train the kids to perform at the annual graduation concert. We bought the DVD and watched Abby's performance. It was amazing. If and when I have the free time, I might upload it. Oh well.

Now, with the new school, Abby stopped crying after the second day. She looks forward to going to school everyday and when she is picked up, she's all fine and cheery! More importantly, she's stopped falling ill so frequently. As a result, Shalom as well. Previously, she'd be falling ill almost every other week, but now, thank God, she's much stronger. Maybe she got her full immunisation then! :)

Reading
She's now able to read a couple of words, mostly due to flashcards. I haven't been diligent, so she hasn't been picking up new words. Her list:
* Jesus
* Daddy
* Mummy
* Shalom
* Abigail
* Lina
* no (She goes, "N, O, no!" and shakes her head. So cute!)
* kiss
* milk
* Hi-5
* bathe
* toes

She's really like how Glenn Doman describes - flashing must be done fast. Do it slowly and try explaining the spelling and she'll definitely be bored. So flash the 5 cards, 1 sec each, each time reading the word, and after all 5 are flashed, praise the kid for just learning - i.e. looking. Don't make the kid spell or even recite. They'll pick it up naturally. And it works. 5 sets of 5 cards, 3 times a day, change one card per day after the 5th day.

I'm still at my first lot since last year. And I haven't changed any cards yet. I'm that undisciplined and busy. Yet she's picking them up.

Potty Training
Potty training wise, she's been fully trained slightly after she turned two. She transited smoothly for night-time training as well. However, there were times when she came home with soiled undies when she was still at the old school (she left in Dec 06)- from what the teachers in the previous school said, she didn't tell anyone she wanted to go. However, now there doesn't seem to be any problem. Now our goal is trying to put all her acquired skills together - pull potty out (she also goes on adult bowl but needs assistance), pull clothes down, sit on potty, wipe herself, and pull clothes up.

She's real cute - took her to the bathroom once and she extended the session coz she had a tummy ache. So she said, "Abigail got stomachache. Very painful." Scrunched face. Then smiled. When I asked her whether she was done, she had that thoughtful look and said, "Haven't yet. Abigail got stomachache. Wait." :)

She's really affectionate but doesn't allow Shalom to play anything. However, it seems that now he's able to resist her. Oh well. Doesn't help very much with slight favoritism from the grandparents. Hopefully during the short hols I'll be able to spend more time with the kids. :)

A better week ahead

2007-03-02T18:42:00.000+08:00

Went to the polyclinic last Thursday because my heart was not in good order. Have been referred to the National Heart Centre during the March school holidays. Then, this week:

* one of my kid's parents suddenly passed away
* another kid admitted coz he passed out a lot of blood
* another one (in fact my whole class) was suspected of vandalising some other kid's book
* another one got his glasses smashed while playing table-tennis!?! Cornea injured.
* 3 heros in my class stuck their locker keys into the electrical socket and then TURNED IT ON. Mini explosion in class, power tripped. Thank God no injuries or deaths.

I'm just so glad the week is almost over. It was supposed to be their ~~continual assessment~~ diagnostic test week.

I'm just so tired. My daffodil is dying. I really hope I can find the time to post some pictures on my two lovelies up. Shalom's turning one next week. Time really's passing so fast. I am staying too long in school. I miss them so much.

I really look forward to the school holidays.

New jobs on my plate - just received this week: Workshop for parents to prepare for PSLE Oral Exam (fast deal - in two weeks' time); LIt program for P4 high ability pupils (bigger deal), head the Science Club for P4s (BIG DEAL!). How else will I be stretched?

Oh. Full force worship ministry in April. 3 Saturdays in March.

I need to appreciate the Friday evenings and Saturdays I have by myself. If only I can get over the 'missing ben and the kids' part. :'(

Next week will be great. It'd better be.

Happy Lunar New Year

2007-02-20T00:14:00.000+08:00

Xin Nian Meng En! :) Been trying to tell myself (and Ben also) to take loads of pictures because we've neglected the camera for a long time. Poor second kid. First kid gets loads of pictures while second kid grows up too quickly. He's started cruising and climbing everywhere. He's quite a gung-ho fella. Gets knocked over by sis and gets up and continues playing. Unless he can manja. Anyway, the only person who's been crazy over the camera is Abby. She's been taking so many pictures (of herself) that it's really hilarious. She also takes unflattering shots of people's backsides, her mothers buldging tummy as well as her dad's not-so-buldging one.

Workwise, it's actually Week 8. I took Friday off last week coz Shalom didn't seem to get any better. However, after the visit to the doc that day, he recovered very quickly! He's been ill for almost a week since the previous Saturday, and usually if it doesn't get better, it'll become worse. Thank God it went away.

He's been talking a lot! He seems to be mimicking whatever we say, and picks stuff up very fast! We caught the fireworks tonight and we thought we heard him say 'firework'! Other words include 'there', 'updare' for upstairs to look for grandfather, 'dangtern' for lantern, 'Thee-thush' for Jesus (I think he can recognise the flashcard also; suspecting short-tongue but Ben says he's just starting to speak so may not have mastered full control of tongue for 'S' consonant which I agree), 'thare' for chair, and I can't remember the other not-so-easily decipherable words he's said. Most evidently, he repeats the no. of syllable that has just been spoken, like 'Da Pi Gu' (his sister's current fav).

His dad likes this shot. I think it has the 'I better hope he knows what he's doing coz I'm not really qualified to drive' look on his face! :)

Anyway, as for my darling angel, she's been enjoying herself in school. She's been able to recognise a few words, and that has motivated me to jumpstart (again) the flashcards. Because of them, she's able to recognise several words. I tried the conventional method - spell and read, and she hasn't been doing as well. Problem now is the logistics. I'm supposed to flash 5 sets of 5 words 3 times a day, and from the fifth day onwards start changing one word a day. How to keep track like that? I've been stuck with the same 25 words for the past 3 months coz I can't get past the 3 times a day for 5 days routine - and keep track for TWO KIDS. I think they are BORED with the words. But she likes to recite them after I've flashed them.

(I've been trying to upload the photos from the CD that Ben just passed me, but it hasn't been very fruitful. Hopefully I can post pictures of Abby up as well.) Really tired. Just thinking of the workload is making me wanna get down to plan well and execute it even better. I can plan, but execution takes a whole lot more effort. Gotta improve in that area! A lunar new year resolution eh? :)

Shalom at 10 months plus

2007-02-04T22:36:00.000+08:00

Been so busy I haven't had the chance to update. Busy with school, with life, with everything that needs attention.

Shalom's been speaking!! This chap's been saying quite a bit of stuff... started with deh-deh (Daddy), then deh-gee! (Daddy), che-che, ye-ye, ah-mah! (this one's the clearest!), mamam (me or food, can't tell the difference) but today was the classic. He wanted milk, so I heard "Mama neng neng" while heading towards the milk bar. Wah lau, of course he had express service! (No pun intended!) Another moment, I went "Aiyayayayah" and he repeated after me also. So cute, that charmer.

This evening, my aunt was carrying him and asked Abby if she could take him home. As she was asking, our lil' friend craned his head away from my aunt to take a good look at her, eyebrows knotted, as if asking, "what exactly are you talking about? How come I don't know anything about it?" It was hilarious! :D Ben, who was carrying Abby, saw the whole scene, was so amused. So was my aunt. :)

Really hope I can spend more time with the kids. It's been a mad ride. :P

A Tough Reminder

2007-01-28T00:54:00.001+08:00

Screaming at trees and children

Many parents, perhaps the majority, admit to losing their tempers and screaming at their kids from time to time. Usually we shrug it off assuming that not much harm was done. But is that really the case?

Deep in the woods of the Solomon Islands lives a tribe of villagers who practice a strange form of logging. When a tree is too large to be felled with an axe, they bring it down by yelling at it. Tribesmen believed to have special powers sneak up on the tree at dawn and scream at the top of their lungs. Day after day, they repeat this practice. Eventually, the tree dies and falls to the ground. "It kills the spirit of the tree," they say.

Well, I admit that I'm a bit skeptical of thie practice and that it works on trees, but I'll you this much: It will sure bring down a human being. If you want to kill someone's spirit, yelling is a great way to get it done.

And no spirit on earth is more fragile than that of a child. Though we mean no harm when we scream and shout at our kids, is there really nothing harmless about it? It's humiliating, and it's discouraging to children, and it often leaves scars that will last for a lifetime.

Admittedly, children will be irresponsible at times, and they're going to get on our nerves every now and then. Still, they deserve-and need-to be treated with dignity and respect. Resist the temptation to yell at them.

Taken from Today, Thursday, 25th January 2007

Although this article is written for parents, it is especially significant to me as an educator. It is week 5 of the year, and many colleagues have already lost their voice at least once. I hate the feeling in my throat after I yell at the kids. My body can take long days, but once I yell, even once, my throat starts feeling funny.

My mentor & I resolved last Friday not to scream at the students this week. That was before this article was published. Needless to say, we yelled at them so we reflected and decided not to. Oh well, I yelled once this week. Other than that, when I wasn't yelling, I observed many things.

First of all, when I wasn't yelling, the kids listened better. At only 10, they've learnt to shut out pain - that includes our shelling. It's a self-defence mechanism at work. Especially the once that are most difficult and most testing. Those that are openly defiant especially when you shout at them to sit down so that you can begin your lesson.

Without shouting/yelling, I was forced to get the kids on task. I also paid attention to them - as human beings. Then numerous realisations hit me.

1. These kids are bored. Honestly, if I had to teach from the textbook, I'd be real bored as well. They are bored (and so am I) because they see little purpose in school. The faraway PSLE doesn't do much to motivate them. Also, they are so used to multitasking (think multiple windows, internet, iTunes, cable, MSN, etc) vs paying attention to the teacher. During our time, we, as students, probably were able to last about 20-30minutes. These kids aren't anywhere near there. Even if they are, the entertainer has to be really entertaining. Even with enjoyable tv programs, they are used to commercial breaks. How then can we fault them for being restless?

2. There are various ways of learning. Majority of the kids aren't auditory learners, so whatever we say won't even reach their ears. I tried this - I was 'supposed to' scold them, but I explained to them in a strange way, saying, "Alright, at this point, normally I will scold you. But since you won't listen anyway, and it really takes lotsa energy to scold, and most importantly, it'll waste time, then what I'll do is, we'll just take 2 minutes. Just imagine me scolding you." And then I watched the clock for 2 minutes. It worked simply because we were heading out to the computer lab for some fun. So they felt the pain of wasted time. I wouldn't recommend this for the normal talk and chalk lesson, coz that's precisely what they want. They literally felt the time wasting away. Lesson learnt. Back to various learning styles. Quite a number are visual learners, so I prepare my specific but simple instructions on powerpoint - quick job, saves me time to yell again and again, and most can't hear me anyway - and leave it on when they're doing work. It really saves repeating - energy and time.

3. Setting the agenda on the board for the day really helps them to follow through with me, instead of them feeling bombarded or led by the nose. When they know how many more items are there to go, they'll gladly do so. This visual aid also reminds me what's to be done.

4. They actually love to work. It's when there's lotsa teacher talk and no work that frustrates them. So this week, most lessons have been hands-on, IT-based, drama, group work, discussion. In fact, my form class is about to adopt an endangered animal. For real. Amazing! But they didn't do very well for the report. Oh well.

5. Structure activities so that they actually have opportunities to get out of their seat. Normally I would distribute all worksheets, get them to do them, then hand up to the leader (now known as Task Captain). But what I did on Friday was to term the worksheets as 'Levels' (like games), finish Level 1, put worksheet in front, ascend to Level 2, etc... kinda shuttle run style but no running. Everyone enjoyed the chance to get out of their seat. They didn't abuse it, thank God.

6. Setting up a blog really helps to facilitate things. I get to put up English interactive lessons and games and the kids who have computer access can go there and explore. One of my weaker pupils actually enjoyed this site! But my regret? Putting up the tagboard. They've been flooding the board and one of them - an anonymous creature - has been using vulgar words. IP banned, but would that frustrate him even more?

7. Not screaming especially at those 'characters' actually provided bonding opportunities. One of them (who's an untouchable coz the parent will sue anyone and everyone) whom I've yelled at actually showed me a magic card trick. Ben thinks it's an accomplishment. :)

8. One kid had a major meltdown on Thursday. We were supposed to have spelling, and the kids around him were badgering him to follow my given format. He was extremely resistant, and I was the last straw that broke the camel's back. Although I was firm (yet gentle), he seemingly obliged but threw the book at the table after I walked away. He's really got social-emotional issues - I've had a few encounters with him and definitely has special needs. When I walked to him again, he refused to get started on his spelling and walked out of the class. Not the first time - he does that everytime the class gets too noisy. He'll just sit outside, calm himself down then return. But this time he disappeared. As expected, he returned after awhile but he packed his bag. He just wanted to walk off for good this time. I held him back and he started screaming and growling. I kept holding him and saying, "It's ok, it's ok." Usually I would've have gotten into a shouting match. But this time, instincts told me he really needed help. I asked him if he wanted to return to his parents, and he started sobbing in my arms and nodded. He wanted to go back into his 'hole' and said that his granny was waiting for him. I managed to get him to stay, and provided the priviledge of being the first to leave when the bell rang. I just couldn't trust that the granny would pick him up 25 minutes before dismissal. She might not even be there. So he stayed on and the lesson continued. The class was shocked by the entire saga and we had some finger fun and Simon says, kinda business as usual. That boy even contributed quite a bit when we had to do vocab. The next day, he asked me when he could do his spelling. It's almost as if he's 2 separate persons. When I spoke to the Chinese teacher, she said I should have restrained him when he first wanted to walk out. I said I did (only when he packed his bag) and the whole hooha happened. Thank God I didn't yell at him. It would have been worse.

9. Because there was no yelling, one of my 'characters' even helped me do admin stuff after school. Usually there'll be some kind of resistance, but because of the peaceful dealings (i.e. no yelling) he was keen to help me as he had time before his soccer. He was a really good help I must say. Sadly, I learnt that his parent has been really violent with him in the name of discipline and he's recording all the violence down so that he can get back next time. Heart pain.

10. The overall atmosphere is much better now. As for my form class, I'm really enjoying my time there. They're keen to learn and they seem to have begun dreaming of the impossible. One of them asked me, "You mean it's possible to be a female pilot?" "Why not?" "You mean we can publish our own books?" "Why not?" And then you see their eyes light up. Shiok. :D

This week's resolutions:
- Be more sensitive to pupils' needs and help them see that they're not too young to start contributing to society. This week's topic which is long overdue - people with disabilities and personal recount also known as diary writing. I'd rather call it blogging. :)
- No yelling, no screaming, no shouting.
- Take time out for lunch.
- Leave for home early at least one day a week - Tuesday.

Purposeful Engagement, Positive Experience.
That's my motto. We'll see how things go this week.

Quickies

2007-01-19T13:22:00.000+08:00

So many things have zoomed by and I haven't had time to pant. I've got CCA in exactly 8 minutes' time and I couldn't resist the urge to jot down some stuff before I disappear. I've started a site for my P4 kids, and now they know MRS TEO HAS A BLOG! But no,... this is private. Hopefully can keep as private. The teaching blog is here. I started it coz the site I wanted them to access had such a long URL I would have died halfway while telling them to type the address in. So there.

Homewise, Abby was scratched by another girl over a toy two days ago. Eversince then, she's been slightly different. More distant, gets agitated very easily, especially during sleep. The last time she was bitten, she was also like that - until she burst out crying in church out of a sudden during service. And then she was better. Delivered. Now, at nights, she's so feisty it's such a pain seeing her rest this way. Somehow she isn't even sucking her thumb! So she can't be pacified. She kept refusing her thumb, even in her sleep. It's really quite worrying.

Shalom's started crawling, and gets really excited when he sees me come home from work. Demands quite a bit of attention from me, Abby seems left out. He needs to be nursed to sleep, and Abby just quietly lies down waiting for me to join her after he sleeps, if ever. Sometimes she falls asleep before he does. :( I really miss her very much.

Have been given the responsibilities of an English level rep, and after clearing the bulk of my duties - I didn't know what most of them were, being super blur- some colleagues are friendlier now coz I have eased their lives by providing worksheets and more work. As for my own work, I need to design more engaging activities so that the kids are really interested in learning instead of just learning for whatever's sake. Today's lesson showed them that they really didn't know their stuff... without the pain and the shame of seeing red marks. Yucks. They'll most likely visit the site again when they reach home. Everyone was engaged! :D

Okie. 1.30. Gotta go. Wished I had more time to take more photos of the kids. They are growing up too quickly. :'(

My Beloved iBook

2007-01-10T19:30:00.001+08:00

It's amazing the world of difference my iBook makes on my office work table. I feel empowered already. :) Woohoo!

The slowpoke has been abandoned to the Abyss. Now my beloved baby is here. I'm just thinking if I can survive without it at home. Hmmm...

In the Thick of Things

2007-01-10T19:30:00.000+08:00

Seems that the stress level in moving house is right up there with divorce and death. Throw in a recent birth and a career 'change' - from being a student to a teacher. Those are major events. Not so major ones (but still very significant) - finally finishing probation for worship ministry in church - I got to go on stage on the first service of 2007, Abigail starting school, Abby's poor eye health, Shalom's shocking episode of a leaky ear, getting a new car (we collected our Wish on Saturday), my stuff's not organised - everything's all over the place - at home and in school, the classroom's not done up, getting a foreign student who knows nuts about English in my already rather weak class (just kill me), having a handful of hyperactive kids in an already distracted class for my other class, taking double English for P4 not realising that i ~~dislike~~ hate nagging and repeating myself...

What a load.

My body's not taking it very well. Have been having headaches that's associated with the gas in the tummy. The more gas, the worse the headache. It doesn't help that I haven't been able to rest well coz Shalom's sick again and I'm on night shift. I'm shuttling between rooms in the middle of the night and I have to get up at 5 the next morning. I was almost late on Monday and Ben was stuck in a terrible jam coz morning traffic home was horrendous. Last night I resorted to sleeping in the kids' room. Thank God Shalom stayed asleep most of the time. The night before he kept waking up and fussing because of blocked nose (I guess) and at one point I jumped out of my sleep and caught him crawling away, almost off the bed. Another time he was falling off our platform bed, face stuffed in the gap between the huge feather pillow and the mattress.

And I have to get up at 5. If I get to sleep, that is.

Last night, I forgot to set my alarm. I woke up hearing the phone alarm from Ben's phone in the other room. Thank God, otherwise it'll be terrible. Didn't have enough time so I didn't pump in the morning. Was terribly engorged by 3.30pm in the afternoon. Had to rush back, with two huge stacks of chicken scratch to mark.

Workwise, I have been given the honour of being the level's English rep. The last time I remember feeling so stupid was when I was in the hotel. I lost my job because of prolonged stupidity. I am feeling that same kind of stupidity again. I'm expected to know EVERYTHING and how things run at the LEVEL REP level. Thank God there are very helpful colleagues to tide me through this time. The last thing I want is to affect my colleagues because of my incompetency - like getting the spelling list out. I'm already screwed for the minutes of the last meeting (not out yet), the spelling list (also not out) and the English worksheets (don't know what on earth they specifically are). See how screwed?

Tried to requisite for a laptop. The current batch is due for condemnation. I think I"ll take my iBook to work tomorrow. Forget about the various connection - the laptop I requisited was still opening up Microsoft word when I was at contact time today. Damn slow man. I could literally see my stress level meter increase with the laggy laptop.

It really helps to offload. I am feeling slightly better actually. Though I still feel like I'm close to tears, at least I'm able to press on and not give up. Out of all these things, the only thing that upsets me is that my body isn't coping very well - it is very disabling. The bubbles in my tummy seem to have stopped. Now I can start tackling these obstacles one at a time.

Oh, and did I mention that the non-shopper me has NO CLOTHES TO WEAR? And I HATE SHOPPING. Especially for shoes - coz I have gloriously big feet and I hate hearing "I"m sorry, we don't have your size." I don't usually pay full price for shoes coz we've been living on single income and cash isn't free-flowing. I usually wear shoes to their deaths and then literally drag my feet (Ben drags me actually) to get new shoes. So now, with work, I'm in serious trouble. No fitting shoes - my feet have been hurting - and only about 5 pieces of top to play around with. And I don't like to wear the same piece twice in a week. Help. What has added to the problem is that the new head requires female staff to be dressed in sleeved attire. So no sleeveless. 80% of my wardrobe is condemned. I've been watching my other female colleagues get around this obstacle - everyone's been wearing this short cropped jacket. I think I'll look really odd in it. I'm damn old-fashioned man.

Enough grumbling. Back to solution-focused management.

Oh. One good thing that happened today - I finally saw Abby in her kindy school uniform. Today's the fifth day of school. What a lousy mother.

The Difference between a Father and a Mother

2007-01-04T22:05:00.000+08:00

Ben took Abby to school yesterday. Seems she was pretty clingy. But Ben stood at a distance and let her mingle with her new friends and teachers. Ben showed me a photo of her engaged in an activity. Upon closer inspection, it seemed like she was doing fractions. Wah.

Today, parents weren't allowed to accompany their kids. So Ben handed Abby over to her teacher and left. She clinged on to Ben for her dear life. But within 5 minutes, she was playing with other kids and her toys. It was really quick. Ben even took a video of her playing with some toys. When her granny picked her up after school, she didn't burst out crying like how she used to do so at the previous childcare. My MIL was very surprised. Her teacher even said that Abby was very well-behaved and even played with other kids. We of little faith. We expected her to yell her lungs out, but she was happy in her new environment.

I've learnt NOT to be there during such events. I'm way too soft-hearted. Formerly at the childcare, I almost whipped her home after hearing her cry non-stop on the third day. I was there for the first 2 days. It was heart-wrenching. And she cried for a long time after that. Even when she finally settled down. At times she would be fine, then burst out crying when my MIL picks her up at the end of her session. Ben does a much better job of dropping her off at school. Coz Abby 'takes Angel to school' (not that she's going to school, but she's accompanying her toy angel to school). Ben'll pray with her every morning before dropping her off, and that really helps her to adjust. Once we asked her whom she saw at her previous childcare. And she replied, "Jesus." :)

I'm just glad she's here - in a Christian environment, with caring and loving teachers, highly engaging with preferred teaching philosophies. I just hope I can teach that way too. :P

Strange. So Strange.

2007-01-04T22:01:00.000+08:00

I was talking to my kids in class. No yelling, just speaking to the whole bunch. My throat felt a lil' sore, but nothing serious. Suddenly, I tasted blood. Then I started feeling very light-headed. My throat went numb. No more soreness.

What was that all about?

In Transit

2006-12-30T10:49:00.000+08:00

Got posted to school. Got my timetable. Got my committee. Almost settled down at our new place. Trying to settle into our new routine. Abigail's starting school next Wednesday. I won't be able to be with her. Parents are allowed to accompany their child for one day only. My school's starting next wednesday also. Haven't planned seating layout yet. Haven't cleaned classroom yet. Haven't arranged tables yet. Trying to prepare for first day of school now. So many things to blog but thoughts are flying all over the place. We have reclaimed the final part of our marriage. :)

Woo Hoo!

2006-12-20T00:36:00.000+08:00

I have internet access! :D Anyway, quick updates...,

> Found Shalom's ears to be really dirty when we brought the kids over on Saturday. I checked with lina and Eka, and assumed it was just itchy fingers that traveled from the cereal bowl into the ear. We cleaned the ears, especially the right one. The next day, it was waxy again. It seemed like it splattered from inside. I started to panic. He was having a slight fever, on and off also. He was generally well, except for runny nose. We thought it was from the dust at our new place. At times he was fussy, but he's rather feisty, so no alarms set off. On Monday morning, I saw the bed stained. I checked Shalom's ears and found thick fluid flowing out! I was frantic. Grabbed breakfast and tried to surf the net on GPRS for info while waiting for GP's opening hour. I wasn't sure about the operating hours, so I waited abit. Doc checked and said that his eardrum was BROKEN. I was horrified. It was a middle ear infection, most likely triggered by the frequent colds and ailments that he's been suffering, thanks to Abby going to childcare and other reasons. Anyway the doc said that it's a good thing that the ear drum's broken, so that the fluid would flow out instead of building up, which would possibly lead to hearing loss. The ear drum would heal by itself (THANK GOD!) and he'll be fine. Just that now he needs to be put on rather strong antibiotics, plus medicine for runny nose, cough and phlegm. As much as we've been restricting his diet (no sugar no salt) the medication he's been taking so regularly is so filled with sugar, I feel our efforts are pointless. However, he keeps coughing and then throwing up whatever medication he takes (strong gag reflex) that I doubt any medicine has been getting in. It's only sometimes that he doesn't throw up.

> Abby's schedule to go for eye op this thursday. The styes have found themselves a new recruit - so altogether there are three visible ones (two have already affected her skin so there'll be scarring, regardless whether she undergoes surgery) and a couple of dormat ones. KKH Eye centre snr consultant will do an I&D (incision and drainage) to clear the styes. There was this nurse today who tried to explain the procedure to Abby, but it sounded so horrifying I distracted Abby halfway and tried to get her NOT to pay attention to the nurse. It went something like, "Girl, you go for operation okay! The doctor will cut your eye then take it out. It will be very painful but the doctors and nurses will make you better ok?" ARGH. Abby had this horrified look on her face. She knows that she's going for surgery. In fact she's been in such pain she keeps asking for "Put towel eye" - warm compress on her eye. Except that she's not willing to put the medication. I think they sting.

> We had our house blessing yesterday. Mum and my aunt's family came over and prayed for the place. When we went around anointing the house, Abby also took part in the action. It was so cute seeing her with her right palm facing up holding a drip of anointing oil and anointing the house, AND praying and walking around. Mum just came back from Israel, so she bought some stuff as well as a cross for the house. :)

> The place is almost ready, except for the upgrading stuff and curtains and feature wall (if we save up enough). Nevertheless, it's really our very own pad. :) Now the kids sleep separately from us, and we're having separation anxiety.

Abigail's Graduation Concert

2006-12-14T01:01:00.000+08:00

Abby's childcare had their graduation concert last Thursday at the HDB auditorium. We were all pretty anxious. I mean, I've known Abby to be the clingy, "MUMMY! MUMMY!" then burst into big tears sort, so I didn't know how she'd fare on stage. But this charming girl took all of us by surprise! When it was the playgroup's turn to perform, the curtains revealed a bunch of all-too-cute boys and girls who started shaking their hands to Sesame Street's No-No-No! (I didn't know there was such a song. Now I know where all her NOs! came from...hmm...)

Actually the kids started shaking, then slowly they all stopped and a few burst out in tears. Stage fright. Almost all came to a standstill except Abby. She was happily shaking, singing the song to the entire audience, wasn't searching for us, just purely enjoying herself! Except when she started getting distracted by this boy who cried off the stage... and then she regained composure and continued shaking her sparklers. And at the final part, everyone was supposed to do a star-jump, and she was one of the rare few who did it! Pity thing was, although Ben took a video recording, Abby was mostly blocked from our direction, so we could only see her partially. She was blocked by a local celebrity's daughter - didn't know she was in the same class as Abby. Argh. Anyway, after we're done with moving house, hopefully Ben will transfer the video to the computer so that I can upload it online. :D

We were very disappointed coz we really couldn't see Abby very well. It was all too fast! She really really enjoyed herself. :D It was over too quickly, and I started wondering - everytime I asked her about her concert, she would roll her hands and walk forward and backwards. Then I figured that the step was self-created. But later we figured that she might have another appearance during the finale, so we endured through the rest of the programme (my brother was quite captivated by this 5 year old eurasian girl's looks) until it was the finale. But I must admit, there were moments of entertainment - such as when a girl dropped her hat the moment she came on, and continued to dance sans hat for a tap dance, and when a boy came on much later, he gentlemanly handed her hat to her. Another girl dropped her shoe and continued to dance as if nothing had happened. Excellent showmanship! :D

We heard the commotion even before the curtains were unveiled. Then we saw Abby! :D Great view coz she was at the front row! The whole group sung, "If we hold on together" and Abby could sing it too! At least parts of it, and at the chorus, she was one of the rare few who did the rolling hands action ("when clouds rolled by, for you and I") and the subsequent hand actions.

Seeing her enjoy herself performing is amazing. Gosh. She's so young and yet she's so amazing on stage. I've never seen her on-stage, so it really wasn't Ben or my idea to get her to perform for the year-end concert. I didn't even know there was one. Prior to this, I believe that even Primary Ones need tonnes of guidance on stage, so it would be close to impossible for me to imagine putting any kid younger than 6 up there. But this one? I'm speechless. I'm just glad that she enjoyed performing, and if she's keen to do it again, she's free to do so. But she will never be coerced against her will. And she has a strong one, just like her parents. :P (But she's stronger...:S) If she had been one of the kids who broke down and had to be carried (usually during school days she's quite clingy with the teacher also... so I thought she'd be afraid) we'll most likely decline subsequent concert performances because we don't want to put unnecessary pressure on her. But she seemed to like it a lot! :) That's really an encouragement, because she seems to be quite a shy and timid girl. So all of us were really taken by surprise!

Anyway, it was way past the kids' bedtime, so most of them weren't really at tip top condition. We managed to capture a few shots, including a close up of her which shows her stye (yup, she performed even with 2 styes) as well as Ian, the boy who has made quite an impression on our little lady. :) We're just glad we got the video footage of it. Must remember to bring good quality video camera if she's performing ever again. Digital camera video footage is extremely lousy from such distance!

Persistent Styes

2006-12-13T00:23:00.000+08:00

Abby's styes aren't getting any better. They first evolved in September, and that was in the right upper eyelid. Now the left upper and lower eyelids have styes slapping each other everytime abby blinks. We went back for 2nd review today - doesn't look any better. Dr recommends surgery because she's afraid the infection will spread. Now on maximum medication dosage and things aren't any better. We requested for another week, hoping that the styes will erupt and the entire saga will end. We're really praying for a miracle. We took these photos - taken so far away yet the styes can be seen. Putting medication, as well as giving her oral medication, is very challenging. Dr recommends surgery coz of the difficulty in giving medicine. Abby'll be on GA, then all the styes will be removed. Post-op will not be as painful if the incision is done inner lid, instead of outer lid. Anyway, all this sounds too painful to me. Though I went for one before, I was much older. She's only 2. Sigh.

The Time is NOW!

2006-12-11T11:09:00.000+08:00

Woohoo! :D We're now waiting for the movers to arrive after lunch, and everything's mostly packed into our fifty-over boxes - with some more stuff still spilling around, e.g. our clothes, kids' clothes, etc. This whole week will be devoted to unpacking and cosolidating two systems - ben & mine - into one. It's gonna be a fun time trying to merge two separate schemas together and make the most logical conclusion from two separate cultures and lifestyles.

Things have been amazing - we've been really worried about storing our massive number of books. We wanted to get some bookcases from Ikea but we didn't know many to get and what dimensions to get in. So we wanted to wait till most of the existing shelves are moved over before we got the new shelves. But now it's solved coz we're inheriting the shelves.

Oh! Here they come! :D Woohoo!